100 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED

I had no hand in writing any of these questions but I decided to post them because they seemed like good questions and some people might forget to ask the pertinent stuff if they haven't already. It can be exciting getting married but if you want the marriage to last there is lots of leg work to do in the relationship first so if you or someone you know is getting married refer them to this post and past this list around it might help you before you make it down that aisle.

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DEARLY BELOVED WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY.......

President and first Lady wedding photo

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READ THE VOWS BEFORE YOU WALK DOWN THAT AISLE

The last post got me to thinking and thinking deeply it even made me look up some marriage vows. I don't think people even know what they are agreeing too when they get married. Especially since they might be hearing the vows for the very first time when they are standing in front of the alter. All that hoopla of a wedding and the most important piece, the vows is often the most ignored. So in efforts to save someone to really put something on a person's heart, mind and soul, before you walk down that aisle, invest in that dress, rent that tux, book the church, and get the marriage certificate read these marriage vows and let it marinate in your mind, allow it to wash over you and allow yourself to meditate on the words, the meaning of the words, and the connotation of said words. As one of my very good friends would say, "this is not a game people this is real life." We don't get to do dress rehearsals in life once you set it in motion it will happen and it becomes real! Without further preamble I give you Traditional Wedding Vows:

VOWS PROVIDED BY THE WEBSITE WEDDING PLANNING LINKS

MINISTER:

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here in the sign of God – and in the face of this company – to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind. It is intended for their mutual joy – and for the help and comfort given on another in prosperity and adversity. But more importantly – it is a means through which a stable and loving environment may be attained.

Through marriage, GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and accept each other’s failures. GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together – through mutual understanding – openness – and sensitivity to each other.

We are here today – before God – because marriage is one of His most sacred wishes – to witness the joining in marriage of GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME. This occasion marks the celebration of love and commitment with which this man and this woman begin their life together. And now – through me – He joins you together in one of the holiest bonds.

Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?


BRIDE’S FATHER OR ESCORT:

Her family and friends gathered here today do.


MINISTER:

This is a beginning and a continuation of their growth as individuals. With mutual care, respect, responsibility and knowledge comes the affirmation of each one’s own life happiness, growth and freedom. With respect for individual boundaries comes the freedom to love unconditionally. Within the emotional safety of a loving relationship – the knowledge self-offered one another becomes the fertile soil for continued growth. With care and responsibility towards self and one another comes the potential for full and happy lives.

By gathering together all the wishes of happiness and our fondest hopes for GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME from all present here, we assure them that our hearts are in tune with theirs. These moments are so meaningful to all of us, for “what greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together – to strengthen each other in all labor – to minister to each other in all sorrow – to share with each other in all gladness.

This relationship stands for love, loyalty, honesty and trust, but most of all for friendship. Before they knew love, they were friends, and it was from this seed of friendship that is their destiny. Do not think that you can direct the course of love – for love, if it finds you worthy, shall direct you.

Marriage is an act of faith and a personal commitment as well as a moral and physical union between two people. Marriage has been described as the best and most important relationship that can exist between them. It is the construction of their love and trust into a single growing energy of spiritual life. It is amoral commitment that requires and deserves daily attention. Marriage should be a life long consecration of the ideal of loving kindness – backed with the will to make it last.


Exchange of Vows


MINISTER TO GROOM:

Do you GROOM'S NAME take BRIDE'S NAME to be your wife – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?


GROOM:

I will.


MINISTER TO BRIDE:

Do you BRIDE'S NAME) take GROOM'S NAME to be your husband – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?


BRIDE:

I will.


Exchange of Wedding Rings

MINISTER:

What token of your love do you offer? Would you place the ring(s) in my hand?

May this/these ring(s) be blessed as the symbol of this affectionate unity. These two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. Wherever they go – may they always return to one another. May these two find in each other the love for which all men and women year. May they grow in understanding and in compassion. May the home which they establish together be such a place that many will find there a friend. May this/these ring(s) on her/their finger(s) symbolize the touch of the spirit of love in their hearts.


