DEATH STEALS ANOTHER BLACK MALE WHILE WE WATCH

I'm tired. I'm frustrated with my own life and frankly I'm just damned tired of being a black woman. I feel like if I was at least a white woman I would be engaged by now, I certainly would be able to pull a football/basketball player but I digress.

I used to live in Inglewood California yes home to what used to be called the great western forum until they built the staple center now the forum is a giant relic that just sits there struggling to still be apart of a city that is a some what quiet urban nest inside of a bigger urban nest. Back to my point I used to live in Inglewood and before we moved to the burbs I was privy to the type of shit that makes up the lives of inner city youth.

Gangs, jacking, death. Now anyone that has dwelt in an urban city knows that death is a constant companion death doesn't sleep. I have seen bodies laid out under sheets blowing in the breeze waiting for the corner to come collect it. I have walked on many a sidewalk washed in somebodies blood, I was even privy to a jacking on the back of a bus and let me not have worn the wrong color to school like say red a whole red outfit... could cause major conflict.

Since I have been out of high school it seems to have gotten worst I don't understand the need to be so bloodthirsty we don't need help killing ourselves we got that down to a fine art it's sad and it makes me tired and damned glad that today I don't have any kids. Self hatred plays out through the younger generations they don't see nothing wrong with taking the life of a peer because they don't see their self worth.

The best lie ever told is the one that is told so much it becomes fact. It is a fact that black is minority, it is a fact that we as humans are so undervalued that we don't value ourselves which allow us to do the most ugliest things within our own culture. Fact we are so undervalued that even the government which has had laws on the books separating the races valued one color over the other ingraining doubt about self which turned into a fact that got passed down as legacy, fact we were brought here from Africa and stripped of all of our cultural heritage family ties were severed in order to break apart any type of familial ties that had occurred and would occur. Fact this familial break down has now become a legacy a generational curse that is passed down through generations so much so that is now a reality! We as a people don't value ourselves, we as a people don't pass down what it is we need to combat the hatefulness and spitefulness of the majority rule.

Before you lay your head down tonight talk to your children, make it a nightly ritual reaffirm that they are somebody that they don't have to act like trash and hurt one another. Tell your children where they can from not just from watts, compton, the southside, or new orleans. Allow your child to see that there is a bigger picture and we helped make that picture even though our efforts are ignored, or stolen. Give your children something bigger than hip-hop, hanna montana, and disney, give them truth and a knowledge of self. Impart in them a love of their culture and heritage allow them to step outside of the cocoon of ugliness that is the legacy of this country. Allow them to have more than being common street thugs allow them more than untimely death allow them more than what Derrion Albert got.



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LETS NOT GET TOO STUCK ON STUPID

I like to think of this blog as my voice in the dark, and so that makes it my platform and yea I'm one of many but maybe if I keep shouting someone will hear my voice. I like to give anyone who has something valuable to say a voice as well and with that I introduce to you a writer and scholar friend of mines by the name of Bee Quiet, so enjoy his words and like I always say take what you need from it and leave the rest.


Written by Bee Quiet

In six days America will finalize one of the most historic moments in race politics the world has experienced since the rise and fall of Adolph Hitler. We have learned from many lessons in history that most groups in power have often subjugated ’others’ to inexplicable odds, but on January 20th , 2009 the American Presidential Inauguration will set a new course in race relations (while showing the world that no barrier is impenetrable). President-Elect Barack Obama has shattered one of the grandest ’glass ceilings’ of all time; one protected by European’s for nearly three millennium in America, finally opening to the intelligence and humility of a black man. As an African-American set to fill with tremendous emotion on that historic day, I urge my ’family in struggle’ to match the American effort being made by securing collegial credential and rebuilding our mental health. We as a people have endured slavery, Willie Lynch, Jim Crow, Cointelpro, and Police Corruption (more long standing torture then any people on the face of the planet) and yet we went from not being allowed to read to collecting the Presidency of the United States of America (a feat as spectacular as changing the American Constitution); this is not the time to be ’stuck on stupid.’

