I AM THE BOULDER IN YOUR PATH, A BLACK WOMAN SPEAKS

Dear World, The Media, Black Men, and all others:

As a black woman I'm tired of the world/media/black men/ constantly disrespecting, stepping on, maligning and disregarding black women! These past couple of days I have tired to tune out the constant cacophony of disheartening and ugly "reports and new statistics" regarding black women (see bottom of post for links) I'm tired of the constant media reports about black women never getting married, about how our median wealth is $5.00, and how we are all dying from either HIV/AIDS or over half of us have herpes. I mean really where are you getting these statistics from? Is it your purpose to paint a picture so bleak for black women that we just lay down and die? Is that the new plan of action media and world that if you paint the picture bleak enough that we will give up on ourselves and circumstances and just quietly fade out of existence until there is no more black women period? Is that what the world finally wants to see the death of black women period? Is that where the world is heading? The death of the black woman, first the assassination of her attributes and character, crushing and killing her soul along with her hope and dreams, and then killing her physically by making sure she has diseases until you have effectively exterminated the backbone the lifeblood of the black race by killing off its very root?

As a black women in my early 30's I don't appreciate the constant messages you are sending regarding my femininity, my worth, my beauty, my everything its like you are one big bird with radar and you are determined to shit on me and every other black women every chance you get. Everything regarding black women who look black in the media is wrong, but let someone that has European features, weaves down her back, light complexion, or be mixed but not have any features remotely related to being African-American then she is an easier pill to swallow treated better than the average black woman who you can readily identify as black, she is seen as exotic and she can do no wrong in the eyes of the world/media/public and she is able to slip through the cracks in society and more readily prosper because she has mass appeal then the average looking black women with the quintessential African-American features.

Every since the black woman has stepped off the slave ship she has been seen as nothing more than a piece of meat, a work mule, an over sexed creature that could be pushed around, raped and forced to bear the children of her master repeatedly, forced to work from sun-up to sun-down, and abused anyway the slave owner and overseer saw fit because he owned her she was property, while black men stood by helplessly watching as his women was used like a toilet by the master while he was powerless to stop it but we persevered because we had too. Now we have widespread abandonment by the very men that mirror our skin color and features they also help in the widespread destruction, tearing down of black women. Black men seem to pride themselves in hurting black women while praising, and lifting up women of other races for their attributes, beauty, sexual nature, and anything else they can think off. While they will have children out of wedlock with a black women they will go and marry a woman of another race and culture leaving yet another single black women household in his wake without regard or forethought.

The very image of the Black women are more often than not disrespected in rap, in movies, in black culture period. Still today every image of a woman especially the black women in a rap video is in something scantily clad, she's oiled up, and she is dancing provocatively and suggestively more often than not she has her ass(ets) on display for the world to see and this is the image of black women that are beamed into millions of homes across America daily. Even with the counterbalance of Oprah, and Michelle Obama, and other prolific and prominent black women whom have never shaken their body in a video, or walked around scantily clothed the ones that make headlines are they ones doing salacious acts, who wear reveling clothing, and just plain do whorish activities they get the media coverage ad nasuam, they are the face that the media portrays over and over again and feeds to the masses for mass and commercial consumption these very women who tear down instead of build up are what the world watches and acknowledges while the women who don't do any of that garbage are ignored and treated like lepers because she hold herself to a higher standard of living. It is ridiculous and it sends a message to the world it says that black women are nothing more than easy, loose, oversexed women who will do anything for attention so feel free to exploit me and treat me as if I am nothing more than a body used for your pleasure.

Why is it that black women are good enough to have children without benefit of wedlock but they aren't good enough to walk down the aisle with? Why is it the legacy of a broken black home is the legacy the generational curse that keeps getting passed down over and over to our children, grandchildren, and their children and beyond? Why is it that black women have stayed at the bottom of the collective totem pole why all other race of women has been regulated to the top? Why are black women treated more like the common cold instead of the precious, strong, and beautiful creature she really is? Why is it black women have to bear the brunt of societies callous nature while every other woman is put on a pedestal and black women are her collective stepping stone? When did my color begin to strip me of my humanity in societies eyes?

