IN CASE YOU MISSED IT ALMOST 2010 EDITION OF URBAN MISHAPS *UPDATED*

So... at the end of 2009 folks are getting their fuckery out apparently so first lets start with the flaming fuckery that is Pleasure P, AKA Marcus Cooper the story broke wide yesterday on TWITTER if you're not on there you're pretty much late.net anyhow allegedly Marcus Cooper has a thing for underage children he was even taken to court over the issue. We not talk R. Kelly teenage girls which is bad enough we talking 3-4yr old's here folks. So if these is true then there is a special place in hell for Pleasure and I hope that the minions of hell will take turns passing him around like a fresh piece of grilled ass. Every time I hear about anyone violating and hurting children I can't help but think that these same people are not even human they have to be demons. How can you look at a sweet innocent child and see anything sexual about them?

Apparently Pleasure P has issued a statement: see statement STATEMENT

More on the pleasure p story IS IT SABOTAGE?



SOURCE 1 OF STORY
SOURCE 2

Stop me if you've heard this one already (clears throat) How can you change a Tiger into a lion and a cheetah, okay bad joke but still Mr. Woo has been getting it in he been sinking more balls then Fuzzy Zeller Ohhhhhhhhh. All bad jokes aside I'm pretty much over the whole Tiger cheated fiasco I just think it's ironic that Tiger figured he would marry this Swedish/norwegin/icelandic whatever she's a blond haired blue eyed chick and escape the drama of "ghetto" antics as he likes to put it but she straight went R&B on tiger and managed to make him do damage to his Cadillac truck, scratched up his face, and wrecked something in the house and all the cheating resulted in her re-upping that pre-nup in her favor. I say good for her and I say that's what you get Mr. Woo way to pick em. Oh and you're not good at picking side chicks either cause every last one of them tricks ran and told on that ass sucks for you funny for me.

Old news Shaq is still fucking everything walking and his affair with a long time chick that is married to another NBA player is interfering with his job, and screwing up the chicks marriage now the paternity of her kids are in question, I mean really have dick will travel? What's wrong with you folks? I keep telling you time and time again hire me I will be your life coaches cause you folks are fucking up in the worst way possible. Disgusting and horrible behavior I guess money means you don't have to have any types of morals or dignity about yourself.

Okay so I'm off the bullshit, what we should be caring about is sending more troops to Afghanistan, and the health care reform proposal, and the largely unemployed black population that is floundering with no jobs even for those with college degree's. Sigh sweet Jesus of mercy I hope 2010 brings good news with it cause I am full up to the ceiling with bad news. I hated celeb-whore-t's before but I am so over these assholes it's not even funny I don't want to hear about shit ass these assholes do its beginning to sicken me it's like the have money so they want to see how perverse and fucked up they can be. I think once you go past a certain monetary range that you should be required to get a mental evaluation and some type of spiritual counseling.

MORE TROOPS IN AFGHANISTAN

PRESIDENTS DETAILS AFGHANISTAN SURGE

PRESIDENT OBAMA TALKS ABOUT JOBS Read more...

DEATH STEALS ANOTHER BLACK MALE WHILE WE WATCH

I'm tired. I'm frustrated with my own life and frankly I'm just damned tired of being a black woman. I feel like if I was at least a white woman I would be engaged by now, I certainly would be able to pull a football/basketball player but I digress.

I used to live in Inglewood California yes home to what used to be called the great western forum until they built the staple center now the forum is a giant relic that just sits there struggling to still be apart of a city that is a some what quiet urban nest inside of a bigger urban nest. Back to my point I used to live in Inglewood and before we moved to the burbs I was privy to the type of shit that makes up the lives of inner city youth.

Gangs, jacking, death. Now anyone that has dwelt in an urban city knows that death is a constant companion death doesn't sleep. I have seen bodies laid out under sheets blowing in the breeze waiting for the corner to come collect it. I have walked on many a sidewalk washed in somebodies blood, I was even privy to a jacking on the back of a bus and let me not have worn the wrong color to school like say red a whole red outfit... could cause major conflict.