We are dealing with an American society that has no conscience when using the media as a propaganda tool to promote the idea that black culture is a problem that everyone else must come together and help solve. The only way this is going to change within American society is when black people come together and make education our sole priority during President Barack Obama’s administration. We as a people must enroll in major collegial programs, county colleges, technical skills programs, online institutions, refresher courses, and any form of learning available and attainable; and we must begin to talk about it in our communities. To bury our heads in the sand of President Obama’s success and carry on with the same norms that we have become well acclimated within during the past few decades will show cultural laziness, and bring forth European justification if they decide to mass jail us in the future. It is imperative to use this moment in history to set a new course for our day to day lives as functioning members of the greater American family; in essence giving no one the power to deny us life, liberty, and the pursuit of true cultural happiness.

Many of the popular cultural images that have dominated American society over the years have deeply affected the general outlook of being black in America (I.e., the glorification of social decadence, and the preoccupation with sexuality), and has created a spiraling underdevelopment among our people. All of this can change overnight, especially if we use the inauguration of President-Elect Barack Obama as a ’jumping off’ point for getting into some form of extended learning (even if it means building book clubs with a few friends). As a cultural analyst and writer over the past decade I firmly believe that all black people within America society should be exonerated of all mishap during the two decades I will label “The Era of Egregious Socialization.” American mainstream culture has been ’playing dirty’ during the past two decades in manipulating the general outlook of Black People by using the media and other forms of propaganda, and many blacks have found themselves in such a dilapidated state that The Era of Egregious Socialization will forever be etched in my mental rolodex. Black people must dominate the various fields of education in order to wipe off the stigma placed on us; by not being stuck on stupid, but asking President Obama to merely consider some of the things we could use to help us out; which I will conclude this piece by listing.

1) Single Black Parents who are currently raising kids should be granted Welfare benefits to replace the absent fathers from their children’s lives, while being allowed to build their own lives without regulation (I.e., being allowed to work, go to school, or even marry without their benefits being interrupted).

2) Black People who have lost their driving privileges should be exonerated of all charges and have their licenses reinstated (the only thing that should affect an American’s driving freedom is substance abuse).

3) Black American’s should be granted as much assistance as possible to have access to higher forms of education (as replacement for the 40 acres and a mule promised).

4) America should become more competent by putting the best man/woman for the job in play; which can occur if our nation gets rid of the ’Background Check Politics’ that holds people accountable for things that happen in their past. With these ideas infused into the Obama Administration thinking, I believe that African American people can begin to develop over the course of the next two decades.

Written by Bee Quiet Read more...

I'M WRITING YOU A LOVE SONG SO WE CAN SING IT

I know this post is rather long but you can read it all over the weekend which means you can come back often if you get the chance and read it at your leisure. Anyhow it is a full meal type post full of ideas, thoughts and concepts so if you have some time to spare please, kick your shoes off, grab a bottle of wine, maybe some cheese and crackers and some fruit and get your read on.

I AM 30 AND SINGLE!

Don’t worry this post is not about me actually but I guess I have fallen into that rank statistic that black women are falling into. You know the one, the one that says more and more African American women are staying single longer especially the ones in their 30’s and beyond. I hate that statistic it makes me sound like a leper. I might be a lot of things but leper I am not.

But that statistic is a testament to our very day and age we are achieving a lot of things us women, most of us are getting degrees and we are earning top dollars with said degrees and let us not forget this Ms. Independent movement we got going on. You know the one, the one that Ne-yo dedicated not one but two songs to. The one that tells the world I don’t need a man for nothing but some late night loving so I can unwind, but only if he’s acting right and then he has to get on his way because I got this! If you’re that type of woman and that’s what you like God bless.

Me on the other hand not really into that whole movement I think that women are taking things way to far with this “I am woman hear me roar type stuff”. Now before you get your feminist books and start marching on my blog hear me out. I don’t call myself a feminist per say, but I don’t really like titles. If I had to describe myself I would call myself a womanist. Never heard of it? That’s okay I just made it up.