I'm just flat out sick and tired of it, if black women are completely wiped out that means there will be no more black men because there will be no black sons, no black daughters. There will be a whole race gone exterminated the way the media/public keeps bashing and treating black women I feel like its a hit out on my very sanity and peace of mind. Everything the media reports about a black woman has just been nothing but bad news. If you aren't part of the solution then that makes you part of the problem. Instead of being quick to run down what's wrong with black women I don't see anyone major trying to fix what's broken. Where are the resources, and the aid for black women since we so bad off? Where are the health programs, and the financial counseling services, hell where are the jobs that pay a living wage at, the benefits the help for single black women and single black mothers, where are the single black women groups that aren't about sex but about positive interaction with black men and women and fostering dialects and solutions to what plagues the black community and the black household? Where is the hope in all this damned darkness the media would have us believe?

As I understand it because I am a black woman I am considered too strong, too this or too that, I can't get credit figuratively for shit, and I damn sure can't get any help. I don't appreciate it I don't subscribe to your image of the black woman and I would like the media/the world/and black men to know you won't ever be able to kill MY soul, you won't ever be able to strip me of my femininity and you will never make me believe the ill conceived lies you feed the masses about black women. If I am the last black woman standing by myself I will not bend and I damn sure won't break because it takes more than bullshit to keep a strong black woman down, and as long as I have breath in my body I will make it my business to push against the lies and propaganda that the media/world would have me and others believing about black women. I am not the pebble in your shoe I am the boulder in your way, and I will not fade quietly into the night without a fight. I am angry and I am justified in my anger and now I promise to redouble my efforts. Get ready for the fight of your life.

Signed the black woman you have successfully pissed on and pissed off for the last time.

STUDY FINDS MEDIAN WEALTH FOR BLACK WOMEN AT $5.00

NEARLY HALF OF BLACK WOMEN HAVE HERPES Read more...

LOVE AND LEMON WATER

(this song sums it all up perfectly)

It's officially Febuary and with that comes a couple of things a shorter month, black history month which is practically forgotten and that auspicious day where everyone either gets freaked out, giddy, or totally hate it, yep that's right that time of the year again where you will be inundated with messages of love ad nauseum. As I've gotten older and also through the years I have never ever had a boyfriend or even someone I was "talking" too coincide with feb 14th divine intervention or the bigger question that I keep coming back to in my mind is maybe I am just not meant to be with anyone AT ALL!

Hell with all the "statistics" about the black woman and marriage maybe I am just supposed to ride this life out unattached and childless statistically speaking that is what the numbers say right? I mean we all know the saying "If you want to make GOD laugh tell him about YOUR plans" maybe I am just one of those people who aren't meant to be boo'ed up. When people ask me why I'm single so many reasons often come to mind but the basic bottom line is I really just don't think that there is a He for me. I'm not sad when I type that and I'm not forlorn not by a long shot it's just one of those things that I have suspected for awhile and I am just acutely aware of it. I haven't met a guy yet that has stuck some where around meeting them and trying to get to know them they just simply wander off or they suck with follow through or they just don't have that umph that makes me want to even remotely give them a chance.

(this song well the chorus always seems to play in my head for whatever reason and I have watched this video many times but I never noticed Usher in it for whatever reason until just today funny.)

I'm not even picky nor remotely shallow when having interest for a guy but I know what will and what won't work for me and a lot of what passes for dating these days is simple and utter bullshit I do come with expectations and standards, and I also know that the 2010 guy hates the words expectations, communication, honesty, loyalty, and waiting so you can see the potential problems one might run into in the dating spectrum if that is part of your dating expectations. Not everyone is going to get to fall in love, meet the guy/girl of their dreams, have the wedding, the white picket fence with the two kids in the yard, and the dog and cat. I wish that society didn't place the value of a black women so low and I wished that black men didn't either but what can you do when given lemons make lemonade but sometimes there just won't be any sugar to take the bitter away... so you have to make do with just lemon water sometimes it is what it is and what it will be. Read more...

BLACK WOMEN 0 - WORLD 1000+

So this statistic that dogs my heels, the one that says Marriage eludes high-achieving black women, that if you're over 30 black single educated hell even with no college degree after 30 if you want kids and a hubby you sitting at the top of that slope that leads to no marriage-ville its not in the cards for you because black men "outmarry" that is my new favorite word and because black women are considered in this society aesthetically undesirable compared to other races so not all other race men are even that interested in black women you have a few that get down with the swirl but by and large black women are largely ignored by and large. So we get to sit on the shelf and grow old and dusty as women from other races get snapped up time and time again.

