Monday, September 28, 2009


I'm tired. I'm frustrated with my own life and frankly I'm just damned tired of being a black woman. I feel like if I was at least a white woman I would be engaged by now, I certainly would be able to pull a football/basketball player but I digress.

I used to live in Inglewood California yes home to what used to be called the great western forum until they built the staple center now the forum is a giant relic that just sits there struggling to still be apart of a city that is a some what quiet urban nest inside of a bigger urban nest. Back to my point I used to live in Inglewood and before we moved to the burbs I was privy to the type of shit that makes up the lives of inner city youth.

Gangs, jacking, death. Now anyone that has dwelt in an urban city knows that death is a constant companion death doesn't sleep. I have seen bodies laid out under sheets blowing in the breeze waiting for the corner to come collect it. I have walked on many a sidewalk washed in somebodies blood, I was even privy to a jacking on the back of a bus and let me not have worn the wrong color to school like say red a whole red outfit... could cause major conflict.

Since I have been out of high school it seems to have gotten worst I don't understand the need to be so bloodthirsty we don't need help killing ourselves we got that down to a fine art it's sad and it makes me tired and damned glad that today I don't have any kids. Self hatred plays out through the younger generations they don't see nothing wrong with taking the life of a peer because they don't see their self worth.

The best lie ever told is the one that is told so much it becomes fact. It is a fact that black is minority, it is a fact that we as humans are so undervalued that we don't value ourselves which allow us to do the most ugliest things within our own culture. Fact we are so undervalued that even the government which has had laws on the books separating the races valued one color over the other ingraining doubt about self which turned into a fact that got passed down as legacy, fact we were brought here from Africa and stripped of all of our cultural heritage family ties were severed in order to break apart any type of familial ties that had occurred and would occur. Fact this familial break down has now become a legacy a generational curse that is passed down through generations so much so that is now a reality! We as a people don't value ourselves, we as a people don't pass down what it is we need to combat the hatefulness and spitefulness of the majority rule.

Before you lay your head down tonight talk to your children, make it a nightly ritual reaffirm that they are somebody that they don't have to act like trash and hurt one another. Tell your children where they can from not just from watts, compton, the southside, or new orleans. Allow your child to see that there is a bigger picture and we helped make that picture even though our efforts are ignored, or stolen. Give your children something bigger than hip-hop, hanna montana, and disney, give them truth and a knowledge of self. Impart in them a love of their culture and heritage allow them to step outside of the cocoon of ugliness that is the legacy of this country. Allow them to have more than being common street thugs allow them more than untimely death allow them more than what Derrion Albert got.