L.O.V.E. LOVE. L-O-V-E. L/O/V/E.

You ever stop to think that all the little pieces of your life the small and the big, the important and the not so important are all just that? Small pieces that at the end of your life someone looks at and goes, "such and such was a great person, or such and such was an asshole and I'm glad s/he is dead!" so what is really important in life? What is the one thing that strings all those little life pieces together? What will people say about you when they come to your funeral? When they look at your life which is the dash in between when you were born and when you died what will they reflect on? Is it success or what we call success? Is it having everyone know your name and buying/wearing your product? Is it having billions of dollars, living in fancy mansions, buying the latest MAYBACH, wearing couture clothes? I don't think it's any of that I think the one thing that money truly can't buy is happiness, nor love. It can buy a facsimile of it, it can even buy you an entourage but it can't buy you real love. There is a scene in the movie The Color Purple Where Shug Avery is telling Miss Celie that "everything just want to be loved." That is a true enough statement indeed.

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YO SIDE OF THE BED-TREY SONGZ VIDEO

So officially Trey Songz is like that dude because this video (sigh) it gets you right in the heart. Shout out and much love to the soldiers in all branches of the armed services Thank you, for the sacrifices you and your loved ones make without you guys dedication and services where would the united states be? Support the troops however you feel about war, and please take time to acknowledge the veterans of this country. Read more...

WORLD AIDS DAY 2009

It's that time again worlds aids day, once again let's be conscience of our sexual choices as we bring this year to a close and let's be mindful that everything that glitters is not gold, and just because it look good doesn't mean its good for you. Protect yourself,respect yourself, and know with whom you're jumping in the bed with and please get tested before you go unprotected!

Global summary of the AIDS epidemic, 2008

View more presentations from UNAIDS.

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Ethnic pride may boost African-American teens' mental health

Most adolescents who belong to an ethnic minority group wrestle not only with their self-esteem (like most teens), but also with identity issues unique to their ethnic group, such as dealing with social stigma. A new study tells us that young people's ethnic pride may affect their mental health.

November 13, 2009

SOURCE OF STORY: ORIGINAL ARTICLE

The study, carried out by researchers at Northwestern University, Loyola University Chicago, and Walden University, appears in the November/December 2009 issue of the journal Child Development.

The researchers studied more than 250 African American youths from urban, low-income families in an effort to assess the unique effects of racial identity and self esteem on mental health. They found that when young people's feelings of ethnic pride rose between 7th and 8th grades, their mental health also improved over that period, regardless of their self-esteem. Even for those with low self-esteem, the investigators found, a sense of pride in their ethnic group served as a buffer to some mental health problems. Racial identity was a stronger buffer against symptoms of depression for boys than for girls.

"These findings imply that ethnic pride is important to African American adolescents' mental health for other reasons than it simply makes them feel better about themselves as individuals," according to Jelani Mandara, associate professor of human development and social policy at Northwestern University, who was the study's lead author. "The findings also imply that ethnic pride may be as important as self-esteem to the mental health of African American adolescents. Parents, schools, and therapists should expose young people to material and environments that help foster a sense of ethnic pride."

More information: Child Development, Vol. 80, Issue 6, The Effects of Changes in Racial Identity and Self-Esteem on Changes in African American Adolescents' Mental Health by Mandara, J (Northwestern University), Gaylord-Harden, NK, and Richards, MH (Loyola University Chicago), and Ragsdale, BL (Walden University).

So let me ask you all a question...who didn't know this?I hate the fact that for some black folks it has to be validated by a caucasian before it is believed, I mean really we still have to get a caucasian stamp of approval before you believe something that should be self evident? Am I the only one who was aware of this fact? I been trying to install ethnic pride in my brothers and sisters for years. I have been telling them for years that they are descendants of kings and queens and that they had great lands and they come from a great history full of pride respect and dignity. There were even African pharaohs go look it up its true. It is also a fact that if you instill pride and dignity in your child they will make wiser choices, their self esteem will improve they will do better in all aspects and they will make better decisions concerning their future because they know that their lives are worth something and not just meaningless and bullshit. Or that all they should ever aspire to do is to shake their asses with fake ass wigs and weaves, and glitter embossed bodysuits, or play a sport. That they are more than what the media boils them down to be and that they are far capable of greatness versus idiolizing industry thugs, glorifying rappers, and actors, and wild children with marginal talent but an abundance of personal issues.

Give your children dignity and something to hold their heads up about, cut the tv off, and take them to the library, read to them, listen to them, and protect them for God's sake be a real parent and not just a wack facsimile of what a parent should be! Those of you lucky to have children should consider it an honor not just a biological right. It's more then that and you should treat it as such.

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DIAMOND DATING STANDARDS IN A CUBIC ZIRCONIA WORLD

Dear Men,

Let me explain some things too you because some where along the line you have gotten it twisted and you think its cool to be chumps. The current climate of dating is dog shit, no one is dating, or courting anymore you're not even trying to pronounce my name right before you sending me your dick through the mail and I know these basic bitches are just happy to have a warm male body to latch onto but look a woman with standards and requirements don't just go for any ole bullshit which is what you fellas are coming with these days. So since I keep encountering the same shit over and over how about I break somethings down to you that you should stop doing if you ever want to dip your penis is a woman of quality!

1. Stop whining like a little bitch and stomping off and running away when you are faced with a little opposition and adversity. Anything worth having you have to work for it doesn't just fall in your lap and if it does then be aware because obviously it's something wrong with it.

