I understand that this was made up as a joke but...some of y'all are totally following these rules lol.
This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the _____day of __________, 2007, by_______________________, between ____________and______________.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have shit to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The
answer is no, so don't ask.
6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are called the "backup," unless you are from
out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.
8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" we are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.
12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex - it's over, so get your ass up, get dressed and go the fuck home.
14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's
17. Doggie style is the preferred position - the reason is less eye contact the better.
19. No condoms, no fucking. Carry your ass home.
20. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.
21. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.
* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.
In this day and age isn't this what relationships between the opposite sexes has become? I find myself more and more sucker punching a guy with the "If you're looking for sex miss me with that" Deal breaker before he can even get it out of his mouth. I don't want, need, or like casual sex; it makes my skin crawl and my emotions protest. I would rather fly solo then engage in a bedroom romp with some dude I haven't known longer than my current sneaker. It's ridiculous how love has gotten lost in translation and sex has become the ultimate filler for all things remotely relationship like. I envy the people who have been able to wade through all of the broken and trifling individuals in this society to truly find someone who compliments them and who wants nothing but the best for that person in essence a real relationship with another individual that wants you in total not just your sex organs. I am so tired of interviewing frogs in the effort and hope of finding someone who will get me and no I don't believe I need to sleep with every individual that shows me some interest my self esteem is just not that low. Sigh, those who have managed to find a love that shelters their heart I envy you. It is a rare bird true love it's elusive and skittish, it can only be coaxed into the hand with finesse and tenderness not with the crass coochie-cooing of random sex acts that leave one broken, misused, and damaged. Sigh we have a generation of people who are living artificially existing on a diet of lies and polluted perceptions of how life and love should be. My inner-self cries for children who will be brought up to think that love is a dirty word and sex is the replaced it. Love is not the enemy it is the mistreatment of it that is the enemy yes it is a complete and total emotion that can take you as high as heaven or as low as hell but its an emotion that is worth seeking, having, and keeping.
Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it .. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
~ by The Holy Bible, New International Version Ephesians 5:25-33 ~
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ORIGINA POST DATE:
Saturday April 21, 2007 - 11:58pm
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Posted by THE 78' MS. J
BROKEN SOUL AGREEMENT
THE 78' MS. J
FOOD FOR THOUGHT|GETTING MY WAY BACK MACHINE|Heart Felt Sentimentalities|SEXUAL HEALTH|