STOP EXPECTING SWINE TO APPRECIATE YOU

The simplest concept in the world, the one we should always reflect on in everything we do is that:

EVERY CHOICE, EVERY ACTION, HAS A REACTION. 

We as human.beings make choices, we do things out of spite, out of anger, out of malice, out of kindness, out of love, out of sadness, out of loneliness, out of sacrifice, sometimes we do things because we don't know how to do any better. Whatever motivates you and drives you to do the things that you do understand for that choice you will make, you have made, there will be an outcome there is no escaping this.

People tend to think about themselves first and then others last, when you make a decision and you think it is only affecting you, you should ask yourself:

Self: This decision that I am making here right now how will it impact those around me, a year from now, five years from now, how will it affect my children's futures, will it have an affect on the way I am perceived,  Lastly but the most important questions are how will this affect someone who loves me? Will it cause emotional distress, physical pain, will this little bit of pleasure bring me a moment of happiness but a lifetime of pain?

I of course have to digress because simply human.beings are emotional selfish creatures we do what feels good, we do what makes us happy damn the consciences, damn what anyone else thinks and then we want to argue, curse and fight once the consciences rears its ugly head. We paint ourselves into corners because we are by nature selfish.

There is a principle called Personal Responsibility that states:

Accepting personal responsibility includes:

* Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.

* Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.

* Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.

* Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.

* Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you and what you are bound to become.

* The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.

* Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.

*Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.

* Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.

* Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.

* Not feeling sorry for the "bum deal" you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.

* Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others.

* Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.

* Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burnout prevention.

* Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues and positive points.

* Developing positive, self-affirming, self-talk scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.

* Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background and awareness.

* Working out anger, hostility, pessimism and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment and misdirection. 

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14698-accepting-personal-responsibility/#ixzz0q7WpadVF 


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June 6,

Give not that which is holy to dogs. Neither cast ye your pearls before swine - Matthew 7:6

Should we wear our most expensive outfit to a mud fight? Why then do we continue to place ourselves in jobs, situations, and relationships that ruin our peace, health, and self-value? Should we leave our most valuable possession unguarded in a public location? Why then do we place our minds and bodies in the reach of those persons and situations with a demonstrated history of abuse or neglect? We are, to ourselves, the most valuable possession we have. Yet we waste our time, energy and sometimes our lives in worthless situations among people who are unworthy. We must value our ideas, our energy, our time and our life to such an infinite degree that we become unwilling to waste who we are. If we put on our best and go to a mud fight, we can expect to get dirty. If we place our head in the Lion's mouth, we should expect to get eaten.

I Am very valuable to me. 

I always say that no one can do anything to you unless you allow them too. If you are throwing your pearls before swine and you expect them to appreciate them you will be disappointed each and every time.  I read that particular passage this morning and I didn't even know how it would impact my life until later on Today. I say to anyone reading this particular blog today there are two things I wish you to know if you don't come away with anything else: 

1. Personal Responsibility is hard I know this but at some point in your life as an adult you have to take it for yourself and your own happiness, and your actions and the consequences of all your actions and change starts with self I know its easier said then done but as we all are works in progress we must do what we can to affect the change we want to see in our lives.

2. No one can hurt, harm, damage you unless you allow them too. As an adult you have to stop allowing others to hurt or harm you, if they are a destructive force in your life then purge them from you and allow yourself to be happy, healthy, growing and thriving. Stop leaning on the crutch that is allowing you to stay in a situation that is killing your very joy within you. If you lose the destructive crutch you will have to learn how to walk all over again without it, you start by crawling but eventually you will learn how to stand and then you will learn how to walk again without that destructive crutch and eventually learn how to be happy again once you're on your own.

I speak peace and blessings into the lives that are broken, unhappy, sad, miserable and feeling like they have to stay in a situation they don't want to be in because they can't do any better. Change is hard especially when you aren't financially able to do any better believe me I know but there has to be a way, pray on it and meditate on it. 

Passage taken from: Acts Of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant link located below


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DIAMOND DATING STANDARDS IN A CUBIC ZIRCONIA WORLD

Dear Men,

Let me explain some things too you because some where along the line you have gotten it twisted and you think its cool to be chumps. The current climate of dating is dog shit, no one is dating, or courting anymore you're not even trying to pronounce my name right before you sending me your dick through the mail and I know these basic bitches are just happy to have a warm male body to latch onto but look a woman with standards and requirements don't just go for any ole bullshit which is what you fellas are coming with these days. So since I keep encountering the same shit over and over how about I break somethings down to you that you should stop doing if you ever want to dip your penis is a woman of quality!