2. You WILL AND SHOULD have to put in work to earn my affection, time, and effort! There is no easy way to circumvent this rule it is what it is, if you want me to even be seriously considering you in my life then you have to put in the work! That means I need attention to be paid to me, I need consistency, I need you to be honest, and above all I need you to state your real intentions upfront. Bullshit will get you no where but laughed at and discussed when talking to my home girls!

3. I do expect some kind of dating to go on, if you have budget restraints then you need to be hella creative and that has nothing to do with your penis whatsoever! I shouldn't have to come up with the date and then implement it especially when you call yourself pursuing me!

4. I really don't respect men who send me their penis digitally. Once you do that I really lose all my respect for you and p.s. I pass that shit around to the home girls every damn time so...you have been forewarned.

5. Being crazy is not the best way to get me to like you, being overly sensitive and shit will make me think you have emotional issues, and being extra clingy will also have that effect as well. Bottom line you need to be emotionally stable if you not then you should really be alone!

6. I expect for you to be a gentleman, meaning I want some of that old school treatment, treat me like a woman and allow me to treat you like a man. Come to the door with something in your hand not just your hat, actually get out the car and come to the door, open the car door, pull out chairs, open building doors, walk on the outside of me when we on the sidewalk, pay for shit when we go out at least the first time if you treat me like a lady that allows me the option of wanting to actually treat you before you fellas start thinking you will always have to pay. Because quite frankly you don't always have to pay sometimes I might want to just take you out but because I want too and think you're worthy just like you think I'm worthy of being taken out that goes in the other direction as well.

7. If you can't afford to date then don't period.

8. If you act like a king then you can get royal treatment, verses acting like a basic ass chump which will get you no damn where.

9. As a rule I hate phone sex don't ask for it, don't expect it.

10. Time is of the essence I'm in my 30's there are things that I want that if you're not even trying to pursue then we aren't going to work out. I don't like wasting my time on idle pursuits. I even tried dealing with men that I had absolutely no interest in and knew there could be no future with in efforts just to get circulating and get the dating juices flowing but it was an epic and utter fail and a big waste of time. I hate wasting time I do enough of that on my own I don't need you to help me waste my time.

11. 0+0=0 in other words nothing from nothing leaves nothing! If you don't even have a drivers license, no ambition, content to be on general relief, s.s.i., section 8, medi-cade, medi-cal, IEHP, food stamps, welfare, all your life and do enough just to show your social worker you trying so they won't cut your benefits off we don't have nothing to discuss. We really don't I know I don't have what I need to have at my age but I have never been on any social programs and if you're a grown ass man on that shit and you think you getting over we have nothing to discuss what so ever. Please don't even try and set your attention in my direction.

12. You got more than one baby momma, look I have no kids and as a person without kids who would like to have some, some day (Lord willing) I really don't want to be with a dude who has already had his share of kids and he's already finished. That shit is unfair on both sides. I can't help if you already started having kids with various women and now you done, that's on you not me. If you would have invested in condoms and been wiser about procreating then you wouldn't have that problem and I wouldn't have to shut you down before you even got in good yet.

13. Ambition, intelligence, creativity, culture, new experiences, these are some qualities that every man worth his salt should have. Take me out and expose me to new things, lets go to the museums, plays, musicals, ballets, opera's, concerts, street fairs, farmers markets, cultural fairs, lets discover new things to do in the city, be involved in your community.

14. Please don't ask me anything sexual in our first 5 conversations, matter of fact why we even gotta discuss sex before we even know if we want to deal with each other on a personal level. Why does the conversation always have to immediately go in the direction of sex, why we gotta discuss oral, and favorite positions, and past experiences, why I gotta stress that I'm celibate and then once you hear that you start talking about how great your dick game is, look dick is a dime a dozen, Its about quality in all aspects not just the damn penis. But again basic dudes not trying to build long term you just want to beat and skeet and then keep it moving. I'm cool off that plan.

15. Men/boys that require multiple do overs look if I have been kind enough to give you more than one chance and you have dropped the ball on every chance then you're in the fringe zone one of those dudes that stay on the fringe that I don't take serious because you never got your shit together concerning your intentions with me, so enjoy the fringe because that's where you'll be always.

16. You must have self confidence in yourself if you don't like yourself how am I supposed to like you? What is there to be attracted too if you always down on yourself? That is a huge turn off HUGE.

17. I am not bougie, I am not a gold digger, but do I like nice things? Yes. Do I expect for you to be able to do the things I am accustomed to doing and be able to do that times 2, yes. Let me explain, If I can get it for myself then you should be able to get it as well with a little bit extra. So If I am able to go to cheesecake factory and spend 50 dollars then if we go like on a date you should be capable of doing that and more. If I can go to M.A.C. and buy a lipglass, a lip liner, and an eyeshadow, you should be able to buy that plus a couple of brushes, and a make-up bag. These are examples I'm not demanding these things but YOU should be able to do them. I am at a certain level, I do certain things I am not going backwards. I wouldn't ask a male that is accustomed to wearing Issey Miyake to start wearing axe body spray that's backwards. If a male is accustomed to eating at Ruth Chris steak house I wouldn't expect for him to dine at Denny's that's going backwards. Do you see where I'm going with this? Men please stop thinking that because women are used to certain things that she is a gold digger. That's a break dudes way of being cheap always talking about she after your paper, negro please you have to have some paper to be after first! Dating is a pricey activity in order for me to even want to spend time with you I have to be seriously interested in you, so that should be taken into consideration when you ask any woman out.

