HAVING A DEEP IN MY FEELINGS MOMENT, GETTING SHIT OUT MY SYSTEM

I don't know how many of you have heard the expression "deep in my feelings" it usually means that you're feeling overly agitated, annoyed, pissed off, etc usually its associated with being overly emotional and attached to a situation that you really shouldn't be getting overly emotional about/over and its usually used in a negative kind of way. Dudes are especially fond of telling women (just a little example to illustrate my point) "damn girl why you all deep in yo feelings over the shit? I don't even know that girl" end example.

However there are some things that just annoy the dog shit out of me but again the expression "if you want to make GOD laugh tell him about YOUR plans" springs to mind. Because you can certainly want to try and intergret someone into your life you can plan on wanting them to be that special person, or plan on them sticking around however that might not always work out in your favor and it never seems to work out in mines especially since the way a person acts, thinks, and feels is out of our control some things are just out of our hands. With that said I want to talk about some shit that even though its out of my hands STILL annoys the dog shit out of me.

1. When you're talking to a dude he either, talks to you sometimes or partially and only when you hit him up first BUT he always in a chat room, always on messenger, and always some where doing something else but holding a conversation with you. It's like okay already if you not feeling me say so stop trying to placate my feelings every time we talk just be a man about it if it ain't working between us and you not feeling it then it's just not going to work out I get that I can appreciate that if you tell me that, in other words lets have some clarity and closure on the situation don't just leave without formerly severing ties that shit is just rude and annoying to say the least.

2. When someone calls you, you miss the call you go to call them back and they don't answer the phone, you text them they still don't answer really you went to sleep or you're so deep in the cut like that? Why did you even call then hell!

3. When a person wants to stop talking to you and they just start to ignore you instead of just flat out telling you...what are we 12? You can't say you don't want to be bothered anymore I'm not a stalker like that I can handle being told to get lost.

4. When you meet a guy on a social networking site and in every other comment on his page is a chick that is laying claim to him in more than one of his pictures and its the same chick over and over, yea red flag.

5. When a dude just up and disappear and shit and you can't find their asses in the daytime with a flashlight.

6. When you tell a dude up front look these are my expectations and they act like they will at least try and meet them and they don't even half ass attempt to hit the mark smh GTFO* dude.

7. When all you ask for is a little bit of attention, some communication, and some effort on their part and they just give you their ass to kiss.

8. Last but certainly not least DO NOT HAVE ME PUT YOU IN THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS CALLING LIST if your punk ass isn't planning on staying around and shit really dude come the fuck on someone else could have been in that spot you wasting my resources smh.

So yes I was deep in my feelings this shit was bugging me sticking me like a thorn and I had to get it out of my system. The purpose of getting things out of your system like moving your bowels is so that the shit in your system won't weigh you down and make your system toxic giving you a shitty outlook and causing you to frown more than you would smile so yes I have gotten that shit out of my system and hopefully I will be right as rain once again or until I get annoyed again but thanks for reading and if you can identify then leave me your pet peeves in the comments.



*GTFO = GET THE FUCK ON, as is in get the fuck on up the road. Read more...

TIRED OF K.F.C.'S; KENTUCY FRIED CHUMPS

If you haven't guessed by now then you ought to know that dating(for lack of a better term) in southern California is like kicking yourself in the ass repeatedly with some soccer cleats. But it might just be me because I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to my approach and thing concerning men and anything relationship wise. I am simply tired of clowns in men suits shit is ridiculous the art of dating and courtship has been killed and replaced with utter bullshit. I really can't get with the bullshit that passes for male and female interaction these days. Its pure unadulterated bullshit painted in modern justifiability and passed off as the hauteness. Females have lowered their standards so much so that a chicken dinner, or super-sizing it will more than likely get a fella some ass and head. You don't even have to pronounce the chicks name right and you can still get some ass in this day and age. Its sad and its getting worst because no one is teaching young dudes in this day and age how to treat a woman, and no daddies around to teach their daughters how to be treated and respected by males. It's anything goes in these streets, parents are dropping the ball left and right when it comes to telling their daughters and sons how to treat each other because a lot of the adults don't know how to treat each other and they haven't figured it out for themselves shit is sad and disheartening.

