Tuesday, November 25, 2008


Almost turkey gobble time you excited? Okay so lets get down to business...the economy still sucks, but prostitution is still thriving when in doubt sell the P.ower.U. In these hard times everything is drying up and it's just not a good situation. I'm looking high and low, even going backwards applying to places I already worked at. No Mas! Whatever. Let's get to the meat of this post shall we.

I went to church Sunday the highlight of the whole service, the sunshine of my day was the lady who joined church oh what a magnificent creature she was. Please allow me to frame her very elegance with my words. I may not be able to do her justice but I will try. First off let's give her a name befitting her. Let us call her the delicate maroon maiden, DMM for short.

So church started out the same way slow and with the same type ceremony as all old churches with the same members for 60yrs always start out. Then the ushers opened the doors to let the general public in, and that's when I first laid eyes on her. My breath caught in my throat and I was at a total lack of words. DMM stepped in the door and it's like my whole world ceased to exist after that. She sat directly across from me on the other side of the aisle in the pew directly to my right I could see her out the corner of my eye. I was caught up in her rapture.

I don't know if it was the blue off brand sketcher type tennis shoes with no socks, or if it was the spandex maroon dress with the slits on both sides, or if it was the way her thighs had all those dips, valleys and dents that her dress unkindly attested too and highlighted like a yellow hi-light marker, or was it the way her little cardigan was straining at the buttons which were struggling just to keep from popping off and hitting everyone within range. No, Perhaps it was the purse she carried, the kind you find often given away because it matches nothing and looks awful with everything. I couldn't help but wonder at DMM and why she didn't at least have the presence of mind to put a slip on even a half slip which would have been her saving grace. No it wasn't any of those things actually. When I didn't look directly at her she looked like a normal church goer. Now I am not throwing stones at a fellow team chunk member but she had to pass at least one reflective surface between leaving her place of residency and hitting that church front door. If she had at least attempted to make some kind of effort towards decent I could have given her some kind of cool points for trying...but no. Some tights, some stockings, leggings even, a long coat, some semblance of shame, a iota of embarrassment, a apology for her wayward appearance, something. I would have overlooked her wardrobe malfunction and chalked it up to hard times but...she wouldn't let me do it.

As the church service went on it finally came time for the pastor to invite people down who wanted to be new members well DMM hurried down to the front and sat there like she was ready, they say the Lord works in mysterious ways. SO finally after they announced her name and the pastor was standing directly in front of her DMM went into action she started trying to grab the mic repeatedly even though it wasn't her time to talk. She got asked the standard questions about Jesus and God...where she was in her walk with the Lord what she was hoping to gain that sort of thing, ya know the standard questions.

Finally DMM went for broke I guess she figured she had nothing to lose, she grabbed the mic out of the pastors hand and she proceeded to spill all of her business out to the whole church. DMM stated that she had 7 children in the system, that she was in transition and homeless, living in a halfway house waiting on her section 8, and that she was in her 3rd rehab program and the very essence, the very cherry on top of my Sunday wait for it....wait for it...this heffa said, "I recently had a relapse but it was a small one only about $20.00 worth and my fiance left me, and I want to get him back!"

Let me put a pin in that right there, first off I don't know if her brain was fried from all the years of drug abuse or if she was borderline mentally retarded, but the last thing I expected her to say was FIANCE...say what? Say huh? You got a man that wants to marry you...and I can't even find a damn boo NOT A DAMN ONE! Oh the irony, oh the cruel ugly irony! This heffa has 7 kids, all in the system, she on her third rehab stint, she homeless, and most likely half retarded but she has a fiance. Let's let that sink in. She wasn't worried about the 7 kids, she wasn't worried about staying off drugs she was worried about getting her man back! Her specific reason for finally coming to church and wanting to try and get help was not the Lord, it was because her man, her fiance had left her. That is what finally drove her to even to attempt to step foot in the church. The pastor was like you need Jesus more than you need your fiance to come back, once you have him all your needs will be met. DMM in her head I'm sure was like right, but I still would like my cuddle muffin to make his way back into my arms, and if you can work that miracle then we shall be great!

I was so floored after DMM got up there and told everyone her business. I mean wow, just the sheer magnitude of her whole situation just had me ready to go down to the alter and ask God was he serious? Was he really and truly serious? I know I'm sure I can just imagine the train wreck that should be her fiance but the ugly truth is he is probably fine, and since he left her he probably has more sense then she will ever have. I could have had empathy for that lady and I was all ready to have some for her but when she came down there talking way off her rocker and not even wanting to get her kids out the system as her 1st priority but getting her boo back was like the A1 top listed priority, that's when my soul packed its suitcase and took a hike. Okay so granted she all screwed up but she got some kind of presence of mind because she functioned enough to push out 7 kids, and file for section 8, so yea pardon me for lack of sympathy.

I feel just like Alice when she fell through that rabbit hole and everything was ass backwards. I just don't get it, then my dad had the audacity to say, "well YOU must not be DOING SOMETHING RIGHT", double blink, wow!!! I'm starting to think my morals, and values are standing in my way...is it possible to be too good? Maybe if I just get downright raunchy and just let it all hangout will that bring the men to the yard?