Friday, January 28, 2011


Part two of some of the questions Zo Williams were asking via twitter on the 26th again the questions follow no particular order and you can follow him on His Twitter Account

13. True or false do women bend and men break when dealing with infidelity and trust issues? 
True,women will let shit go for the sake of the relationship especially if she is invested and it brings her a certain lifestyle which she has grown accustomed too.

14. Long term relationships and infidelity should we be preparing for success and failure at the same time?
I think if you want a successful long term anything you have to have the mindset for it you can't go into something thinking its going to fail, because if you think like that you are literally conditioning yourself to fail and mess up. You gotta go in with expectations for the best and work on keeping the relationship together and intact its a constant job.

15. If you have been cheated on what factors help determine if you should stay or go?
Sigh, for me its a loyalty and trust issue if I catch a dude just cheating and he's not even sorry, or he makes the reason why he cheated then its a done deal. Dude is already gone on to the next one and there is nothing to salvage. If a dude is a habitual cheater and I find out it's a wrap, liars and cheaters are like the worst people but its such a common practice.

16. Which lifestyle do you feel is more appealing to the modern women? Mother, Housewife, Helpmate? Or highly educated successful, CEO and single?
It really depends on whom you ask some women don't mind being in a more traditional role and most want to walk the Oprah path but who wouldn't want to have the best of both worlds?

17. Is there a thing as a woman being too independent?
According to Ne-yo there isn't. I think when a woman can hold her own thats fine but when she is completely like I don't need you, I can do it all by myself I am everything you lucky to be in my world that's when the problems arise.

18. What is the quickest way to "forgive" a loved one after an act of infidelity? Is there a quick way to forgive someone?
There is no quick path to forgiving someone who has betrayed your trust it takes a lot of time and slow gaining of trust back to right a wrong like infidelity.

19. Dealing with an act of infidelity what's the difference between tolerance and acceptance? 
tolerance when you know its going on and you let it for whatever reason and you ignore it but you're still emotionally invested, acceptance is when you are no longer invested emotionally in the relationship but you stay for whatever reason but you're no longer having sex with the person so you don't care if they are cheating.

20. True or false more times than not most folks never really forgive a loved one who has cheated on them?

21. As a society are our exceptions of fidelity, commitment and monogamy realistic?
In my personal opinion what really in this society has fidelity and commitment and monogamy come to these days is give me mines right now, nobody believes in marriage and love anymore. No one believes in committing and staying together because its so easy to throw in the towel and give up. Why stay around when you can easily bail and move on to the next its horrible and its going to only get worse.

22. Can you list at least 3 steps to redemption for the act of relationship infidelity?
1. sincerity of regret- how sincere are you about feeling sorry 
2. was it a one time incident or you a habitual cheater- if they need some kind of program something to help them and they recognize that they need help and seriously want to get help that goes a long way.
3. Are they still in love- if you are in love and afraid of losing your loved one and would do anything to keep them then you get on some life changing straight and narrow type deal in efforts to stay with the one you love

23. What are some of the factors that increase the chances of having an affair while married or in a committed relationship?
If a persons needs aren't being met sexually, or emotionally.

24. How does one recover after the discovery of infidelity in a marriage?
after the hot fish grease has been thrown, or the hot pot of grits has been thrown, or you have been attacked with a knife or any other sharp object, the yelling is over, the cursing is over, after you get all the rage, hurt, and anger out of your system then I suppose you sit down and talk it out, go to counseling, or call the lawyer if you can't get over it.

25. Is sexual infidelity the only way of being unfaithful to your spouse? which is worst sexual, financial, or emotional infidelity?
I think the one that is the most hurtful is the emotional, once your heart changes and starts beating towards someone else then its a wrap. With sex sometimes it might not even mean anything but if they are investing emotions that's a totally different thing altogether. 

26. Is it possible or realistic to think that our relationships can be "affair-proofed"? 
I think if two people are of the same accord then its totally possible.

27. What are the most important features of rebuilding trust?
Honesty, communication, making the person that was cheated on feel secure, going the extra mile, minding your p's and q's and being mindful of any behavior that would make it seem like you were cheating again. Basically its like being on probation with your significant other being the P.O.

28. Can a relationship hit with infidelity recover without a therapist?
Its possible, hard as hell though two people gotta get in their and work the issues out though.

29. When in a committed relationship is confiding in or seeking emotional support from a friend of the opposite sex a form of infidelity?
Yes, because when you are vulnerable and open like that and hurt at the same time your emotions can overwhelm you instead of telling all  your business to this friend you should be telling it to your significant other building and bonding with them not your homegirl or homeboy.

30. Do you have to have intercourse for it to be considered an affair?
No, it can be emotional cheating which will eventually lead to sexual cheating if it continues to grow.

31. If your partner is having an affair, does that mean he/she is unhappy or just unsatisfied in the marriage?
It could be a mixture of things it could mean they are selfish individuals that are all about self, they could have a high sex drive and not be getting it the way they need it with their significant other, they could be disappointed in what they thought marriage was going to be so they turn to cheating as consolation. 

32. True or false once a cheater always a cheater?
True and false, if a cheater wants to reform themselves they will but if they are the sort that doesn't think their is anything wrong with cheating then they will remain a cheater until they die.

33. How is internet infidelity defined and how is it similar and different from traditional infidelity?
electronic means, or meeting them at the bar doesn't make a difference infidelity is infidelity now it just makes it possible to find people in different states.

34. What are some signs (Behavioral/Verbal) to look for if you think your spouse is cheating on you?
coming home late, turning phone off, leaving it on vibrate, ending conversations abruptly when they are on the phone and you walk in, taking the phone to the bathroom with them, talking on the phone in hushed tones, whispering into the phone, texting and if you ask who they are texting they say oh a friend you ask which one they either ignore you, or start an argument about being all in their business. They will be no longer interested in you they won't want to go out anymore, they won't respond to any romantic efforts you put forth, they will just be disinterested and lackluster about the whole relationship in general.

35. How big of an "infraction" is sending a "sext-message" when one is in a committed relationship i.e. married? is it okay if nothing else happens?
Sexting is not okay period especially if you are married. 

36. On a scale of 1 to 10 how prevalent is the use of casual deception and manipulation in our everyday relationships? How real are we really?
I think most people are at least an 8 in casual deception and manipulation you will always put your best efforts forward to attract and catch a person and once you got them hooked and you know they aren't going anywhere that's when you revel all of yourself. Once you think the person is not just there for fun but they are to work on something long term thats when the show ends and the real comes into play.