What is a Womanist? A Womanist is a woman who is down for the movement of God, love, marriage, children, family, community and then self. She is also often times old school preferring a courtship over having sex buddies, she is into having fun but being responsible at the same time. She might not always be lady like but she is all woman through and through. She believes in having men hold open doors for her, she believes that she doesn’t have to trick or whore her body out because she knows she is worth more than any trinket sex could buy her. She most likely was raised in a two parent household thus she is a daddies girl, which means fellas have some pretty big shoes to fill if they are looking to take this type of woman out. She does what she has to do to keep it together but she shuffles her priorities accordingly when she is presented with an opportunity that she is seeking. A womanist is that nurturer that good girl with the low number of males who has seen her naked, the one who is a freak but she keeps it on the low and doesn’t feel the need to advertise that to every tom dick or harry. She is probably smart, funny, and unassuming just low key and therefore often overlooked and passed by because she is more traditional then new millennium. Now I know you are probably thinking she is going backwards in her thinking. No I’m not I think there are some thing’s more important in this life then amassing a huge amount of money, partying all night, sleeping with a bunch of different people, and just having a bunch of mindless episodes that still leave much to be desired after all is said and done. Understand what I am saying yes having a degree is important, having goals and obtaining them are important, but balance and knowing what really matters to you is VERY important. It depends on what you value. I think if you can have it all then go for it, but I am not seeing that in this current culture we live in.

Michelle: "Time and love and sacrifice and struggles make you stronger."
Source: Sandra Sobieraj Westfall, "The Obamas Get Personal", People, August 4, 2008, page 57.

Barack: "If I ever thought this was ruining my family, I wouldn't do it."
Source: Sandra Sobieraj Westfall, "The Obamas Get Personal", People, August 4, 2008, page 57.

Michelle, about fidelity in their marriage: "I never worry about things I can't affect, and with fidelity ... that is between Barack and me, and if somebody can come between us, we didn't have much to begin with."
Source: Ebony, March 2006 v61 i5 p58(4)

Women decided to trade in the mommy/wife roles and for some ethnicity groups it backfired. Especially for African American men and women it backfired. When already there were single black mothers raising children on their own, then came this Ms. Independent movement which pushed even more black men out the door. The funny thing is YT women aren’t having this issue. They are still getting degrees and still being stay at home mothers, they are still getting married and raising their children and have no problem doing it at all. Other cultures have no problem getting married and other cultures are marrying black men left and right because these women are not crushing the already fragile black man male ego. Black women can be too hard at times but brotha’s I am not letting you guys off the hook either. Dating outside your race and saying you hate black women is a cop out, and a direct slap to the face of your mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts, and all the other black women in your family.

I think it’s sad when you feel you have to jump outside of your culture and get someone else from another culture to marry when there are plenty eligible women in ones own culture already. Why are black folks so eager to bend over backwards for others but can’t even do for their own? Why should I be forced to marry outside my race because the men in my own culture see me as unworthy or the enemy? That is an awful ugly feeling black men and I don’t think any of you see it as a direct slight to black women. I don’t understand why you feel you have to step on and over a black woman to get someone outside of your culture to marry? I really don’t want to hear that love is colorblind love is an emotion not a person, a person most often times are not colorblind. So please don’t leave that in my comment section I don’t want to hear it, on this topic I’m sure I will revisit but back to what I was saying.

I think that for me I have seen all these women who have achieved so much and made all these great strides but they don’t have any balance to get all these great things love, marriage, and sometimes families were sacrificed and now they are alone and want a man and family around them but it’s not happening. I think it is wonderful to have goals and achieve them to make these huge strides and everyone should be proud of the things they have achieved but I don’t think love should be sacrificed on the alter of success just so one can make it. A fine example of that which I speak on are Michelle and Barack Obama. Both outstanding lawyers in their own right, Michelle has a degree but she is also in my opinion a womanist, she could say forget your plans Barack I want to become this great lawyer put her two girls in daycare and let her husband go his merry way, but she didn’t do that she supported his decision which I’m sure they discussed, and she loved her husband enough to say whatever you need I am behind you 110% because I am your helpmate and I want you to be happy. Do you think Barack could have run for president if he didn’t have the backing of his first lady already? Do you think that he would have stepped out on that traitorous campaign trial without the blessing, love and support of his helpmate? I think not ladies and gentlemen.