So when a dude comes across a female that has requirements and standards he goes into shock. He's intrigued for a minute but when he finds out that he has to actually invest time, interest, resources and get to actually know her well enough to go out with her then he quickly drops the pursuit of said chick and moves on to the next much easier target. I don't know if in other states its like this but in Cali it most definitely is. Plus add to the fact that the main dudes in Cali either fall into four major groups.

Group 1: Upper middle class which means they are making decent money, they have a degree, they either drive a Benz, Lexus, or a Bentley, they shop at the Beverly center and they either live in the valley, weho, or ladera heights, but does not even date black women not at all, or if he does she has to be petite fairs-skinned, long hair, and as unblack acting as possible. But most likely they stick to Caucasian, Asian, and Hispanic women period no exceptions. They usually are the men who frown or look at "common" black women as ghetto trash who they say are, loud, overweight, and domineering. The funny and sad part is these very same men WILL and HAVE married women fresh out the trailer parks, and even very obese and unattractive white women but these very men have no problem upgrading these women but for a black women in the same situation he is very turned off condescending and callous makes you wonder about the psychosis of this very same man.

Group 2: Gay, down low, hood-down low dudes this group should be self explanatory.

Group 3: men with emotional baggage one chick hurt them one time and now they don't trust any women. They quick to flip out on you emotionally over nothing. Little grown boys dudes who think they got it going on but they haven't a clue how to treat a women not even the essentials. But they usually got more than one kid and multiple baby mommas but have trouble maintaining a long term relationship. The word commitment freaks them out and they have nothing to show for their existence except an xbox 360, some Jordan's, and a car with a stereo system and rims on it in his momma name.

Group 4: the rest of the men, they want a quick lay. They want you to send them naked, or "tease" pictures digitally they want you to phone sex them and all this shit within the first meeting of them. They try and convince you that they have the dick of life and when you shut their asses down they then become what I call fringe dudes, they wait around on the edges and every blue moon they speak/contact you/call/email or see you in the street and they show interest enough again to find out if your standards and requirements have lowered or weakened so they can then try and get what they wanted in the first place which is ass and when you still the same they fall back to the edges and will show up again when they single its what they do.

People often espouse don't look for love, okay but let me tell you people something I don't think there is a way to look for love, love is an emotion one that can be faked the most you can do is seek out or try and find what you deem is a quality person to be in your world or you can be passive and just let whatever is interested in you come your way. Now when you go the passive route you will get any and everything I know because I never ever approach men so what I end up with is chump city. Men who are just raggedy, shamelessly tired and trifling. Since these men are already down and out anything they get is a bonus and they have nothing to lose because they had absolutely nothing in the first place. Now with that being said there has to be a middle ground, I don't think being proactive in your romantic endeavors makes you desperate it makes you forward thinking and efficient. If you sit around and wait for love then it may never find you, and since men aren't really about love these days it would behoove you to ask the pertinent questions and then move on if said person is not what you may be seeking. That way you don't waste your time stepping out with a kentucky fried chump who just wants to go to burger hut and then slide between your sheets beat, skeet, and then delete you.

I am so tired of the men in southern cali beyond tired actually. Just once I wish I could meet a guy that was about business, and we clicked on all levels. Versus all these hit and misses I always encounter. I understand we are in hard times but if you absolutely don't have the money to date then you need to state that from the beginning and let the person you digging see if they are willing to work with you. Don't just assume that the person you going out with even likes you well enough to want to even do that with you. Because in order for a person to spend time with you then they have to be genuinely interested and not just wanting to simply go out just to be going out there is a difference!

Ladies word of advice raise your standards, stop settling for kentucky fried chumps, stop hopping in the bed with these niggas cause they got slick talk, and stop just taking bullshit. Make him work for it, he should be doing basic gentlemanly things, opening all doors car included, he should pay for the first dinner at a nice place applebee's and chili's does not count, he should come see you dressed decently if his drawers are showing send his ass packing, his car should be washed, or if you're driving and your car is dirty he should at least offer to wash it for you or fill the tank up, check the oil, check the tire pressure, damn do something besides ride in the passenger seat. If you don't set standards then you will get anything and when you get just anything then you aren't allowed to complain!

