Saturday, January 31, 2009



I know I talked about this before but it blows my mind everyday how people procreate without thought or they have the wrong motives for having children. It's hard being a single parent and its not easy in a two parent household but at least you have help and it's a co-effort, anyone that has ever been around kids and that has some sense knows that. It's bizarre how the more unstable a person is mentally, emotionally, financially, the more children they seem to have. Its like having a weapon in the hands of criminals, all these men and women who are walking around with loaded guns (ie reproductive parts) cocked and ready to aim and just pushing out kids left and right with no pause, or even any shame no planning no forethought it's wrong.

Meanwhile those of us who are single with no dependents get fucked in taxes and no help what so ever from the government, can I get a she got her mind right and is not out milking the system type of tax break, or how about she anti-baby momma so give her a huge tax break and some money to go back to school to finish her degree type scholarship! I don't care how you phrase it but can the government just make it happen? Women getting pregnant and getting all kinds of benefits maybe I should look into renting my womb out cause It seems like the more I do right, the more I try and do right the more fucked and left behind I get. It's real hard to see doing right pay off when everyone else in the world is doing way wrong and getting theirs by whatever means necessary and since its getting real funky money wise in these streets folks are going to get even more ugly in nature, scandalous in their doings. Less money equals more crime, angrier people, desperate people, and the true nature of man is revealed but I digress. Now that money is real shady and people are loosing their minds left and right what are you prepared to do to stay afloat? Now is the time to think outside the box...maybe you too will be in the news giving birth to babies, or making a sex tape and getting a reality show, or maybe you might turn to selling ass, and drugs, or stealing...will you still try and do right even when your money has all left? What will be your breaking point?


  • You should have quit while you were ahead did you really need MORE damn kids!
  • This is sad another family involved in a MURDER SUICIDE because of financial difficulties
  • It's funny how when a black man kills himself and family he is therefore demonized but if someone else does it then it's a tragedy SADNESS Btw the people at Kaiser are heartless employers and its no stretch of imagination that the supervisor probably did tell the man he should just put a bullet in his brain.

Saturday, January 24, 2009



I'm sure I might have mentioned this before but if I didn't I'm mentioning it again.I had a co-worker who met a man on the internet, and withing a month she had moved in with him within three months she was engaged and within a month of that she was married, and she acquired a job within the state that would help her erase the mans debt and prepare for them to get a house together and with that they started their life as man and wife. I will leave you to assess what her cultural and racial make up is. I believe that you will already know just based on the situation that was typed above. I type this to illustrate the simple fact that there is a vast cultural difference in the way love, commitment, and relationships are approached by different cultures.

A reader made the statement that many African-Americans don't live "European Style" meaning a two parent household, raising their kids, loving one another, supporting one another, and working for the common good of the household together. If you have been reading my blog for awhile then you already know how I feel about kids born out of marriage in the African-American community and the lack of marriage and love between black men and women period. You already know how I feel about black communities being eroded everyday, and the values that we should have as a people are lacking. It's like the farther we come socially the farther we go back emotionally. There are still things ingrained in our psyches in our very nature that have not been addressed. If you never acknowledge something how can you fix it? Many of the issues stem from generations of mental, emotional, degradation and oppression. It makes me ache inside when many in our culture would prefer to jump ship instead of stick it out and work it out.

I look at Sean Combs and I think all that money that you spend in child support you could be using to strengthen one household. You could be someones father full time not just part time showing a whole generation how it could be done, but no you rather procreate without responsibility because you have the money to do so. That is an ugly selfish way of living life. But he is not alone in his pursuits many men of color with wealth who have lost cultural identity or who pimp their cultural identity choose to procreate outside of their races, they choose to go through women because they can, they choose to treat those that have supported them as 3rd best and its tiresome and heartbreaking. It's like once you get enough money in your bank account to compensate for the melanin in your skin then you happily turn in your black card and skip to the other side with no looking back. I know that many especially in the black community want to sing and holds hands and be embraced and embrace the world/society at large and think that finally we are excepted have been absorbed into mainstream society and that we have overnight been giving equal footing and the same privileges as Caucasians have had since they landed on Plymouth rock, but again I see to you my brothers and sisters please wake up, we have much to work on within ourselves and communities before we are truly at that promised land. One man can not reverse nor roll back centuries of wrongs and oppressions, and damaged psyches.

Now don't get me wrong I know that when it comes to sex men prefer new yoni over old, I have even heard very ignorant and bias black men argue that white women's yoni's are pinker on the inside and therefore that's what they like the bright pinkness. I also know to many men yoni has no race factor attached to it, and as long as any woman lets them stab the womb they could careless what race she was attached to. While I think they should be more discerning in their taste I can't make that call for anyone. I hate to think of myself as the last one standing when it comes to dating, wanting, loving, black men exclusively but that is what I want in my life by my side until death parts us. I can not see myself with anyone else that is not what my heart calls for, that is not what speaks to my spirit. I never will understand how someone can look into the eyes of someone so unfamiliar cultural wise and feel love and a spark of sexual interest. I have even attempted just to see if I was programed wrong but nope non-black men do absolutely nothing for me. It also angers me when others question me as IF I am in the wrong because exclusively I love black men, as if I'm doing something wrong for stating that or wanting that.

