Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Okay let's get it, so this morning I was reading my twit line and Zo Williams was going in on a barrage of topics and some of them I really wanted to provide my responses to so instead of filling my twitter line trying to get my point across in 140 characters I decided to write it all down here. I am not going to answer all of his questions just the ones that struck a chord with me and they range from education, to relationships so this might be broken down into a couple of blogs. Feel free to offer your thoughts and opinions on any matters that strike a chord with you. To be clear this is all my opinions and the way I think we can agree to disagree just keep it respectful. These questions won't follow any particular order.

In case you are interested in checking out Zo Williams the voice of reason you can catch him on the Foxxhole if you have sirius radio channel 106/ XM radiao 149 also you can check out His website and his His Twitter Page

1. How do you see children being affected by not having a father in the home?
As a person who has had to take early childhood psychology classes it a founding cornerstone that says that the first relationship a child will experience the most important one will be the one with his parents. A child is not aware that he is only being raised by his mother until he comes in contact with other children who may have a father then it begins to dawn on the child that there is something lacking in his life. (S)He begins to wonder later on in life what is wrong with him/her why isn't  my dad here. Was I not important enough for them to want me around in their life? Also when a woman doesn't grow up with her father she won't know what type of man to seek, she may run to the streets dating and doing all kinds of things for male attention and affection because she wasn't raised with it. She may make poor choices in the kinds of men that she associates with, she might start loving older men looking for that substitute father she never had, she might forever chase the ghost of a father she never knew in the relationships she has with men. She may be easily manipulated in her quest for love by men because she doesn't have a father to judge the men she meet against, she won't ask too many questions, or make too many demands because she won't want to run another man off that might abandon her like her absent or estranged father. When a boy doesn't have a father figure he will not know who to judge himself against he might turn to the homie's on the block, the OG's on the corner, or the dope boys hugging the block looking for definitions of manhood he will not know what manly actions to take, he won't have anyone to aspire to be like, he might make all kinds of stupid mistakes as well trying to prove how manly he is. Now you can have as many male mentors and special programs as you see fit and sure they help but at the end of the day when the child is not with the mentor when he is in his room and he is scared of the dark, when a boy needs help with his first date, or what to do when a girl has her first boyfriend  and her first broken heart that is when she/he will need the strong voice and the healing word of a father the most, the strong embrace of a father who's shoulder you can cry on is simply priceless. Just because you get older doesn't mean that daddy issues disappear you just play them off better and push it into the back of your mind but daddy issues never go away. Now of course there are all kinds of exceptions to this rule you might be a perfectly fine with having no father but there will always be a void you might not make mistakes or fall into too many traps in your life but having the man there that contributed to half of your DNA still is important.

2. What is the difference between Abstinence and Celibacy?
Sexual Abstinence is the practice of voluntarily refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity.
Celibacy is defined as N: a person who is unmarried, esp one who has taken a religious vow of chastity
ADJ. unmarried, esp by vow/ abstaining from sexual intercourse
either way it goes there is no intercourse or anything sexual going on but with the abstinence you can still masturbate.

3. What effect does pornography have on individuals who are practicing abstinence?
The same effect on the person who has an active sex life it makes you horny, it primes the pump depending on how long you have been abstaining it might make you call someone up, or it most likely will just make you pull your toys out and have a great solo session.

4. Why are so many sisters single with multiple children? How are they (sistah's) responsible for their current situation?
MAN, first and foremost if you know you're fertile and just letting a dude look at you for a long time will knock you up you might want to get your financial house in order before you hop on anymore penis or just marry one dude and push out all his babies. The other side of that coin, being lazy and not handling your business birth control is free! There is plan b and if you are over the age of 17 you just go to Walgreen's and pick that shit up. I know many women want not to be held accountable for having to be on birth control but since Eve bit that apple and she began to birth children she became responsible for her reproductive needs like all women are. That's the way its always been until they finish that birth control pill for men and it is always momma's baby and daddies maybe until otherwise proven. Why put yourself in a position to have a child when you aren't ready? I don't believe in accidents either you were too lazy to put a condom on or you let that dude take it off while y'all were sexing because he "couldn't feel you" or simply because he a cold ass bastard that don't care about your life and you was too in the moment to check him for it, or you believe in you in a committed relationship and you just let him nut in you without no plan nor forethought for yourself nor any child you bring into the world. Bottom line though no one should be getting knocked up in 2011 unless you just want too. As a woman you will always be responsible at the end of the day for what comes out of YOUR body no one else will. You can bitch and moan all you want but life is not fair and as women we know this so stop acting like you were betrayed or lied too when you become pregnant and the dude turn swift foot Willie on you and he ain't no where to be found. Stop believing that a man will take care of you and his child because he won't he doesn't have too and you can't make him want you nor his child!