18. If you're a grown ass man above the age of 30 I should never ever ever see your draws. If you're wearing tennis shoes they shouldn't be dirty, dingy, and disgusting. Your should put your best foot forward because when I step out with you I am going to bring my A game YOU should do the same. It's embarrassing stepping out with a dude who looks like he just stepped off the set of a rap video but you was the break ass extra. That's not haute boo, not at all.

19. Stop lying about your financial situation the truth will always come to light and you will be embarrassed especially when you trying to scramble and save face. I won't say anything unless its warranted but I will notice it. Especially if I have to bail you out because you tried to play big bank hank it will quickly become an issue which will lead to the date ending shortly after.

20. I don't kiss everyone kissing like everything else has to be earned. You have to have been just a mind blowing type dude to earn a kiss. Kissing is an art form a rare one that people don't practice anymore. It is also a very intimate act one that I don't take lightly. If I'm just this way about kissing then you can imagine my rules and principals on sex and sexual activities.

I know that in this day and age it is very rare to find someone who knows how to date properly who even wants to spend time actually getting to know a person before they are trying to bed you but you fellas aren't even finessing it anymore you're very crass, rude and just uncouth. Why would I take any of you seriously when you act like such clowns and chumps? Why do I have to train you in the way you should treat a women? Don't you have mothers and sisters? Where are your manners? Understand me when I say that I'm not after any ones money. Integrity, ingenuity, intelligence, sincerity, and attitude go a long way to cover what is lacking in your pockets. But when you are an ignorant chump with no class there is no way to even cover up nor make up for the basic personality traits you are lacking. I am willing to work with a dude that has potential to actually be something not just a dude that stops at potential. Its a lot of men walking around with nothing but just potential and it never manifest into anything more than that.

I know if you reading this you like damn she got a lot of requirements and that's why she single now, you're right I have a lot or requirements, I have standards, I have things that I want a potential suitor to have. There is a certain way I want men in pursuit of me to act. I am past the age of playing around its either you will or you won't at this phase of the game. I'm playing for keeps not just playing to play so the stakes are higher and the pot is bigger.

I know you sitting there thinking damn is she even worth all this trouble and what dude is going to follow these rules and stipulations she putting forth when a dude can just simply go mess with the chicken head down the block who will let him treat her any old kind of way but there has to be a small fraction of men out there that are searching hungering for quality I am banking on those men its a long shot but nothing ventured nothing gained right? These shouldn't just be my personal standards alone this should be the universal women of worth standards. I am a diamond in the rough that is willing to work with a male diamond in the rough we can become full fledged diamonds together however I am over dealing with plain ole regular dirt rocks pretending to be lumps of coal! If you want to deal with me this is what you have to contend with. You have a choice we all have choices its about making wise choices from here on out and that ladies and gents is what I'm about 100%. So farewell chumps of the world I am no longer entertaining you and letting you waste my time. It will soon be a new year and I'm off the old and already on that 2010 so catch up and get right or get left! Read more...

2HR SEASON FINALE OF LINCOLN HEIGHTS

So another season of Lincoln Heights has ended and if you aren't a watcher of that fantastic show shame on you. It's definitely a sleeper show with a multi-ethnic cast and swirl love so if you are a big fan of all of that then this is the show for you.

The show has been on for 4yrs and not many people know about it so I will post the two episode season finale for this season here so you can watch it. Currently the 4th season is on hulu but it will not be there long so if you want to try and catch the remaining episodes they have up for this current 4th season run over to hulu and watch it, its free!



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I INVENTED SEX; TREY SONGZ VIDEO

So It turns out that Trey Songz really did invent sex who knew....



I don't know about anyone else but ummmm this vid was sexy, sensual, and just damned delightful. I thought Songz was cute in a baby face he ain't a grown man even if he is deep stroking kind of way. But this video has changed my mind and given me a new found appreciation for Songz...got me thinking I want to try a dude who's belly button is highly visible. Leave your thoughts and comments. Read more...

MIND YOUR RELATIONSHIP

People get tired...it's a fact.

It's also a fact that people can only do to you what you allow them to do to you.

Fact relationships should be a two way street or you will get ran over like a one way street complete with wear and tear and potholes.

Fact it is not always the mans fault.

Fact when you listen to single girlfriends and run the street with them then guess what you're coveting a single lifestyle which can quickly turn into a single reality!

Relationships are HARD WORK, they are harder to maintain then any 9-5 they need constant nurturing, constant vigil, constant communication, constant attention, constant pride swallowing, compromise, improvising, trust, energy, love, affection, understanding, respect, and dedication. They also need for you to have the guts and the balls to maintain it for the long haul if you're not all in then you are simply playing waiting for something better possibly to come along.

Fact marriage is not the problem its the expectations of what a marriage is. Two people who decide to get married should discuss it, discuss it, and discuss it again not just making wedding plans but talk about your expectations for each partner, finances, if you want children, where you want to live, 5 year outcome etc. There needs to be talks held, then you should seek before marriage counseling, put a higher power in your marriage, pray together, be honest and communicate often, seek wisdom from happily married elders, not single girlfriends who are bitter and angry because their marriages failed and they don't have any prospects for marriage and most importantly you need faith, faith in yourself and faith in your partner and faith in your union.