I know the figures, I've heard the arguments I've read the stories and seen the television reports about it. The new phenomenon of black women marrying outside of their culture. Why is it such a news worthy story when black men and white men been doing it for years? When black women do it, it becomes a anomaly of sorts, news worthy. Something is very wrong with that, I always tell my brothers look at a persons motivation before you agree to go their way. I also tell them that if you cut something like coffee with milk you change the flavor and you weaken the strength of the coffee. Please don't come to my blog with that mixed babies are beautiful crap, black babies are beautiful also and all children are a blessing, but not everyone should be a parent! It has always been my assessment that until every cold civil rights case is solved, until the detriment of slavery has been properly acknowledge, along with white privilege, and until we as a people can get ourselves together culturally, and emotionally then I don't think we should be so happy to jump into the lap of someone else's culture because ours needs to still be worked on and this will be my platform my point of view until black people stop dumbing down and sweeping our emotional, mental, issues under the rug.

Allow me to introduce you to Tim Wise, this is the longer clip of him speaking if you have the time I advise you to watch it.

A smaller clip Tim Wise speaking.

Thursday, January 22, 2009



Before you get too excited and think that this is a Tyler Perry bashing post think again. I notice that in the black culture we have spawned a new fraction of folks. I like to call them the intellectuals, the high-browed individuals that do their all to break with the ties of yesterday. They are the sons and daughters of 1 generation buppies, the folks that broke out the ghetto's, the hoods, the poor south, and pulled themselves up and got enough money to run from everything their parents stood for and represented.

They frown on "hooping and hollering religion" they prefer churches that are sedate and less emotional when they go. They frown on what they call plantation food and of course they don't dare press their hair, or use grease. They stick to perms, get high lights, wear cashmere sweaters and only eat at euro-Asian cuisine restaurants. They join ritzy health clubs they stay getting pedis and medis they stay getting facials, they are the superstars of in mixed society. You can recognize them by their skinny jeans, their frohawks, they are the ones that sound Caucasian they have an affinity for European bands that have whiny moody music they talk about all the cars they have driven, want or need, they live by their blackberry's they covet their designer dogs and coffee and they are as unblack as they can get with pigment.

They don't care about culture they have broken from the past and they are too far removed from slavery and the ghetto, that is all beneath them many don't even bother learning about their history they have their eyes firmly on the prize that huge bank account that finally has enough money in it to erase their color. This is the goal of the new "intellectual black" they go out of their way to prove they are good, and righteous and as unnegro as possible so as not to offend. They use whole words they enunciate, they speak in tones that are mild and not with too much bass as not to cause undo concern in their Caucasian counterparts. They even have Caucasian/Asian/ or Spanish wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, and shop at j. crew H&M and the gap because Jcpenny's is too common. They wouldn't be caught dead in an old fashioned Cadillac but they pay 60k for a Cadillac truck but please don't put any ghetto rims on them and no they don't want it in black please only the champagne colored one with the slight window tint. No we don't need extra bass how passe!

These same folks frown heavily on the masses of black folk that dare be common, loud, raucous, uncouth and who show to much emotion, who still depend on Jesus to give them everything, who don't/didn't go to college who only went to vocational school. Who have cars but live in apartments who are backwards in comparison, the same folks who might go see a Tyler Perry madea movie the misguided good "church" folks and their elk. What's as ridiculous as the stereotypes I typed above is the assumption that all black people who go to church or have "religion" want to see or even like Tyler perry movies. Why does one fraction of people have to be cubbyholed or branded with the same branding iron because of SOME?

I personally don't have anything against Tyler Perry, I like the movies he has made. I don't fault him for his characters or his way of thinking he is one man, just like many didn't like Spike Lee movies or John Singletons early movies I see all of the projects from these men individually with their own unique perspective and slant on the world. Every black person does not have to have the same freaking experience but we do have more commonalities than not. No matter how far you try and run from that or close the door on that fact it will always be there just as sure as your African features. So my "intellectual" black folk that hate the whole Tyler Perry franchise that's fine and that's your right, but I think its ridiculous to speak on something you have never even bothered to see. I think its ridiculous to say that because "religious" black folks keep supporting him he will keep making these movies, I think its ridiculous to keep throwing stones at Mr. Perry when you can simply go to his website and tell him that you want to see something different a closed mouth does not get fed.

If you are so offended and want him to do something better than perhaps you should start writing your own scripts, coming up with your own projects and then putting them on your own channels its great to complain about the issue and then keep it pushing and do nothing about it, but how productive is that? If you want to see a different voice in hollyweird then be that voice, be that change if you think you can do better why not get the "intellectual" faction together and start making the television programs, movies, books, music that you want to see and hear? If you got beef with the man then make your voice heard don't be shyNOTHING TO IT BUT TO DO IT!


