It's that time again worlds aids day, once again let's be conscience of our sexual choices as we bring this year to a close and let's be mindful that everything that glitters is not gold, and just because it look good doesn't mean its good for you. Protect yourself,respect yourself, and know with whom you're jumping in the bed with and please get tested before you go unprotected!
Most adolescents who belong to an ethnic minority group wrestle not only with their self-esteem (like most teens), but also with identity issues unique to their ethnic group, such as dealing with social stigma. A new study tells us that young people's ethnic pride may affect their mental health.
The study, carried out by researchers at Northwestern University, Loyola University Chicago, and Walden University, appears in the November/December 2009 issue of the journal Child Development.
The researchers studied more than 250 African American youths from urban, low-income families in an effort to assess the unique effects of racial identity and self esteem on mental health. They found that when young people's feelings of ethnic pride rose between 7th and 8th grades, their mental health also improved over that period, regardless of their self-esteem. Even for those with low self-esteem, the investigators found, a sense of pride in their ethnic group served as a buffer to some mental health problems. Racial identity was a stronger buffer against symptoms of depression for boys than for girls.
"These findings imply that ethnic pride is important to African American adolescents' mental health for other reasons than it simply makes them feel better about themselves as individuals," according to Jelani Mandara, associate professor of human development and social policy at Northwestern University, who was the study's lead author. "The findings also imply that ethnic pride may be as important as self-esteem to the mental health of African American adolescents. Parents, schools, and therapists should expose young people to material and environments that help foster a sense of ethnic pride."
More information: Child Development, Vol. 80, Issue 6, The Effects of Changes in Racial Identity and Self-Esteem on Changes in African American Adolescents' Mental Health by Mandara, J (Northwestern University), Gaylord-Harden, NK, and Richards, MH (Loyola University Chicago), and Ragsdale, BL (Walden University).
So let me ask you all a question...who didn't know this?I hate the fact that for some black folks it has to be validated by a caucasian before it is believed, I mean really we still have to get a caucasian stamp of approval before you believe something that should be self evident? Am I the only one who was aware of this fact? I been trying to install ethnic pride in my brothers and sisters for years. I have been telling them for years that they are descendants of kings and queens and that they had great lands and they come from a great history full of pride respect and dignity. There were even African pharaohs go look it up its true. It is also a fact that if you instill pride and dignity in your child they will make wiser choices, their self esteem will improve they will do better in all aspects and they will make better decisions concerning their future because they know that their lives are worth something and not just meaningless and bullshit. Or that all they should ever aspire to do is to shake their asses with fake ass wigs and weaves, and glitter embossed bodysuits, or play a sport. That they are more than what the media boils them down to be and that they are far capable of greatness versus idiolizing industry thugs, glorifying rappers, and actors, and wild children with marginal talent but an abundance of personal issues.
Give your children dignity and something to hold their heads up about, cut the tv off, and take them to the library, read to them, listen to them, and protect them for God's sake be a real parent and not just a wack facsimile of what a parent should be! Those of you lucky to have children should consider it an honor not just a biological right. It's more then that and you should treat it as such.
Dear Men,
Let me explain some things too you because some where along the line you have gotten it twisted and you think its cool to be chumps. The current climate of dating is dog shit, no one is dating, or courting anymore you're not even trying to pronounce my name right before you sending me your dick through the mail and I know these basic bitches are just happy to have a warm male body to latch onto but look a woman with standards and requirements don't just go for any ole bullshit which is what you fellas are coming with these days. So since I keep encountering the same shit over and over how about I break somethings down to you that you should stop doing if you ever want to dip your penis is a woman of quality!
1. Stop whining like a little bitch and stomping off and running away when you are faced with a little opposition and adversity. Anything worth having you have to work for it doesn't just fall in your lap and if it does then be aware because obviously it's something wrong with it.
2. You WILL AND SHOULD have to put in work to earn my affection, time, and effort! There is no easy way to circumvent this rule it is what it is, if you want me to even be seriously considering you in my life then you have to put in the work! That means I need attention to be paid to me, I need consistency, I need you to be honest, and above all I need you to state your real intentions upfront. Bullshit will get you no where but laughed at and discussed when talking to my home girls!
