Friday, March 26, 2010


Girls get a bum deal. We get to wear training bras then graduate to real bra's for the rest of your lives, hips, cramps, periods, pap smears, and the list goes on and on and lets not even discuss pushing out a child. We also get to deal with men. I don't know who or what thought this love stuff up but it should be returned to sender. From the first school yard crush to your first love none of this shit is easy and the worst part is it never seems to get any better and if you're never lucky enough to have some decent relationships then really its all bad. It's kinda like being a part of a gang with men on one side women on the other there is constant fighting with each other resulting in there being plenty causalities walking around with enough emotional scars and emotional baggage to fill up the twin towers and several other jails around the country.

Ever since I can remember I have had the misfortune of having the worst luck in the romance department. From the crushes during middle school to the first boyfriend on up its just been one tragic sad mishap one after the next. I gotta start to wonder if I need an evaluation cause you have to be crazy to keep wishing for the best but constantly getting nothing but the worst. I don't know if I have the worst luck or if my karma is just really messed up. I can't seem to ever just luck out and bump into that "one" guy that is the pay off for kissing all these frogs thus far. I don't even have a huge list of wants or requirements just the basics will do. He doesn't have to look like a movie star just be decent and not frighten small children in the daytime but I digress.

And trust me I am not looking I never look I don't seek anything or anyone out either but I'm starting to think that might be part of the problem. I know the popular thoughts on the matter is that you are supposed to be patient and WAIT for this person to just show up but if he doesn't know where you are, or doesn't know you even exist then how is he supposed to find you? I always thought that passage from the bible that says "a man that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing" in my mind I have always believed that, that passage is saying that the man is supposed to choose the women that he wants to marry, right? The guy is supposed to choose you, find you, or whatever period but most guys I know aren't that astute. But I never chase down, go after, come at guys, EVER. I've always liked guys from afar, or even when I had the audacity to let someone know I had a crush on them or they found out it just has ALWAYS turned out bad so as a rule I don't approach the fellas at all no matter how much I want too I just have never ever done it. So I basically get the guys that are interested in seeking me out and I don't think that is working in my favor not at all. All these dudes that are finding their way to me so to speak I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy they are just certified chumps. They just don't amount to much and they not talking about nothing I want to hear so really what is the deal?

I've been single for years now, I've been patient, I've been good, I've done everything I'm supposed too so why is it that I am still in the same boat I've been in for years? I feel like Luther Vandross curl that never quite curled all the way over. I really do try and keep the faith, and hope for the best but man its only so much a girl can take in this life. Maybe there isn't a lid for every pot, there isn't someone for everyone, and we all don't get the happily ever after. Maybe some of us are just here to fill in as extra's in romantic dramadies while the main characters in the story the folks that manage to find love go on to be blissfully happy. While the rest of us just sort of fall by the wayside eventually. Good girls not only finish last they don't even get to participate in the damn race all they get is ignored and disregarded. Shit, shrugs I guess its the cards I've been dealt and I gotta stop expecting something good to happen and just reconcile myself to this tragic fate of mine. I think if I let go of this tiny piece of hope still floating around in my head then I can truly embrace the fact that I am just supposed to be single and that's all there is to it I keep saying it it's just that tiny little speck of hope is a pesky little bugger I'll stamp it out yet.

Okay seriously, I want to close the chapter on this love, lack of love, relationships, lack of relationships chapter altogether I'm just tired of being stuck on the same pages and repeating the same damn couple of lines over and over enough already. Lets get a new chapter started one that starts with something like...He was a different type of dude a well rounded dapper fellow that was mellow even tempered and had sense. He was responsible and focused. He was also looking to settle down but not with just anybody he was looking for HER and when he bumped into her he would know just who she was. He would feel it and she would too it would be electric....see how its not hard hell the chapter is almost written if only the main hero would show up in the nick of time to save the day....see that speck of hope is hard to kill blame it on the hopeless romantic that is buried deep down in my soul...that heffa refuses to stop believing she's a glutton for punishment. Read more...