Handing ring to the Groom


MINISTER TO GROOM:

GROOM'S NAME, in placing this ring on BRIDE'S NAME finger, repeat after me: BRIDE'S NAME), you are now consecrated to me as my wife from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed.



Handing ring to the Bride


MINISTER TO BRIDE:

BRIDE'S NAME, in placing this ring on GROOM'S NAME finger, repeat after me: GROOM'S NAME, you are now consecrate to me as my husband from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed.


Pronouncement


MINISTER:

May you always share with each other the gifts of love – be one in heart and in mind – may you always create a home together that puts in your hearts – love – generosity and kindness.

In as much as GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME have consented together in marriage before this company of friends and family and have pledged their faith – and declared their unity by giving and receiving a ring – are now joined.

You have pronounced yourselves husband and wife but remember to always be each other’s best friend.

What – therefore – God has joined together – let no man put asunder.

And so, by the power vested in me by the State of ______ and Almighty God, I now pronounce you man and wife – and may your days be good and long upon the earth.

You may now kiss the bride.

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D.O.M. DEATH OF MARRIAGE?

Lately I've been reading all these articles and opinions on why Marriage is a flawed institution and why it doesn't work anymore. We have all heard the statistics we have all seen the wedding-go-round that the celebrities ride on. We have seen it all its very rare in this day and age that you see a marriage healthy and intact especially in the african-american community. The whole world believes that black folks are only cut out to be baby mommas and baby daddies until we have accepted that shit and ingested that shit. I asked my youngest brother his thoughts on marriage and he's 19 and upon hearing his explanation he almost single handily restored my faith in why I value Marriage and think that it's important. If a 19yr old can still have faith in Marriage then there is still hope after all.

I have found myself torn, conflicted and somewhat confused and disheartened about marriage as of late. We in this society have become so selfish and just negative and ugly to one another especially when it concerns men and women interaction, and don't let me get started on the lack of black love period! Marriage is from a spiritual point and how many people keep God first and foremost in their lives in this day and age? We have all these new-aged philosophies and these new-age answers but the answers medicate the problems but they don't fix anything. How many people still believe that there should be three people in a marriage, the man the woman and God? I know to me specifically Marriage is something that I have always held in high esteem, even when the Marriages around me have all been dysfunctional. Call me an eternal optimist where marriage is concerned but I don't think its the institution of marriage that is failing but the very people who enter into the sanctity of marriage as if it wasn't a sacred union that is hard work and something that should be respected and cherished not taken with just a grain of salt are the cause of the problem.

Marriage is hard work, building a foundation, a legacy, a home is hard work. Staying in love, nurturing it, protecting it, and working on it takes tenacity and resilience. Staying together through sickness and health, lay offs, down times, repossessions, bad credit, etc being in a committed union with someone is hard work. Staying married until death parts you WILL BE HARD WORK but you have to ask yourself is this what I want, is this what I value, are we equally yoked? There are a bunch of questions one should ask themselves, there is premarital counseling one should go to and even then you have to really take a look at what you're actually getting married for. What are you expectations for said marriage, do both of you want children, what about income, etc. Above all know who you are linking your life with, you can't build your household with someone who is your enemy think about it.... Anyway I wasn't trying to change anyone's opinion on marriage and I don't even know if marriage is written in the stars for me but I still want to believe that marriage has a value and I will probably be the last woman standing holding on to my beliefs, but they say if you don't believe in something you will fall for anything and that is for damn sure!





Some links about marriage and love of course:

BLACK AND MARRIED WITH KIDS
ARE YOU READY FOR LOVE?
SHOULD YOU GET MARRIED OR STAY SINGLE
RELATIONSHIPS 101
WHY DO MARRIAGES FAIL Read more...