1. Stop whining like a little bitch and stomping off and running away when you are faced with a little opposition and adversity. Anything worth having you have to work for it doesn't just fall in your lap and if it does then be aware because obviously it's something wrong with it.

2. You WILL AND SHOULD have to put in work to earn my affection, time, and effort! There is no easy way to circumvent this rule it is what it is, if you want me to even be seriously considering you in my life then you have to put in the work! That means I need attention to be paid to me, I need consistency, I need you to be honest, and above all I need you to state your real intentions upfront. Bullshit will get you no where but laughed at and discussed when talking to my home girls!

3. I do expect some kind of dating to go on, if you have budget restraints then you need to be hella creative and that has nothing to do with your penis whatsoever! I shouldn't have to come up with the date and then implement it especially when you call yourself pursuing me!

4. I really don't respect men who send me their penis digitally. Once you do that I really lose all my respect for you and p.s. I pass that shit around to the home girls every damn time so...you have been forewarned.

5. Being crazy is not the best way to get me to like you, being overly sensitive and shit will make me think you have emotional issues, and being extra clingy will also have that effect as well. Bottom line you need to be emotionally stable if you not then you should really be alone!

6. I expect for you to be a gentleman, meaning I want some of that old school treatment, treat me like a woman and allow me to treat you like a man. Come to the door with something in your hand not just your hat, actually get out the car and come to the door, open the car door, pull out chairs, open building doors, walk on the outside of me when we on the sidewalk, pay for shit when we go out at least the first time if you treat me like a lady that allows me the option of wanting to actually treat you before you fellas start thinking you will always have to pay. Because quite frankly you don't always have to pay sometimes I might want to just take you out but because I want too and think you're worthy just like you think I'm worthy of being taken out that goes in the other direction as well.

7. If you can't afford to date then don't period.

8. If you act like a king then you can get royal treatment, verses acting like a basic ass chump which will get you no damn where.

9. As a rule I hate phone sex don't ask for it, don't expect it.

10. Time is of the essence I'm in my 30's there are things that I want that if you're not even trying to pursue then we aren't going to work out. I don't like wasting my time on idle pursuits. I even tried dealing with men that I had absolutely no interest in and knew there could be no future with in efforts just to get circulating and get the dating juices flowing but it was an epic and utter fail and a big waste of time. I hate wasting time I do enough of that on my own I don't need you to help me waste my time.

11. 0+0=0 in other words nothing from nothing leaves nothing! If you don't even have a drivers license, no ambition, content to be on general relief, s.s.i., section 8, medi-cade, medi-cal, IEHP, food stamps, welfare, all your life and do enough just to show your social worker you trying so they won't cut your benefits off we don't have nothing to discuss. We really don't I know I don't have what I need to have at my age but I have never been on any social programs and if you're a grown ass man on that shit and you think you getting over we have nothing to discuss what so ever. Please don't even try and set your attention in my direction.

12. You got more than one baby momma, look I have no kids and as a person without kids who would like to have some, some day (Lord willing) I really don't want to be with a dude who has already had his share of kids and he's already finished. That shit is unfair on both sides. I can't help if you already started having kids with various women and now you done, that's on you not me. If you would have invested in condoms and been wiser about procreating then you wouldn't have that problem and I wouldn't have to shut you down before you even got in good yet.

13. Ambition, intelligence, creativity, culture, new experiences, these are some qualities that every man worth his salt should have. Take me out and expose me to new things, lets go to the museums, plays, musicals, ballets, opera's, concerts, street fairs, farmers markets, cultural fairs, lets discover new things to do in the city, be involved in your community.

14. Please don't ask me anything sexual in our first 5 conversations, matter of fact why we even gotta discuss sex before we even know if we want to deal with each other on a personal level. Why does the conversation always have to immediately go in the direction of sex, why we gotta discuss oral, and favorite positions, and past experiences, why I gotta stress that I'm celibate and then once you hear that you start talking about how great your dick game is, look dick is a dime a dozen, Its about quality in all aspects not just the damn penis. But again basic dudes not trying to build long term you just want to beat and skeet and then keep it moving. I'm cool off that plan.