Fellas...sigh you're a whole other post smh its way to much I need to say to y'all about this shamockery you all call dating these days smh. Read more...

DEATH STEALS ANOTHER BLACK MALE WHILE WE WATCH

I'm tired. I'm frustrated with my own life and frankly I'm just damned tired of being a black woman. I feel like if I was at least a white woman I would be engaged by now, I certainly would be able to pull a football/basketball player but I digress.

I used to live in Inglewood California yes home to what used to be called the great western forum until they built the staple center now the forum is a giant relic that just sits there struggling to still be apart of a city that is a some what quiet urban nest inside of a bigger urban nest. Back to my point I used to live in Inglewood and before we moved to the burbs I was privy to the type of shit that makes up the lives of inner city youth.

Gangs, jacking, death. Now anyone that has dwelt in an urban city knows that death is a constant companion death doesn't sleep. I have seen bodies laid out under sheets blowing in the breeze waiting for the corner to come collect it. I have walked on many a sidewalk washed in somebodies blood, I was even privy to a jacking on the back of a bus and let me not have worn the wrong color to school like say red a whole red outfit... could cause major conflict.

Since I have been out of high school it seems to have gotten worst I don't understand the need to be so bloodthirsty we don't need help killing ourselves we got that down to a fine art it's sad and it makes me tired and damned glad that today I don't have any kids. Self hatred plays out through the younger generations they don't see nothing wrong with taking the life of a peer because they don't see their self worth.

The best lie ever told is the one that is told so much it becomes fact. It is a fact that black is minority, it is a fact that we as humans are so undervalued that we don't value ourselves which allow us to do the most ugliest things within our own culture. Fact we are so undervalued that even the government which has had laws on the books separating the races valued one color over the other ingraining doubt about self which turned into a fact that got passed down as legacy, fact we were brought here from Africa and stripped of all of our cultural heritage family ties were severed in order to break apart any type of familial ties that had occurred and would occur. Fact this familial break down has now become a legacy a generational curse that is passed down through generations so much so that is now a reality! We as a people don't value ourselves, we as a people don't pass down what it is we need to combat the hatefulness and spitefulness of the majority rule.

Before you lay your head down tonight talk to your children, make it a nightly ritual reaffirm that they are somebody that they don't have to act like trash and hurt one another. Tell your children where they can from not just from watts, compton, the southside, or new orleans. Allow your child to see that there is a bigger picture and we helped make that picture even though our efforts are ignored, or stolen. Give your children something bigger than hip-hop, hanna montana, and disney, give them truth and a knowledge of self. Impart in them a love of their culture and heritage allow them to step outside of the cocoon of ugliness that is the legacy of this country. Allow them to have more than being common street thugs allow them more than untimely death allow them more than what Derrion Albert got.



READ THE FOLLOW UP Read more...

SNAPSHOTS ARE NOT THE WHOLE PICTURE

I want start out by saying I appreciate the people that come here and read what I write especially those that have been here from the very beginning. I didn't even know what blogs were really I just knew that I loved to write and it seemed like a cool idea to have an electronic journal some where, where you could vent and voice your opinion about things. Since I always seem to have an opinion about something this seemed like the perfect thing for me. Then I found out people actually make money off their blogs I was like wow maybe I could do that as well.

But I don't think people realize how hard it is to open yourself up in this world and put yourself out there. Sometimes I am having a hard day or just going through something(s) so I write it out and I get it out of my system once I do that I can move on or put it in better perspective. Its just a SNAPSHOT of my life not the whole big picture. I give you snapshots and some people think its a whole book. They taking pages from this book thinking they know me and running with it. These very people have never even bothered to hold a conversation with me or ask me about my feelings they just read something and run with it and then they think they know me and my whole situation which couldn't be farther from the truth. I have relatives who have never even sat down and just really talked with me in-depth but I bet they think they know me pretty well.

Yes I know I take a risk writing things down and having them judged but walking down the street, wearing my hair a certain way, wearing certain clothes, being around certain people, just being a black woman I am judged everyday not by the content of my character but by my very appearance. You don't have to know me to judge me and many people do that. It is so easy to read something and form an opinion when you don't know the whole story just a snapshot. But I like writing I like having this blog and if no one read it I would still write it. I like having a small intimate group of readers.

