Friday, September 11, 2009


I'm 31.

I'm black, single, no kids, female, and 31...

I may never get married and the realest shit is I have never been in love!

I have said I love you to many a "boyfriend" because I thought I was supposed too and I thought I meant it at the time but looking back after the fact after all the dust has settled I didn't love any of those dudes.

I was going through the motions...I have never really let anyone in.

I have a brick wall guarded by an electronic fence around my heart with vicious guard dogs standing guard. I think my immunity to bullshit has inoculated me from even wanting to get with or pursue anything with these guys. It all sounds the same to me, once a dude finds out your celibate then they start talking shit about how they have the cure for what ails me or they make many offers to fuck the lining out my vagina and tear down my walls but that's all they're coming with. They don't think past their dicks.

If I wanted to have meaningless sex then I would be fucking why don't men get that? Besides the truth is sex is overrated, wack, and I can do better by myself. For those women who have had the fortune of having great sex in their life times they are the exception to the rule. Most men couldn't hit the spot with detailed directions and a step by step map. The truth is most men don't give a shit about making a woman feel good they are going to nut regardless.

I look at these movies and I think this is all fiction not fact no one believes in love anymore, no one stays married until death anymore, no one is this devoted in their unselfishness. Most people are just trying to get over.

For every electronic means of communication we have lost the art of real communication, we have lost the art of listening, and we have lost the art of fostering loving relationships. There was a time when family was important, there was a time when being loved and in love was important now its on the back burner but that new job, that new status symbol and that vacation in the Southampton's is the mark of happiness.

Society has turned in its dance card with love.

I feel like I was born in the wrong era I feel so old school in a time when I don't understand the interactions between men and women. Everything is instant that's why its unforefilling you can't make a roast instantly it takes time for the meat to cook and marinate, no one has the patience's for love anymore that's why when the infatuation stage wears off its on to the next person.

I am so jaded that nothing surprises me anymore, one of my twitter bff's said to me you need something good to happen to you and I totally agree with her but I'm not one of those good things happens to type people. I'm quite the opposite I suppose.

It kind of surprises me now when people get married...especially black people. I guess that's why I love weddings its because I've been to a total of two in my entire lifetime. So the awe and the beauty is still intact.

Think of this post as more of a one sided conversation feel free to talk back in the comments.
Side note I was really thinking about becoming a lesbian this week, that's how tough my nerves were worked by the opposite sex. I even was on the brink of crossing the color line...yep I know but the interesting thing is a man is still a man which means an asshole is still an asshole and he turned out to be fraudulent like all the rest. He didn't even get out the gate fell off in just two days.

I think the getting to know you and seeing if that person is what you want needs to go down in one conversation stop having more than one conversation that builds hope you should know by now what the hell you're looking for and that should come across in one conversation. Put a questionnaire together and stick to that ask the important shit up front then fill in the filler stuff in other conversations. But the basics the things you're looking for, the things you need, and your expectations need to go down in one conversation!

But that only works when two people know their own mind and they know what they want and what they are seeking! It doesn't work when one person is saying all the right things just to get some ass...

Dating is ridiculous...the getting to know you phase is redundant, love is obsolete, and I am internally frustrated with the whole situation...

Someone once said that we were broken rocks or stones and we had a second half to our person but they were some where else in the world and it was our job to find that second half...but since women out number men...