Monday, September 28, 2009


I'm tired. I'm frustrated with my own life and frankly I'm just damned tired of being a black woman. I feel like if I was at least a white woman I would be engaged by now, I certainly would be able to pull a football/basketball player but I digress.

I used to live in Inglewood California yes home to what used to be called the great western forum until they built the staple center now the forum is a giant relic that just sits there struggling to still be apart of a city that is a some what quiet urban nest inside of a bigger urban nest. Back to my point I used to live in Inglewood and before we moved to the burbs I was privy to the type of shit that makes up the lives of inner city youth.

Gangs, jacking, death. Now anyone that has dwelt in an urban city knows that death is a constant companion death doesn't sleep. I have seen bodies laid out under sheets blowing in the breeze waiting for the corner to come collect it. I have walked on many a sidewalk washed in somebodies blood, I was even privy to a jacking on the back of a bus and let me not have worn the wrong color to school like say red a whole red outfit... could cause major conflict.

Since I have been out of high school it seems to have gotten worst I don't understand the need to be so bloodthirsty we don't need help killing ourselves we got that down to a fine art it's sad and it makes me tired and damned glad that today I don't have any kids. Self hatred plays out through the younger generations they don't see nothing wrong with taking the life of a peer because they don't see their self worth.

The best lie ever told is the one that is told so much it becomes fact. It is a fact that black is minority, it is a fact that we as humans are so undervalued that we don't value ourselves which allow us to do the most ugliest things within our own culture. Fact we are so undervalued that even the government which has had laws on the books separating the races valued one color over the other ingraining doubt about self which turned into a fact that got passed down as legacy, fact we were brought here from Africa and stripped of all of our cultural heritage family ties were severed in order to break apart any type of familial ties that had occurred and would occur. Fact this familial break down has now become a legacy a generational curse that is passed down through generations so much so that is now a reality! We as a people don't value ourselves, we as a people don't pass down what it is we need to combat the hatefulness and spitefulness of the majority rule.

Before you lay your head down tonight talk to your children, make it a nightly ritual reaffirm that they are somebody that they don't have to act like trash and hurt one another. Tell your children where they can from not just from watts, compton, the southside, or new orleans. Allow your child to see that there is a bigger picture and we helped make that picture even though our efforts are ignored, or stolen. Give your children something bigger than hip-hop, hanna montana, and disney, give them truth and a knowledge of self. Impart in them a love of their culture and heritage allow them to step outside of the cocoon of ugliness that is the legacy of this country. Allow them to have more than being common street thugs allow them more than untimely death allow them more than what Derrion Albert got.


Sunday, September 27, 2009


Nothing Is Private Movie

"Nothing Is Private"

2008 December
Rtg: 8.5/10 (451 votes)

The above movie is about the very subject I am speaking me it was a heartbreaking and disturbing movie to say the least watch it at your own risk.

Do you know where your daughter, cousin, niece, sister, child is right this moment? Right now someones little girl or teenage daughter is being forced, coerced, rapped, or seduced into having sex with someone twice her age. She is being taken advantage of and her innocence is being stolen and her body is being violated. She is being put into a position (no pun intended) that she shouldn't have to be in because some sick ass older man with fucked up brain chemistry is willingly and sadistically taking the very best of her at this moment because he thinks it is his right to do so. Some where innocence is being devoured and my heart breaks for these not yet fully grown nor fully developed young girls/teenagers that are being put in a position they shouldn't be put in. Just because someone has an appetite for their youth its disgusting and sad.

Pedophiles... as of late they have been catching pedophiles but its taking them years to catch these dudes. Shit is sad and sick what's more disturbing is the more notoriety and money these pedophiles have then it's like well they are just disturbed geniuses who need help not jail.

In a male dominated society children and women are eaten alive and their spirits and bones are spat out by the masses. Case in point both Polanski and Robert Kelly have committed crimes with little girls teenagers at best but not grown ass women. But every time anyone says anything about the girls that were involved with these men they always say: "those little girls were consenting, they knew what they were doing and that the girls wanted it, that they were working their bodies like grown ass women, and Polanski has Maintained the girl was sexually experienced and had consented!