Tuesday, January 20, 2009



A new president...A beautiful black family in office...people keep saying be the change you want to see in the world...there should be a blueprint or some form of footsteps to follow...why do the dumbest people think that they are outsmarting everyone else in the world...just because you are a hook or by crook individual does not make it right...the world does not revolve around the things that have personally happened to would be nice if it did but it doesn't believe me I know this as a fact...why can my mother gleam money out of the air but she can't manage it well...why she keep talking divorce but she still here...I want to go back to school badly but money IS a object, my stumbling block...grants loans scholarships...schools are now harder to get into and the money is hard to come by...Does Jesus even hear me when I pray...I am so tired mentally and emotionally it manifest itself physically sometimes... HE wasn't even worth 20 minutes but he got under my skin never again, if he was on fire I wouldn't even piss on him...will my family ever be alright...will change happen for me...what am I not doing in the right way...Blessings are few and far Read more...

Monday, January 19, 2009



Since I give you nothing but raw food for thought most days I decided I would give you some feel good gooey starchy comfort food with a little get to know you quiz, courtesy of Odeezy aka closet freak from over at GIMMIE THE GOODIES

*Birthplace: INGLEWATTS
*Right Handed or Left Handed:RIGHT
*Who was your kindergarten teacher? Iont recall
*What is your favorite type of ice cream?:BEN AND JERRY'S
*Number of Piercings:2
*Basketball Or Football:BASKETBALL
*What would you do if a leprechaun jumped out of the bushes and stole ur wallet?:WHAT IN DA HELL Y'ALL SMOKING ON, Y'ALL SEE LITTLE GREEN MEN IN Y'ALL HOODS?
*Would you rather get raped by Micheal Jackson or Elton John?:EWWWW CAN I TAKE NEITHER FOR 100 PLEASE
*Hugs or Kisses?:KISSES
*Name 4 things you always have with you:ID CASE, KEYS, SENSE, SOUND MIND
*Favorite Perfume/Cologne:ANYTHING ESCADA
*Who did let the dogs out? :JOE MOMMA LOL
*Have you ever been in a physical fight? How Many?:Yep WAY 2 MANY 2 COUNT
*Can you Whistle?: Yep
*What is your weapon of choice? Words,AND KNIVES OR A BOX CUTTER IN A PINCH
*Who was the last person who got really angry at you? PROBABLY A LITTLE BROTHER
*Weirdest Dream...: CAN'T RECALL
*Guys in pink are...SENSITIVE THUGS
*Have you ever fallen up the stairs? Hell yeah
*You are the first to arrive at the scene of an accident but it turns out that the person hurt is your worst enemy, do you help or walk away?KICK EM WHILE THEY LYING THERE AND PROBABLY SPIT ON EM (DON'T JUDGE ME I'M WORKING ON MYSELF LOL)
*Join the Military or the Mob? Mob
*Turn a close friend in if they committed a serious offense ex. murder? DON'T ASK DON'T TELL
*Make one porno if it meant never having to work again? BRING IT ON BABY AND THEN I'M TAKING MY MONEY AND MYSELF TO A REMOTE ISLAND
*What is one thing you actually remember from kindergarten?NAPPING EVEN WHEN YOU NOT TIRED, AND THAT SNACK TIME CAME AFTER.
*If you could punch one person who would it be?DAMN JUST ONE SWSNBN JUST RIGHT TO THE DOME
*What is the worst injury you ever had? HAVEN'T HAD ANY
*Has a rumor ever been spread about you?PROBABLY BUT WHO GIVES A DAMN

***What would you do if?****

*You found 10 dollars on the ground?HEAD STRAIGHT TO THE WALMART
*A random stranger offered you candy?IS THIS A TRICK QUESTION? IS IT CHOCOLATE?
*A genie granted you one wish?RICH, BEAUTIFUL, AND POWERFUL Read more...



Today is MLK Jr day. As I watched the twitter tweets early this morning it was mainly the black people on my twitter that was celebrating MLK and his speech. Yes I too grew up with that little blurb about MLK his highlights that were espoused every week before we had the day off in school and if the teacher was really proactive we would get more than that, we would get two weeks. Maybe a book some pictures, maybe even a video that is if we had the resources.

Today I woke up early around 6:15am and I didn't feel any different, I didn't feel changed, and my perspective is still jaded and just a little angry. So yea I feel like my regular self. I know that many who happen across this blog think that I am a complainer, a person who perhaps doesn't like other races. I will leave you to your own opinions on that. But I will tell you that I have lived 30yrs in America, in southern California and I have watched and observed many things.

I lived in the hood, I walked past yellow caution tape blowing in the breeze, as the blood of somebodies child dried and seeped into the ground, I have watched as a body covered by a sheet was left stiff and cold on the ground until the coroner was able to come pick it up. I have even been standing in a drive-way and watched a gun man get out his car run up the street with his gun visible, do whatever he needed to do then come back, give me a grin as he jumped back into his car that was still sitting in traffic at the light and go on with his business. All while my little brothers played in the front yard, later when I told my mother she looked at me incredulously and asked me why I didn't take my brothers in the house I had no answer for her. How can you explain to your mother that fear locked your thoughts, and rendered you temporarily stupid. How do you explain to your mother that the gunman wasn't that much older than you, and even though he held a gun it just didn't seem real. More like some urban movie playing out in real time.