I appreciate when people leave comments I really do but the people who are anonymous and don't sign their comments and just leave shitty things in the comment sections are cowards. People who use anonymity to bash other people are weak minded people if you're going to be an asshole leave your name and a way to get back in contact with you so that a person may reply in kind. Don't just blog hit and run that's cowardly you big and bold enough to comment be big and bold enough to get a response. I do my best to respond to all comments unless its just a general one so if you leave a comment know that I reply to them each and every time.

Before anyone reads into this and thinks I'm speaking specifically at them I am not. I have wanted to say this for a long time and never have gotten around to it this was something that was weighing on my mind and had to be written out. Read more...

LETS HAVE A ONE SIDED CONVERSATION

I'm 31.

I'm black, single, no kids, female, and 31...

I may never get married and the realest shit is I have never been in love!

I have said I love you to many a "boyfriend" because I thought I was supposed too and I thought I meant it at the time but looking back after the fact after all the dust has settled I didn't love any of those dudes.

I was going through the motions...I have never really let anyone in.

I have a brick wall guarded by an electronic fence around my heart with vicious guard dogs standing guard. I think my immunity to bullshit has inoculated me from even wanting to get with or pursue anything with these guys. It all sounds the same to me, once a dude finds out your celibate then they start talking shit about how they have the cure for what ails me or they make many offers to fuck the lining out my vagina and tear down my walls but that's all they're coming with. They don't think past their dicks.

If I wanted to have meaningless sex then I would be fucking why don't men get that? Besides the truth is sex is overrated, wack, and I can do better by myself. For those women who have had the fortune of having great sex in their life times they are the exception to the rule. Most men couldn't hit the spot with detailed directions and a step by step map. The truth is most men don't give a shit about making a woman feel good they are going to nut regardless.

I look at these movies and I think this is all fiction not fact no one believes in love anymore, no one stays married until death anymore, no one is this devoted in their unselfishness. Most people are just trying to get over.

For every electronic means of communication we have lost the art of real communication, we have lost the art of listening, and we have lost the art of fostering loving relationships. There was a time when family was important, there was a time when being loved and in love was important now its on the back burner but that new job, that new status symbol and that vacation in the Southampton's is the mark of happiness.

Society has turned in its dance card with love.

I feel like I was born in the wrong era I feel so old school in a time when I don't understand the interactions between men and women. Everything is instant that's why its unforefilling you can't make a roast instantly it takes time for the meat to cook and marinate, no one has the patience's for love anymore that's why when the infatuation stage wears off its on to the next person.

I am so jaded that nothing surprises me anymore, one of my twitter bff's said to me you need something good to happen to you and I totally agree with her but I'm not one of those good things happens to type people. I'm quite the opposite I suppose.

It kind of surprises me now when people get married...especially black people. I guess that's why I love weddings its because I've been to a total of two in my entire lifetime. So the awe and the beauty is still intact.

Think of this post as more of a one sided conversation feel free to talk back in the comments.
Side note I was really thinking about becoming a lesbian this week, that's how tough my nerves were worked by the opposite sex. I even was on the brink of crossing the color line...yep I know but the interesting thing is a man is still a man which means an asshole is still an asshole and he turned out to be fraudulent like all the rest. He didn't even get out the gate fell off in just two days.

I think the getting to know you and seeing if that person is what you want needs to go down in one conversation stop having more than one conversation that builds hope you should know by now what the hell you're looking for and that should come across in one conversation. Put a questionnaire together and stick to that ask the important shit up front then fill in the filler stuff in other conversations. But the basics the things you're looking for, the things you need, and your expectations need to go down in one conversation!

But that only works when two people know their own mind and they know what they want and what they are seeking! It doesn't work when one person is saying all the right things just to get some ass...

Dating is ridiculous...the getting to know you phase is redundant, love is obsolete, and I am internally frustrated with the whole situation...

Someone once said that we were broken rocks or stones and we had a second half to our person but they were some where else in the world and it was our job to find that second half...but since women out number men...

I THINK I HAVE LOST ALL HOPE FOR MYSELF... Read more...

