HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED; TYLER PERRY'S LATEST STAGE PLAY

 

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WHY YOU NEED A TITLE AND WHY HE WILL HESITATE TO GIVE YOU ONE

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YOU SINGLE MY NIG BECAUSE YOU AN ANGRY HURT WOUNDED INDIVIDUAL AND U.O.E.N.O

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100 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED

I had no hand in writing any of these questions but I decided to post them because they seemed like good questions and some people might forget to ask the pertinent stuff if they haven't already. It can be exciting getting married but if you want the marriage to last there is lots of leg work to do in the relationship first so if you or someone you know is getting married refer them to this post and past this list around it might help you before you make it down that aisle.

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ITS 2K14 SO WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL CHEATING?

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I KNOW I'M LATE BUT BETTER LATE THEN NEVER

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NOT HERE TO BE YOUR PERSONAL WHORE

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LOVE, LOYALTY, FAMILY: THE REAL STORY IN THE FAST & FURIOUS 6

I am still so amped from seeing fast and furious 6, and I won't try and give away anything because I don't want to spoil the movie for those who have yet to see it but this movie gave me so much, and it made me think and really look at what's going on out in these streets. The biggest underlying messages in the movie was loyalty, family, and love. Yes the action scenes were epic, the cars are always wonderful but the biggest message that the movie had to give was without loyalty and love then what are you living for? I haven't given away the movie I managed to avoid doing that but if you don't want to know about anything that goes on in the movie at all then bypass this post and come back and read it after the movie is over.

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TIRED OF WAITING WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT

If you're single and over the age of thirty its far to say you have had your share of various encounters with the opposite sex or the same sex depending on which team you go for. I know I'm not alone when I say I hate the false starts or what I call the try and the fail, and the inevitable fake-out.

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WHILE I WASN'T LOOKING DATING DIED AND "CHILLING" TOOK ITS PLACE

It's been a minute okay more than a minute but you didn't miss me so it doesn't matter. Some things have changed most things have remained the same and yada-yada. I hope the new year has brought about good things for all of those that cast an eye on this blog and I hope that everyone that reads this is good and living great lives. With that being said I want to vent about the death of dating.

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WHAT I REALIZED BY WATCHING A CARRIE UNDERWOOD INTERVIEW

picture found on the web on the site http://www.popeater.com/2011/02/22/carrie-underwood-songs-banned/

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THE SMELL OF DESPERATION IN THE AIR

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SEPARATED DOES EQUAL STILL MARRIED

I know that people like to use grey areas because it makes life easier. If you can live in a grey area you don't have to make definitive decisions and you can usually be greedy with the life decisions you are making. For example: if you are legally separated and you think its okay to tell people you are single and that you are completely free to date not only are you a moron but you have unfinished business as well and to add insult to injury you are needlessly complicating someone else's life because you haven't made the decision to get a divorce or you aren't going to divorce but just be separated indefinitely. Why bring your unfinished business into someones uncomplicated life like that? That's not okay not by a long shot a legal separation does not mean finished it is a break, when you are on break at your job you don't get to clock out and leave because your work is not finished yet. It's the same thing with legal separation you're just taking a break you haven't finished the job yet, you're still on the clock no matter how long the break is until you resign or quit that job/marriage you are still under the law a spouse/ an employee.  Now it may be all good to the person who's separated and they may like living in that grey area but stop trying to date or go out with someone who is really unattached and really single and stop trying to convince someone with sense that the definition of separated really means single. I don't know what law you think you living under but in America separated is still married all day everyday and that's just the way it is and the way its going to stay it has the potential to cause confusion and issues later on, plus its messy. How dare you think its okay for you to start something fresh with someone else when you still haven't settled business at home stop doing that shit. I know that everyone you go out with is not going to be a match but dating for recreation is just not my thing but kudos to those of you that enjoy doing it.

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MY INNER ROMANTIC ACTING OUT

There is a hope in me that will not die, no matter how much I tell myself that its impossible and that it just won't happen but I can't get myself to give up the wanting for it to come into fruition. I have always been a romantic a part of myself that I don't broadcast freely because people have a tendency to want to exploit anything that might look remotely like a weakness or a soft side. Most people tend to make snap judgments about my character and who I am so they probably wouldn't believe that I was a closet romantic and that deep down inside I would love to have some kind of happy ending but I know that this is the real world and for black girls we don't get rainbows and prince charming's we get shafted, ignored, looked over, left, under loved, under appreciated, and just generally left wanting more.