15. Men/boys that require multiple do overs look if I have been kind enough to give you more than one chance and you have dropped the ball on every chance then you're in the fringe zone one of those dudes that stay on the fringe that I don't take serious because you never got your shit together concerning your intentions with me, so enjoy the fringe because that's where you'll be always.

16. You must have self confidence in yourself if you don't like yourself how am I supposed to like you? What is there to be attracted too if you always down on yourself? That is a huge turn off HUGE.

17. I am not bougie, I am not a gold digger, but do I like nice things? Yes. Do I expect for you to be able to do the things I am accustomed to doing and be able to do that times 2, yes. Let me explain, If I can get it for myself then you should be able to get it as well with a little bit extra. So If I am able to go to cheesecake factory and spend 50 dollars then if we go like on a date you should be capable of doing that and more. If I can go to M.A.C. and buy a lipglass, a lip liner, and an eyeshadow, you should be able to buy that plus a couple of brushes, and a make-up bag. These are examples I'm not demanding these things but YOU should be able to do them. I am at a certain level, I do certain things I am not going backwards. I wouldn't ask a male that is accustomed to wearing Issey Miyake to start wearing axe body spray that's backwards. If a male is accustomed to eating at Ruth Chris steak house I wouldn't expect for him to dine at Denny's that's going backwards. Do you see where I'm going with this? Men please stop thinking that because women are used to certain things that she is a gold digger. That's a break dudes way of being cheap always talking about she after your paper, negro please you have to have some paper to be after first! Dating is a pricey activity in order for me to even want to spend time with you I have to be seriously interested in you, so that should be taken into consideration when you ask any woman out.

18. If you're a grown ass man above the age of 30 I should never ever ever see your draws. If you're wearing tennis shoes they shouldn't be dirty, dingy, and disgusting. Your should put your best foot forward because when I step out with you I am going to bring my A game YOU should do the same. It's embarrassing stepping out with a dude who looks like he just stepped off the set of a rap video but you was the break ass extra. That's not haute boo, not at all.

19. Stop lying about your financial situation the truth will always come to light and you will be embarrassed especially when you trying to scramble and save face. I won't say anything unless its warranted but I will notice it. Especially if I have to bail you out because you tried to play big bank hank it will quickly become an issue which will lead to the date ending shortly after.

20. I don't kiss everyone kissing like everything else has to be earned. You have to have been just a mind blowing type dude to earn a kiss. Kissing is an art form a rare one that people don't practice anymore. It is also a very intimate act one that I don't take lightly. If I'm just this way about kissing then you can imagine my rules and principals on sex and sexual activities.

I know that in this day and age it is very rare to find someone who knows how to date properly who even wants to spend time actually getting to know a person before they are trying to bed you but you fellas aren't even finessing it anymore you're very crass, rude and just uncouth. Why would I take any of you seriously when you act like such clowns and chumps? Why do I have to train you in the way you should treat a women? Don't you have mothers and sisters? Where are your manners? Understand me when I say that I'm not after any ones money. Integrity, ingenuity, intelligence, sincerity, and attitude go a long way to cover what is lacking in your pockets. But when you are an ignorant chump with no class there is no way to even cover up nor make up for the basic personality traits you are lacking. I am willing to work with a dude that has potential to actually be something not just a dude that stops at potential. Its a lot of men walking around with nothing but just potential and it never manifest into anything more than that.

I know if you reading this you like damn she got a lot of requirements and that's why she single now, you're right I have a lot or requirements, I have standards, I have things that I want a potential suitor to have. There is a certain way I want men in pursuit of me to act. I am past the age of playing around its either you will or you won't at this phase of the game. I'm playing for keeps not just playing to play so the stakes are higher and the pot is bigger.

I know you sitting there thinking damn is she even worth all this trouble and what dude is going to follow these rules and stipulations she putting forth when a dude can just simply go mess with the chicken head down the block who will let him treat her any old kind of way but there has to be a small fraction of men out there that are searching hungering for quality I am banking on those men its a long shot but nothing ventured nothing gained right? These shouldn't just be my personal standards alone this should be the universal women of worth standards. I am a diamond in the rough that is willing to work with a male diamond in the rough we can become full fledged diamonds together however I am over dealing with plain ole regular dirt rocks pretending to be lumps of coal! If you want to deal with me this is what you have to contend with. You have a choice we all have choices its about making wise choices from here on out and that ladies and gents is what I'm about 100%. So farewell chumps of the world I am no longer entertaining you and letting you waste my time. It will soon be a new year and I'm off the old and already on that 2010 so catch up and get right or get left! Read more...