3. I do expect some kind of dating to go on, if you have budget restraints then you need to be hella creative and that has nothing to do with your penis whatsoever! I shouldn't have to come up with the date and then implement it especially when you call yourself pursuing me!
4. I really don't respect men who send me their penis digitally. Once you do that I really lose all my respect for you and p.s. I pass that shit around to the home girls every damn time so...you have been forewarned.
5. Being crazy is not the best way to get me to like you, being overly sensitive and shit will make me think you have emotional issues, and being extra clingy will also have that effect as well. Bottom line you need to be emotionally stable if you not then you should really be alone!
6. I expect for you to be a gentleman, meaning I want some of that old school treatment, treat me like a woman and allow me to treat you like a man. Come to the door with something in your hand not just your hat, actually get out the car and come to the door, open the car door, pull out chairs, open building doors, walk on the outside of me when we on the sidewalk, pay for shit when we go out at least the first time if you treat me like a lady that allows me the option of wanting to actually treat you before you fellas start thinking you will always have to pay. Because quite frankly you don't always have to pay sometimes I might want to just take you out but because I want too and think you're worthy just like you think I'm worthy of being taken out that goes in the other direction as well.
7. If you can't afford to date then don't period.
8. If you act like a king then you can get royal treatment, verses acting like a basic ass chump which will get you no damn where.
9. As a rule I hate phone sex don't ask for it, don't expect it.
10. Time is of the essence I'm in my 30's there are things that I want that if you're not even trying to pursue then we aren't going to work out. I don't like wasting my time on idle pursuits. I even tried dealing with men that I had absolutely no interest in and knew there could be no future with in efforts just to get circulating and get the dating juices flowing but it was an epic and utter fail and a big waste of time. I hate wasting time I do enough of that on my own I don't need you to help me waste my time.
11. 0+0=0 in other words nothing from nothing leaves nothing! If you don't even have a drivers license, no ambition, content to be on general relief, s.s.i., section 8, medi-cade, medi-cal, IEHP, food stamps, welfare, all your life and do enough just to show your social worker you trying so they won't cut your benefits off we don't have nothing to discuss. We really don't I know I don't have what I need to have at my age but I have never been on any social programs and if you're a grown ass man on that shit and you think you getting over we have nothing to discuss what so ever. Please don't even try and set your attention in my direction.
12. You got more than one baby momma, look I have no kids and as a person without kids who would like to have some, some day (Lord willing) I really don't want to be with a dude who has already had his share of kids and he's already finished. That shit is unfair on both sides. I can't help if you already started having kids with various women and now you done, that's on you not me. If you would have invested in condoms and been wiser about procreating then you wouldn't have that problem and I wouldn't have to shut you down before you even got in good yet.
13. Ambition, intelligence, creativity, culture, new experiences, these are some qualities that every man worth his salt should have. Take me out and expose me to new things, lets go to the museums, plays, musicals, ballets, opera's, concerts, street fairs, farmers markets, cultural fairs, lets discover new things to do in the city, be involved in your community.
14. Please don't ask me anything sexual in our first 5 conversations, matter of fact why we even gotta discuss sex before we even know if we want to deal with each other on a personal level. Why does the conversation always have to immediately go in the direction of sex, why we gotta discuss oral, and favorite positions, and past experiences, why I gotta stress that I'm celibate and then once you hear that you start talking about how great your dick game is, look dick is a dime a dozen, Its about quality in all aspects not just the damn penis. But again basic dudes not trying to build long term you just want to beat and skeet and then keep it moving. I'm cool off that plan.
15. Men/boys that require multiple do overs look if I have been kind enough to give you more than one chance and you have dropped the ball on every chance then you're in the fringe zone one of those dudes that stay on the fringe that I don't take serious because you never got your shit together concerning your intentions with me, so enjoy the fringe because that's where you'll be always.
16. You must have self confidence in yourself if you don't like yourself how am I supposed to like you? What is there to be attracted too if you always down on yourself? That is a huge turn off HUGE.