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PART TWO; SOME BPYT PERSPECTIVE

Picture from love's gumbo

Part two of some of the questions Zo Williams were asking via twitter on the 26th again the questions follow no particular order and you can follow him on His Twitter Account

13. True or false do women bend and men break when dealing with infidelity and trust issues? 

True,women will let shit go for the sake of the relationship especially if she is invested and it brings her a certain lifestyle which she has grown accustomed too.

14. Long term relationships and infidelity should we be preparing for success and failure at the same time?

I think if you want a successful long term anything you have to have the mindset for it you can't go into something thinking its going to fail, because if you think like that you are literally conditioning yourself to fail and mess up. You gotta go in with expectations for the best and work on keeping the relationship together and intact its a constant job.

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THE PRE-COUGAR RULES

With several of the long time shacking up celeb-whore-t's getting married these past couple of months it got me to thinking why did it take so long for these couples to make it down the aisle and then it dawned on me the women in these relationships where older than their male counterparts several years older in fact. They got these dudes when they were young and had to essentially wait until the dudes grew up and were actually ready for marriage even though they had shacked up for awhile. I guess in a young cats mind playing house and actually giving a woman his last name is two different animals. I'm not pointing fingers nor laying blame this is just my Ah-Ha moment which led me to this post which led me to really give some thought to the Pre-Cougar Rules.

Now If you're already a Cougar then you already know the rules if not you will soon learn them if you are a pre-cougar and you are still trying to navigate the murky waters of being with a younger man then allow me to break it down for you the way I have come to see it.

The Disclaimer: This is how I seeing it breaking down for me if you know some other rules or if I leave anything out please feel free to let me know thanks.

Definition to me of a Pre-Cougar: A woman who is 28-35 that is attracted too or attracts nothing but younger men

A Regular Cougar: 36+

The Break Down Age wise Males:

18-21: These boys are mannish and they talk a great deal of shit. Now don't be fooled by the baby faces and the bird chest some of these y.a.t's* got their start by lying about their ages from the jump when they were 14 they were lying and saying they were 16, when they were 16 they were lying saying they were 18 etc, you see the pattern. These youngsters are in it to win it they go hard in the paint being with older women is their bread and butter, sometimes they are users, sometimes older women are what they are geniunly attracted too, and sometimes more often than not they are looking for a mother replacement. You have to tread lightly in this category but of course a guy this young is not looking for anything serious he might stay around longer than usual if he has it extremely good, ie a playstation, a place to lay his head, a car to drive, hot home cooked meals, and plenty sex, these things will keep the y.a.t* interested and loyal for a minute but eventually he will get bored, and he will get itchy feet and that's when the trouble starts up. So pre-cougars remember this age group is fun to play with but they aren't keepers, they are best for their stamina, hard-dick, and play time only.

22-25: Usually they are still mannish but since they have some road mileage on them by this age they are a little bit smarter, and their mouth game has been tried and tested which means they can take shit and turn it into cake and having you eating it out the palm of their hands, they know the right things to say including the marriage spill.  Now with these guys they will talk a good game and you might have a slim chance of marriage if you're looking for that but don't expect to date for a year and then start planning your wedding, you will either have to wait and see if he is sincere, which usually translates into waiting until he grows up if he stays around that long and you usually do this if you have the time to wait, in that waiting period you might end up with kids if you want them, and still no wedding but if your biological clock is ticking and you just want kids then this age bracket is your best bet. If you get a good y.a.t* then hopefully he has some schooling under his belt, a degree, a skill set other than being a rapper or producer, and if he has some hustle in him then he will take care of his kid(s) and it will be what it will be.

26-29: Now usually about this time the bloom for the y.a.t's* has faded a little bit but if they are hardcore attracted to older women they they will be setting their sights on women 36 and up, or they have aged while with their older women and now they are seriously ready to walk down that aisle, and within this age bracket they usually more or less have their shit together besides if you raised him since he was a cub he's already broken in, you've put in time and energy into him and this is when the pay off comes, they are more focused and they know what they want and they are trying to settle down and actually build a household.

Now there may be an exceptions to the rule every now and again but for the most part the break down  is pretty much standard in my opinion now if you know different then you are welcome to hit me up especially if you know something I don't or if you think I have missed a vital piece of info but other wise feel free to use this guide in your pre-cougar start up and happy and wise hunting.