Be realistic I know many of us have done it but you ultimately know what you want in a mate, if he or she is a cheater while you're dating then what makes you think they will stop cheating after you say vows? FACT NO WOMAN CAN CHANGE A MAN, NO MAN CAN CHANGE A WOMAN! Stop thinking that you can change the person you're with into your ideal mate. If they were you're ideal mate then they wouldn't be such a fixer-upper in the first place. The worst thing you could ever do is settle and be with someone for all the wrong reasons or stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons.

Recognize that potential might just never become anything more than potential. You know what I mean like a man that is always trying but he can't never seem to keep a job he always getting fired for some reason or other, he's a good man but he just can't hold onto a job for shit. Now understand I am not telling anyone to break up with their man by no means but realize that more often than not you will be the main bread winner. Realize that with this type of man your finances will always be in jeopardy unless you make enough to cover everything by yourself, realize that this type of man may be good in other areas but working and making money on a consistent basis won't be one of those areas. So don't go faulting the man when he can't keep a job there is where finding out about a person before you leap into a relationship with them comes into play.

I don't care what anyone says or how they justify it cheating is cheating is cheating PERIOD. It's wrong if a man does it and its wrong when a woman does it PERIOD. I don't care if you're unhappy with your mate, I don't care if you're in a lot of pain and the only way to work through it is by fucking its still wrong, your moral compass is fucked up and that's just the way it is. Don't try and cover up shit with perfume it's still funky no matter how much you spray it.

Baby mommas and baby daddies if you aren't together and you each have multiple kids please be mature about your dealings with each other. The only thing that needs to ever be discussed is your kids PERIOD. Trying to hurt each other through your children is ugly stop being so fucking stupid its not about you anymore its about your children. Women stop using your children as tools of revenge that shit is moronic and you should have known better than to put your womb on the line before you let him skeet in you. Men stop being all bitter and shit and talking about how much you hate that bitch, you wasn't hating her when you were busting nuts all in her gut. It takes two to make a baby every time you lay down with someone know that you are taking a risk DUH, anyone that doesn't get that is seriously mentally challenged and shouldn't be fucking any way.

If there is no love left then there is nothing to stay for. It will just cause misery to both parties if you are unhappy walk away. Put one foot in front of the other and don't look back even if that means you have to make some hard choices. But everyone should have a fuck you fund, just in case you have to leave you need to be able to at least have a rent deposit of first and last and a security deposit at all times sitting in a reserve account solely with your name on it.

Don't bullshit yourself if it doesn't work you can't make it work so stop trying let it go...

Just some thoughts ladies and gents from my head to hopefully your heart.

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MY MAXWELL CONCERT REVIEW

If you have never been to a concert and you are a woman then I must say Maxwell gives you one helluva show. Everyone was good on his tour from Chrisette Michelle to Common who rocked the house and got the crowd hyped. Everyone on the Black Summer Nights tour was so on point.

Chrisette opened the set her voice was like velvet she didn't drop a note she can skat her ass off and she just made me super glad I bought her CD. She sounds even better live then she does on her CD if she comes to a city near you it is worth your money to see her.

Next Common got the crowd hyped first lets talk about how much of a grown man common is. Can we just meditate on that for a minute, Common came out in jeans that weren't too tight nor baggy but just right for his slender frame, he even had on a belt. Then let's discuss the grown man vest, and he had on a tie the overall effect was very grown and sexy you can say he was hitting on all points! Common ran through his most recent hits including universal mind control, go, and testify which is like one of my favorites as well and then he did the light which is always a favorite of mines you just can't go wrong with that song ever. Then he did an old school hip hop set that had me open like a 24/7 walmart. Needless to say he got the crowd hyper than a cheap five dollar high. Common and Dj Dummy was a win win combination, Dj Dummy got stupid phresh on the turntables even my momma was impressed and that's saying a lot, word to my mother!

Then Maxwell hit the stage first he set the mood he had these screens that had different images on them like screen savers but they were dope images it was a perfect back drop, then his band was on point horns, drummer, and a background singer. Maxwell of course ran through a few of his hits then he did his new songs and of course he was on point and he did the damn thang musically but I want to talk about the atmosphere he created mind you the Hollywood bowl is an outside venue so we were sitting outside and there is no ceiling but the air was thick with the hum of sex. Watching Maxwell and being there in his presence as he single-handily stirred up sexual energy was like being strapped into a chair tied-up with a clit massager humming on your clit slowly prolonging the inevitable that was the effect Maxwell had he literally filled the air with a raw sensual, needy, hungry, passion and the feeling literally touched everyone in the house even me so you know that shit had to be potent. Maxwell had me longing for a booski of my own if I had one he would have been worn out after I got home from the concert. Basically Maxwell set the stage for those who were not going home to sleep alone hell after that why would you want too?

If you want to have a great time, be touched in a sensual way and feel what raw sexual energy feels like I advise you to run to your nearest ticketmaster and see if Maxwell is coming to a city near you. Ladies if you are single find you a booski because you will want to share this experience with him if not call your fuck buddy and put his ass on stand by after the concert bring the condoms and get your ass the plan b pill no need for a slip up.

I had a great time it was money well spent it was definitely a pause and pamper moment and if I get the opportunity I might do it again...he is going to be playing Vegas..... Read more...

