Thursday, October 09, 2008


I know this post is rather long but you can read it all over the weekend which means you can come back often if you get the chance and read it at your leisure. Anyhow it is a full meal type post full of ideas, thoughts and concepts so if you have some time to spare please, kick your shoes off, grab a bottle of wine, maybe some cheese and crackers and some fruit and get your read on.


Don’t worry this post is not about me actually but I guess I have fallen into that rank statistic that black women are falling into. You know the one, the one that says more and more African American women are staying single longer especially the ones in their 30’s and beyond. I hate that statistic it makes me sound like a leper. I might be a lot of things but leper I am not.

But that statistic is a testament to our very day and age we are achieving a lot of things us women, most of us are getting degrees and we are earning top dollars with said degrees and let us not forget this Ms. Independent movement we got going on. You know the one, the one that Ne-yo dedicated not one but two songs to. The one that tells the world I don’t need a man for nothing but some late night loving so I can unwind, but only if he’s acting right and then he has to get on his way because I got this! If you’re that type of woman and that’s what you like God bless.

Me on the other hand not really into that whole movement I think that women are taking things way to far with this “I am woman hear me roar type stuff”. Now before you get your feminist books and start marching on my blog hear me out. I don’t call myself a feminist per say, but I don’t really like titles. If I had to describe myself I would call myself a womanist. Never heard of it? That’s okay I just made it up.

What is a Womanist? A Womanist is a woman who is down for the movement of God, love, marriage, children, family, community and then self. She is also often times old school preferring a courtship over having sex buddies, she is into having fun but being responsible at the same time. She might not always be lady like but she is all woman through and through. She believes in having men hold open doors for her, she believes that she doesn’t have to trick or whore her body out because she knows she is worth more than any trinket sex could buy her. She most likely was raised in a two parent household thus she is a daddies girl, which means fellas have some pretty big shoes to fill if they are looking to take this type of woman out. She does what she has to do to keep it together but she shuffles her priorities accordingly when she is presented with an opportunity that she is seeking. A womanist is that nurturer that good girl with the low number of males who has seen her naked, the one who is a freak but she keeps it on the low and doesn’t feel the need to advertise that to every tom dick or harry. She is probably smart, funny, and unassuming just low key and therefore often overlooked and passed by because she is more traditional then new millennium. Now I know you are probably thinking she is going backwards in her thinking. No I’m not I think there are some thing’s more important in this life then amassing a huge amount of money, partying all night, sleeping with a bunch of different people, and just having a bunch of mindless episodes that still leave much to be desired after all is said and done. Understand what I am saying yes having a degree is important, having goals and obtaining them are important, but balance and knowing what really matters to you is VERY important. It depends on what you value. I think if you can have it all then go for it, but I am not seeing that in this current culture we live in.

Michelle: "Time and love and sacrifice and struggles make you stronger."
Source: Sandra Sobieraj Westfall, "The Obamas Get Personal", People, August 4, 2008, page 57.

Barack: "If I ever thought this was ruining my family, I wouldn't do it."
Source: Sandra Sobieraj Westfall, "The Obamas Get Personal", People, August 4, 2008, page 57.

Michelle, about fidelity in their marriage: "I never worry about things I can't affect, and with fidelity ... that is between Barack and me, and if somebody can come between us, we didn't have much to begin with."
Source: Ebony, March 2006 v61 i5 p58(4)

Women decided to trade in the mommy/wife roles and for some ethnicity groups it backfired. Especially for African American men and women it backfired. When already there were single black mothers raising children on their own, then came this Ms. Independent movement which pushed even more black men out the door. The funny thing is YT women aren’t having this issue. They are still getting degrees and still being stay at home mothers, they are still getting married and raising their children and have no problem doing it at all. Other cultures have no problem getting married and other cultures are marrying black men left and right because these women are not crushing the already fragile black man male ego. Black women can be too hard at times but brotha’s I am not letting you guys off the hook either. Dating outside your race and saying you hate black women is a cop out, and a direct slap to the face of your mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts, and all the other black women in your family.

I think it’s sad when you feel you have to jump outside of your culture and get someone else from another culture to marry when there are plenty eligible women in ones own culture already. Why are black folks so eager to bend over backwards for others but can’t even do for their own? Why should I be forced to marry outside my race because the men in my own culture see me as unworthy or the enemy? That is an awful ugly feeling black men and I don’t think any of you see it as a direct slight to black women. I don’t understand why you feel you have to step on and over a black woman to get someone outside of your culture to marry? I really don’t want to hear that love is colorblind love is an emotion not a person, a person most often times are not colorblind. So please don’t leave that in my comment section I don’t want to hear it, on this topic I’m sure I will revisit but back to what I was saying.

I think that for me I have seen all these women who have achieved so much and made all these great strides but they don’t have any balance to get all these great things love, marriage, and sometimes families were sacrificed and now they are alone and want a man and family around them but it’s not happening. I think it is wonderful to have goals and achieve them to make these huge strides and everyone should be proud of the things they have achieved but I don’t think love should be sacrificed on the alter of success just so one can make it. A fine example of that which I speak on are Michelle and Barack Obama. Both outstanding lawyers in their own right, Michelle has a degree but she is also in my opinion a womanist, she could say forget your plans Barack I want to become this great lawyer put her two girls in daycare and let her husband go his merry way, but she didn’t do that she supported his decision which I’m sure they discussed, and she loved her husband enough to say whatever you need I am behind you 110% because I am your helpmate and I want you to be happy. Do you think Barack could have run for president if he didn’t have the backing of his first lady already? Do you think that he would have stepped out on that traitorous campaign trial without the blessing, love and support of his helpmate? I think not ladies and gentlemen.

I look at the Obama’s and it gives me hope that real love still exist and then I look at my surroundings and think maybe not. I believe that love is a right that everyone should have I believe that love should and can make you better. I don’t see love as the enemy I see people who pretend to love you and lure you into a false sense of security as the enemy. Love can not break your heart nor tear you down, false bearers who pretend to love that do that, and Love does not harm you people do that physically, mentally and emotionally. Love is the purest form of energy but when people use it as a weapon that’s when others get hurt. You should never be angry, sad, or hurt when love ends because you were given the chance to taste this sweet sweet fruit at least once and when you were In the midst of it, it made you better and It made you want to be better, Love ladies and gentlemen is not the enemy it is the ache in all of us that is longing to be filled. So black folks Stop perpetrating frauds and wearing these heavy coats of armor that hide your heart from the world and each other, preventing love will only leave you alone and miserable and who wants that kind of life for themselves?

Quotes taken from