*Y.A.T.: "Young And Tender" or "Young And Tasty" whichever you prefer. IF you're going to use my phrase just give me a shout out or link me thanks. Read more...

STOP EXPECTING SWINE TO APPRECIATE YOU

The simplest concept in the world, the one we should always reflect on in everything we do is that:

EVERY CHOICE, EVERY ACTION, HAS A REACTION. 

We as human.beings make choices, we do things out of spite, out of anger, out of malice, out of kindness, out of love, out of sadness, out of loneliness, out of sacrifice, sometimes we do things because we don't know how to do any better. Whatever motivates you and drives you to do the things that you do understand for that choice you will make, you have made, there will be an outcome there is no escaping this.

People tend to think about themselves first and then others last, when you make a decision and you think it is only affecting you, you should ask yourself:

Self: This decision that I am making here right now how will it impact those around me, a year from now, five years from now, how will it affect my children's futures, will it have an affect on the way I am perceived,  Lastly but the most important questions are how will this affect someone who loves me? Will it cause emotional distress, physical pain, will this little bit of pleasure bring me a moment of happiness but a lifetime of pain?

I of course have to digress because simply human.beings are emotional selfish creatures we do what feels good, we do what makes us happy damn the consciences, damn what anyone else thinks and then we want to argue, curse and fight once the consciences rears its ugly head. We paint ourselves into corners because we are by nature selfish.

There is a principle called Personal Responsibility that states:

Accepting personal responsibility includes:

* Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.

* Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.

* Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.

* Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.

* Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you and what you are bound to become.

* The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.

* Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.

*Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.

* Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.

* Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.

* Not feeling sorry for the "bum deal" you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.

* Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others.

* Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.

* Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burnout prevention.

* Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues and positive points.

* Developing positive, self-affirming, self-talk scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.

* Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background and awareness.

* Working out anger, hostility, pessimism and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment and misdirection. 

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14698-accepting-personal-responsibility/#ixzz0q7WpadVF 


I

June 6,

Give not that which is holy to dogs. Neither cast ye your pearls before swine - Matthew 7:6

Should we wear our most expensive outfit to a mud fight? Why then do we continue to place ourselves in jobs, situations, and relationships that ruin our peace, health, and self-value? Should we leave our most valuable possession unguarded in a public location? Why then do we place our minds and bodies in the reach of those persons and situations with a demonstrated history of abuse or neglect? We are, to ourselves, the most valuable possession we have. Yet we waste our time, energy and sometimes our lives in worthless situations among people who are unworthy. We must value our ideas, our energy, our time and our life to such an infinite degree that we become unwilling to waste who we are. If we put on our best and go to a mud fight, we can expect to get dirty. If we place our head in the Lion's mouth, we should expect to get eaten.

I Am very valuable to me. 

I always say that no one can do anything to you unless you allow them too. If you are throwing your pearls before swine and you expect them to appreciate them you will be disappointed each and every time.  I read that particular passage this morning and I didn't even know how it would impact my life until later on Today. I say to anyone reading this particular blog today there are two things I wish you to know if you don't come away with anything else: 

1. Personal Responsibility is hard I know this but at some point in your life as an adult you have to take it for yourself and your own happiness, and your actions and the consequences of all your actions and change starts with self I know its easier said then done but as we all are works in progress we must do what we can to affect the change we want to see in our lives.

2. No one can hurt, harm, damage you unless you allow them too. As an adult you have to stop allowing others to hurt or harm you, if they are a destructive force in your life then purge them from you and allow yourself to be happy, healthy, growing and thriving. Stop leaning on the crutch that is allowing you to stay in a situation that is killing your very joy within you. If you lose the destructive crutch you will have to learn how to walk all over again without it, you start by crawling but eventually you will learn how to stand and then you will learn how to walk again without that destructive crutch and eventually learn how to be happy again once you're on your own.

I speak peace and blessings into the lives that are broken, unhappy, sad, miserable and feeling like they have to stay in a situation they don't want to be in because they can't do any better. Change is hard especially when you aren't financially able to do any better believe me I know but there has to be a way, pray on it and meditate on it. 

Passage taken from: Acts Of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant link located below


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PRIMING THE PUMP, GETTING THE HEART TO BEAT

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
--Lao Tzu

If he is the first thing you think of when you wake up,
the only thing you think of when you're awake,
and the last thing you think of before you go to bed,
then he is really somebody special.