Since I have been out of high school it seems to have gotten worst I don't understand the need to be so bloodthirsty we don't need help killing ourselves we got that down to a fine art it's sad and it makes me tired and damned glad that today I don't have any kids. Self hatred plays out through the younger generations they don't see nothing wrong with taking the life of a peer because they don't see their self worth.

The best lie ever told is the one that is told so much it becomes fact. It is a fact that black is minority, it is a fact that we as humans are so undervalued that we don't value ourselves which allow us to do the most ugliest things within our own culture. Fact we are so undervalued that even the government which has had laws on the books separating the races valued one color over the other ingraining doubt about self which turned into a fact that got passed down as legacy, fact we were brought here from Africa and stripped of all of our cultural heritage family ties were severed in order to break apart any type of familial ties that had occurred and would occur. Fact this familial break down has now become a legacy a generational curse that is passed down through generations so much so that is now a reality! We as a people don't value ourselves, we as a people don't pass down what it is we need to combat the hatefulness and spitefulness of the majority rule.

Before you lay your head down tonight talk to your children, make it a nightly ritual reaffirm that they are somebody that they don't have to act like trash and hurt one another. Tell your children where they can from not just from watts, compton, the southside, or new orleans. Allow your child to see that there is a bigger picture and we helped make that picture even though our efforts are ignored, or stolen. Give your children something bigger than hip-hop, hanna montana, and disney, give them truth and a knowledge of self. Impart in them a love of their culture and heritage allow them to step outside of the cocoon of ugliness that is the legacy of this country. Allow them to have more than being common street thugs allow them more than untimely death allow them more than what Derrion Albert got.



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PENIS ON PARADE

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KANYE YOU'RE A C.U.N.ext.T.uesday

I'm sure if you are living on planet earth you have heard about the Kanye debacle, if not good for you stay away from celeb-whore-t's they are bad people but I posted the aforementioned video anyway for a point of reference. Ever since Kanye lost his mom he has been on this emotional unbalanced roller coaster and he has just keeps lashing out. I know that it is difficult to lose a parent especially when that parent is extra close to you but drinking, having sex, working nonstop, and saying and doing fucked up things will not bring him closure, give him peace nor bring his beloved mother back.

Kanye is a very flawed man and if he keeps going the way he is going he is either going to die young, or go out Michale Jackson style. There is no one in these celeb-whore-t's lives that say's hey pull it together fucktard you're spinning out of control. Because of the money and fame these people get to do and act however they want, they commit crimes they get slapped on the wrist. They do classless and crass things the whole world clutches its pearls and still embraces these buffoons and clowns shit is awful. I wish I had enough money to be an asshole and treat people like shit all the time and get away with it oh wait don't I already do that?

I used to be a Kanye supporter but now I think I will have to add him to my list of people that I just give no attention to if we stop rewarding these attention whores with attention then they will have no choice but to go away. Being famous is like any other drug and I for one am so tired of these assholes getting high on their own hype shit needs to stop. Read more...

SOUTHERN BOOTY BANDIT (NSFW EXPLICIT IMAGES)

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THAT SMELL IS DELICIOUS....NOT!

My Lord, My Lord this has been a long week. It has dragged like a queen getting ready for a show...pow. Anyway I saw this commercial and it deleted my soul just a wee bit so since it deleted my soul I gotta spread the wealth. There are several parts in this commercial that just do me in, first one is the butt odor and the green stink graphic. The 2nd highlight of the video is when ole girl has her legs crossed and she ever so gently sprays her lady business. I just...when I saw that I was stuck on pause like literally frozen in some kind of awkward awe. Because having a million commercials about feminine odor and itch aren't enough you have to illustrate the point with your funk begone spray and the deliberate spray to the lady zone. Me thinks instead of trying to spray it down with this little spray you might just wanna wash that Kat, no? I promise you if I see you whip this spray out and commence to handle your biz in public I will stare and I promise to twitpic you, you have been warned! I need a hero, to save my soul from this kind of inventive marketing are there any volunteers? Otherwise Get you some, embrace it and breathe it all in. You smell that? That's the smell of your soul cooking mixed with this new invention!