I look at the Obama’s and it gives me hope that real love still exist and then I look at my surroundings and think maybe not. I believe that love is a right that everyone should have I believe that love should and can make you better. I don’t see love as the enemy I see people who pretend to love you and lure you into a false sense of security as the enemy. Love can not break your heart nor tear you down, false bearers who pretend to love that do that, and Love does not harm you people do that physically, mentally and emotionally. Love is the purest form of energy but when people use it as a weapon that’s when others get hurt. You should never be angry, sad, or hurt when love ends because you were given the chance to taste this sweet sweet fruit at least once and when you were In the midst of it, it made you better and It made you want to be better, Love ladies and gentlemen is not the enemy it is the ache in all of us that is longing to be filled. So black folks Stop perpetrating frauds and wearing these heavy coats of armor that hide your heart from the world and each other, preventing love will only leave you alone and miserable and who wants that kind of life for themselves?

Quotes taken from http://marriage.about.com/od/entertainmen1/a/obamaquotes.htm Read more...

BABY BABY BABY

You ever try and paint a pretty picture with ugly colors? Or how about you ever try and drive a truck that's stuck in the mud uphill? How about you ever try and lift a 100 pounds with a weak back and no help? Anyone feel where I am going with this??? I don't know about anyone else I can only answer for myself but seriously 30 is a pivotal age no more sitting around counting the days. There are certain biological factors that start to come into play and if you have had biology or even developmental psych you understand what I mean. At 30 the body starts to say ok sis either move it or lose it. By 30 you really need to decide if you are going to have some kids and if so you need to get a move on. The older you get the more at risk your pregnancy becomes, and your age and health directly effect your unborn child.



Halle Berry is a prime example there was a story in the news when she was pregnant about her being upset because her prenatal chart said she was a high risk pregnancy and that is true she was a high risk pregnancy. Especially after 40 you run the risk of:

Pregnant patients of advanced maternal age (AMA) are at increased risk for a multitude of pregnancy complications, including gestational diabetes mellitus, preeclampsia, placenta previa and intrauterine growth restriction. All of these conditions have been associated with a higher rate of stillbirth.

These are some of the risk associated with having children late but of course if an older woman is healthy and has good health care her risk are significantly lower but there are still issues that one has to consider long and hard when waiting later in life to have a child heaven forbid you want more than one after 40. Something to think about also is having a child in your 40's means that well into your 60's is when the child will be in their 20's it is something really to think about. You can't just up and decide one day that you want kids it shouldn't be that way. Children shouldn't be an afterthought or an accident, or a condom busted consequence. I have learned that you can't think about just the moment you have to order your life and shoot for your goals. Hindsight is always a bitch but you can't undo time you have to press forward and step lightly. I write these posts with the best intention if I can give someone pause to think about things that is going on right now, especially with young African American women and the choices that we tend to make if I can give one something to think about and she is better for it then I have help someone. If I can travel the road and save you from the same pitfalls I fell in please allow me to do it, no need for both of us to end up broken and bruised by falling in the same life traps.




I don't profess to tell women how they should live nor how they should think but at the threshold of 30 my thinking became a whole lot different and things to me begin to become different they changed and become clearer life decisions become more focused and of course priorities shifted. The purpose of this blog is really to see how life defines itself with me being 30, I can't speak for no one else but 30 is a threshold. I'm not even looking at my 20's anymore I have closed the chapter on them and I am focusing on the future and the long unforeseen road ahead of me. Considering the current climate of relationships in the BPYT community adoption is looking like the way to go *sigh*

http://www.africanamericanadoptionsonline.com/index.html

information for at risk older pregnancies came from: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/02/070210170332.htm Read more...