The hood either molds your or it breaks you, I was on the verge of being broken before we moved. Everything happens for a reason, like a domino effect my great-grandmother died leaving just enough for a decent down payment on a house far outside the hood, we moved to the burbs and I wished that I could say that life became easier. It sure became quieter, my parents got more bang for their buck as far as house and yard wise, peace of mind, but we left behind all the good things about the hood. Church which used to be a huge part of my life and it isn't anymore, my parents left behind friends, memories, and only the cultural gatherings and happenings, restaurants, experiences, and people that the hood could offer.

Sure we commuted for awhile until that got old, and eventually we became isolated in this not so familiar place where there were maybe a handful of others who had the same skin tone. It was the first time my brother had been called a nigger, it was the first time that I was told by a Jewish classmate that the holocaust was bigger than the middle passage and slavery, it was the first time that a fellow black classmate told me she doesn't identify with the word African-American she just preferred to be called black. It was the first time I got too see how white people really lived up close and personal. Needless to say I don't have any friends from high school since most of the people here had grown up with each other and went to the same batch of schools their whole lives, the groups were already formed and friendships were already forged. I was just an outsider and I felt like one I hated everything about this city when I moved here what should have been a haven turned out to be a lonely hell.

Now I am disconnected from peers and its hard for me to make lasting friends, I know of people, I associate with folks but I am not a friend keeper. I have never cultivated that skill being a loner is a skill I know well. I guess that's why I like social networks because you can meet a lot of people from different places all at once might even make some lasting connections it is what it is, and what it's going to be.

I said all this too say that often they refer to America as a melting pot, and to me that is an ugly thing. When you melt something down you break it down to its base element you strip it of its original shape and you can mix it with anything leaving the new shape up to the molder and maker. I don't want to be melted down, watered down mixed with something else and lose my fragile cultural existence. I would much rather be a tossed salad where you can add anything and it will become a unique flavorful enjoyable dish because each food while working together is still an individual bringing its own unique flavor to the party. While I acknowledge the legacy that MLK has brought into this world and I am grateful for it let us not forget that we still live in America and racism is not eradicated it's just better dressed and has a press agent now.

I know many black people want badly to finally think that they are finally woven into the tapestry that is America and that we matter on a grander scale, when it just isn't so. We still have an uphill battle, we still need more doctors, teachers, scientist, mathematicians, writers, and thinkers, then we do b-boys, video hoes, baby mommas/daddies, pimps players and hustlers. So pardon me if I still am not on that mountain top yet, if I still can't pledge allegiance to this country, and if I am still a little bitter and jaded. I was touched like every other African-American on the planet when we learned that the president elect was a black man. But it seems like for every piece of ground we gain we lose something else. Barack Obama is one man if he inspires black people to gain a better perspective of self, a better outlook of self, and aspire those around him to become something they never thought possible before then wonderful. Right now change hasn't trickled down to me because I am still struggling trying to find gainful employment, and get back on my feet financially. Until change comes my way color me jaded and a nonbeliever...


Thursday, January 15, 2009



I like to think of this blog as my voice in the dark, and so that makes it my platform and yea I'm one of many but maybe if I keep shouting someone will hear my voice. I like to give anyone who has something valuable to say a voice as well and with that I introduce to you a writer and scholar friend of mines by the name of Bee Quiet, so enjoy his words and like I always say take what you need from it and leave the rest.

Written by Bee Quiet

In six days America will finalize one of the most historic moments in race politics the world has experienced since the rise and fall of Adolph Hitler. We have learned from many lessons in history that most groups in power have often subjugated ’others’ to inexplicable odds, but on January 20th , 2009 the American Presidential Inauguration will set a new course in race relations (while showing the world that no barrier is impenetrable). President-Elect Barack Obama has shattered one of the grandest ’glass ceilings’ of all time; one protected by European’s for nearly three millennium in America, finally opening to the intelligence and humility of a black man. As an African-American set to fill with tremendous emotion on that historic day, I urge my ’family in struggle’ to match the American effort being made by securing collegial credential and rebuilding our mental health. We as a people have endured slavery, Willie Lynch, Jim Crow, Cointelpro, and Police Corruption (more long standing torture then any people on the face of the planet) and yet we went from not being allowed to read to collecting the Presidency of the United States of America (a feat as spectacular as changing the American Constitution); this is not the time to be ’stuck on stupid.’

We are dealing with an American society that has no conscience when using the media as a propaganda tool to promote the idea that black culture is a problem that everyone else must come together and help solve. The only way this is going to change within American society is when black people come together and make education our sole priority during President Barack Obama’s administration. We as a people must enroll in major collegial programs, county colleges, technical skills programs, online institutions, refresher courses, and any form of learning available and attainable; and we must begin to talk about it in our communities. To bury our heads in the sand of President Obama’s success and carry on with the same norms that we have become well acclimated within during the past few decades will show cultural laziness, and bring forth European justification if they decide to mass jail us in the future. It is imperative to use this moment in history to set a new course for our day to day lives as functioning members of the greater American family; in essence giving no one the power to deny us life, liberty, and the pursuit of true cultural happiness.