I am so very tired of society as a whole shitting on black women, I am tired of being overlooked because I'm not light enough, not European/Asian/mixed or "exotic" looking enough to be deemed worthy of value in this society and in the eyes of men. The whole world has been mindfucked into thinking that you have to look a certain way and have a certain look in order for you to be considered desirable and if you don't think it's true look at all the chicks that sing, act, or walk the red carpet on the arms of men with money. I have resigned myself to the fact that realistically I won't be getting married, nor having children because I don't want to be a single mother struggling on my own to raise a child that I didn't make by myself. Unless I get a sudden huge amount of cash to fall in my lap then I might consider going the turkey baster route and picking out some designer sperm like the rest of hollyweird and the affluent but I digress. I don't even think I have anything else to give emotionally behind this topic I'm numb to it. I don't feel anything now I just feel like my thoughts on marriage/love/relationships have been validated time and time again and the chaces for black women are nonexistent when it comes to the love department and will continue to be so as the years progress. All the smart, well educated, talented 10th black women will die leaving no legacy to pass down to their children because they won't have any what a joyous world we live in (sarcasm). We have come so far but lost much and I am writing to the dark cause y'all don't hear me though....

READ THE DEPRESSING ARTICLE IN ITS ENTIRETY HERE Read more...

BLACK MEN BITCHING ABOUT BLACK WOMEN AGAIN

So I was browsing the news site NEWSONE and a particular article in the opinion section caught my eye. Quite naturally I had to make haste to read the article to see what all it said. Most days when I see black men bashing/confirming/giving the various reasons they don't date black women I just roll my eyes and don't even bother to read the shit. Because let's face it I am one woman and sometimes holding up that tattered flag of black love has become some what more of a burden these days. I'm like so over Love period, I wouldn't care if the world imploded and that was the end of human civilization. This is the age of selfishness and everyone is about self and self preservation.

Plus I'm tired of the overwhelming statics being trotted out and time again about black women in large numbers going unmarried vs. white women who are able to get married in droves and bushels. I digress anyway the article is titled The Top 10 Complaints about Black Women. Here's the list:

10. Confrontational-always wants to fight.

9. Loud-and can’t turn the volume down.

8. Fat-not every time, but too many times.

7. Catty/Competitive-hates girlfriends but always listening to them.

6. Unrealistic-thinks a Bentley costs a penny.

5. Selfish-but pushes us down by the head and shoulders.

4. Emasculating-and dressing like men too.

3. Controlling-manipulating. Ya’ll got a good life, man.

2. Demanding-wanting us to be different from the ‘we’ we are now.

1. Blameless-even when wrong.

While I'm so tempted to do a tit for tat I won't not this time at least but I will say that while this list has some truth to it I don't agree that this list is exclusively what black women do and any black man who thinks like that of course is a flawed individual that is so full of shit and really should pull his head out his ass. While the psychological ramifications are huge when you can't stand the females in your very own race and see them only as the enemy its sad and since my soul is already numb to this kind of shit it doesn't bleed in protest anymore. Some where along the line I begin to numb myself, mentally and emotionally because I am really tired of the onslaught of white/mexican/asian/anything but a black woman is better. Its a sickness especially when black men come out the very womb of the women they start hating. How can you look in the face of your mother, grandmother, aunts, and sisters and see nothing but an enemy?

Since black men are turning their backs on black women and black women either have to date outside their race or remain single I wonder how long it will take before the black race is completely and totally stamped out in northern America. I give it a total of 100 years there won't be any "American" black folks left just "others"and ambiguous racially mixed up individuals that will claim all the races as theirs. Nothing but pale skin, watered down features, fine thin hair, and a long forgotten race of people that once were....What a legacy to inherit

Original article source: READ THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE Read more...

D.O.M. DEATH OF MARRIAGE?

Lately I've been reading all these articles and opinions on why Marriage is a flawed institution and why it doesn't work anymore. We have all heard the statistics we have all seen the wedding-go-round that the celebrities ride on. We have seen it all its very rare in this day and age that you see a marriage healthy and intact especially in the african-american community. The whole world believes that black folks are only cut out to be baby mommas and baby daddies until we have accepted that shit and ingested that shit. I asked my youngest brother his thoughts on marriage and he's 19 and upon hearing his explanation he almost single handily restored my faith in why I value Marriage and think that it's important. If a 19yr old can still have faith in Marriage then there is still hope after all.

