Wednesday, April 03, 2013


It's been a minute okay more than a minute but you didn't miss me so it doesn't matter. Some things have changed most things have remained the same and yada-yada. I hope the new year has brought about good things for all of those that cast an eye on this blog and I hope that everyone that reads this is good and living great lives. With that being said I want to vent about the death of dating.

I must have blinked because dating is dead it's so dead the word doesn't even have meaning anymore. No one is dating, everyone is just hooking up and "chilling" and then if you happen to fall into a relationship then cool, if not cool. Apparently its all about the ambiguous and grey areas and if you're a long time reader of this blog you know the only gray area I like is the kind that's in a book that's the only place shades of grey need be is in literature. I hate this new "chilling" movement, I hate how callous and tactless L.A. guys can be, I hate hood boogas and their fuckery and I hate how all of this is acceptable. Where the hell was I and why am I now stuck in this funky new landscape that really doesn't suit me AT.ALL.

If you haven't peeped it I am an introvert by nature I like quiet activities and sometimes I go out and interact with others but mostly I spend a lot of time just in my little bubble I go out when I have too or when invited but I'm just as good chilling in the house by myself watching netflix. Now let's be clear since I have moved back to L.A. I've interacted with four guys so far there was no going out they came over to my place and just were there. They didn't bring nothing, they didn't have nothing, they didn't make no plans to go anywhere none of that just coming over to my space and then they're just there sucking up air. That is the "chill" movement in a nutshell going over someones house and just "chilling" and you know they are going to try something so have no misconceptions about that. Now before you start saying well raise your standards, or why you didn't say something, or why you allow that type of behavior. I'm telling you this is what's passing for normal unless you date someone who is older which means 40 and up and even then you're not guaranteed to meet a dude who is into dating or who can even afford to date or who even wants to date.

The dudes I attract are losers, they don't have nothing they content to be at the bottom, on section 8, or they homeless, or they just plain not shit. for whatever reason I got a big bullseye on my head that says losers please come hither and the guys I want never want me back. They love my personality, oh I'm so funny, I'm cool as shit, I'm easy to talk to but they not trying to be involved with me in any other way. I'm at my wit's end and completely out of my element. Bad girls are the new wives, good girls get ignored because they "boring" and not giving up the ass fast enough. Having standards is a thing of the pass and its just a mess out here and people are happily knee deep in bullshit I just don't get it. I want to keep hope alive and their is a small part of me that refuses to let all hope die but this shit y'all got going right now is not my speed. I thought I could hang in that "chill" lane and quickly found out that I'm better off in my old fashion lane which is more my speed. Why I gotta let a dude come to my house and just lay up and shit? Why I gotta go over to a strangers house just off top and "chill" with him? Isn't that still dangerous? Don't dudes still got expectations once they get you on their home turf you know they gonna try it. What if dude has got his homies waiting in the backroom to come out and gang rape you then what? What if dude is trying to set you up and rob you or  whatever? What happened to meeting in a public place and then taking it from there? Now dudes ain't even trying to do that so I really don't know where to go from this point forward.

Is it my destiny my fate to just be alone ultimately? I know everyone wants to bring out that tired ass advice about not searching for love but it's not even about searching for love. It's about even being able to wade through the bullshit to even find someone you can hold a conversation with, without them asking you do you suck dick or how big your titties are, or when can he taste you. I mean fuck give me a break how the hell are people even getting to the alter these days? They must have some hellified guardian angels or some real blessed lives because it's looking bleak in this bitch I'm drowning in this cesspool without a lifejacket and all the captain save em's are already saving other females. I guess I should really just give up the ghost maybe its  my lot in life to walk through this lifetime solo and that creates an ache deep inside of me and it really fucks with my spirit and I don't want to wrap my mind around that thought. This can't be it for me there has gotta be someone out there for me right? Somewhere?......... Trying to find a silver lining but......