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

There is this movement, a shift in thinking if you will I don't know if it is the evolution of the times but it's a movement none the less, and I for one can't really get behind it. I see I have lost you already let me break it down for you, we have this MS. INDEPENDENT movement going on now. Please don't ever get it twisted women are striving and doing the dog-on-thang (pardon my slang) but at what cost? I think it's great to tell any girl to shoot for your goals achieve your dreams so you can be proud of yourself and have something of your own that is a wonderful message but the whole MS. Independent thou are an island to oneself is not hot.

It's getting to the point where women are saying hey since he doesn't have a degree, since he doesn't make X-amount of money, since he can't take me to France for summer vacation then I'm not fooling with him and etc. I am not saying all women but a great majority of them that are out stepping men financially are saying that. Now I am writing purely from my perspective and my cultural standpoint. A lot of African-American women are shelving marriage because it's just not appealing. Why get married when you can do for self and have no one to answer to. Who needs marriage when your money covers all your needs and then some, who needs marriage when you have dick on dial? Love and Marriage are being kicked aside and Marriage is taking a beating like the most picked on kid in the school yard.

Ms. Independent is murking marriage and some men are cheering for it. We went from gold-diggers to Ms. Independent two ignorant extremes of the same coin. I understand from a mans point of view that a woman having her own takes a huge responsibility off the shoulders of said man but what happens when the women decides that since she is Ms. Independent she doesn't need you anymore? Why would a woman need a man when she can do it all, and buy it all, and be all, all by herself? What is the use of a man besides being the dick dealer in that situation? If you are truly independent then it means you need no one, because you are self dependent, self relying, and self taken care of, being independent does not leave much room for anyone or anything else.

Please don't get me wrong I think its great that women have climbed that mountain top and cracked that glass ceiling and put a huge crack in it but at what cost? While women are out achieving and bringing home the big bucks, families and marriage are taking a back burner to success. Women are putting off having children, and getting married, to pursue other avenues. Love has gotten a black eye, marriage is getting murdered daily, and raising your own child has taken a seat to nannies, and day cares. What I am saying is some don't know how to balance it some are extremist and it's really not a good look.

How is it that gay couples are fighting so hard just to have the right to call their unions a marriage when heterosexuals don't even want to marry each other anymore? How is it that gay couples fight so hard to adopt children when plenty of people having kids shouldn't be having them at all? I must be a martian because to me it makes no sense we are truly living backwards. Our values are completely almost nonexistent, I know I'm uncool for still thinking that marriage, and raising children within a family unit is something beautiful and ideal.

It's funny how everyone has a song talking about being independent and how she got her own thing but the queen of independence got married Mrs. Carter-Knowles. I'm pretty sure in her household her husband is the head and she is the helpmate. I'm also pretty sure that she knows her role and plays it accordingly. I'm also pretty sure that she has watched her parents WHO are still married by the way so I'm pretty sure that Ms. Independent woman never thought that she wouldn't get married. I believe that when you set yourself as independent you give yourself no margin for error you are telling the world I got this I don't need anything from you, and you can't do anything for me. With an attitude like that you are setting yourself up to become an island why would anyone want to be an island of one?



There are women who have achieved great success and still continue to do so but they are married and have families and they prioritize accordingly, money and success still take a back burner to what is really important which is God, Family, and then everything else. For instance Michelle Obama is a successful lawyer, mother, and wife to the future president of the united states that is a prime example of a woman who is managing to balance her life while keeping the important things in perspective, Jada Pinkett-Smith is another woman that does that and as I previously mentioned Mrs. Carter-Knowles does also.



I suspect that these women know that no matter how much money or critical acclaim they achieve success can not hug you nor kiss you, it can't say mommy play with me, it can't replace being held by your husband after a long day, it surely can't massage tired feet. I don't know any kind of toy on the market yet that can replace the touch of a husband that knows your body inside and out, and it can't replace making love to a man that you share the same last name with. I'm not a fool I know that marriage is work, relationships are work they take time, patience, nurturing, communication, and constant care. But while the whole world is singing "she's independent that's why I love her" there are women who are just as successful but taking care of their husbands and children as well.