I have found myself torn, conflicted and somewhat confused and disheartened about marriage as of late. We in this society have become so selfish and just negative and ugly to one another especially when it concerns men and women interaction, and don't let me get started on the lack of black love period! Marriage is from a spiritual point and how many people keep God first and foremost in their lives in this day and age? We have all these new-aged philosophies and these new-age answers but the answers medicate the problems but they don't fix anything. How many people still believe that there should be three people in a marriage, the man the woman and God? I know to me specifically Marriage is something that I have always held in high esteem, even when the Marriages around me have all been dysfunctional. Call me an eternal optimist where marriage is concerned but I don't think its the institution of marriage that is failing but the very people who enter into the sanctity of marriage as if it wasn't a sacred union that is hard work and something that should be respected and cherished not taken with just a grain of salt are the cause of the problem.

Marriage is hard work, building a foundation, a legacy, a home is hard work. Staying in love, nurturing it, protecting it, and working on it takes tenacity and resilience. Staying together through sickness and health, lay offs, down times, repossessions, bad credit, etc being in a committed union with someone is hard work. Staying married until death parts you WILL BE HARD WORK but you have to ask yourself is this what I want, is this what I value, are we equally yoked? There are a bunch of questions one should ask themselves, there is premarital counseling one should go to and even then you have to really take a look at what you're actually getting married for. What are you expectations for said marriage, do both of you want children, what about income, etc. Above all know who you are linking your life with, you can't build your household with someone who is your enemy think about it.... Anyway I wasn't trying to change anyone's opinion on marriage and I don't even know if marriage is written in the stars for me but I still want to believe that marriage has a value and I will probably be the last woman standing holding on to my beliefs, but they say if you don't believe in something you will fall for anything and that is for damn sure!





Some links about marriage and love of course:

BLACK AND MARRIED WITH KIDS
ARE YOU READY FOR LOVE?
SHOULD YOU GET MARRIED OR STAY SINGLE
RELATIONSHIPS 101
WHY DO MARRIAGES FAIL Read more...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE NOW KILL YOURSELF

Disclaimer:This will be a rant/vent about my personal feelings and shit I'm going through if you don't want to read then don't, I give's not a fuck!


Many people think I am the devil, evil, angry, bitter, etc add your own word. It's amazing to me how when you voice how unhappy you are in your situation or when you call bullshit like you see it you automatically are branded as evil. My family does shit on the daily that just pisses me out and I'm supposed to just grin and bear the shit because why because their family and we're related by dna I don't think so. I don't think anyone see's me, all they see is how I act once shit starts going south and then that becomes my whole personality. I'm so tired of assholes I don't even have the patience to pretend to even want to deal with motherfuckers anymore. I have been worn down to the bone. I am weary and tired I am angry, bitter, and just fucking oh so tired of the way shit is going if I could bounce I would and I wouldn't tell anyone where I was I would just disappear without a fucking trace. I know I wouldn't be missed and that's fine with me.

Basically when you are the oldest your life becomes a pile of shit as soon as the other children come along you are turned into a fucking nurse maid and you become the babysitter, the maid, the cook, the help and you are quickly pushed aside and forgotten. But that's neither here nor there I'm just illustrating the kind of life one will be forced to lead as the eldest, it seems as if I don't have any room to make mistakes. Everyone else does but me I get the "well you did that to yourself, sucks for you" type attitude. There are no "well those are life lessons you learn" type comments. Everyone else is allowed to learn and grow from their mistakes me I'm told "well you just seem so unhappy, and happiness starts with self you should do something about that!" ONE MORE FUCKING TIME, I HAVE NO MONEY, NO JOB, NO JOB PROSPECTS, NO TRANSPORTATION, MY CREDIT SCORE IS FUCKED UP, AND I HAVE SOME COLLEGE CREDITS BUT NO DEGREE! AND everyone keeps telling me well if you're unhappy why don't you just move why don't you just change it IF I HAD THE RESOURCES I WOULD, IF IT WERE THAT EASY FOR ME I WOULD HAVE BEEN THOUGHT MY WAY OUT OF MY SITUATION, I always get the "well you're so intelligent I don't understand why you haven't figured something out for yourself yet" who the fuck wants to live like this, NO ONE, matter of fact this ain't even living some days I don't even want to get up, for what? What am I getting up for? Just to dirty up clothes that will have to be rewashed?