Thursday, March 18, 2010


The last post got me to thinking and thinking deeply it even made me look up some marriage vows. I don't think people even know what they are agreeing too when they get married. Especially since they might be hearing the vows for the very first time when they are standing in front of the alter. All that hoopla of a wedding and the most important piece, the vows is often the most ignored. So in efforts to save someone to really put something on a person's heart, mind and soul, before you walk down that aisle, invest in that dress, rent that tux, book the church, and get the marriage certificate read these marriage vows and let it marinate in your mind, allow it to wash over you and allow yourself to meditate on the words, the meaning of the words, and the connotation of said words. As one of my very good friends would say, "this is not a game people this is real life." We don't get to do dress rehearsals in life once you set it in motion it will happen and it becomes real! Without further preamble I give you Traditional Wedding Vows:



Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here in the sign of God – and in the face of this company – to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind. It is intended for their mutual joy – and for the help and comfort given on another in prosperity and adversity. But more importantly – it is a means through which a stable and loving environment may be attained.

Through marriage, GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and accept each other’s failures. GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together – through mutual understanding – openness – and sensitivity to each other.

We are here today – before God – because marriage is one of His most sacred wishes – to witness the joining in marriage of GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME. This occasion marks the celebration of love and commitment with which this man and this woman begin their life together. And now – through me – He joins you together in one of the holiest bonds.

Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?


Her family and friends gathered here today do.


This is a beginning and a continuation of their growth as individuals. With mutual care, respect, responsibility and knowledge comes the affirmation of each one’s own life happiness, growth and freedom. With respect for individual boundaries comes the freedom to love unconditionally. Within the emotional safety of a loving relationship – the knowledge self-offered one another becomes the fertile soil for continued growth. With care and responsibility towards self and one another comes the potential for full and happy lives.

By gathering together all the wishes of happiness and our fondest hopes for GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME from all present here, we assure them that our hearts are in tune with theirs. These moments are so meaningful to all of us, for “what greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together – to strengthen each other in all labor – to minister to each other in all sorrow – to share with each other in all gladness.

This relationship stands for love, loyalty, honesty and trust, but most of all for friendship. Before they knew love, they were friends, and it was from this seed of friendship that is their destiny. Do not think that you can direct the course of love – for love, if it finds you worthy, shall direct you.

Marriage is an act of faith and a personal commitment as well as a moral and physical union between two people. Marriage has been described as the best and most important relationship that can exist between them. It is the construction of their love and trust into a single growing energy of spiritual life. It is amoral commitment that requires and deserves daily attention. Marriage should be a life long consecration of the ideal of loving kindness – backed with the will to make it last.

Exchange of Vows


Do you GROOM'S NAME take BRIDE'S NAME to be your wife – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?


I will.


Do you BRIDE'S NAME) take GROOM'S NAME to be your husband – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?


I will.

Exchange of Wedding Rings


What token of your love do you offer? Would you place the ring(s) in my hand?

May this/these ring(s) be blessed as the symbol of this affectionate unity. These two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. Wherever they go – may they always return to one another. May these two find in each other the love for which all men and women year. May they grow in understanding and in compassion. May the home which they establish together be such a place that many will find there a friend. May this/these ring(s) on her/their finger(s) symbolize the touch of the spirit of love in their hearts.

Handing ring to the Groom


GROOM'S NAME, in placing this ring on BRIDE'S NAME finger, repeat after me: BRIDE'S NAME), you are now consecrated to me as my wife from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed.

Handing ring to the Bride


BRIDE'S NAME, in placing this ring on GROOM'S NAME finger, repeat after me: GROOM'S NAME, you are now consecrate to me as my husband from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed.



May you always share with each other the gifts of love – be one in heart and in mind – may you always create a home together that puts in your hearts – love – generosity and kindness.

In as much as GROOM'S NAME and BRIDE'S NAME have consented together in marriage before this company of friends and family and have pledged their faith – and declared their unity by giving and receiving a ring – are now joined.