Many of the popular cultural images that have dominated American society over the years have deeply affected the general outlook of being black in America (I.e., the glorification of social decadence, and the preoccupation with sexuality), and has created a spiraling underdevelopment among our people. All of this can change overnight, especially if we use the inauguration of President-Elect Barack Obama as a ’jumping off’ point for getting into some form of extended learning (even if it means building book clubs with a few friends). As a cultural analyst and writer over the past decade I firmly believe that all black people within America society should be exonerated of all mishap during the two decades I will label “The Era of Egregious Socialization.” American mainstream culture has been ’playing dirty’ during the past two decades in manipulating the general outlook of Black People by using the media and other forms of propaganda, and many blacks have found themselves in such a dilapidated state that The Era of Egregious Socialization will forever be etched in my mental rolodex. Black people must dominate the various fields of education in order to wipe off the stigma placed on us; by not being stuck on stupid, but asking President Obama to merely consider some of the things we could use to help us out; which I will conclude this piece by listing.

1) Single Black Parents who are currently raising kids should be granted Welfare benefits to replace the absent fathers from their children’s lives, while being allowed to build their own lives without regulation (I.e., being allowed to work, go to school, or even marry without their benefits being interrupted).

2) Black People who have lost their driving privileges should be exonerated of all charges and have their licenses reinstated (the only thing that should affect an American’s driving freedom is substance abuse).

3) Black American’s should be granted as much assistance as possible to have access to higher forms of education (as replacement for the 40 acres and a mule promised).

4) America should become more competent by putting the best man/woman for the job in play; which can occur if our nation gets rid of the ’Background Check Politics’ that holds people accountable for things that happen in their past. With these ideas infused into the Obama Administration thinking, I believe that African American people can begin to develop over the course of the next two decades.

Written by Bee Quiet

Wednesday, January 14, 2009



Dear God:

I know that many would like to believe that you sent Obama to deliver us from ourselves but...he is one man. He can't single handily change the world and redress all the wrongs that have been heaped upon the heads, backs, and necks of black people. There is no magic marker that can color over the pain of years of oppression, rejection and systematic oppression. I hear people of color now saying since Obama is in the white house we now have no excuses like overnight we have become more than just rappers, basketball players, hoodrats, chicken heads, singers, dancers, and entertainers in the eyes of the world. I know many believe that money changes your color but I'm sorry to burst your bubble you're still a nigger but just with money and NO CLASS!

I know many would like to believe that we have finally reached that mountain top and it is so easy to lay that burden down and believe that finally the last is now first, but Dear God help them to understand that in this society when one turns a blind eye to the past and pretends that it never existed it just becomes a wound that never heals, it simply festers. When a wound festers it stinks, and right now God the wound is funky! Black life still is not counted as precious and is still seen as being expandable, I have three brothers and every night I pray for their safety because I know if a white man with a badge and uniform chooses to snuff out their life he will and it will be deemed necessary force and he will be allowed to walk the streets free while another black mans blood cries out to you from the ground.

I'm tired God, I'm tired of being angry and having to explain why I'm angry, why I'm frustrated, why I'm tired why I just want to hide in my house and pretend that the world doesn't exist sometimes. I get overwhelmed by the appalling lack of knowledge of history and of self that the black youth has, they're too busy supermanning hoes and birdwalking to pick up a book and gain knowledge of self. I won't even start in on the adults my age and beyond who like to turn a blind eye to history. They have the that was then this is now attitude. I was always taught unless you know your past you are doomed to repeat it, but I guess I was the only one taught that. I know that everyone says that we are supposed to hold hands and sing we are the world and we should pretend to be color blind but I'm not color blind never have been, and I probably would have been glad to do that had my history been taught in school had the history of black folks been included in my curriculum thus making even the smallest pretense to include our contributions made in history then I wouldn't feel so jipped like I missed something but I guess we don't talk about that because it's not important at least not by societies standards.

I'm trying to understand God why the culture that black people slapped together, because all ties were severed with Africa when we were brought over here through that middle passage is constantly mimicked, and marketed as flavorful and fresh, but yet we get no recognition for the other contributions we have made in society except on UNICF commercials. Why is it that Puffy and Biggie are the biggest icons in black culture but the only thing they did was make music what else did they do? Why is B.I.G so important? In no way shape or form am I trying to diminish the mans talent but really God...besides rapping WHAT DID HE DO? I could go on and on but I won't because you sit high and you look low, and you already see what is going on and what the world is like. I figured since you are omnipresent and omnipotent then you probably read blogs as well.

Oh and God I know black life is not valued as highly as other races I get that, but apparently others like to pretend that they don't and that's fine, they say ignorance is bliss I guess because I don't live in pretense I am INTENSE but I digress can you please stop the gratuitous snuffing out of black life, please God at the hands of others and ourselves. Black women already out number black men 7 to 10 or some off number but I know the ratio is in favor of men and not in favor of women. Anyway I just thought I would type somethings out for you to read and possibly think about. I appreciate you reading and I hope you read my blog often. If you could see fit also to change some things in my life this year for the better I would really appreciate that. I read and heard that faith moves mountains and all I need is a mustard seed of faith I'm trying everyday honestly!

