Thursday, September 03, 2009

SOUTHERN BOOTY BANDIT (NSFW EXPLICIT IMAGES)


I was searching through my blogs really trying to see if I had written about a particular incident in my tragic single life history A.K.A. tragic dating in southern California topics and I can't believe that I didn't mention this particular incident with this particular individual before.

Now this particular dude let's call him Southern Booty Bandit, SBB for short I bumped into him on a ning site. He seemed perfectly charming gave me a little background about himself he was alright meaning not completely tragic looking (meaning with a hat low on his head he was cute or if he was wearing some shades that covered much of his face he was cute) but his looks didn't really blow my skirt up but I shoot the breeze with folks just to get an idea of what people are thinking in the world so we exchanged yahoo messenger names and the likes and we began to talk on a semi regular basis.

He said he was a misplaced Katrina transplant, he said he had did time in jail for a weapons charge he said he did about 7 years, then he said he went to college and got a degree in criminal justice. Now read that whole sentence real slow if your mind is like wait...he got a record but he went into the field of criminal justice which was basically a waste of time and energy. Anyone with higher cognitive thinking skills knows that if you have a record you can't go work for the police or anything government related come on now!

Then he shared that he was diabetic, while I personally have nothing against diabetics my great-grandmother was diabetic but as far as procreating wise which he wanted to do some day I can't willingly go there plus he smoked cigs and weed on occasion. Anyway so he often said he was a paper chaser in his new orleanin drawl which I guess was supposed to impress me. He wanted me to be on his team as far as trying to spark up a relationship and I told him that the kid here didn't do LDR's I simply refuse to do them its like trying to walk a two legged dog, pointless tragic and futile. He kept insisting that it would be alright and of course I shined him on. Plus he had certain requirements like he liked his women to wear hoe clothes. Back out breast out short as hell, the shit you wear to the club he wanted a woman to wear every day. He also liked heels and thongs and g-strings the typical male shit plus he wanted some cyber love through a webcam when he was in a relationship long distance wise.



Now if you can't guess anything else about me you know I don't do hoe shit in real life on full blast, nor would I ever do anything that would ever have me in a position that would compromise me as a person. I would never give anyone the power to willingly blackmail or exploit me because I was dumb enough to send explicite pictures or do hoe type shit on a webcam I got way more sense then that and besides I'm not in the sex industry.

He also said he was celibate and if he just wanted some ass then he would go down to Atlanta because bitches (his word not mines) would do anything freaky down there. The more we talked the more his "otherness" started to show around this same time he also told me he liked women to pee on his dick (blink and insert a long pause). It all started coming to a head when the owner of the ning site I had originally met him on spilled the real T on homeboy.

Apparently he had been trying to get with her at an earlier time and she had talked to him and gotten to know him and apparently they got along so well he let his hair down with her fully. These are the things she told me that he told her; he told her that he was passive in bed and he liked being dominated, he wanted to dress up as a woman and be fucked with a strap-on. He also told her he liked looking at dicks of other men and comparing them to his little pecker. So quite naturally I asked homeboy about it he got heated saying she was lying on him because he promised to send her two hundred dollars but he never did from then on I looked at dude in a whole different light.



We still talked to each other on a semi regular basis at this point he was still working in a kitchen and delivering pizzas on his days off. He would usually pop up on my messenger around Sunday night while we still chopped it up every now and again I wasn't really stunting dude I was truthfully interested in someone else that didn't pan out but that's a whole different post literally.

So he keeps asking me if he can visit and if I am going to be his girl and me I always would say I don't know you well enough for that type of commitment and usually change the subject or he would wander off of messenger so one day I get this link in my offline messages and its from him so I click the link and its this young tenderoni who's a sexy little chocolate drop of a cutie he couldn't have been more than 19 and this little cutie proceeds to do a strip tease until he was naked completely with his impressive manhood erect and at attention so I'm thinking WTF, Red flags like a mothafucka.

SBB try's to back peddle and send out a group message saying someone else had used his computer and had pasted that link and sent it out to everyone on his messenger list. Now Pause right there, dude lives alone for 1, 2 why would someone take a link and paste it to everyone on his messenger list especially of a young dude stripping? It just sounded way to suspect to me and it just didn't add up. I mean anything could be possible but I didn't call foul I just gave him more rope to hang himself with.

Finally me and dude came to a crossroads and he started spilling his guts saying he was freaky that he did like to look at dicks but only so him and whomever he would be in a relationship with could talk about them and tell him all the things she wanted the dicks and compare and contrast the different dicks to his this is the type of shit that turned him on...PAUSE, then he went on to say that he had also been married before to his childhood sweetheart whom he used to beat the fuck out of. Now he had failed to mention that part insisting that he had told me that before, and every time he talked about his going to jail for the gun charges the years served always changed. I'm not one for a bunch of aggravation so after all this starts spilling out dude still had the nerve to ask if he could come visit me I was like naw dude hell naw I'm great on anything you trying to do.

Then he started trying to get flip talking about was I intimidated because my money wasn't right and all this other hoopla about money basically I blocked his ass and hadn't thought about him since until dude showed up in a blackplanet chatroom. I was like oh hell naw this fool isn't on bp I'm seeing things so I checked his page out and indeed it was him. HE even had the nerve to try and have a private chat with me I was like oh fuck no I immediately blocked his ass and just had to shake my head woe to the woman that gets fooled by his crazy ass. Dude ain't even sexy though not even a little bit you gotta be hard up and on hard times to want to even deal with dude on that level. Dude even had the nerve to send me pictures of his little penis that never could when we were cordial he swore up and down he was an 8 he looked more like a 6. The audacity of some folks is too huge to comprehend so I don't even attempt to try. I wish I had of kept his little bitty penis just to add it to this post but I didn't. Since I don't have any visuals of him I'm going to go with a video which I fairly think represents him in his entirety!



PCITURE'S COURTESY OF BRUTHALOVE.COM