PAUSE & PAMPER

I'm always soap boxing about something but I am also an advocate of treating one's self. Fact: this life is hard as hell and there will always be something to make you feel not good enough, something always trying to tear you and your self-esteem down so I say do small things that make you feel good about self. Especially black women who often nurture everyone else around us and give until we have nothing left for self. We take care of children, elders, households and often single-handily so sometimes you need to pause and pamper. Yes ladies coin the phrase stick it in your mental rolodex and use it often. Especially when you are almost at your wits end. When you're starting to feel like you just can't breath from all the pressure you're up against then pause and pamper. Drop everything you're doing and go ahead and take time for self and pamper yourself, give to you. Do something that will make you feel special and cared for and don't let anyone step on your pampering of self. Not a relative, a spouse, a negative friend, a naysayer no one.

Give yourself permission to do something for yourself recharge yourself, no matter what it is do it and don't think twice about it. Give to yourself so that you can have something to give to others you do no good to anyone stretched to your limits, angry, burned out, bitter, frazzled, I don't care what it is if it makes you feel good then do it. You don't have to justify your pampering to anyone but self. Now I am not advocating anyone abandoning their children, households or spouses, I'm saying hit the spa, get a pedi and a medi, get your hair done, buy a sexy bra and pantie set, get a small cute feminine tattoo, hell if you so choose get a big one, whatever it is you choose to do, do it with no regret and enjoy your little slice of happiness without apology! Find your inner BPYT take her out and do something nice with her she deserves it! Read more...

YOU TOLE HARPO TO BEAT ME

Shug: More than anything God love admiration.
Celie: You saying God is vain?
Shug: No, not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off when you walk by the colour purple in a field and don't notice it.
Celie: You saying it just wanna be loved like it say in the bible?
Shug: Yeah, Celie. Everything wanna be loved. Us sing and dance, and holla just wanting to be loved. Look at them trees. Notice how the trees do everything people do to get attention... except walk?

If you're a black woman born anytime after the 80's then you have the color purple memorized verbatim and you can reenact scenes with your female friends and family members you might even often use a direct quote from the movie to express yourself time and time again or maybe that is just my reality...anyway I decided that I wanted to post the two songs from the color purple that make my heart sing.

This is the first song:


The 2nd song is the first church scene ever made that captured the true essence of what a black shotgun church is really like and the scene always ALWAYS makes me pause and get that well-up want to cry feeling and sometimes I even do cry involuntarily if you can't feel this scene I'm sorry to tell you, you just might be dead. If I can still be moved by gospel music and church scenes I know I ain't too far gone from his presence but that's a whole different post. Get ready to get your shout, praise, cry on my absolute best loved scene from the color purple "God is tryna tell you something".

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HAVING A GIRL MOMENT

urban jungle by the78msj on Polyvore.com

Don't you live being a female sometimes? Cute clothes, sexy heels, haute handbags almost, ALMOST makes up for the other stuff we go through...well kinda sorta lol. BTW this is what I'm wearing to the Maxwell concert, yay me. Read more...

CARDINAL RULES, BECAUSE I NEED A REMINDER

Sometimes I need a reminders of the things I already know its like pulling out a familiar check list and going over it every once and awhile to make sure your still on course and in line with the things on that list. As we get older some of the things on the list become more important than others so essentially it is a good thing to pull the list out and check it over every once and again.

• When someone shows you who they are believe them! This is such an important cardinal rule how many times have we overlooked something we have seen in a person's character that was a huge warning sign but we kept on dealing with the person because we felt like the good out weighed the bad? You can not change anyone but yourself and you would be a fool to think or try and do otherwise.
• Listen to what men say. How often have we ignored the little things that men have said, because we were focused on what WE wanted. Then when the end results don't turn out as we wanted them too we feel lied to and deceived? LISTEN to what a man says he is telling you all that you will ever need to know, even if his actions directly contradict what he is saying.
• When a man is already in a " domestic situation" whether it be marriage, or shacking up. He will not leave his woman to be with you even if you break him off some cookie. Of course he will sell you any pipe dream you want to hear while he is beating and skeeting you but after all that is over and his dick is out of you he will forget everything he said. NOW on the off chance that this man does leave his "situation" for you and you were the direct cause of his break-up then prepare to be kicked in the ass by universal law which is a fundamental cardinal rule as well...What comes around goes around! If he left her for you what makes you so special that he won't leave you?
• Sex doesn't keep a man! I'll write that one again sex doesn't keep a man if it did then there would be more couples still together less divorces and more two parent households!
• Men deal in loopholes, meaning they will phrase things to their benefit in order to get what they want be careful of word traps.
  
• Homegirl/wifey/boo is another way to give you a false sense of ownership to something you don't officially have again word trap. If you don't have an official capacity in a dudes life you are a filler, basically a chick who that has potential to fill an opening when he gets one in his life but in the meantime he will keep you around until said position becomes open or until he can talk you into fucking him whichever comes first.
• Men are essentially unstable creatures, dramatic, possessive and not in touch with their feelings. Much of what they say is nonsense listen enough to get the information that you need to glean from them what they are trying to get from you once you get that then act accordingly. For example, My girl <<<>>>(the nonsense to ignore) and me aren't getting along, but that's neither here nor there I still want to give you pleasure I can make you feel really good.
• Never bother to invest emotionally in someone who can't do the same for you. Turn the emotional spigot off! I don't buy into that "I fell helplessly in love with him and now I can't let him go" crap. If you guard your heart which one is supposed to do then there is no way someone can get under your skin, and into your psyche unless you let them in.
• MAKE Them work for it! Stop just giving away all your power, emotional, sexual, and mental. IF you hand it up on a silver platter than what does he have to work for?
• Anything worth having is worth working for. If it's too easy its suspect, that just goes without saying across the board.
• Know your worth that way you won't fall for nor accept just any old bullshit. Value you first and everyone else 2nd.
• Yes cheating is still wrong even though the world and everyone in it will try and convince you its not, I don't care who does the cheating wrong is wrong. Nothing justifies cheating even though people will always rationalize it
  