P.S. Please see that Justice is served in the case of the white police officer who shot a handcuffed unarmed black 22 year old by the name of Oscar Grant in the bart station in Oakland Ca. if justice is not served for that young already know about the fire inside that boils over when enough becomes enough...

In case you didn't read about what's going down in OAKLAND Don't let another black mans blood seep into the ground without giving it a voice.

Well Thanks so much for listening God and until we talk again...

Sincerely 78 MS.J


Tuesday, January 13, 2009



Mary and Joseph, Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King, Malcolm X and Betty Shabazz. These are examples of extraordinary people who changed the face of history. I point these people out specifically to say you don't know whom you are giving birth to. Now these people were exceptions to the rule not every child is going to turn out to be extraordinary. Most will be doing good just being productive and happy adults. I write this post because it seems like everyone around me has a child, some have multiple. It never seemed so pronounced as of late, I guess because I am older and most by my age are on baby three while I have yet to even get started or plan for baby one. I don't know if others who don't have children but would like to have some maybe begin to think like this?

You don't know when you lay down with a person and combine genes and DNA without respect of life or forethought whom you will bring forth out of your womb. It blows my mind like a breeze from the Santa Ana's how people give no forethought no serious planning into the making of another human being that will be brought forth upon this planet. It is a serious undertaking being a parent, nurturing a child, caring for that child's well being, and upbringing. Now a day's every celeb with a working reproductive system is pushing out a child and giving these children God awful names, and then pushing them off on nannies to raise. They are scooping children up left and right from continents like they are picking up exotic purses. Caring not for the child's cultural identity, upbringing nor heritage. What happens when these children begin to grow up and see faces like theirs but they can't and won't know how to relate to these people of same origin, but I digress...

Like I said it blows my mind how people are arrogant and so egotistical and clumsy when it comes to procreation I wonder what would have happened if God had decided to slap man together as clumsily as humans procreate!!! I know I wanted at least one child in my lifetime but as I think about it, and examine my motives for it I really don't have a concrete clear cut reason as to why I want a child. It's purely emotional and like we all should be aware of emotions change daily and on a whim. The strongest urges in human nature are to re-create, and self perseverance and having a child is a form of self preservation. You want your essence to live on in this world, you want to mark the planet, and having children is one of the greatest markers there is. Having a child is purely selfish and is taken way to lightly in this society.

There is a rule in society that states that Fucked up people, do fucked up things, IE:hurt people, hurt other people. Some of these same people are mothers and fathers... so then what happens to the child of a hurt/fucked up person? Since the hurt/fucked up person is more times egocentric than not, you can imagine the types of hell they inflict on their children. They give birth to children so that they can use them as emotional, mental, and physical punching bags. Inflicting the wounds that were inflicted on them as children. Making a whole other set of hurt/fucked up people. Some cycles never end because people don't know how to end them... so I guess my thought process today is how do you know you are supposed to have children? Did you do it because it was a selfish want that you catered to, was it a careless chance of sex roulette that you lost, or did you plan your child down to the choosing of the partner?

Just a little food for thought feel free to leave comments!


Sunday, January 11, 2009



Not Easily Broken'sOFFICIAL SITE

I went to see the movie not easily broken and I must say it was a nice breeze of a different wind. I absolutely loved the movie. We as black women have a tendency to be too strong sometimes. To the point where we emasculate the men in our lives, we can be steamrollers and its just not right nor is it healthy. Everything has a balance if you upset the balance of a thing then it gets overturned and off course. I believe that this society is unbalanced and vastly off course. Whole communities are being eaten away because said community is off balance.

I am a lover and supporter/downer hater of black men. The contradiction because of the things they do and continue to do but at the same time I still see and respond daily to the beauty, wonderfulness and powerfulness that they still possess but they don't believe in enough is still there shining through. Like I told one black man this past weekend I am tired of fighting y'all I just want to lay my sword down and relax in your company and in your embrace. Why do I have to do battle with you when I simply want to love, be in love, and embraced by you?

Why can't we as black men and women come to the table and foster discussion, and heal some of the hurts we have inflicted on each other for far too long? Why can't we see the hurt and damage inflicted on each other as wounds and battle scars not badges of honor and coat of arms. I advise everyone not just couples to go see this movie or pick the book up and read it. It's time to heal the divide not widen it! The future needs it, our communities need it, and WE as a people need it especially! Read more...



I love the blogging world it gives a voice where otherwise you wouldn't have one. It allows for an exchange of ideas in a neutral form you can't get any better than that!

On this blog CELIES REVENGE a blogger that calls herself a radical feminist talks about how superhead is a victim of circumstances and how abuse led her to the life she has come to lead it's a good read even if you don't subscribe to the same way of thinking. I know that I don't agree with seeing superhead per say as a victim. While I do agree that she has lead a tragic and sad life I don't think that she is someone who needs pity. I believe that she needs counseling, and maybe even some spiritual guidance. If Frankie (keyshia Coles) momma can overcome being a prostitute, and a drug addict, and having seven children by different men then why can't superhead change her tone and become a victim advocate or victim awareness life coach or something, hell I don't even care if she makes up a title. I don't see her trying to change anything as far as helping other woman that have fallen victim to the same things in life. I don't see her going to schools, or to youth crisis centers helping out young girls. I don't see any of that what I do see is a woman who has capitalized on sleeping with different men in the industry, and being a media whore still hungering for a level or celebrity that she just won't be able to reach. Can you imagine what a boardroom meeting with her is like? I am not condemning her even though I have in the past I can't identify with her and I can't get behind her movement.