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PRETTY ICKY PRESENTS RED PANTIE FUCKERY

So if you haven't heard about the pretty (r)icky debacle then you must live under a damn rock. When I got the link several times on twitter twitted to me I went to my happy place and my ovaries shut down and I just really had to go inside myself and shut it on down mentally and try and regroup. Too much fuckery causes my brain to overload and just shut down on itself. I watched the first time in utter disbelief I couldn't believe how horribly gay the video was I don't have beef with the gay community my whole thing is don't be perpetrating like you straight though is all I'm saying. Especially when you in some damn boy band that caters to girls. I mean this whole video is just a hot mess all the way through.

From the gold teeth that probably make his breath smell like mr. ed's old ass, to the red panties he got from vicky secrets, I mean then that whole dance he did with his little bird chest stuck out, and did he get pec implants? Someone please come get me and spirit me away to the most high I no longer think I can voluntarily live with all this that is celeb-whore-t'ing. Someone has to draw a line in the sand and I am doing it now right-damn-now. Pretty icky your group is the debil may you never ever ever sell another damn album in life you should be shame of yourself and for causing my ovaries to close up may them little pantie draws you were wearing draw up in the crack of your ass and get wegded there forever until they cut them off your ass!

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BISHES THAT MAKE MAURY A HOUSEHOLD NAME

The act of procreation is not cut and dry and 1,2,3 as people want to believe we all know that sperm fertilizes the egg but there are so many other ends and outs to it that it truly is one of those "God is the artist so allow him to use his paint brush to create sort of things." I don't think a lot of people get that, people around here just procreating because they hot in the ass with no real thought to their actions and it's sad. Being able to reproduce life and bring forth something out of your womb is a miraculous event and the people that seem to do it the most are the most inept shouldn't ever have kids type people.

Case in point:



This scenario where a chick has multiple partners and the egg is fertilized by more than one person causing twins is a raw occurrence, chick even had nerve to say she wasn't going to tell the other father I'm thinking ummm trick you on television telling the world already Lord please deliver my people from themselves for they truly know not what they do! But think about how many trick bunnies walking around with one child who has in actuality more than two daddies! Meaning one egg fertilized numerous times chick just getting skeeted numerous times not even knowing she already knocked up and still raw dogging dudes, its more common than you think folks. The point of conception is pretty much a guesstimate we all know someone who be like I counted it up, and I was with (insert name here) last so he gotta be the father when in actually if she has multiple partners it could be any one of them or all of them could have fertilized the egg smh. Why do people persist in play Russian roulette with their bodies? In this day and age shame has gone out the window and Maury is like a rite of passage shit is all bad, what can I do...I'm just one person trying to cling to some kind of decency and moral code... Read more...

DEAR TYRONE, TO THE BLACK MEN OF THE WORLD

Let me preface this letter by saying I am quite aware that not all of you are named Tyrone just like every white man's name is not John but since this is in fact a Dear John letter but addressed to ALL the black men in the world then I felt I had to go with something you all were familiar with you got a problem with it see management now onto the letter.

Dear Tyrone:



I was the last woman standing I was on your side I was that ride or die chick that you all claimed you wanted. I still supported you even when so many have turned your back on your own race and had nothing but complete and utter disdain for a black woman. I was still holding you down when you talked bad about black women and disrespected us called us out our names. Exploited us in your videos and etc. I thought that you would get right once you saw that Obama had a strong black woman by his side but nope you continue to act like donkeys. I have tried to walk on eggshells with you all and then I have tried tough love I have tried every angle I know but it is never enough for you. You continue to push me away and tell me I am not worthy of your attention, protection, nor affection. I am tired I was holding up that blood stained banner but now I have let it fall out of my weary and worn hand. I can no longer ignore the things that you say and do.