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SWEETER THAN HONEY, MARY B. MORRISON

IMAGES COURTESY OF AMAZON.COM

Okay so I have a membership at BLACK EXPRESSIONS BOOK CLUB check it out its a great site anyway the point of this blog is to talk about the series by Mary B. Morrison the Honey series. When I started this series I didn't expect to be a little intrigued, a little disgusted, and drawn in by the characters in this series. But as I read this book I can't help but reflect on the choices that the characters make. Of course all the things the characters have been through shape their choices and their life situations but I still can't help but wonder why some women make the choice to accept men into their lives that don't give a shit about them and these women will give their all, their whole being over to this man like he is their god. It makes me shake my head and wonder truly about the make-up of the average woman.

Why do women accept, abuse, cheating, lying, neglect is it because the average woman doesn't know her worth is it because she is afraid to be alone? Is it because she doesn't think she is worthy of the best so she settles for whatever comes her way? Honestly I think I have a low opinion of the human species in general I'm disgusted with the way things are, the way people treat each other the way we interact with one another the way we don't give our loved ones roses until they are dead. Society has gotten so warped and in the process I've become warped with it bent, twisted and shattered and more than a little jaded like the characters in this series if you get a chance to check out the books then leave your comment on what you think. It would be interesting to hear what you guys think of this series. Males and females of course this would make for a wonderful book club discussion I promise it will get heated. Read more...

HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS (HPV)

ALL FACTS ARE DIRECTLY FROM THE CDC WEBSITE WHICH IS LOCATED HERE I AM NOT THE AUTHOR OF ANY OF THESE FACTS I AM JUST THE MESSENGER! ALL THE SOURCES FOR THE MATERIAL ARE ON THE CDC PAGE PLEASE REFER TO THEM FOR YOUR OWN REFERENCE.



WHAT IS HPV?
Genital human papillomavirus (HPV) is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI). The virus infects the skin and mucous membranes. There are more than 40 HPV types that can infect the genital areas of men and women, including the skin of the penis, vulva (area outside the vagina), and anus, and the linings of the vagina, cervix, and rectum. You cannot see HPV. Most people who become infected with HPV do not even know they have it.

SYMPTOMS AND POTENTIAL HEALTH CONSEQUENCES
Most people with HPV do not develop symptoms or health problems. But sometimes, certain types of HPV can cause genital warts in men and women. Other HPV types can cause cervical cancer and other less common cancers, such as cancers of the vulva, vagina, anus, and penis. The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same as the types that can cause cancer.

HPV types are often referred to as “low-risk” (wart-causing) or “high-risk” (cancer-causing), based on whether they put a person at risk for cancer. In 90% of cases, the body’s immune system clears the HPV infection naturally within two years. This is true of both high-risk and low-risk types.

Genital warts usually appear as small bumps or groups of bumps, usually in the genital area. They can be raised or flat, single or multiple, small or large, and sometimes cauliflower shaped. They can appear on the vulva, in or around the vagina or anus, on the cervix, and on the penis, scrotum, groin, or thigh. Warts may appear within weeks or months after sexual contact with an infected person. Or, they may not appear at all. If left untreated, genital warts may go away, remain unchanged, or increase in size or number. They will not turn into cancer.

Cervical cancer does not have symptoms until it is quite advanced. For this reason, it is important for women to get screened regularly for cervical cancer.


Other less common HPV-related cancers, such as cancers of the vulva, vagina, anus and penis, also may not have signs or symptoms until they are advanced.

HOW DO PEOPLE GET GET GENITAL HPV INFECTIONS
Genital HPV is passed on through genital contact, most often during vaginal and anal sex. A person can have HPV even if years have passed since he or she had sex. Most infected persons do not realize they are infected or that they are passing the virus to a sex partner.

Very rarely, a pregnant woman with genital HPV can pass HPV to her baby during vaginal delivery. In these cases, the child may develop warts in the throat or voice box – a condition called recurrent respiratory papillomatosis (RRP).

HOW DOES HPV CAUSE GENITAL WARTS AND CANCER?
HPV can cause normal cells on infected skin or mucous membranes to turn abnormal. Most of the time, you cannot see or feel these cell changes. In most cases, the body fights off HPV naturally and the infected cells then go back to normal.

*Sometimes, low-risk types of HPV can cause visible changes that take the form of genital warts.

* If a high-risk HPV infection is not cleared by the immune system, it can linger for many years and turn abnormal cells into cancer over time. About 10% of women with high-risk HPV on their cervix will develop long-lasting HPV infections that put them at risk for cervical cancer. Similarly, when high-risk HPV lingers and infects the cells of the penis, anus, vulva, or vagina, it can cause cancer in those areas. But these cancers are much less common than cervical cancer.

HOW COMMON ARE HPV AND RELATED DISEASES?
HPV infection. Approximately 20 million Americans are currently infected with HPV, and another 6.2 million people become newly infected each year. At least 50% of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives.

Genital warts. About 1% of sexually active adults in the U.S. have genital warts at any one time.