17. I am not bougie, I am not a gold digger, but do I like nice things? Yes. Do I expect for you to be able to do the things I am accustomed to doing and be able to do that times 2, yes. Let me explain, If I can get it for myself then you should be able to get it as well with a little bit extra. So If I am able to go to cheesecake factory and spend 50 dollars then if we go like on a date you should be capable of doing that and more. If I can go to M.A.C. and buy a lipglass, a lip liner, and an eyeshadow, you should be able to buy that plus a couple of brushes, and a make-up bag. These are examples I'm not demanding these things but YOU should be able to do them. I am at a certain level, I do certain things I am not going backwards. I wouldn't ask a male that is accustomed to wearing Issey Miyake to start wearing axe body spray that's backwards. If a male is accustomed to eating at Ruth Chris steak house I wouldn't expect for him to dine at Denny's that's going backwards. Do you see where I'm going with this? Men please stop thinking that because women are used to certain things that she is a gold digger. That's a break dudes way of being cheap always talking about she after your paper, negro please you have to have some paper to be after first! Dating is a pricey activity in order for me to even want to spend time with you I have to be seriously interested in you, so that should be taken into consideration when you ask any woman out.
18. If you're a grown ass man above the age of 30 I should never ever ever see your draws. If you're wearing tennis shoes they shouldn't be dirty, dingy, and disgusting. Your should put your best foot forward because when I step out with you I am going to bring my A game YOU should do the same. It's embarrassing stepping out with a dude who looks like he just stepped off the set of a rap video but you was the break ass extra. That's not haute boo, not at all.
19. Stop lying about your financial situation the truth will always come to light and you will be embarrassed especially when you trying to scramble and save face. I won't say anything unless its warranted but I will notice it. Especially if I have to bail you out because you tried to play big bank hank it will quickly become an issue which will lead to the date ending shortly after.
20. I don't kiss everyone kissing like everything else has to be earned. You have to have been just a mind blowing type dude to earn a kiss. Kissing is an art form a rare one that people don't practice anymore. It is also a very intimate act one that I don't take lightly. If I'm just this way about kissing then you can imagine my rules and principals on sex and sexual activities.
I know that in this day and age it is very rare to find someone who knows how to date properly who even wants to spend time actually getting to know a person before they are trying to bed you but you fellas aren't even finessing it anymore you're very crass, rude and just uncouth. Why would I take any of you seriously when you act like such clowns and chumps? Why do I have to train you in the way you should treat a women? Don't you have mothers and sisters? Where are your manners? Understand me when I say that I'm not after any ones money. Integrity, ingenuity, intelligence, sincerity, and attitude go a long way to cover what is lacking in your pockets. But when you are an ignorant chump with no class there is no way to even cover up nor make up for the basic personality traits you are lacking. I am willing to work with a dude that has potential to actually be something not just a dude that stops at potential. Its a lot of men walking around with nothing but just potential and it never manifest into anything more than that.
I know if you reading this you like damn she got a lot of requirements and that's why she single now, you're right I have a lot or requirements, I have standards, I have things that I want a potential suitor to have. There is a certain way I want men in pursuit of me to act. I am past the age of playing around its either you will or you won't at this phase of the game. I'm playing for keeps not just playing to play so the stakes are higher and the pot is bigger.
I know you sitting there thinking damn is she even worth all this trouble and what dude is going to follow these rules and stipulations she putting forth when a dude can just simply go mess with the chicken head down the block who will let him treat her any old kind of way but there has to be a small fraction of men out there that are searching hungering for quality I am banking on those men its a long shot but nothing ventured nothing gained right? These shouldn't just be my personal standards alone this should be the universal women of worth standards. I am a diamond in the rough that is willing to work with a male diamond in the rough we can become full fledged diamonds together however I am over dealing with plain ole regular dirt rocks pretending to be lumps of coal! If you want to deal with me this is what you have to contend with. You have a choice we all have choices its about making wise choices from here on out and that ladies and gents is what I'm about 100%. So farewell chumps of the world I am no longer entertaining you and letting you waste my time. It will soon be a new year and I'm off the old and already on that 2010 so catch up and get right or get left!
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So another season of Lincoln Heights has ended and if you aren't a watcher of that fantastic show shame on you. It's definitely a sleeper show with a multi-ethnic cast and swirl love so if you are a big fan of all of that then this is the show for you.
The show has been on for 4yrs and not many people know about it so I will post the two episode season finale for this season here so you can watch it. Currently the 4th season is on hulu but it will not be there long so if you want to try and catch the remaining episodes they have up for this current 4th season run over to hulu and watch it, its free!