You have pronounced yourselves husband and wife but remember to always be each other’s best friend.

What – therefore – God has joined together – let no man put asunder.

And so, by the power vested in me by the State of ______ and Almighty God, I now pronounce you man and wife – and may your days be good and long upon the earth.

You may now kiss the bride.


After I watched the above video I was of two minds. First I was like okay let me try and see if I can scrounge up some compassion some empathy for this man since he was in the gripes of a powerful addiction. With any addiction comes issues, problems, a testimony,and hella battle scars. I was almost able to empathize with this man until he had the audacity to say that if his wife ever cheated on him then he would leave her. I felt humiliated for his wife, and sad for her at the same time. I can see that she loves her husband deeply and is truly committed to making her marriage work which is evident by her still being married to this man, even though the man gave her STD's twice. He also could have given her HIV or AIDS I don't believe I could love someone that hard to let them just kill me because of something that is within themselves. This man knew he wasn't right he thought marrying his wife would put his libido in check, clearly it didn't. What level of delusion and denial does one have to live in to deal with this type of emotional murder?

Love, Faith, and tenacity helped this woman stay with her husband and while I applaud those things I can't help but wonder where in the marriage vows did it say stay even when he was sleeping with 90 women a month. Why did it take him 20 years to fix his addiction? What part of the addiction made him hardly use protection? Why was his wife's love stronger then the addiction allowing her to stay with him time and time again but it wasn't strong enough for him to want to seek help sooner? Then I wonder does she respect herself? Does she love herself enough? Did she make the right choice in sticking around for 20 years with this man? When she looks in the mirror does she like the woman she is? If her daughters were to go through this same thing would she tell them to stick it out? She was even going to kill herself after he lost his NBA assistant coaching job and the only thing that saved her was her pastor...I know that women put up with a lot when it comes to men and love but again I have to say when is enough, enough?

But Is there anyone who isn't cheating in this day and age? Why even marry, or claim that you are in a relationship with someone just to cheat on them anyway. That is so dumb stop making commitments you can't keep. Cheating, lying, sleeping with other people, being confused as to who the father is to your children, all of that can be avoided if people would just be honest. Tell the truth even if it hurts I personally would rather hurt for a minute then hurt for a lifetime. Stop wounding, and killing people emotionally with betrayal, mistrust, and lies, I know all the celeb-whore-t's in the world would have you believe that being a whore male or female is what's hot and since the majority of the people in the world seem to be sheep who can't think for themselves but prefer to take their cues from celebs society will continue to be a cesspool of debauchery and insanity. Its enough to make you want to become a christian fundamentalist with right wing ideals. I'm almost scared of what the next generation is going to go through. If the ugly mess we call families, values, and relationships carry on this current path I am afraid to even think of what my niece and nephews will have to deal with my niece especially... I am sad for my generation and deeply sad for the next generation behind me something needs to change or society will just continue to erode... Read more...

Friday, March 12, 2010


Dear World, The Media, Black Men, and all others:

As a black woman I'm tired of the world/media/black men/ constantly disrespecting, stepping on, maligning and disregarding black women! These past couple of days I have tired to tune out the constant cacophony of disheartening and ugly "reports and new statistics" regarding black women (see bottom of post for links) I'm tired of the constant media reports about black women never getting married, about how our median wealth is $5.00, and how we are all dying from either HIV/AIDS or over half of us have herpes. I mean really where are you getting these statistics from? Is it your purpose to paint a picture so bleak for black women that we just lay down and die? Is that the new plan of action media and world that if you paint the picture bleak enough that we will give up on ourselves and circumstances and just quietly fade out of existence until there is no more black women period? Is that what the world finally wants to see the death of black women period? Is that where the world is heading? The death of the black woman, first the assassination of her attributes and character, crushing and killing her soul along with her hope and dreams, and then killing her physically by making sure she has diseases until you have effectively exterminated the backbone the lifeblood of the black race by killing off its very root?

