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First and foremost dear reader I appreciate you thinking enough about my opinion to want to ask me about something that is so personal and I hope that you don't mind me putting it here on the general form.
I think that a lot of people especially young women come to sort of crossroads at a time in their lives especially since the marriage age for women of color have dropped significantly lower than any other ethnic group (assuming you are a woman of color) there is this perception in our community and in society in general that being a loose booty type of women is good and that the more sex you have the better off you will be, but my question becomes good for who? How is it good to have so many random dicks going in and out of you,and random sex? What about a woman's reproductive health, what about diseases, and gynecological factors that come into play when you have all that random dick sticking in and out of you??? Plus don't we have enough single parent households? How does that help one with self esteem, feeling valued, feeling like you can trust your partner let alone give the most intimate part of you away? And please trust because sex has become so undervalued by society doesn't mean you have to subscribe to the same thoughts and value system. Any woman should evaluate who she is sharing her sheets with and for what reason, don't let peers or anyone else tell you what you should do with your body. You don't have to have sex with different gentlemen to know what you like, but because you should know your own body there are many options to explore. Take this time by yourself as a self exploring phase get to know what turns you on, explore different ways of touching yourself intimately, see what your limits are, etc. you just might surprise yourself. Plus sex has a learning curve, there are books, videos, even classes that you can take.
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My suggestions are as follows:
1. Stop listening to married friends because they are wishing that the were still single and so they are living vicariously through you and they sound real hoodrattish also!
2. Invest in some quality toys, pocket massagers, anything that vibrates, videos, build up a nice little stash of pleasure items for yourself, there are plenty companies that email products discreetly and the companies use generic names, you can even order intimate devices from drugstore.com. IF all of that sounds overwhelming, then there are still your fingers or take it old school and get to humping, its all practice! Also think about investing in a shower head that has multiple speeds and pulses, and get clean and dirty at the same time.
3. In this day and age there are plenty online dating sites that are legitimate, I would suggest you explore that option also, especially the higher end sites that request that members pay that way the people are like minded and more serious about what they are looking for versus just wanting to waste your time.
4. I suggest forming a group of single lady friends and hitting some night spots, sports bars, dance clubs, professional after hour bars in the working district of your city, getting together with a group of friends at your church and starting a singles ministry.
5. Smile often it is true that you don't know who could be falling in love with your smile from afar. Dress with care always put your best foot forward, do nice things for yourself, get your hair, nails and feet done, it will make you feel like a million bucks, if you wear make-up try some new shades accent your best facial feature and frame it like a picture, buy a girly lacy even naughty bra and pantie set and wear it on a normal occasion it will make you feel so womanly and sexy, and men will see that and be attracted to that and fall all over themselves to get to know you.
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Last but not least confidence, the way you carry yourself, the way you look people firmly in their eye, the way you walk standing straight up and carrying yourself like a million bucks the more the right kind of person you want will be attracted to you. Remember dating never means you have to have sex with a person, you can catch a movie with a guy, go to dinner, even just walk around the park, but dating doesn't mean sex, it means enjoying the company of the opposite sex in the getting to know you phase if dating one on one feels like too much pressure then even having a group date is not such a bad thing it gives you a safety net where you can ease back into dating, you will be more relaxed, that way you can put your best foot forward on your date. Important rule of thumb though go with a girlfriend that you trust who won't put you on front street, or try and make herself look better in the fellas eyes or monopolize all the attention the whole night. I know I sound old fashioned but I don't see anything wrong with taking it back old school, somethings are too new school for me.
Also we all have our own set of insecurities but the key to mastering that is to think of all the things you have going for yourself, and keep it as a list on your person if you have too and whip it out when ever you need reassurance, when you are unsure and feel insecure it causes you to undervalue yourself and thus resulting in poor decisions. Even the most beautiful have flaws they just have a glam squad that takes care of that for them, plus photoshop!
Dear Reader I hoped this helped, I also hope that you take time for yourself this holiday season and splurge on yourself even if it's just a little bit. Remember you are the best because God simply doesn't make junk! We are made in his image and no matter the flaw, the issue, the problem we are still Queens, and Kings it's just sometimes our crowns get a little tarnished from everyday living. Please be blessed and remember to take what you can use and what works for you and disregard everything else.
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