Excuse me if I'm wrong but the last time I checked even if a teenager was "experienced" she is still a teenager the only time teenage girls get turned it is at the hands of men that take her developing body and lust after it and seduce this young girl into thinking she a woman because her ass and titties have yet to match up with her IQ therefore she is gullible and misguided. Most often she is lacking a daddy figure in her life so any man showing her some attention and affection will quickly gain her trust and he can have her doing any and everything. Especially if the dude is throwing a little money at her, buying her things, taking her places showing just a little bit of interest in her then yes that teenage girl will do anything in her power to please that boy/older man.

Teen age girls don't just get up in the morning and go hmmm who shall I fuck today if she does then some where along the line she has been failed by the adults in her life. Show me any young wild hot teenage girl and I will show you a lack of parental guidance, a lack of structure, possibly even a history of neglect and abuse in the girls life. Bottom line stop blaming teenage girls for the lack of judgment and mental stability of grown ass men. Stop blaming the victim even if these girls are way to grown for their ages, know way to much about sex then they should, it used to take a village to raise a child but modern day societies have burned down those villages now a days parents don't want help they think people are intruding in their business if they offer help or advise. I think its sad when you see young girls sexing away their youth, wearing out their vagina walls before they even know how to properly wash their asses.

there is nothing cute about a too grown oversexed teenage girl its tragic and far to often it happens in neighborhoods across the world. The value of a young girls innocence has long been sold to the highest bidder and the world looks on in passive aggressive fashion as her silent tears are ignored and her soul is replaced with darkness and she is left to fend for herself in the divide between not grown and too grown...

Roman Polanski Arrested for sex with 13yr old in the 1970's:
read article here

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Shug: More than anything God love admiration.
Celie: You saying God is vain?
Shug: No, not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off when you walk by the colour purple in a field and don't notice it.
Celie: You saying it just wanna be loved like it say in the bible?
Shug: Yeah, Celie. Everything wanna be loved. Us sing and dance, and holla just wanting to be loved. Look at them trees. Notice how the trees do everything people do to get attention... except walk?

If you're a black woman born anytime after the 80's then you have the color purple memorized verbatim and you can reenact scenes with your female friends and family members you might even often use a direct quote from the movie to express yourself time and time again or maybe that is just my reality...anyway I decided that I wanted to post the two songs from the color purple that make my heart sing.

This is the first song:

The 2nd song is the first church scene ever made that captured the true essence of what a black shotgun church is really like and the scene always ALWAYS makes me pause and get that well-up want to cry feeling and sometimes I even do cry involuntarily if you can't feel this scene I'm sorry to tell you, you just might be dead. If I can still be moved by gospel music and church scenes I know I ain't too far gone from his presence but that's a whole different post. Get ready to get your shout, praise, cry on my absolute best loved scene from the color purple "God is tryna tell you something".


Sunday, September 20, 2009


I want start out by saying I appreciate the people that come here and read what I write especially those that have been here from the very beginning. I didn't even know what blogs were really I just knew that I loved to write and it seemed like a cool idea to have an electronic journal some where, where you could vent and voice your opinion about things. Since I always seem to have an opinion about something this seemed like the perfect thing for me. Then I found out people actually make money off their blogs I was like wow maybe I could do that as well.

But I don't think people realize how hard it is to open yourself up in this world and put yourself out there. Sometimes I am having a hard day or just going through something(s) so I write it out and I get it out of my system once I do that I can move on or put it in better perspective. Its just a SNAPSHOT of my life not the whole big picture. I give you snapshots and some people think its a whole book. They taking pages from this book thinking they know me and running with it. These very people have never even bothered to hold a conversation with me or ask me about my feelings they just read something and run with it and then they think they know me and my whole situation which couldn't be farther from the truth. I have relatives who have never even sat down and just really talked with me in-depth but I bet they think they know me pretty well.

Yes I know I take a risk writing things down and having them judged but walking down the street, wearing my hair a certain way, wearing certain clothes, being around certain people, just being a black woman I am judged everyday not by the content of my character but by my very appearance. You don't have to know me to judge me and many people do that. It is so easy to read something and form an opinion when you don't know the whole story just a snapshot. But I like writing I like having this blog and if no one read it I would still write it. I like having a small intimate group of readers.