Now in no way shape or form am I defending the men that indulged in screwing her, but when you begin to call yourself something and perpetrate that image and embrace it you lose the voice to say I am a victim. Because a whore's nature is a whore's nature. Meaning anyone can be a whore, being a whore is not gender bias people make the distinction. While men get the accolades for sleeping around the stigma of whore will always rest on a woman's shoulders when we do it. James Brown said it's a mans world and that was said in the 1960's and it still holds true today. The funny thing is that the woman who have had excessive sexual partners, released sex tapes, capitalized on being flat-backers are the women that are being most sought after in this day and time. No longer is it the "good girls" per say. The irony is she would be considered a grotesque trophy wife of sorts, a "I conquered her enough after all the sex she has had type of mentality to get her to marry me" and it would be a man of means not some regular dude. Men love women who are experienced and that are sexually aggressive and being a woman who doesn't necessarily subscribed to that kind of image of being fast and loose with my sex it's a lose lose situation for me.

I lose because I am not a video vixen/(victim?) I have a father so I don't seek one out I don't choose to do explicitly sexual things for male attention because I feel I don't have too. Why do I need to put myself out there with that type of sexual image when I am so much more than my breast and ass! While I may have made plenty sexual missteps in my youth by the grace of God there wasn't any permanent damage done but I can't fault anyone for the choices I made sexually. Even the misguided choice I made were my own and they bought me a greater understanding of myself sexually and what I will and won't accept. I tell my sisters global and blood please don't throw pearls before swine because they don't appreciate them. Just because it is acceptable to bed hop in this current day and age does not mean you shouldn't subscribe to that mentality. When you lay down with men who are just there for pure sexual gratification and they don't give a shit about you're well being, your person as a whole, nor do they love you in any sense of the word, you are just giving away a piece of you each time that can not be regained.

I like to think I straddle the lines of traditionalist, feminist, and yes even "whore" but the difference is I balance the percentage carefully and always in my favor. Its like cooking I know what ingredients to add to what and when to make it taste just right. I don't march around with a banner stating what I am, but its my actions and demeanor that tell you. Ultimately I believe that we are responsible for our images, I work very hard to keep mines intact. I work hard to make sure that when someone looks over my footprints the ones I leave behind me that they won't be marred by things that I am deeply ashamed of. That is my personal choice, I understand that fucked up people do fucked up things (pardon my language) but when do you make the choice to change and say you know what...what is motivating my actions to cause me to act like this? At some point in your life you reach a point of clarity where you come to some sort of realization about self. I know I did, doesn't everyone have that moment? I believe it hits you in your twenties and whatever triggers it be grateful for it, that is your life moment of clarity. You will have many and they happen for a reason, its when you DON'T have them that it is then cause for alarm!

Just my two little cents in the wide ocean that is the blogsphere make sure you check out my sisters thoughts on the matter at THE UNDERDOG LIFE Read more...

Thursday, January 08, 2009



As I was reading my sisters blog who just started blogging it occurred to me that her followship is one off from mines, yep I'm going there while I am happy for my sister I'm sad for myself! I've been blogging since what 2006 and my readership still is low like a strippers skirt, what's up with that? Can you not relate to me? Am I not friendly, personable, at the very least don't I illicit a laugh with some of the things I have been through in my checkered past? I mean come on now not saying that my sister doesn't write a great blog but damn she is new to the game and already her readership is the same as mine and she just barely started. That shit right there is enough to make me say fuck it I'm not writing a blog anymore because no one even reads this shit.

So what's the point? I know there are trillions of people all over the world who write blogs and there is not enough time in the day for every blog to be read but this is just downright disheartening I know I have a tendency to whip out my soapbox but I do it because I care. I have a tendency to be all hail fire and brimstone and just big sisterish but that's the role I was given what can I do? I don't know how to change my stripes and I wouldn't want to even if I could I like me, you might not but I do!

So what say you good people is my journey blogging here over, should I throw in the towel and just find another creative outlet because obviously y'all ain't giving a damn. Maybe my time has come to an end and I possibly should say goodbye but this time for real. If no one is reading it then its just a tree in the woods that fell with no one there to hear it fall. Either way it goes someone tell me something... I can take the truth lay it on me, please and thank you. Read more...

Tuesday, January 06, 2009



I keep seeing this trailer and it's like the more you see something the more you want to hope on the bandwagon about it. I happen to like TD Jake's though. He delivers a powerful word and his books are full of sense so in that regards a little bandwagon-ing is all good. The only problem is another movie is coming out on the same day but is a horror flick and we all know how I feel about my horror flicks. I want to support church folks but I need my horror flick, so which is it ladies and gents is it going to be God or the devil???? FAIR WARNING THE MOVIE TRAILER FOR THE UNBORN PLAYS AUTOMATICALLY SO IF YOU SCARE EASILY I SUGGEST YOU HIT THE MUTE BUTTON QUICK FAST AND IN A HURRY!