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If you haven't guessed by now then you ought to know that dating(for lack of a better term) in southern California is like kicking yourself in the ass repeatedly with some soccer cleats. But it might just be me because I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to my approach and thing concerning men and anything relationship wise. I am simply tired of clowns in men suits shit is ridiculous the art of dating and courtship has been killed and replaced with utter bullshit. I really can't get with the bullshit that passes for male and female interaction these days. Its pure unadulterated bullshit painted in modern justifiability and passed off as the hauteness. Females have lowered their standards so much so that a chicken dinner, or super-sizing it will more than likely get a fella some ass and head. You don't even have to pronounce the chicks name right and you can still get some ass in this day and age. Its sad and its getting worst because no one is teaching young dudes in this day and age how to treat a woman, and no daddies around to teach their daughters how to be treated and respected by males. It's anything goes in these streets, parents are dropping the ball left and right when it comes to telling their daughters and sons how to treat each other because a lot of the adults don't know how to treat each other and they haven't figured it out for themselves shit is sad and disheartening.
So when a dude comes across a female that has requirements and standards he goes into shock. He's intrigued for a minute but when he finds out that he has to actually invest time, interest, resources and get to actually know her well enough to go out with her then he quickly drops the pursuit of said chick and moves on to the next much easier target. I don't know if in other states its like this but in Cali it most definitely is. Plus add to the fact that the main dudes in Cali either fall into four major groups.
Group 1: Upper middle class which means they are making decent money, they have a degree, they either drive a Benz, Lexus, or a Bentley, they shop at the Beverly center and they either live in the valley, weho, or ladera heights, but does not even date black women not at all, or if he does she has to be petite fairs-skinned, long hair, and as unblack acting as possible. But most likely they stick to Caucasian, Asian, and Hispanic women period no exceptions. They usually are the men who frown or look at "common" black women as ghetto trash who they say are, loud, overweight, and domineering. The funny and sad part is these very same men WILL and HAVE married women fresh out the trailer parks, and even very obese and unattractive white women but these very men have no problem upgrading these women but for a black women in the same situation he is very turned off condescending and callous makes you wonder about the psychosis of this very same man.
Group 2: Gay, down low, hood-down low dudes this group should be self explanatory.
Group 3: men with emotional baggage one chick hurt them one time and now they don't trust any women. They quick to flip out on you emotionally over nothing. Little grown boys dudes who think they got it going on but they haven't a clue how to treat a women not even the essentials. But they usually got more than one kid and multiple baby mommas but have trouble maintaining a long term relationship. The word commitment freaks them out and they have nothing to show for their existence except an xbox 360, some Jordan's, and a car with a stereo system and rims on it in his momma name.
Group 4: the rest of the men, they want a quick lay. They want you to send them naked, or "tease" pictures digitally they want you to phone sex them and all this shit within the first meeting of them. They try and convince you that they have the dick of life and when you shut their asses down they then become what I call fringe dudes, they wait around on the edges and every blue moon they speak/contact you/call/email or see you in the street and they show interest enough again to find out if your standards and requirements have lowered or weakened so they can then try and get what they wanted in the first place which is ass and when you still the same they fall back to the edges and will show up again when they single its what they do.
People often espouse don't look for love, okay but let me tell you people something I don't think there is a way to look for love, love is an emotion one that can be faked the most you can do is seek out or try and find what you deem is a quality person to be in your world or you can be passive and just let whatever is interested in you come your way. Now when you go the passive route you will get any and everything I know because I never ever approach men so what I end up with is chump city. Men who are just raggedy, shamelessly tired and trifling. Since these men are already down and out anything they get is a bonus and they have nothing to lose because they had absolutely nothing in the first place. Now with that being said there has to be a middle ground, I don't think being proactive in your romantic endeavors makes you desperate it makes you forward thinking and efficient. If you sit around and wait for love then it may never find you, and since men aren't really about love these days it would behoove you to ask the pertinent questions and then move on if said person is not what you may be seeking. That way you don't waste your time stepping out with a kentucky fried chump who just wants to go to burger hut and then slide between your sheets beat, skeet, and then delete you.