I have been continuously pushed aside, ignored, or when you talk with me you either lie, flip out for no reason, have severe physiologically issues, you got way to many baby-mommas child support coming out your check, no car, you live with your momma, A couple of you have even told me directly that white women, Hispanic women, are better for the black men and that you are tired of black women because black women don't support your tired asses and we have to much lip. I am tired of meeting black men who don't know what it means to be a black man because no one ever showed your asses. I'm tired of being talked to any old kind of way because some woman before me did a number on you, like you own the market on being emotionally wounded. I'm tired of your smug slut asses telling me I'm not girlfriend material because I won't get on camera and show you my ass and titties, or neither will I have phone sex with you, or even cyber sex. Who's still doing that in this day and age with just random people grow the fuck up and enjoy the real thing. I don't need a poor facsimile of the real thing that does nothing for me at all why do we have to talk sex into the ground discuss it once and then proceed to do the damn thing if not keep it moving. You don't know how to be direct unless you're being an asshole, you don't know how to be truthful, you try and manipulate and lie your way into someones panties. You tell me I am too hard, what the fuck does that mean? Shall I just take whatever you give me and enjoy it. Shall I just let you tell me any old thing and take it at face value. No one ever takes the time to stick it out because its to easy to just find another chick who will let you do and just say anything to her and she will eat that shit up with a spoon. I'm not a steel wall and I am not putty either you want everything to easy no one wants to work for anything anymore.



Because black women don't lay down and worship the ground you walk on, because we don't let you do any and every low down nasty trifling sexual act your perverted mind can come up with by watching white fetish porn, because we don't stop our lives and put yours and everything you're about first, because we aren't doormats that lay down for you to walk all over us, because we have the nerve to demand excellence and have standards. Because we call you out when you disrespect us and hold you accountable for your actions. I'm tired, I'm tired of y'all bitter, silly, trifling asses, I'm tired of all YOUR baggage, I'm tired of all the bullshit that you bring. I'm tired of trying to win you over and your approval, I'm tired of standing on my head and trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm tired of always seeing the ones who have accomplished something quickly running to a white woman because you refuse to deal with a black woman calling her evil and ornery. I'm especially tired of the shiftless coon ass niggers that get money and then proceed to get an Asian, Hispanic, or white woman because you hate yourself and the very skin that you're in so therefore you find a woman who doesn't reflect you, but that woman you treat with the utmost respect and admiration while shunning and ignoring black women. That's fine some of you all aren't really black anyway you're just white men wrapped in a dark shell, they do have lightening creams for that and with enough money you can become Michale Jackson's new color and even have white children complete with the blond hair and blue eyes modern technology is your friend!

It's not enough that black women have given birth to your asses, its not enough that black women have always supported you even though since we been in this country you have stood by and let other men of different races violate and disrespect us for sport the sick twisted part is some where along the line you joined in and begin to see us as less then. You the men who sprung forth from a black womb begin to think less of a black woman then the rest of the world and now there is no unity in the communities, there are next to no two parent households left. It's just straight bullshit in dating. So yes here is one more bitter black woman you can add to your rolls. I'm handing in my black men lover button, and taking my name off the fan club. I quit you black men and unless a severe miracle happens to change my heart, mind and opinion of you I'm forever gone. You won't even notice because I'm invisible to you so fuck it this is for me to vent and clear my head and it will be a reminder whenever I begin to weaver in my resolve.

I don't need you anymore black men, you are now dead to me ghost in the streets, the hallways and anywhere else you dwell.



Sincerely,
ME.

Chante Moore - Bitter

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KILLING ME SLOWLY WITH THE BEYONCEISM PART DUEX

This is what happens when SWSNBN* overtakes the world and is allowed to run rampant and unchecked amongst the airwaves it results in widespread hero worship, idolatry, and fuckery. Youtube is littered with the SWSNBN'ED videos left and right and then you have Tyra egging the shit on...for real america this is what we do in our past time is everyone on SWSNBN'ED fake backside like that! I can't but y'all do so enjoy the fuckery.

I just need to know two things, 1st thing where did he get his dance leotard from and where can I find that at and 2nd is it a pull on or a snap between the legs joint. If those two questions could get answered right there my life would be fulfilled well at least for today, enjoy your dose of Monday's finest faux diva style.







*She who shall not be named Read more...

CAUTION AHEAD; HEED THE RED FLAGS

Ya know the dating in southern Cali post I write are really meant to help women not fall for the new dumb that is currently masking itself as what's hot in the streets. Ladies I always say please don't throw your pearls before swine. Just because you are getting older, or may be lonely, or want children its just really no reason to settle for the bullshit that is dating these days. It needs to stop if no one has standards we all suffer. IF more women said hell no that is not acceptable to me and I'm not going to deal with your trifling ass then these men would have to either get it together or be by their damn selves. But because women outnumber men and because it's some silly bitches* out here just taking any ole bullshit we all have to suffer. Now with that said I want to talk about one particular kind of man that I don't believe I have ever had to touch on until now. This particular man is the most dangerous kind and if you ever encounter him you should run fast and hard in the opposite direction save your life and anyone else's life that is even remotely interested in him.