Saturday, January 03, 2009



After feeling as if I was really losing my mind these past couple of days I really had to take stock within myself and conclude I probably am better left single. What I thought was something special turned out once again to be my imagination putting in overtime. I am the best at fooling myself when it comes to guys. See I have this thing where if they are talking about what they want in terms of relationships, kids, marriage, and its similar to what I desire instantly I'm trying on their last names and seeing stars and shit and then when it all falls through I'm devastated for like a day and then I keep it pushing. I'm just so tired of the whole experience. The whole feeling like I found something special only to realize its just common and everyone is peddling the same shit on every street corner. I realize I did it to myself someone who refuses to make me a priority but always a fucking option AT THEIR LEISURE is so not a good look so that's it 2009 has officially started on a flat note for me but I won't ever do that to myself again!

I guess I am guilty of still believing in fairy tales and at my age huh, sad I know. I should just learn that the fairy tale shit is strictly for the folks at Disney not a grown ass woman. They don't make fairy tales for grown ass black women they make movies like waiting to exhale for us. I really was trying to believe in love, black love, families, unity, community, all that but you know what black men I'M DONE! You have made this sista a believer fuck it, YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT US, YOU DON'T CHERISH US, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN US, YOU DON'T WANT US, YOU DON'T SEE US,AND YOU CERTAINLY DON'T LOVE US. But who you do see as worthy of love is not a reflection of you not at all and if that is what you want then have at it. I am putting my black love flag down in the dirt and officially walking away from it. So if you see another love post from me, feel free to slap me in my comment section and remind me that love doesn't love ANYBODY!

All theses dudes talking but ain't nothing happening but sound, clue for the clueless if you want someone in your life you have to actually make an effort not this half effort type shit you dudes are doing these days! Long distance Relationships = pen pal, just talking to someone on messenger = pen pal, not actually making some kind of grown ass man effort to make it real in real time = fuckery on your part and its 2009 who the hell is still falling for this type shit? It was cute in 1998 but ummm yeah time to move on to new shit literally! So if you not making me a priority, not actually putting in an effort to be present in the flesh, WE HAVE NOTHING WHAT SO EVER TO TALK ABOUT! But when you tell someone that then you become the asshole or bitch because you refuse to feed into a delusional fantasy, this is what has put the nail in the coffin of love for me I'm good fellas you have officially made a believe out of the 78 Ms J, so Congrats! Let's pop champagne cause love is officially done.


Thursday, January 01, 2009



So many times I thought I caught a glimpse of you as I chatted, had random conversations, wasted time with random dudes that had crossed my path but elusive like sand through my fingers you are. I always think I see a glimpse of you happens true colors are shown and then it's over. Sometimes it takes a couple conversations sometimes it only takes one. The end result are usually always the same.

I have an idea but it's an abstract one...I try to keep the parameters loose so that I don't crush the depth of you but at the same time have some kind of construct as just to what kind of person you are. I'm not seeking perfection I wouldn't want anyone too perfect, perfect is too hard to live up to and with. I just want a normal, quirky, funny, handsome, strong, sweet, respectful, easy to laugh, slow to anger, gentle but strong, intelligently nerdy, tallish guy with his head on straight who doesn't have all this baggage and emotional wounds. Who will be going in the same direction in life that I am seeking to go in who is just an easy going sort of fellow who wants to walk down that path of love and be in love with no qualms or limitations. Who will not mind my ways and might even think that some of the things I do are cute, funny, interesting, and we will make merry wherever we are. He will be my perfectly imperfect superhuman and I will be his perfectly imperfect cheering section.

Who will know how to cheer me up when the world becomes to much, who will listen and offer helpful solutions not just random shit that doesn't make sense. He won't hurry me to cheer up because it's inconvenient for him but he will let me be without thinking it is a reflection on anything he has done. In other words he will give me space to get back on track and be there when I am better and I in turn will willingly do the same for him. Giving him space when needed and strength or a shoulder or even a whole back to lean on when he needs it. We will be the best of friends and have respect for each other as individuals. We would communicate like the best of friends...and he would say to me such sweet things like

I want to become intoxicated by your presence
as well as
I just want to adore and engage into the scent of you.
and he would be blessed to have the gift of prose and would bless me with beautiful heartfelt sentiments because he wanted to such as
You are the epitome of what's meant for me. The total package, when are you going to be sent to me? Because WE know I'll resent to see you go in the wrong direction, I'll live on sympathy...
causing me to melt a thousand times in a thousand different ways ...and I would allow myself to surrender to my feelings and not over think it or even question it... even if it's just for the moment...and fantasy never becomes a reality...I would still live off the dreams of you and hug them tight like my pillow at night and cherish what could have been and use it as a measuring stick for all those that dare come after...but honestly, truthfully, I hope to God YOU'RE the last chapter...before the happily ever after...BUT THEN SHE REALIZED EMOTIONS AND LOVE WAS BEST LEFT FOR THE FOOLISH AND SENSELESS! FUCK FAIRY TALES FROM NOW ON ITS STRICTLY HORROR FILMS!