I would love to leave the state of California but where are people moving too with no job, no money, no job prospects, no where to stay???? Where they doing this at? Wouldn't it be extra foolish of me to leave the roof over my head to venture out into an unfamiliar state without even a job prospect lined up? With no where to sleep? With no fucking money in hand? Before I make that kind of move I want to make sure I don't continue to fuck up my life but yet and still people keep telling me the same bullshit. IF IT WAS THAT FUCKING EASY, IF I HAD A WAY TO DO IT I WOULD DO IT, OR I WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE IT ALREADY.

I don't have sympathy for others because simply they don't have sympathy nor empathy for me so fuck family, fuck everyone who always has an answer but no concrete solutions fuck the people telling me what I should do because they not offering a bed to sleep in nor a way to change my situation. Fuck everyone who keeps offering bullshit when its not fucking helpful. STOP doing that shit I don't want to hear anything unless it's about a job offer, unless its about a college program that I can enroll in that will change my life, I don't want to hear about it unless it will help me get to where I need to go to achieve a change in my life. UNLESS YOU COMING WITH SOLUTIONS SAVE ANYTHING ELSE. I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY, NOR YOUR SHOULDER TO CRY ON. POINT BLANK IF IT AIN'T ABOUT MONEY THEN I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT. MY MOOD IS DIRECTLY TIED TO MY PURSE STRINGS, AND I'M SO TIRED OF SANCTIMONIOUS ASSHOLES SO SAVE THAT SHIT AND PEDDLE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO GIVES A GOOD MOTHER-FUCKING-GOOSE! IF IT AIN'T ABOUT HELPING ME MAKE A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER THEN I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I REALLY DON'T.

DON'T COME TELLING ME ABOUT CHANGING SHIT UNLESS YOU HELPING, OTHER WISE SAVE THAT SHIT FOR DR. PHIL. I'm so tired of defending myself and explaining myself over and over again, everyone wants to cast stones but no one persone not anyone I know is trying to help, NOT ONE GOTDAMNED PERSON but yet you all quick to say shit and point fingers. I don't get credit for a motherfucking thing what I do get is more what I haven't done right, what I could be doing right, what else I should be doing. The fucked up thing is even when I get a job interview, or have to go to a job or start some training the first thing out of someones mouth is "how you going to get there?" WHAT THE FUCK???? How backwards is that you telling me to get a job repeatedly but then when I try and line something up then I'm told well how you going to get there? Maybe it's just me but that is backwards as hell but of course my logic doesn't mesh with the rest of the worlds so that might actually make sense in assbackwards ville.

I actually went on an interview for a company and the manager was so nasty about the whole process she told everyone in the interview that she was looking for the cream of the crop, and if we weren't that then we could leave now. She actually paused and waited for us to walk out, then she said that she could be choosy about the kind of workers she wanted because there were millions looking for jobs and it was a hiring market right now, not a job seekers market because people are hurting in this economy they are scrambling in this economy to get whatever they can people who were making good money are settling for jobs where they making just barely enough to feed themselves just to be able to get by. So the average worker can't even get the dead end fucked up shit jobs anymore. THE REST OF THE WORLD IS IN A RECESSION I'M IN A DEPRESSION. It's so easy to dole out advice left and right when you on the system and you get a couple fucking checks coming in. It's easy to tell me about my situation when you can get a job or go to school because the fucking county will foot the bill for that shit. It's amazing how people tell me to be grateful for the little things when the little things are all that I got and then I don't even have many of them to be grateful for. What I truly got is a whole lot of motherfucking nothing to be happy about and a bunch of asshole giving me fucking advice.

I don't think people understand how much energy it takes for me not to lash out and start just spazzing and throwing shit and breaking shit up, I had to come and write this blog just to calm myself down and get this out of my system. No one knows shit about what I'm going through and the bottom line is at the end of the day no one gives a fuck so miss me with that bullshit, miss me with the pity and the "we wish we could help", because in all reality no one gives a fuck about me or what I'm going through you just don't want me to be so vocal about it that is the real deal right fucking there. As long as I'm making noise and saying shit it makes people uncomfortable you can't bury your head in the sand when someone keeps waving their funk under your nose. But don't expect my sympathy or empathy when you need it, don't except a shoulder to cry on when you need one, and don't expect me to rush to your aid when you need help. I give as good as I get and since I ain't getting shit I ain't giving shit either!

I am truly alone in this world which is fine with me I am truly an island of one.

(END RANT/VENT) Read more...