I know in this current American culture success is measured by your net worth and assets, and everything else is just extra. I must seem positively ancient in my view of things and I probably will have a huge backlash but when you are a martian you expect it. Like I stated earlier I don't care for the ms. independent title sounds like a dressed up way of saying she got money so I can be the dick dealer and not be tied down. Ladies it's great if you got it but if you can't balance that and know that at the end of the day you are not an island all to yourself then all those shopping sprees and overseas trips don't amount to much when you in a huge mansion with nothing but purse dogs to keep you company...ask Mariah!

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R. KELLY'S UTOPIAN DREAM...

Imagine that you have a daughter and as soon as she is born you promise her to her future groom a man who is already three times her age and as soon as she hits puberty she will be whisked away to live with this much older man and then she will be forced into the role of wife, lover, mother, house keeper, indentured servant, and her life is never her own. Imagine then that this young girl could have been you if you were born in Niger, Chad, Mali, Nepal, etc. Imagine having no control over your life, your future, or your body do you see where I am going with this? I got my Essence magazine in the mail today and the most important story in the magazine wasn't even mentioned on the front and if I hadn't bother to look through the whole magazine I would have missed it what I am typing on and on about is Child Brides as I read the whole story I was intrigued, and enthralled and also deeply disturbed. Anytime I see something that strikes a chord with me or makes me want to learn about it I dig my heels in and go for broke. Which needless to say inspired me to write this very post. I am not the first to write about this subject and I certainly won't be the last but this is an eye opening type of situation. Girls all over the world are being forced into marriage in these countries that are ravaged by poverty and my heart goes out to these little girls, my sisters from afar.



ANOTHER CHILD BRIDE VIDEO

Some where in the back of my mind I know that in underdeveloped countries people are trying to do anything they can just to survive, I think of the young girls in America who haven't even learned how to wash themselves good let alone know what it takes to be a wife it's harrowing to the soul to say the very least. I feel when I look at the pictures of these young African girls in the essence article a sense of kinship, a spirit that goes beyond the pages of this magazine article I feel like these are my little sisters that are being pushed down this road that causes them farther hardship and problems medically, physically, mentally and emotionally. Not to mention the never ending cycle of poverty these girls are forever stuck in.



We bitch and moan in this country about basic things and these little girls are being traded off like they are cheap coats I understand that this is their culture, I understand that their parents can not afford them therefore they are passed off to someone who can, it still doesn't make it less disheartening. They have no say in their lives they go from the rule of their parents to the rule of a much older man, their lives are forever not their own. From the day they are born they are controlled by others and that is sad, they don't even get to come into their own as women. They don't get to have education, they don't get to have basic freedoms, they are chattel.

Girls get engaged when they are 9 and when they turn 12 they go live with their much older husbands, all kinds of things happen to these girls, abuse, sex they aren't ready for physically, mentally, emotionally and as a result pregnancy these girls begin having babies before their bodies have even fully developed yet, plus in their villages their is virtually no health care which result in birthing complications, and damage to the young girls body the most common result of these girls giving birth is a horrible condition that is known as fistula, many are often then shunned by their husbands because they can't control their body functions after their young bodies have been wrecked by giving birth to children as children themselves.

If you don't know what Fistula is here is the break down:

Q: What is an obstetric fistula?
A: A fistula is a hole. An obstetric fistula of the kind that occurs in Ethiopia (and many other developing countries) is a hole between a woman's birth passage and one or more of her internal organs. This hole develops over many days of obstructed labor, when the pressure of the baby's head against the mother's pelvis cuts off blood supply to delicate tissues in the region. The dead tissue falls away and the woman is left with a hole between her vagina and her bladder (called a vesicovaginal fistula or VVF) and sometimes between her vagina and rectum (rectovaginal fistula, RVF). This hole results in permanent incontinence of urine and/or feces. A majority of women who develop fistulas are abandoned by their husbands and ostracized by their communities because of their inability to have children and their foul smell.