IF YOU DON'T KNOW, NOW YOU KNOW

If you don't know by now I have definite opinions on just about everything. These are the things that I just flat out oppose/can't stand/don't like/wished would change. I think if some of these very things I hate would simply be eradicated the world would be a much better place. Well my world would be... its a long list so you might want to read it in intervals or you could not read it at all whatever however.

• Hoes (male and female) (especially superwhore aka superhead, I can't buy the fact that she was abused and used by all these men and eventually she got her head right and now she married and she wrote a tell all book as a cautionary tale. I don't know to me it would have been better to start some kind of foundation and become a motivational speaker but she didn't do anything of that nature and she continues to capitalize off of her expertise/victimization/skills so yea sorry superhoe advocates I can't go for that.)
  
• Bitches with multiple baby daddies (at some point in time you have to come to be responsible for the part you played in having multiple kids by multiple men!!!! and get on some birth control and off the dicks, especially if you super fertile. Stop just having babies with every dude you lay with. How is that God's plan when you procreating outside of his mandate...I'm just saying)
• Dudes with multiple kids & baby mommas (same rule as above applies to you, but you want to date a chick with no kids talking about you done because you had like 6 kids right out the gate with 5 different chicks, all before 25 shit is ridiculous!)
  
• The baby momma/ baby daddy debacle ( I know its hot in the streets to be unwed and have lots of kids with lots of different people but that shit ain't cute its trifling even though we all know many people like this,(but its my own personal belief y'all should really stop pushing out kids with people you not married too)
• Kids that act super grown ( all in grown folks business, offering they opinion and even advice when its a grown up conversation and not for kids)
• Parents of kids that are super grown who condone the shit (They are kids not your damned bid wist partners run they little asses off or pop them in their mouths)
• Grown ass men who only text you in the morning ALL THE DAMN TIME instead of picking the phone up and calling!!! I know in this day and age of social networks that means actual verbal conversations are not had anymore but I'm old school if we do more than two days of just texing its a wrap for you and you should lose my number IMMEDIATLY!(Seriously if you not even trying to hold a conversation with actual voices then you fail automatically from the gate kill yourself and then bury yourself)
  
• Rappers and producers who always grinding but never get to superstar status, (you 40 years old time to get another mothafucking dream!)
• Dudes that always hollering out they hate golddiggers (first and foremost you ain't fooling no one and taking a woman out to dinner and a movie, or dinner and a play etc is called a date, it's only golddigging if she continually ask you all the time for money, then that's your fault you picked her)
• Dudes who try and jump right into everything sexual, can you at least learn how to pronounce my fucking name right before you want to screw me!!!
• CelebWhoreT worship, aka overstaning, defending the actions of people in the entertainment industry that you don't actually know in a familiar and intimate way (look these mothafuckas don't know you stop acting like you're their personal cheering section, and pr firm. Unless they paying you, and helping your life advance then they are just people in the public eye who don't even know you exist!)
• Team chunk members who take pussy, ass, titty shots and post them all over the web, I'm all for expressing yourself but when you have them pictures on an open site that anyone can goggle and see you open yourself up to nothing but mockery and ridicule, and that shit is not cute damn! IF you going to do all that might as well become a pornstar at least make money from being naked!
  
• Skinny chicks who do the same, if you not getting paid for it it's pointless and you're missing your calling as a pornstar!
• Its a misconception that I am against sex, and anything sexual. When in fact I am against getting diseases, baby-mommadom, casual sexual encounters aka swapping body fluids with a stranger, pumping and sweating for recreational purposes or because one was bored (that's what they make all the high priced game systems for) having sex just because. What is that? Its simply pointless, yes we all get urges but sex just because, I need some kind of purpose associated with it, but that's just how my brain is wired shrugs.
• However if you are going to test out mattress' for a living I do believe in just compensation, get some bills paid, get your rent paid, get your car note paid, insurance paid, groceries something, if you are with a dude and he blowing your back out on a regular basis but that's all he's doing he not helping you out not in the least then your a side piece or just ass. If a man "cares" about you then these things should happen automatically if not...you getting screwed in more ways then one. That is not being a gold digger or any type shit like that the way I see its a fair trade, he's wearing out your walls the least he can do is pay a utility bill or buy some damn groceries.
• The bullshit belief that light skin over dark skin is better, that European standards of beauty are better, that having a baby with someone opposite your race just so your child can have light skin/light eyes/ or "good hair" or being mixed makes you better, that white is right and that minorities are inferior and substandard.
• Rappers who continue to rap about the same shit, with the same types of females in the videos.
• Celeb-whore-t's who piss away their wealth on stupid shit, who continue to exploit themselves and act like complete asses in the media by doing/saying dumb shit and then whining about it when it is taken out of context. (Yea you Soulja Boy!)
• Being a side piece.
• Silly nutbucket ass dudes that try and convince me that having sex with them would change my world and help me out in some way shape or fashion. Men who insist that they can fix all my problems with their penis.
  