5. How do we as teachers, leaders, preachers, mentors, and politicians close the education gap for American's inner city Children of color?
Man first and foremost the standards of education need to be raised in the inner city instead of ignoring children and pushing them through the system help them with their deficiencies, stop taking all the money out the school budgets, there needs to be some checks and balances put in place for accountability from the top of the school district to the parent of the school child, there needs to be some kind of on going initiative to make teaching an attractive career choice for the best and the brightest, award the teachers that are busting their asses to help your bad ass unruly children, come to PTA meetings, get involved with your child's school, make a surprise visit often to your child's class and see how they are acting when you are not around, go down to the school board when they have meetings and demand quality education, get your communities involved in writing your congress and telling him that he or she won't get reelected unless they pay attention to the schools in the hood, use different teaching methods to engage the students, offer alternative ways of learning, offer field trips, bring in teachers from overseas like they recruit for there schools, weed out the teachers that are no long effective, on going training and support for teachers. More supplies, art classes, music classes, smaller classes, more math and science resources for the children who just can't get math.

6. Would our Communities be in such dire straits if Education, Mutual respect, knowledge of self and self love were at the top of our priorities?
If we were able to get that together in our communities we would be so powerful, we would be a great force that would have no only economic power but decision making power. We would also have more lumps of coal being polished into diamonds, but as it stands black folks are still on that self hatred and love of the dominate culture.

7. Are children born out of wedlock more likely to experience hardships that will effect their parents themselves and society as a whole?
I think if children who are born out of wedlock repeat the vicious cycle of having children born out of wedlock they will experience the same things they themselves went through and they won't go any farther then their parents went before them have went which continues to bring down the community because if you have no money, no higher education you're considered nothing and you can't move up in the world if your finances don't allow you to grow beyond what you know. Nothing but a vicious poverty circle that will keep generations locked in a powerless position for years.

8. When a woman gets pregnant, are children better off if their parents marry, cohabitate or do neither? 
It depends on the situation if the parents of the child are better apart then they just are better apart bottom line. A child doesn't know if their parents are married until they get older then it will have ramifications later manifested in the way they view marriage and relationships. Some people just would prefer to shack up forever shrugs. But the bottom line is a child needs both his parents equally so work that out however you need to work it out.

9. What are the consequences (if any) associated with choosing to wait until marriage before sex?
There are no consequences for respecting yourself and another person before you get married, I know a lot of people say that you need to test the car you drive before you buy it but if you're a man and she is a woman and both your equipment works then you're compatible! Also I think that there needs to be some kind of conversation held about sexual needs, wants, taste, aptitude, frequency, etc. I don't advise anyone to not have a conversation but waiting to have sex is not an issue between two grown folks with an open line of communication. I think it should be encouraged actually not frowned upon.

10. Is it a sin to desire or enjoy pornography?
all lusting and carnal indecent thoughts are supposed to be a sin but so is sex outside of marriage and plenty people indulge in that on a regular basis. I think anything you do in moderation is fine but if you begin to become addicted to pornography where you can't go a day without it or you can't function sexually without then it becomes a huge problem.

11. How is pornography harmful to a marriage?
When you begin to not lust after your wife but the realistic images on the damn television. When you begin to ignore your wife and solely watch porn to satisfy your sexual urges. When you begin to ignore your wifes sexual needs and not fore filling them because you have fell in love with pinky or italia blu or when your wife starts wanting you to be Wesley pipes or Mr. Marcus that's when you know you have reached a problem especially if she has all the sex toys molded from the penis of porn stars and she would rather hop on that then on you its time to have an intervention.

12. How much weight would you say a preachers' relationship advise holds in comparison the average person? More, Less, or equal?
For someone who was raised in the church a pastor is always the trusted go to for counseling on marriage issues but you have to be careful especially if your pastor is not a person whom is deeply in the word men are fallible yes, but a pastor who is steeped in the word will not guide you wrong.

13. What does it mean to DEFILE the marriage bed? Is there anything SEXUAL that should or SHOULD NOT be done by a married couple?
I believe when they refer to defiling the marriage bed that means you have brought others into it, a man sleeping with a woman that is not his wife and vice versa. Also it can mean having a 3sum, an orgy and being a swinger. I don't think a married couple should be swingers or having sex with others if you have to have that type of experience do it before you get married get it out of your system but once you get married that's a deal breaker.

This is more then enough right now, stay tuned for more questions courtesy of @ZoWilliams