As a black women in my early 30's I don't appreciate the constant messages you are sending regarding my femininity, my worth, my beauty, my everything its like you are one big bird with radar and you are determined to shit on me and every other black women every chance you get. Everything regarding black women who look black in the media is wrong, but let someone that has European features, weaves down her back, light complexion, or be mixed but not have any features remotely related to being African-American then she is an easier pill to swallow treated better than the average black woman who you can readily identify as black, she is seen as exotic and she can do no wrong in the eyes of the world/media/public and she is able to slip through the cracks in society and more readily prosper because she has mass appeal then the average looking black women with the quintessential African-American features.

Every since the black woman has stepped off the slave ship she has been seen as nothing more than a piece of meat, a work mule, an over sexed creature that could be pushed around, raped and forced to bear the children of her master repeatedly, forced to work from sun-up to sun-down, and abused anyway the slave owner and overseer saw fit because he owned her she was property, while black men stood by helplessly watching as his women was used like a toilet by the master while he was powerless to stop it but we persevered because we had too. Now we have widespread abandonment by the very men that mirror our skin color and features they also help in the widespread destruction, tearing down of black women. Black men seem to pride themselves in hurting black women while praising, and lifting up women of other races for their attributes, beauty, sexual nature, and anything else they can think off. While they will have children out of wedlock with a black women they will go and marry a woman of another race and culture leaving yet another single black women household in his wake without regard or forethought.

The very image of the Black women are more often than not disrespected in rap, in movies, in black culture period. Still today every image of a woman especially the black women in a rap video is in something scantily clad, she's oiled up, and she is dancing provocatively and suggestively more often than not she has her ass(ets) on display for the world to see and this is the image of black women that are beamed into millions of homes across America daily. Even with the counterbalance of Oprah, and Michelle Obama, and other prolific and prominent black women whom have never shaken their body in a video, or walked around scantily clothed the ones that make headlines are they ones doing salacious acts, who wear reveling clothing, and just plain do whorish activities they get the media coverage ad nasuam, they are the face that the media portrays over and over again and feeds to the masses for mass and commercial consumption these very women who tear down instead of build up are what the world watches and acknowledges while the women who don't do any of that garbage are ignored and treated like lepers because she hold herself to a higher standard of living. It is ridiculous and it sends a message to the world it says that black women are nothing more than easy, loose, oversexed women who will do anything for attention so feel free to exploit me and treat me as if I am nothing more than a body used for your pleasure.

Why is it that black women are good enough to have children without benefit of wedlock but they aren't good enough to walk down the aisle with? Why is it the legacy of a broken black home is the legacy the generational curse that keeps getting passed down over and over to our children, grandchildren, and their children and beyond? Why is it that black women have stayed at the bottom of the collective totem pole why all other race of women has been regulated to the top? Why are black women treated more like the common cold instead of the precious, strong, and beautiful creature she really is? Why is it black women have to bear the brunt of societies callous nature while every other woman is put on a pedestal and black women are her collective stepping stone? When did my color begin to strip me of my humanity in societies eyes?

I'm just flat out sick and tired of it, if black women are completely wiped out that means there will be no more black men because there will be no black sons, no black daughters. There will be a whole race gone exterminated the way the media/public keeps bashing and treating black women I feel like its a hit out on my very sanity and peace of mind. Everything the media reports about a black woman has just been nothing but bad news. If you aren't part of the solution then that makes you part of the problem. Instead of being quick to run down what's wrong with black women I don't see anyone major trying to fix what's broken. Where are the resources, and the aid for black women since we so bad off? Where are the health programs, and the financial counseling services, hell where are the jobs that pay a living wage at, the benefits the help for single black women and single black mothers, where are the single black women groups that aren't about sex but about positive interaction with black men and women and fostering dialects and solutions to what plagues the black community and the black household? Where is the hope in all this damned darkness the media would have us believe?

