Sunday, October 19, 2008


I NEVER EVER approach men nor ask them out, unless I am on that liquid courage. That will be a story I will share later in this post. I have just recently been able to bring myself to tell guys that I have crushes on them even I think it's juvenile but baby steps. I don't know why I have such a clumsy bumbling awkward type relationship with the opposite sex. I attribute it to all the horrible little boys I went to elementary school with who used to terrorize and bully me. Every time I did try to like a boy in elementary it would always go so horribly wrong, we’re talking ridicule, threats, I even got in a fight with a boy because someone dared say I had a crush on said boy, boy went out of his way to show just how much he didn’t like me by fighting me, we talking throwing them bows people. All because someone made the rumor up that I liked said boy, even if there would have been any truth in that rumor there wasn’t after I held my own in that fight. I ain’t an easy win I don’t act like it but I can be a thug when the need arises. But I digress

I just don't approach men, I would rather cyber stalk a dude from afar, give him compliments, leave him some comments, send some notes but forget a flat out you want to be my boo, type statement. Unless like stated before I am on some liquid courage and then my alter ego takes over, she is known as Cynthia Maddox and she's a bad chick, and she is everything the 78MsJ isn't she smokes when she drinks, she can be quite belligerent, bossy, ballsy, pushy, she is the black Samantha from sex and the city without the sex. That's why I don't let her out often she is a beast. Now make no mistake I'm not a push over I am just more reserved more low key, a slow burner, late bloomer, whatever you want to call it when Cynthia is in the building then Ms.J mos def isn't that's for damn sure.

As a result some of the men I have spied and admired from afar never even knew I liked them or if they had an inkling they never let on about it, and forget it especially if I think the dude is out of my league I'm not even going to waste time on him AT ALL and It's quite possible that on occasion I might have annoyed them or pushed them away I am just that awkward when it comes to this whole dating game type thing. I prefer for the man to take innovative and approach me I'm old school what can I say. I prefer to be the chased verses being the chaser the chasing role doesn't work for me and when I try and put it on it just turns out all wrong so I leave that for the people who do it best. If you're a woman that can just walk up to a man and say, "hey what you doing tonight? Want to do me?" You are a strong individual! I no can do.

(side note this video right here with all the members of destiny children in it, almost froze my very soul, the only reason I posted it is because I love this song, btw I like the other video to this much better!)

Cynthia on the other hand…case in point, I ended up going to the jazz club this summer with my brother his wife and my parents one of the musicians that plays at the club always invites my dad since they go way back anywho, we get to the jazz club find some seats order what we are going to order to eat and I end up going to the bar and getting something to drink, well first rule of thumb is anytime something has the name motherfu!#%# in it, it most likely is going to be a strong drink. I ended up pointing to a drink already made at the bar and the bartender says it's called a SexyMF so I'm like cool give me one of those, so I go back to my table drink my drink and I am already feeling real lovely, needless to say by the time the jazz club is closing down I have had a total of 5 drinks so now I'm flying. You know the feeling when you are just drunk and feeling no pain and all your inhibitions are out the door so at this point I'm like F this I want a boo. Cynthia is in full effect mood by this time, she has leapt from her restraints and she is ready to get the party started, so she starts seizing people up, and looking around and around. Well by the time she got to looking all the eligible dudes were already making that move to the door. So Cynthia spotted the busboy poor little unsuspecting busboy. So Cynthia waits for him to get close enough to her table and then she pounces the conversation is a little foggy but they tell me it went something like this:

Cynthia: Hey
Busboy: Huh?
Cynthia: You got a girl? You want one?
Busboy: (who is looking mad confused by this time and has been pulled down to sit next to Cynthia no less), Well I just got out here from Atlanta so...
Cynthia: okay what that mean? Where you live at? Who you stay with?
Busboy: I just moved out here so I stay with my momma
Cynthia: You got a phone number?
Busboy: Ummmm, Ummmm
At this point someone slips him my general house phone number
Cynthia: You going to call me?
Busboy: yeah after I get up
Cynthia: When's that going to be?
Busboy: Probably around 1 cause I'm not going to call you as soon as I get up but it will be around 1
Cynthia: Okay you going to really call? Cause if you don't call I will fuck you up and I mean it!
Busboy: I'ma call...(insert scurrying off in a hurry with frightened and bewildered look and bucket clutched tightly to chest of said man)

See how out of line she can be, I'm quite sure she scared the man into quitting his job and returning back to Atlanta. I'm just not good at approaching men and all that type stuff so I don't do it I have learned that if a guy is truly interested then he will make it known if not then you weren't his type to begin with. So why chase when if they want you they will just come seek you out in my opinion. I never assume or jump to conclusions with men either if they like me they have to spell it out for me in plain uncut ways. Tell me, straight up all that reading in between the lines and insinuating will have you and me still single and me just going along with the flow like we are pals. I really am just a simple type of female I don't need a lot of pomp and circumstances just telling me that you like my smile, or that you like how I write or that you dig my vibe and want to get to know me better is enough to pique an interest in you but state your intentions from the door because I don't assume like I stated before.

I really wished the dating dynamics hadn't changed so much that now everything is all funky and hyper-sexualized. Bring back the courtship days, take it back to the old school way of dating. Actually get to know a person before you screw them, meet their parents, come ring the doorbell instead of honking the horn, come to the door with something in your hand, actually dress up don't come to the door with your pants below your butt with a long white tee on...but I digress. I really feel like I was born in the wrong era...but y'all don't feel or hear me though…