Cervical cancer. The American Cancer Society estimates that in 2008, 11,070 women will be diagnosed with cervical cancer in the U.S.

Other HPV-related cancers are much less common than cervical cancer. The American Cancer Society estimates that in 2008, there will be:

* 3,460 women diagnosed with vulvar cancer;
* 2,210 women diagnosed with vaginal and other female genital cancers;
* 1,250 men diagnosed with penile and other male genital cancers; and
* 3,050 women and 2,020 men diagnosed with anal cancer.

Certain populations may be at higher risk for HPV-related cancers, such as gay and bisexual men, and individuals with weak immune systems (including those who have HIV/AIDS).

RRP is very rare. It is estimated that less than 2,000 children get RRP every year.

HOW CAN PEOPLE PREVENT HPV?
A vaccine can now protect females from the four types of HPV that cause most cervical cancers and genital warts. The vaccine is recommended for 11 and 12 year-old girls. It is also recommended for girls and women age 13 through 26 who have not yet been vaccinated or completed the vaccine series.

For those who choose to be sexually active, condoms may lower the risk of HPV, if used all the time and the right way. Condoms may also lower the risk of developing HPV-related diseases, such as genital warts and cervical cancer. But HPV can infect areas that are not covered by a condom—so condoms may not fully protect against HPV. So the only sure way to prevent HPV is to avoid all sexual activity.

Individuals can also lower their chances of getting HPV by being in a mutually faithful relationship with someone who has had no or few sex partners. However, even people with only one lifetime sex partner can get HPV, if their partner was infected with HPV. For those who are not in long-term mutually monogamous relationships, limiting the number of sex partners and choosing a partner less likely to be infected may lower the risk of HPV. Partners less likely to be infected include those who have had no or few prior sex partners. But it may not be possible to determine if a partner who has been sexually active in the past is currently infected.

HOW CAN PEOPLE PREVENT HPV-RELATED DISEASES?
There are important steps girls and women can take to prevent cervical cancer. The HPV vaccine can protect against most cervical cancers (see above). Cervical cancer can also be prevented with routine cervical cancer screening and follow-up of abnormal results. The Pap test can identify abnormal or pre-cancerous changes in the cervix so that they can be removed before cancer develops. An HPV DNA test, which can find high-risk HPV on a woman’s cervix, may also be used with a Pap test in certain cases. The HPV test can help healthcare professionals decide if more tests or treatment are needed. Even women who got the vaccine when they were younger need regular cervical cancer screening because the vaccine does not protect against all cervical cancers.

There is currently no vaccine licensed to prevent HPV-related diseases in men. Studies are now being done to find out if the vaccine is also safe in men, and if it can protect them against HPV and related conditions. The FDA will consider licensing the vaccine for boys and men if there is proof that it is safe and effective for them. There is also no approved screening test to find early signs of penile or anal cancer. Some experts recommend yearly anal Pap tests for gay and bisexual men and for HIV-positive persons because anal cancer is more common in these populations. Scientists are still studying how best to screen for penile and anal cancers in those who may be at highest risk for those diseases.

Generally, cesarean delivery is not recommended for women with genital warts to prevent RRP in their babies. This is because it is unclear whether cesarean delivery actually prevents RRP in infants and children.

IS THERE A TEST FOR HPV?
The HPV test on the market is only used as part of cervical cancer screening. There is no general test for men or women to check one’s overall “HPV status.” HPV usually goes away on its own, without causing health problems. So an HPV infection that is found today will most likely not be there a year or two from now. For this reason, there is no need to be tested just to find out if you have HPV now. However, you should get tested for signs of disease that HPV can cause, such as cervical cancer.

*Genital warts are diagnosed by visual inspection. Some health care providers may use acetic acid, a vinegar solution, to help identify flat warts. But this is not a sensitive test so it may wrongly identify normal skin as a wart.
*Cervical cell changes (early signs of cervical cancer) can be identified by routine Pap tests. The HPV test can identify high-risk HPV types on a woman’s cervix, which can cause cervical cell changes and cancer.
* As noted above, there is currently no approved test to find HPV or related cancers in men. But HPV is very common and HPV-related cancers are very rare in men.

IS THERE A TREATMENT FOR HPV?
There is no treatment for the virus itself, but a healthy immune system can usually fight off HPV naturally. There are treatments for the diseases that HPV can cause:

Visible genital warts can be removed by patient-applied medications, or by treatments performed by a health care provider. Some individuals choose to forego treatment to see if the warts will disappear on their own. No one treatment is better than another.

Cervical cancer is most treatable when it is diagnosed and treated early. There are new forms of surgery, radiation therapy, and chemotherapy available for patients [see www.cancer.org Please see disclaimer at bottom of this page.]. But women who get routine Pap testing and follow up as needed can identify problems before cancer develops. Prevention is always better than treatment.

Other HPV-related cancers are also more treatable when diagnosed and treated early. There are new forms of surgery, radiation therapy, and chemotherapy available for patients. [see www.cancer.org Please see disclaimer at bottom of this page.] Read more...

SEXUAL HEALTH 101: DENTAL DAMS

A LINK FOR ALL YOUR CONDOM NEEDS

The Dental Dam


What is a dental dam?
A dental dam is basically a small sheet of latex which acts as a barrier between the vagina or anus and the mouth. Dental dams get their name because they are used during dental surgery such as root canals. Due to the possible infectious secretions from both the vagina and anus, the dental dam is becoming a more popular safer sex tool. With the introduction of different colors, shapes and sizes, manufacturers are adding some exciting changes to what once was sterile translucent-white latex.