I appreciate when people leave comments I really do but the people who are anonymous and don't sign their comments and just leave shitty things in the comment sections are cowards. People who use anonymity to bash other people are weak minded people if you're going to be an asshole leave your name and a way to get back in contact with you so that a person may reply in kind. Don't just blog hit and run that's cowardly you big and bold enough to comment be big and bold enough to get a response. I do my best to respond to all comments unless its just a general one so if you leave a comment know that I reply to them each and every time.

Before anyone reads into this and thinks I'm speaking specifically at them I am not. I have wanted to say this for a long time and never have gotten around to it this was something that was weighing on my mind and had to be written out. Read more...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Don't you live being a female sometimes? Cute clothes, sexy heels, haute handbags almost, ALMOST makes up for the other stuff we go through...well kinda sorta lol. BTW this is what I'm wearing to the Maxwell concert, yay me. Read more...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

KANYE YOU'RE A C.U.N.ext.T.uesday

I'm sure if you are living on planet earth you have heard about the Kanye debacle, if not good for you stay away from celeb-whore-t's they are bad people but I posted the aforementioned video anyway for a point of reference. Ever since Kanye lost his mom he has been on this emotional unbalanced roller coaster and he has just keeps lashing out. I know that it is difficult to lose a parent especially when that parent is extra close to you but drinking, having sex, working nonstop, and saying and doing fucked up things will not bring him closure, give him peace nor bring his beloved mother back.

Kanye is a very flawed man and if he keeps going the way he is going he is either going to die young, or go out Michale Jackson style. There is no one in these celeb-whore-t's lives that say's hey pull it together fucktard you're spinning out of control. Because of the money and fame these people get to do and act however they want, they commit crimes they get slapped on the wrist. They do classless and crass things the whole world clutches its pearls and still embraces these buffoons and clowns shit is awful. I wish I had enough money to be an asshole and treat people like shit all the time and get away with it oh wait don't I already do that?

I used to be a Kanye supporter but now I think I will have to add him to my list of people that I just give no attention to if we stop rewarding these attention whores with attention then they will have no choice but to go away. Being famous is like any other drug and I for one am so tired of these assholes getting high on their own hype shit needs to stop. Read more...

Friday, September 11, 2009


I'm 31.

I'm black, single, no kids, female, and 31...

I may never get married and the realest shit is I have never been in love!

I have said I love you to many a "boyfriend" because I thought I was supposed too and I thought I meant it at the time but looking back after the fact after all the dust has settled I didn't love any of those dudes.

I was going through the motions...I have never really let anyone in.

I have a brick wall guarded by an electronic fence around my heart with vicious guard dogs standing guard. I think my immunity to bullshit has inoculated me from even wanting to get with or pursue anything with these guys. It all sounds the same to me, once a dude finds out your celibate then they start talking shit about how they have the cure for what ails me or they make many offers to fuck the lining out my vagina and tear down my walls but that's all they're coming with. They don't think past their dicks.

If I wanted to have meaningless sex then I would be fucking why don't men get that? Besides the truth is sex is overrated, wack, and I can do better by myself. For those women who have had the fortune of having great sex in their life times they are the exception to the rule. Most men couldn't hit the spot with detailed directions and a step by step map. The truth is most men don't give a shit about making a woman feel good they are going to nut regardless.

I look at these movies and I think this is all fiction not fact no one believes in love anymore, no one stays married until death anymore, no one is this devoted in their unselfishness. Most people are just trying to get over.

For every electronic means of communication we have lost the art of real communication, we have lost the art of listening, and we have lost the art of fostering loving relationships. There was a time when family was important, there was a time when being loved and in love was important now its on the back burner but that new job, that new status symbol and that vacation in the Southampton's is the mark of happiness.

Society has turned in its dance card with love.

I feel like I was born in the wrong era I feel so old school in a time when I don't understand the interactions between men and women. Everything is instant that's why its unforefilling you can't make a roast instantly it takes time for the meat to cook and marinate, no one has the patience's for love anymore that's why when the infatuation stage wears off its on to the next person.

I am so jaded that nothing surprises me anymore, one of my twitter bff's said to me you need something good to happen to you and I totally agree with her but I'm not one of those good things happens to type people. I'm quite the opposite I suppose.

It kind of surprises me now when people get married...especially black people. I guess that's why I love weddings its because I've been to a total of two in my entire lifetime. So the awe and the beauty is still intact.