Q: Can fistula be "cured"?
A: Yes. An obstetric fistula can be closed with intravaginal surgery. If her surgery is performed by a skilled surgeon, a fistula patient has a good chance of returning to a normal life with full control of her bodily functions. The Fistula Hospital has a 93% success/cure rate.

Q: How much does it cost to treat a fistula?
A: At the Hamlin Fistula Hospitals, it costs US$450 to provide one woman with a fistula repair operation, high-quality postoperative care, a new dress, and bus fare home.

Q: What are the causes of obstetric fistula?
A: A fistula results from an obstructed labor that is left unrelieved and untreated. It is estimated that 5% of all pregnant women worldwide will experience obstructed labor. In the United States and other affluent countries, emergency obstetric care is readily available. In many developing countries where there are few hospitals, few doctors, and poor transportation systems, and where women are not highly valued, obstructed labor often results in death of the mother. When she survives, there is a great likelihood her child will die and she will develop a fistula. According to the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA), there are three delays that contribute to the development of a fistula: delay in seeking medical attention; delay in reaching a medical facility; and delay in receiving medical care once arriving at a health care facility.

Q: I heard that fistulas are a result of female genital mutilation. Is this true?
A: While harmful traditional practices such as female genital mutilation (FGM) are rightly of concern to the international medical community, they are not major contributors to the development of an obstetric fistula. Some patients at the Hamlin Fistula Hospitals have been victims of FGM, but their fistulas are almost always caused by an obstructed labor resulting from a too-small pelvis or a malpresentation of the baby. FGM does not "cause" a fistula.

Q: How many women does this problem affect?
A: Because fistula affects women in the most remote regions of the world, an accurate count is very hard to achieve. The most common estimate is that 100,000 women worldwide develop fistulas every year, though some estimates put the number closer to 500,000. Experts at the Hamlin Fistula Hospitals estimate that there are approximately 9,000 new cases of fistula every year in Ethiopia alone. Because most fistula sufferers are young women—many still in their teens—they are likely to live with their condition for upwards of 25 years. By any estimate, there are at least two million women currently living with fistula throughout the developing world. The world capacity to treat fistula is estimated at 6,500 fistula repair surgeries per year.

Q: Where is fistula prevalent?
A: There is a high incidence of fistula in Africa and parts of Asia, but women are susceptible to developing fistulas wherever there are insufficient emergency obstetric care systems.

Q: Can fistula be prevented?
A: Any woman who can gain access to emergency obstetric care such as a cesarean section will not develop a fistula. This is why Hamlin Fistula Hospitals are building new small hospitals in five Ethiopian provinces to increase the capacity of regional hospitals to provide fistula repair surgery and quality emergency obstetric care.

Q: What can I do to help?
A: A tax-deductible donation to the Fistula Foundation directly assists in restoring health and dignity to women in Ethiopia suffering from fistulas. The Fistula Foundation is also expanding its Circle of Friends, a program which assists groups and individuals who want to hold their own fundraisers to support the Hamlin Fistula Hospitals. If you have questions about any of our programs, feel free to email us at info@fistulafoundation.org.