How effective are dental dams?
Dental dams are an extremely effective means of preventing infection from vaginal or anal secretions. There is little data available on rates of infection after use of the dental dam. There are a few important concerns which may reduce the effectiveness of the barrier. Before you use the dam, lightly rinse it off with warm water. Dry with a towel. Then check to be sure the dam is free of holes or breakage. You can check the dam before you use it by holding it up to light or seeing if water is able to pass through it. Finally, ensure that only one side of the dam comes in contact with the genitals, and that the dam is used only once. Otherwise you are defeating the whole purpose of using the dam in the first place.

Only use water based lubricants (we recommend Astroglide) when using dental dams.


How do you use dental dams?
Dental dams are not the most difficult piece of protection to use. Some people prefer that the person performing oral sex should hold the dam so that the receiver can just sit back and relax. Others think that the receiver should hold the dam so the other partner has his/her hands free for other stimulation. As an alternative, some dental dams are now made with an adhesive strip which will hold the dam in place. Remember to use some water based lubricant on the vagina or anus beforehand to increase the amount of stimulation received.


Practical concerns with dental dams
People often approach dental dams with the fear that the normally intense stimulation of the tongue will be lessened by the sheet of latex. The feeling of a dental dam is different than the feeling of a tongue but it does not necessarily make it a bad thing. Use plenty of water based lubricant and one partner can play with the latex in his/her mouth to provide their partner with a new type of stimulation. The use of a dam is up to you. Oral sex is considered to be less dangerous a practice than intercourse, and fellatio is often less dangerous than oral-anal sex. The level of protection you decide to use is your choice, but the safest sex dictates you use a dental dam at all times. Read more...

DUB ME YOUR SEXUAL HEALTH FAIRY GOODMOTHER

Just about everyone is having sex but from the cases of diseases and unplanned pregnancies some of you rocket scientist know nothing about protecting yourselves so since I am one of many who is all for SAFE SEX, or NO SEX AT ALL aka celibacy or abstinence I thought I would bring the masses a safe sex series. Since y'all won't and can't seem to save nor protect yourselves. I also want to say stop being lazy, trifling, and nasty when it comes to sex. Way to many treat it like a recreational sport and its killing you. So get ready for the sexual health updates kids, adults, pervs, and everyone else. You may now dub me as your fairy GoodMother and yes I spelled it that way for a reason. Read more...

SOME LINKS TO BROWSE FOR THE WEEKEND

SOME AWESOME LINKS THAT YOU GUYS NEED TO CHECK OUT THIS WEEKEND....

1st MARRIAGE IS THE IMAGE OF GOD

2nd MICHELLE OBAMA COLLECTIBLE DOLL

3rd WHAT WOMEN CAN LEARN FROM MICHELLE Read more...

THAT'S HOW CLOSE WE ARE

I know a lot of people have forgotten about 112 and what not and I can understand it because I had forgotten about them myself but as I was making a new music play list I came across a couple of their songs that just really make me be like damn under all that bumping and grinding and oversexed lyrics they had some decent for real love you deep type songs. On their last album they had this song called That's how close we are this is one of those songs where you have to stop and just really get still and listen to what the singer is trying to tell you. Okay first the lyrics read them through then hit the video, of course they didn't put a video out someone put a video together and used the song to convey a message but this is one of their songs that I used to put in heavy rotation when I was playing their cd.

Title That's How Close We Are
Artist 112
Album Pleasure & Pain

Na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na na

Without the root, you ain't got no tree
And without the branches, you aint got no leaves
To understand her is to understand me
Cause thats how close we are
Without a sea you ain't got no air
And it ain't no walkin if you aint got the legs
Understand i use them eyes to see
That's how close we are

[chorus]
Heart to heart
Breath to breath
She fills me up til there aint none left
No space, no time
Her spirits my mind
You see, that's how close we are
Thats how close we are [x2]

Without the stars, there's no galaxy
And without the river, you dont have no sea
Just look at my life, and its her you'll see
Cause thats how close we are
And without a voice no one can hear you sing
And it ain't no flying without the wings
So if you see me flying
It's her carrying me
That's how close we are

[chorus]

[breakdown]
She talks with me
She walks with me
She's holding me
And yes, shes teaching me
Everything i can't do
Everything i can't say
She does for me
She prays with me
She cries with me
She's loving me
Nothing could compare to the love we share
So that woman and man
Who understands
You can say:

Heart to heart
Breath to breath
She fills me up til there ain't none left
No space, no time
Her spirits my mind
You see, that's how close we are
Thats how close we are [x11]

Na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na na

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KERI HILSON IN STORES TODAY

Fresh video off the block, Keri Hilson is getting her video's in her album comes out tomorrow FINALLY, after how many singles off of it. I don't want to bias your opinion so check the album out and if you like it buy it. I love how the boys in the industry are now video divo's I love it. I say use more of em maybe then we will see less ass shaking and degradation...well I can dream. Check out Shaffer he is really starting to show his age...in his twenties my aunt flo-rida!

Her latest video offering:



I love Ms. Hilson's style she is glam but still the girl next door she's not overly sexy but just enough so that it's natural. I like her voice as well and I have enjoyed her videos and songs tremendously!

Check her site out and HERE and like I said if you are a fan of Ms. Hilson make it happen. Read more...