• When people volunteer me for shit because they assume I have nothing better to do with my time but do what ever it is they need me to do.
• liars
• Contrary to popular belief I am not mean I just don't agree with a lot of silly shit, I don't like the majority of reality shows they come up with, I'm not an avid television watcher, I don't like the current state of music its very few artist that I am feeling its even rarer that I like more than one song off their albums.
  
• I don't agree with the current contemporary morals of today. I have my own set of morals and values that I stick too but that makes me outdated and antiquated. ( I'll be appreciated when I'm dead)
• Guys who think I'm too complicated or difficult.
• People who had no problem accepting a ride when I had a car but who are no where to be found now that my car is gone.
• Shacking up, I refuse to understand why you would live with a person for years but never take that final step. If you're good enough to shack with why aren't you good enough to exchange vows, and last names with? I know the current school of opinion is that marriage doesn't work Marriage is not the problem its people in general that are the problem.
• Men who bullshit but blame it on you. Like its my fault you have no follow through, and that you aren't a person of your world?
• Socialites who do nothing but breath and party and get paid to do such
• People who get reality shows when they asses are blatantly modern day coons and coonettes hamming it up because they are addicted to the lime light.
• Black people who don't know anything about black history, who shun all things related to the black experience who completely and totally embrace everything Caucasian.
• The blatant disregard to the fact that slaves built this country, that the Jim Crow Era was just barely eradicated 44 years ago, and the fact that racism is still very much alive and well. The KKK is back on the upswing, there are more members of the senate passing around racial garbage about the president everyday, the president keeps getting hate mail and the list of racism goes on but no one wants to discuss it, nor talk about it. The fact that black people especially want to turn a blind eye to it and pretend like because President Obama is in the white house the world has righted itself. Its amazing how every race that was pushed around and had something done to them because of their race were justly compensated for their pain and suffering, but black folks get a lousy apology and a brush off. Shit is fucked up, it continues to say that our pain and suffering ain't shit and we should just tuck it away like we have been doing and stop expecting anything from this country.
• the fact that black people will bend over backwards for the very folks that continue to kick them in their asses.
• NBA/NFL players who do dumb shit, and who date any of the whoredashian sisters, playboy models, who have mistresses, multiple baby mommas, girlfriends, spread disease, not take care of their kids, neglect their wives and families all for the sake/pleasure of getting random ass from groupie hoes
• Dumb broads!
• People with low comprehension who have degrees, that's just a waste of paper
• People who will shit on your dream because they don't have the vision or the mindset to see shit through ( that excludes rappers, and producers who have never put out music, or gotten on nationally and no one knows your name and you haven't even wrote for anyone of stature)
• Bandwagoning just because the whole world is drinking the mindfuck kool-aid doesn't mean I have to as well, and for those people who call me a hater because I don' t like certain artist or certain things you are so welcome to kiss my ass after a nutty shit. For example artist I wish would disappear (The wig crypt queen aka waki yaki, aka crazy creole, aka sausage farts, aka SWSNBN, I think you get the point, Drapes aka cripple jimmy aka pimp down, aka lil wangs nut sack holder, lil wang, Soulja boy he doesn't even have to disappear he could just like move to china and never release an album again that shit would make me happy and the euro band I still don't get nor understand coldplay they sound like they are whining and being emo on all their songs and of course the devil himself diddy)
• The fact that courtship is dead, the fact that I can't get to know someone without them getting mad because I refuse to just jump in the sack or discuss my whole sexual history, or talk sexual after only one conversation with them.
• The fact that men feel so entitled to ass that they don't even work for it because so many women just give up right out the gate.

Read more...