Information taken from FISTULAFOUNDATION.ORG if you would like to know more about this organization please feel free to look it up. If you don't do anything else this year do something bigger than self, it puts a lot of things in perspective when you see girls in Africa and other under developed countries who don't have the luxury to live a regular life like that of an American girl which is taken for granted everyday. It is a reminder that we as a developed country should not forget that there are people who are suffering all over the world going through things we find appalling every single day and this is their way of life their culture.

http://en.afrik.com/article12410.html This very article is similar to the one in this month's essence

SOME LINKS TO HELP ADVOCATE AGAINST CHILD BRIDES:
Write to your state's lawmakers visit: www.senate.gov
also: www.house.gov
UNICEF:www.unicef.org
THE UNITED NATIONS POPULATION FUND: www.unfpa.org
THE INTERNATIONAL CENTER FOR RESEARCH ON WOMEN: www.icrw.org
THE INTERNATIONAL PLANNED PARENTHOOD FEDERATION: www.ippfwhr.org
GIRLS LEARN INTERNATIONAL: www.girlslearn.org
SAVE THE CHILDEREN: www.savethechildren.org
UNITED NATIONS GIRLS EDUATION INITIATIVE: www.ungei.org

To volunteer your medical services to repair fistulas contact Barbara A. Margolies at info@nigerfistula.org Read more...

I'M WRITING YOU A LOVE SONG SO WE CAN SING IT

I know this post is rather long but you can read it all over the weekend which means you can come back often if you get the chance and read it at your leisure. Anyhow it is a full meal type post full of ideas, thoughts and concepts so if you have some time to spare please, kick your shoes off, grab a bottle of wine, maybe some cheese and crackers and some fruit and get your read on.

I AM 30 AND SINGLE!

Don’t worry this post is not about me actually but I guess I have fallen into that rank statistic that black women are falling into. You know the one, the one that says more and more African American women are staying single longer especially the ones in their 30’s and beyond. I hate that statistic it makes me sound like a leper. I might be a lot of things but leper I am not.

But that statistic is a testament to our very day and age we are achieving a lot of things us women, most of us are getting degrees and we are earning top dollars with said degrees and let us not forget this Ms. Independent movement we got going on. You know the one, the one that Ne-yo dedicated not one but two songs to. The one that tells the world I don’t need a man for nothing but some late night loving so I can unwind, but only if he’s acting right and then he has to get on his way because I got this! If you’re that type of woman and that’s what you like God bless.

Me on the other hand not really into that whole movement I think that women are taking things way to far with this “I am woman hear me roar type stuff”. Now before you get your feminist books and start marching on my blog hear me out. I don’t call myself a feminist per say, but I don’t really like titles. If I had to describe myself I would call myself a womanist. Never heard of it? That’s okay I just made it up.



What is a Womanist? A Womanist is a woman who is down for the movement of God, love, marriage, children, family, community and then self. She is also often times old school preferring a courtship over having sex buddies, she is into having fun but being responsible at the same time. She might not always be lady like but she is all woman through and through. She believes in having men hold open doors for her, she believes that she doesn’t have to trick or whore her body out because she knows she is worth more than any trinket sex could buy her. She most likely was raised in a two parent household thus she is a daddies girl, which means fellas have some pretty big shoes to fill if they are looking to take this type of woman out. She does what she has to do to keep it together but she shuffles her priorities accordingly when she is presented with an opportunity that she is seeking. A womanist is that nurturer that good girl with the low number of males who has seen her naked, the one who is a freak but she keeps it on the low and doesn’t feel the need to advertise that to every tom dick or harry. She is probably smart, funny, and unassuming just low key and therefore often overlooked and passed by because she is more traditional then new millennium. Now I know you are probably thinking she is going backwards in her thinking. No I’m not I think there are some thing’s more important in this life then amassing a huge amount of money, partying all night, sleeping with a bunch of different people, and just having a bunch of mindless episodes that still leave much to be desired after all is said and done. Understand what I am saying yes having a degree is important, having goals and obtaining them are important, but balance and knowing what really matters to you is VERY important. It depends on what you value. I think if you can have it all then go for it, but I am not seeing that in this current culture we live in.

Michelle: "Time and love and sacrifice and struggles make you stronger."
Source: Sandra Sobieraj Westfall, "The Obamas Get Personal", People, August 4, 2008, page 57.