" Our love must not be a thing of words and fine talk. It must be a thing of action and sincerity. "
~ I John 3:18

As a Rose absorbs the nutrients it feeds on and as it thrives to see the sun as it must to survive...... the Rose becomes more beautiful and in turn will provide sunshine to those who can behold it's beauty. Fortunate is the Man who can see the Rose within a Woman. Blessed is the man who this Woman holds to be her nutrient, her sunshine.
Art Denton



Immature love says "I love you because I need you." Mature love says "I need you because I love you."
- Erich Fromm

A woman who does not trust love will never know the exquisite security of giving herself.
~Maya Angelou

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
Theodore M Hesburgh

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
James Baldwin



Love is strong yet delicate.It can be broken.To truly love is to understand this.To be in love is to respect this.
Stephen Packer

All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us.
The Wonder Years

I have learned not to worry about love; But to honor its coming with all my heart.
Alice Walker

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.
Flavia Weedn

Between husband and wife there should be no secrets from one another. I have a very high opinion of the marriage tie. I hold that husband and wife merge in each other. They are one in two or two in one.
Mahatma Gandhi

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LOVE ROLLERCOASTER, ENJOY THE RIDE

I was talking to a friend and she was asking me about being in love, because she was feeling like she was IN love with someone that she just met at the end of last month she was feeling like it was too soon to have those type of feelings for a person she just met. I said to her ya know we get in our own way sometimes. We are human and we have emotions and before we got all caught up in the way of how it is now.

Times used to be much simpler, people used to connect on deeper levels faster and there were less distractions and obstructions to real genuine feelings and you would have no choice but to listen to what your heart and mind were telling you. In this day and age we are so distracted by all the shit we have in our lives, that feelings, listening to your heart syncing it up with your mind has gone out the window. All we care about now is syncing up our computers to our phones and other various applications and etc. We've put our emotions on the back burner and let everything else fall by the wayside. We've traded in our emotional intelligence for artificial intelligence and pseudo relations with each other. We will FACEBOOK each other, TWITTER each other, MYSPACE, FRIENDSTER, LINKEDIN, EMAIL, TEXT, SKYPE each other before we pick up the phone, visit, or meet each other. The internet is a wonderful tool for meeting people that you otherwise would have never even known about but eventually for it to be taken to a level where it can progress there has to be physical contact and interaction. Its all great that we can reach each other by all these different means but if you not planning on buying tickets or planning to meet then its all for nil...but I digress.

I am quite aware that some people might have their own agendas and some people are malicious with harmful intent and there are those that like to prey on the weak and the weak minded. But for all intents and purposes I'm not addressing those people I'm talking about when you meet the person that you just vibe with instantly, and they come in from out of the blue and from the time you meet them its like everything is instant and simple and just falls into place. They are the people you spend all your time thinking about, the ones that make you smile just by hearing their name, the ones that make you blush because you remember something they said that made your heart beat faster or made your body temperature spike, or when you think about them and in the very next few miutes they call you, I know it might be what many of the jaded refer to as the honeymoon stage when everything is euphoric, shiney and brand new when the rose tinted glasses are firmly in place but what if that is where it syncs for you and that person and you are able to ride it out without putting the kibosh on it before its time?

What if that honeymoon stage is the stage that takes you to the happily enough ever after? I think sometimes we get so caught up in the "what is supposed to be" vs what we should just let happen, sometimes you just have to ride shit out and see where it takes you, just enjoy the journey for what it's worth and appreciate the experience so if it doesn't pan out you can always look back and say but I loved, was loved, and it felt good to be loved that my friends is part of the journey of life so take the sweets when you can, because the bitter is always right around the corner waiting to knock you for a loop... Common said it best when he said "it doesn't take all day to recognize sunshine" and it doesn't. True some people come in our lives and they are just passing through, they are there to take us to the next level and they are there to impart something that we need at the time, so as long as it doesn't hurt roll with it enjoy the ride and be gracias when its time to get off! It's all trial and error, use your best judgement, listen to your inner voice, and trust your instincts. Listen to your inner warning system and if all else fails just leap and if it turns out that you shouldn't have guess what you learned something for next time!

Now in no way shape or form am I advocating having children with someone you barely know, indulging in destructive behaviors, or telling you to quit your job and relocate to a city to be with someone that you just met, I'm saying take the ride, weight the options, think it through and if you feel like you want to take the risk then DO IT! As long as you can deal with each decision made then do you, you are the only person who has to deal with the outcome.

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