This particular man is called the "I AIN'T GETTING TESTED, BECAUSE I'M CLEAN TAKE MY WORD FOR IT MAN!"



First and foremost let's go with a man that I casually ran across on blackplanet, now before you start up with see you shouldn't be on there looking for men, please believe me when I say I am not on blackplanet looking for men. Blackplanet is a breeding ground for the worst common denominator there is. Majority of the men on there are warped and damaged in some way, shape, or form and it manifest in their lives the minute you even hold a conversation with them. It didn't used to be so bad when bp first came about but now (shudders) its all bad, and that is sad because I'm sure blackplanet didn't start out as the booty spot. I truly think it was made for people to network in a positive way not in a can we meet and FUCK have relations type spot.

Anyways on with the story I like browsing websites it gives you insight into a persons personality, it shows their creative side, I discover different music artist, hear different songs, matter of fact if it wasn't for a blackplanet page I wouldn't have discovered that JANELLE MONAE is the business and my kind of artist times 1000 she has a distinctive sound and she is actually talking about something in her songs I am and will always be a lyrics type person. More on her later, anywho so on my many random looking at peoples pages on blackplanet I came across this particular dudes page I read his little personal message and he SEEMED sane I though hmmm maybe just maybe this person might be valuable possibly have some knowledge hell he might know someone that I might need to meet, you never know anyway so I sent him a friends request wasn't expecting any kind of big to-do about it. People send friends request all the time to get their numbers up or to promote their products, so I figure why not me as well. At the end of the day Blackplanet is still a networking site, so dude sends me back a message like:

CALL ME XXX-XXX-XXXX- IF YOU INTERESTED.

So I read the note and I'm like what? Simple note but color me confused so I was like ummm alright took me a whole day to process it. Matter of fact I sent him a note back like, Interested in what? Plus he didn't even leave a name, so after much deliberation I called the number left a very brief message he called me back today early in the morning 7:15am to be exact. Since I had to get up anyway I took the call, everything is cool he sounds relatively sane which surprises me because blackplanet men = damaged goods, and then the other shoe dropped. We hit the rocky shores of the inevitable S.E.X. discussion.

Okay now here is where it starts to get crazy as hell, we're talking I share with him that I haven't been breaking off cookie for a minute a good long minute, to which he replies you must have coochie cobwebs....I'm like whatever dude, so we talking more he shares how long he has been abstaining, we talk more I then say that in order for me to feel comfortable engaging with a dude in a sexual manner I would suggest that both of us get tested together. Dude flips out going on and on about me trying to control a relationship, and blah blah blah, yada-yada-yada. He just fired up and from that point on since I spoke on testing he's jumping down my throat like a sky diver. I really can't get a word in edgewise he pressing me for answers like I'm on trial. While all this is going on I'm stunned into silence like I've been stung by a sting ray. He then says that's like asking a guy to prove themselves without me proving myself, and he did all his proving in college and that he shouldn't have to prove himself, and I should be able to take him on his word. I just listened all the time in my mind thinking I'm going to hang up on this mofo soon because by this time I'm pissed off and I could be sleeping or washing clothes hell even watching my toe nails grow, finally this loony fucker says ya know what we should just end this conversation and that's all I needed to hear him say I'm sure he was saying something else but I pressed my end button and mentally unwound and then went to sleep.

Anytime you get a man that vehemently opposed to taking an AIDS test even casually brought up in the first conversation and he flips out about it, that is a RED FLAG run like hell. Block that mofo, erase him from your mind he's dangerous he's got something he's hiding if he has to do all that protesting acting as if he is Dracula and you asked to kiss him with garlic on your breath. RUN. LIKE. HELL.




*Just like there are simple men there are simple women and some of y'all are simply simple bitches hence the term simple bitches! Read more...