Barack: "If I ever thought this was ruining my family, I wouldn't do it."
Source: Sandra Sobieraj Westfall, "The Obamas Get Personal", People, August 4, 2008, page 57.

Michelle, about fidelity in their marriage: "I never worry about things I can't affect, and with fidelity ... that is between Barack and me, and if somebody can come between us, we didn't have much to begin with."
Source: Ebony, March 2006 v61 i5 p58(4)

Women decided to trade in the mommy/wife roles and for some ethnicity groups it backfired. Especially for African American men and women it backfired. When already there were single black mothers raising children on their own, then came this Ms. Independent movement which pushed even more black men out the door. The funny thing is YT women aren’t having this issue. They are still getting degrees and still being stay at home mothers, they are still getting married and raising their children and have no problem doing it at all. Other cultures have no problem getting married and other cultures are marrying black men left and right because these women are not crushing the already fragile black man male ego. Black women can be too hard at times but brotha’s I am not letting you guys off the hook either. Dating outside your race and saying you hate black women is a cop out, and a direct slap to the face of your mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts, and all the other black women in your family.

I think it’s sad when you feel you have to jump outside of your culture and get someone else from another culture to marry when there are plenty eligible women in ones own culture already. Why are black folks so eager to bend over backwards for others but can’t even do for their own? Why should I be forced to marry outside my race because the men in my own culture see me as unworthy or the enemy? That is an awful ugly feeling black men and I don’t think any of you see it as a direct slight to black women. I don’t understand why you feel you have to step on and over a black woman to get someone outside of your culture to marry? I really don’t want to hear that love is colorblind love is an emotion not a person, a person most often times are not colorblind. So please don’t leave that in my comment section I don’t want to hear it, on this topic I’m sure I will revisit but back to what I was saying.

I think that for me I have seen all these women who have achieved so much and made all these great strides but they don’t have any balance to get all these great things love, marriage, and sometimes families were sacrificed and now they are alone and want a man and family around them but it’s not happening. I think it is wonderful to have goals and achieve them to make these huge strides and everyone should be proud of the things they have achieved but I don’t think love should be sacrificed on the alter of success just so one can make it. A fine example of that which I speak on are Michelle and Barack Obama. Both outstanding lawyers in their own right, Michelle has a degree but she is also in my opinion a womanist, she could say forget your plans Barack I want to become this great lawyer put her two girls in daycare and let her husband go his merry way, but she didn’t do that she supported his decision which I’m sure they discussed, and she loved her husband enough to say whatever you need I am behind you 110% because I am your helpmate and I want you to be happy. Do you think Barack could have run for president if he didn’t have the backing of his first lady already? Do you think that he would have stepped out on that traitorous campaign trial without the blessing, love and support of his helpmate? I think not ladies and gentlemen.

I look at the Obama’s and it gives me hope that real love still exist and then I look at my surroundings and think maybe not. I believe that love is a right that everyone should have I believe that love should and can make you better. I don’t see love as the enemy I see people who pretend to love you and lure you into a false sense of security as the enemy. Love can not break your heart nor tear you down, false bearers who pretend to love that do that, and Love does not harm you people do that physically, mentally and emotionally. Love is the purest form of energy but when people use it as a weapon that’s when others get hurt. You should never be angry, sad, or hurt when love ends because you were given the chance to taste this sweet sweet fruit at least once and when you were In the midst of it, it made you better and It made you want to be better, Love ladies and gentlemen is not the enemy it is the ache in all of us that is longing to be filled. So black folks Stop perpetrating frauds and wearing these heavy coats of armor that hide your heart from the world and each other, preventing love will only leave you alone and miserable and who wants that kind of life for themselves?

Quotes taken from http://marriage.about.com/od/entertainmen1/a/obamaquotes.htm Read more...

MARRIAGE IS A GOOD LOOK

I was going to do this from another angle but I decided to come at it from this one. A healthy happy marriage is a good look!