Think of this post as more of a one sided conversation feel free to talk back in the comments.
Side note I was really thinking about becoming a lesbian this week, that's how tough my nerves were worked by the opposite sex. I even was on the brink of crossing the color line...yep I know but the interesting thing is a man is still a man which means an asshole is still an asshole and he turned out to be fraudulent like all the rest. He didn't even get out the gate fell off in just two days.

I think the getting to know you and seeing if that person is what you want needs to go down in one conversation stop having more than one conversation that builds hope you should know by now what the hell you're looking for and that should come across in one conversation. Put a questionnaire together and stick to that ask the important shit up front then fill in the filler stuff in other conversations. But the basics the things you're looking for, the things you need, and your expectations need to go down in one conversation!

But that only works when two people know their own mind and they know what they want and what they are seeking! It doesn't work when one person is saying all the right things just to get some ass...

Dating is ridiculous...the getting to know you phase is redundant, love is obsolete, and I am internally frustrated with the whole situation...

Someone once said that we were broken rocks or stones and we had a second half to our person but they were some where else in the world and it was our job to find that second half...but since women out number men...


Tuesday, September 01, 2009


Sometimes I need a reminders of the things I already know its like pulling out a familiar check list and going over it every once and awhile to make sure your still on course and in line with the things on that list. As we get older some of the things on the list become more important than others so essentially it is a good thing to pull the list out and check it over every once and again.

  • When someone shows you who they are believe them! This is such an important cardinal rule how many times have we overlooked something we have seen in a person's character that was a huge warning sign but we kept on dealing with the person because we felt like the good out weighed the bad? You can not change anyone but yourself and you would be a fool to think or try and do otherwise.
  • Listen to what men say. How often have we ignored the little things that men have said, because we were focused on what WE wanted. Then when the end results don't turn out as we wanted them too we feel lied to and deceived? LISTEN to what a man says he is telling you all that you will ever need to know, even if his actions directly contradict what he is saying.
  • When a man is already in a " domestic situation" whether it be marriage, or shacking up. He will not leave his woman to be with you even if you break him off some cookie. Of course he will sell you any pipe dream you want to hear while he is beating and skeeting you but after all that is over and his dick is out of you he will forget everything he said. NOW on the off chance that this man does leave his "situation" for you and you were the direct cause of his break-up then prepare to be kicked in the ass by universal law which is a fundamental cardinal rule as well...What comes around goes around! If he left her for you what makes you so special that he won't leave you?
  • Sex doesn't keep a man! I'll write that one again sex doesn't keep a man if it did then there would be more couples still together less divorces and more two parent households!
  • Men deal in loopholes, meaning they will phrase things to their benefit in order to get what they want be careful of word traps.
  • Homegirl/wifey/boo is another way to give you a false sense of ownership to something you don't officially have again word trap. If you don't have an official capacity in a dudes life you are a filler, basically a chick who that has potential to fill an opening when he gets one in his life but in the meantime he will keep you around until said position becomes open or until he can talk you into fucking him whichever comes first.
  • Men are essentially unstable creatures, dramatic, possessive and not in touch with their feelings. Much of what they say is nonsense listen enough to get the information that you need to glean from them what they are trying to get from you once you get that then act accordingly. For example, My girl <<<>>>(the nonsense to ignore) and me aren't getting along, but that's neither here nor there I still want to give you pleasure I can make you feel really good.
  • Never bother to invest emotionally in someone who can't do the same for you. Turn the emotional spigot off! I don't buy into that "I fell helplessly in love with him and now I can't let him go" crap. If you guard your heart which one is supposed to do then there is no way someone can get under your skin, and into your psyche unless you let them in.
  • MAKE Them work for it! Stop just giving away all your power, emotional, sexual, and mental. IF you hand it up on a silver platter than what does he have to work for?
  • Anything worth having is worth working for. If it's too easy its suspect, that just goes without saying across the board.
  • Know your worth that way you won't fall for nor accept just any old bullshit. Value you first and everyone else 2nd.
  • Yes cheating is still wrong even though the world and everyone in it will try and convince you its not, I don't care who does the cheating wrong is wrong. Nothing justifies cheating even though people will always rationalize it