WITH ANOTHER SPRING COMES THE NU DUMB

Spring is in the air and I can tell from the boo'ed up twits on twitter to the men and women putting out their finest bait to snag a shorty its that time and then some. I don't know what it is about this particular spring but I seem so very hyper aware of all the desire to be coupled up. While I recognize that this is part of human nature somethings are still not acceptable and I wouldn't be me without running those things down. With the advance of technology and people building online communities left and right meeting someone on the internet and dating them is not that big of a stretch and if you are still one of those people who are closet internet daters come on out the closet it's 2009.

1. Yes for many Blackplanet is like the local club in your city, your town usa. Some have even compared it to MIDNIGHT BOOTY CALL for example anytime that you hit up a young woman that you don't know and then proceed to ask her to meet you at 1am in the morning and get mad and disgusted when she doesn't that doesn't make you a good man even if in your mind you deem yourself to be one in actuality it makes you weird and possibly a rapist.

2. Another no-no is the call a chick once describe your weird wants body wise, while proceeding to badger said chick on while she is single, then proceed to tell her that you aren't involved because you're too busy and you don't do long distance relationships, so basically you shouldn't be hitting chicks up you should get a blow up doll to satisfy your sexual needs. Next time just put everything in a note that way you give people the option to ignore you for being a waste of time, stop pretending to be normal saving up your weirdness for the phone call damn.

3. the dude who adds finds you and adds you on every social network site you both are on and he has never ever even met you and then proceeds to send you notes on all networking sites saying basically the same thing, trying to break you down so that you will hang out with/call/be his chick not even in that order, so much so that sometimes you find yourself wanting to give in but then you take another look at him and your mind quickly changes back to its original decision.

4. The I just moved here and I'm looking for friends dude, who makes plans to come meet you but can't come before night time even though daylight savings is now over. Who has more than one kid, still live with his momma and nem and his car is always in the shop...needless to say pass and run.

5. The I'm from the south out here in cali looking for a better opportunity/came to take care of a elderly family member, but I am a ex-con who has more than one baby momma, and in your own admission each time you have made a baby you have magically fell out of love with the baby momma. For real dude and you can't understand why a chick wouldn't want to take her chances with you.

6. The I am a full time dad who's wishy washy about what he wants, claims he wants a woman with swagger, claims he can work you with his man sausage but when it comes time for follow through he has none he can't even lift a finger to make a phone call basically talker who loves to hear/see his words because at the end of the day it's still just recreation for him a kid playing online, but has the nerve to say that you are being difficult because you won't fall for the okie-doke hook line and sinker.

7. last but not freaking least the African's who have gotten hip to putting united states cities and states instead of where they really online communicating from, all the same messages about how they half-African and something else how they was raised in the states but are in Africa taking care of a sick parent, how they would love to get to know you better because you are the one for them because you are so beautiful that shit drives me up the wall how many damn times do I have to report y'all asses as spam get on outta here with that shit. You not fooling nobody with all them sentences not making sense and misspelled words, and words used in the wrong context I'm starting to believe that Africa doesn't need any help cause it's way to many of y'all on blackplanet, and myspace.

8. married men/swingers/pimps/porn producers dudes that have wives but they are into the extra freaky lifestyle. Who have kids, and a wife but still want to bring other women into the bedroom, running that tired game about how his wife is bi-curious and they want to recruit you into the bedroom and since it's an economy y'all can all help each other out...yea they getting real creative with the new dumbness these days. Then when you shut em down they get extra mad and start popping off about how you are going to be single forever because you won't give their whole scenario a try...le-sigh.

9. last but not least ninja's with less than what you got but they steadily thinking they the shit because they been with witches who overlook that shit and except it. Coming at you sideways telling you that you should be grateful for their presence and what they have to offer which is hard dick and bubblegum minus the bubblegum smh. Then wanting to run down why you can't get a man, and what you need to do to get a man because they see the flaws they perceive you as having and since they are perfect because they have been serving dick to every other chick having sex with so many until they have lost count this has some how enlightened them and put them in the position to correct your perceived shortcomings some may even go so far as to pray for you! The audacity of some ninja's is beyond compare, smh.



From now on I will be putting on blast all the foolishness that is coming my way...so ring the alarm and put it out on the wire because this shit needs to stop ASAP! Read more...