There I said it and I mean it what you want to say about it? I know the current sentiment is that marriage is outdated, for the birds, and just not en-vogue in some circles but smart people, people with sense they're getting married! Case in point even though she married the love of my life Beyonce AKA Mrs. Carter-Knowles married Shawn Corey Carter because it's a good look. I'm sure there is love in there some where and by itself her portfolio is nice but together their portfolio's combined equal power brokers. It's just smart business at the end of the day his money plus her money even in a weak economy they still sitting some where on reserves like what's a recession??? Before they even exchanged vows they bought property together and most often when the economy is good property equals reserved money because of the equity that you can pull out of your house when you need to.



Back on course any person in their right mind should know that two incomes is always better than one, a helpmate is always better than being solo, and having someone to come home to consistently with the same last name as yours who has some responsibility for being there verses a boyfriend girlfriend type who really can walk away without any legal recourse or a second thought because there is no real investment there. Even despite being together for more than a couple years, a few I love yous, swapping DNA on a regular basis, but still no legal ties that to me equals not a good look but that is my opinion.



What I can't ever figure out is why you would shack up all that time playing house but not take that extra step to make it official? The common consensus is always that marriage would destroy a shacking couples bliss and some how change the dynamics of the relationship now how can legitimizing something tear up what you have already been playing at? My next question then becomes why is suddenly getting married like a noose around the neck of a person who is already shacking up? It's just not logical, but somethings I will never understand. Some people hate the institution of marriage like it did something to them. Maybe they saw their parents marriage as a battleground or worst, but the funny thing about it is that I have watched my parents marriage and if you knew them you would know that it hasn't been any type of cakewalk by a long shot and in spite of everything they are still together and even with all that they have went through I still see marriage as a wonderful thing.

I once worked with a co-worker who had a bunch of kids and was with her dude shacking for years in fact they were now considered common law married but he refused to marry her in a on paper exchange last name give me a ring type deal. He told her that he didn't need a piece of paper to be with her and in a sense he was right he had been leasing the farm way to long. The sad part about it is she wanted to get married but she couldn't convince her dude and in turn she was way too steeped in the relationship plus with all her kids she was stuck and he knew it so marriage to him was no big deal she had sold her options and was now stuck. My heart went out to her truly but you get what you allow, if you think you only worth a shack up then you will get a shack up type arrangement, if you're good enough to knock up and shack with why aren't you good enough to carry his last name and be the Mrs?



I know Marriage is hard work it needs constant tending, love, care, communication, nurturing, sharing, listening to each other, and a good degree of unselfishness, I'm not foolish to think that it is easy but nothing worth having is ever easy. I think that raising your children in a two parent household is a good look, it provides a security for children even if you are dirt poor. Just knowing that mommy and daddy are there even if nothing else is, is a type of security you just can't duplicate.



No disrespect to the single mothers and fathers who aren't married like I said this is my opinion to me it just makes sense but I see things different from others. My opinions don't make me popular but it's cool aliens always catch hell for being different. Despite the current anti-marriage sentiment amongst my contemporaries the "stars" are doing it. Some keep doing it but a shining example of great black in the media couples is none other than our future first lady Michelle Obama and her husband President Obama. Even when under tremendous media pressure you can see the love in their marriage the beauty in their union and the partnership that they share. Another couple that manages to get it right is defiantly Jada and Will Smith I don't care how they work the dynamics of their relationship out they still manage to make it work even in the industry that they are in which eats couples up like breath mints. Even Usher and Tameka, and lets not forget Nick and Mimi.



The funny part is homosexual couples are fighting for and desperately wanting the right to call their unions marriages and heterosexuals are taking for granted not even caring about the institution of marriage at all anymore if that isn't irony then I don't know what is. Maybe in the next 20 years homosexuals will be calling their unions marriage and heterosexuals won't be getting married at all. That's a bleak outlook for the future of America in my opinion, but it is what it is. Read more...