MIND YOUR RELATIONSHIP

People get tired...it's a fact.

It's also a fact that people can only do to you what you allow them to do to you.

Fact relationships should be a two way street or you will get ran over like a one way street complete with wear and tear and potholes.

Fact it is not always the mans fault.

Fact when you listen to single girlfriends and run the street with them then guess what you're coveting a single lifestyle which can quickly turn into a single reality!

Relationships are HARD WORK, they are harder to maintain then any 9-5 they need constant nurturing, constant vigil, constant communication, constant attention, constant pride swallowing, compromise, improvising, trust, energy, love, affection, understanding, respect, and dedication. They also need for you to have the guts and the balls to maintain it for the long haul if you're not all in then you are simply playing waiting for something better possibly to come along.

Fact marriage is not the problem its the expectations of what a marriage is. Two people who decide to get married should discuss it, discuss it, and discuss it again not just making wedding plans but talk about your expectations for each partner, finances, if you want children, where you want to live, 5 year outcome etc. There needs to be talks held, then you should seek before marriage counseling, put a higher power in your marriage, pray together, be honest and communicate often, seek wisdom from happily married elders, not single girlfriends who are bitter and angry because their marriages failed and they don't have any prospects for marriage and most importantly you need faith, faith in yourself and faith in your partner and faith in your union.

Be realistic I know many of us have done it but you ultimately know what you want in a mate, if he or she is a cheater while you're dating then what makes you think they will stop cheating after you say vows? FACT NO WOMAN CAN CHANGE A MAN, NO MAN CAN CHANGE A WOMAN! Stop thinking that you can change the person you're with into your ideal mate. If they were you're ideal mate then they wouldn't be such a fixer-upper in the first place. The worst thing you could ever do is settle and be with someone for all the wrong reasons or stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons.

Recognize that potential might just never become anything more than potential. You know what I mean like a man that is always trying but he can't never seem to keep a job he always getting fired for some reason or other, he's a good man but he just can't hold onto a job for shit. Now understand I am not telling anyone to break up with their man by no means but realize that more often than not you will be the main bread winner. Realize that with this type of man your finances will always be in jeopardy unless you make enough to cover everything by yourself, realize that this type of man may be good in other areas but working and making money on a consistent basis won't be one of those areas. So don't go faulting the man when he can't keep a job there is where finding out about a person before you leap into a relationship with them comes into play.

I don't care what anyone says or how they justify it cheating is cheating is cheating PERIOD. It's wrong if a man does it and its wrong when a woman does it PERIOD. I don't care if you're unhappy with your mate, I don't care if you're in a lot of pain and the only way to work through it is by fucking its still wrong, your moral compass is fucked up and that's just the way it is. Don't try and cover up shit with perfume it's still funky no matter how much you spray it.

Baby mommas and baby daddies if you aren't together and you each have multiple kids please be mature about your dealings with each other. The only thing that needs to ever be discussed is your kids PERIOD. Trying to hurt each other through your children is ugly stop being so fucking stupid its not about you anymore its about your children. Women stop using your children as tools of revenge that shit is moronic and you should have known better than to put your womb on the line before you let him skeet in you. Men stop being all bitter and shit and talking about how much you hate that bitch, you wasn't hating her when you were busting nuts all in her gut. It takes two to make a baby every time you lay down with someone know that you are taking a risk DUH, anyone that doesn't get that is seriously mentally challenged and shouldn't be fucking any way.

If there is no love left then there is nothing to stay for. It will just cause misery to both parties if you are unhappy walk away. Put one foot in front of the other and don't look back even if that means you have to make some hard choices. But everyone should have a fuck you fund, just in case you have to leave you need to be able to at least have a rent deposit of first and last and a security deposit at all times sitting in a reserve account solely with your name on it.

Don't bullshit yourself if it doesn't work you can't make it work so stop trying let it go...

Just some thoughts ladies and gents from my head to hopefully your heart.

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