As I understand it because I am a black woman I am considered too strong, too this or too that, I can't get credit figuratively for shit, and I damn sure can't get any help. I don't appreciate it I don't subscribe to your image of the black woman and I would like the media/the world/and black men to know you won't ever be able to kill MY soul, you won't ever be able to strip me of my femininity and you will never make me believe the ill conceived lies you feed the masses about black women. If I am the last black woman standing by myself I will not bend and I damn sure won't break because it takes more than bullshit to keep a strong black woman down, and as long as I have breath in my body I will make it my business to push against the lies and propaganda that the media/world would have me and others believing about black women. I am not the pebble in your shoe I am the boulder in your way, and I will not fade quietly into the night without a fight. I am angry and I am justified in my anger and now I promise to redouble my efforts. Get ready for the fight of your life.

Signed the black woman you have successfully pissed on and pissed off for the last time.



Wednesday, March 03, 2010


Ladies it's that time again it's SPRING which means its time to show more skin (unless you're in a state with snow) and just really enjoy life while looking fabulous. Now if you like I am are a member of the Plus sized club then you are aware of your clothing options but if you aren't allow me to introduce you to some collections that you should be looking into.

First a side note I know everyone has very different taste and everyone has their own diva definitions so of course like I often say take what you need and leave the rest. At the end of the day do what works best for you, your budget, and your taste.

First collection I bring to you is a really fresh color khaki inspired collections I love having a basic pant and dressing it up or down with a variety of shirts. I think that Old Navy is a very good option for someone who is looking to dress well on a budget. I believe that Old Navy gives you more bang for your buck and they're clothes are made from quality materials vs. cheap materials, high mark up's. With Old Navy what you pay for is what you get and I this spring they are giving me the fashion business which I appreciate as a frugal fashionista plus sized diva.

Now for the fashionista that likes to kick it up a notch and get more rock, goth, edge inspired there is always Torrid. Torrid used to be my go to for fashion but as of late whoever the buyer is for Torrid has been more hit and miss then right on the money. I still love Torrid's jean selection they never seem to let me down in that department but the rest of their stuff has been a disappointment to say the very least. They are always changing their inventory every other day they have new stuff coming in so if you see something you like wait a couple days or a couple of weeks leave it in your wish list and keep coming back more often that not what you want will most likely end up on clearance and you can buy it and not feel like you wasted your money. Pro's of Torrid they have an excellent return policy, they have a diva discount after you spend 250.00 then you get 10% off all your purchases after that, they have a credit card. Con's They have a credit card, the buyer's are hit and miss, the clothes are geared more towards teenagers which is super retarded since the prices aren't teenager friendly, their shoes have been more hit then have, and their clothes can be on the cheaply made side with subpar materials causing the clothes to break down faster which equals more money in their pockets less in yours. So with that being said I bring to you what I just saw from their new section which like I said changes every other day so... as of now these are in my humble opinion the latest cutest offerings

Last but not least in this post is high end upscale, real grown lady diva type pieces from the website IGIGI now I have not yet ordered anything from their site but I always look at their pieces and they are beautiful and truly wonderful. It's a couple of things that I love about IGIGI first is that you can check out what works best for your body shape/type before you order anything and then based on your body type the site will give you pieces that will work best for your shape, I don't know about anyone else but when buying clothes that is a tremendous asset especially if you aren't sure of what would work best on your body. This company is one that is solely on the web and I believe in select boutiques but in northern California. I adore their dresses and one day when I have a special dress up occasions I look forward to ordering one of their dresses they even have wedding gown options now you have to love that. Some of their offerings that really make me want to spend, spend, spend, are of course down below.

Of course there are some stores that I left out but those are stores that I don't normally shop at or have shopped at but have either outgrown fashion wise or am leery about doing repeat business with them. But like I said this is to wet your appetite for spring and to inspire you to look cute not frumpy, dumpy, and just plain out wrong this upcoming season. We want cute not, why she do that inspired looks so review your budgets and if you buy something that's utterly fab please come by and share I love a good piece of fashion until next we meet again be the best BPYT you can be Read more...