I am so tired of the men in southern cali beyond tired actually. Just once I wish I could meet a guy that was about business, and we clicked on all levels. Versus all these hit and misses I always encounter. I understand we are in hard times but if you absolutely don't have the money to date then you need to state that from the beginning and let the person you digging see if they are willing to work with you. Don't just assume that the person you going out with even likes you well enough to want to even do that with you. Because in order for a person to spend time with you then they have to be genuinely interested and not just wanting to simply go out just to be going out there is a difference!
Ladies word of advice raise your standards, stop settling for kentucky fried chumps, stop hopping in the bed with these niggas cause they got slick talk, and stop just taking bullshit. Make him work for it, he should be doing basic gentlemanly things, opening all doors car included, he should pay for the first dinner at a nice place applebee's and chili's does not count, he should come see you dressed decently if his drawers are showing send his ass packing, his car should be washed, or if you're driving and your car is dirty he should at least offer to wash it for you or fill the tank up, check the oil, check the tire pressure, damn do something besides ride in the passenger seat. If you don't set standards then you will get anything and when you get just anything then you aren't allowed to complain!
Fellas...sigh you're a whole other post smh its way to much I need to say to y'all about this shamockery you all call dating these days smh.
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So It turns out that Trey Songz really did invent sex who knew....
I don't know about anyone else but ummmm this vid was sexy, sensual, and just damned delightful. I thought Songz was cute in a baby face he ain't a grown man even if he is deep stroking kind of way. But this video has changed my mind and given me a new found appreciation for Songz...got me thinking I want to try a dude who's belly button is highly visible. Leave your thoughts and comments.
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You mean to tell me you can't look at this dude and tell his elevator don't go all the way to the top? AND you set up and let his ass reproduce as well? I blame every adult involved with this situation all y'all need to be stripped of reproduction rights, and your homes/trailers/car/pick-ups/etc should be seized and sold off and you all should be marched down the street with sticks up your asses and weights around your necks then left in the middle of a field miles from no where to die slow.
READ THE NEWS STORY HERE
First Question: If the boy only got an IQ of 59 and he was messing with a 15yr old why did her parent(s) allow it to go on? Okay her grandmother, aunt, older sister whoever is guardian over this child because clearly she is retarded as well if she laying down with a dude that's mentally retarded and she can't tell the difference then she sat up got pregnant and her people let her keep the kid, I get the welfare hustle a baby is a check and clearly someone had to get that paper so what the 15yr old took one for the team? I know that when you mentally retarded then your hormones are extra amped so who didn't give these two their pills? Who dropped the dime on this watch?
Second Question: How the fuck he get enough time to rape AND beat his daughter in a trailer full of people? I can tell by looking at the boy picture he got a mental deficiency what's the problem with everyone else and shit? Do all the people in Arkansas got a cataract? You see his momma is borderline retarded herself setting up lying on camera. She didn't look straight at the camera the whole time she was speaking.
Third Question: why the fuck isn't there some kind of law in place for the prevention of people having kids period. Yes I know that's trampling on peoples free will blah blah blah but just because you have the inner workings to reproduce doesn't mean you should do it. There needs to be some kind of preventive measures in place clearly some people can't govern themselves so everyone has to suffer. I would rather be licensed to be a parent, with a complete mental check-up, IQ test, even a health screen before giving birth. It would nip a lot of shit in the bud and children wouldn't have to suffer at the hands of people who clearly shouldn't be allowed to have children. You need a licenses to fish, to hunt, to drive a car, to even get married but any asshole who deems it so can skeet and produce a kid that shit is unbalanced. Why the fuck are animals, and even fish more protected then the very fruit of human reproduction? Clearly homo sapien's are the most fucked up and flawed creatures on the planet we do some horrible shit to each other and some of you assholes even devour your young.
There needs to be stiffer penalties for child molesters, child rapist, pedophiles and any one who harms a child, mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally. Who advocates for the children? Who speaks for them? How can we call ourselves evolved when everyday some where in the world a child is being harmed? How can we even dare wage wars when we have this kind of heinous shit going on in our very backyards? We don't even protect our children so why the fuck are we in other countries trying to tell them what to do?
I am so angry and you should be as well for every child needs protection and we as adults should protect them with our very lives but instead some sick assholes are the takers of innocence and life. For every person that harms a child the 10th gate of hell is waiting for your mortal soul and I for one think you should be sent there immediately once found guilty. No need to sit in a jail cell and take up space and taxpayers money fry their asses and send then on to hell where they belong.
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