NOW THAT IT'S OVER...

BROKEN HEART BY FABU

Now that you've called it quits and you begin your mourning process what are some of the things you use to get over that initial moving on phase? The longer the relationship, the more emotion invested the longer the grieving of the death of said relationship. I know for me the older I get the harder it is to bounce right back and it takes longer as well. That's why I hate investing in something and not having it work out its like damn another mishap added to the long list of shit that didn't pan out after awhile you begin to feel like man repellent. It's gotta make you feel some kind of way and your self esteem might even take a dip until you bounce back but that's neither here nor there. The most important things to remember during this break up process is not to let them see you crumbling, broken, and bruised.

Yes in this case you will have to fake it until you make it. Take extra care to look your best, if you can afford it treat yourself to getting your hair done, get your nails and feet done, smile, go some where beautiful, do something for self during this ugly messy emotional process. Take all that negative energy all that anger or even sorrow and use it to your benefit. Turn it into something positive rent some of your favorite comedies and laugh your ass off until your stomach hurts. Go dancing, flirt with a guy/girl you have no interest in but keep it light last thing you want to do is lead anyone on and hurt someones feelings in the process. I don't advise jumping into another relationship right away give yourself time to heal and grieve. I also don't advocate hashing all the shit over with your girlfriends that will make the grieving process much longer and who wants that.

If you don't have kids, or something to love on think about getting a pet, a plant, borrow a niece or nephew, volunteer at a homeless shelter, do something for someone else it will get you out of the house take the focus off yourself and help you feel a little better about yourself especially if you volunteer some where you will do good and feel good its a win win situation. Last but not least remember make it a clean break, don't make it messier than it has to be I know this is easier said then done especially when children are involved but no one likes drama and the less mess that your children are subjected to the better. Be classy, be elegant and walk away with a strong back, head held high, and your dignity intact that will kill them and what a mental picture to stamp in someones mind. I know all of this sounds good and it might be easier said then done in the end because everyones situations is different but like usual take what you need disregard what doesn't work for you and of course if you are in a abusive situation you should run far, hard and fast, get to safety and never look back love isn't worth dying for. Read more...

IT'S TIME TO BIZ-OUNCE

Now that the overly sappy pushed down your throat day of valentine's is over many people who might have said yes to things they shouldn't have or stayed with someone they really wanted to break up with can finally come to their sense and go ahead and make that a reality. I know sometimes we get swept up in the urgency of a situation and before we know it we are like how the heck this happen and how can I quickly undo it and you just might be staring down the barrel of emotional buyers remorse. If you think you might want to return a title to sender because its not working now and you don't see it getting any better in the future its time to break. So here are some videos to help you get in the right mind set to break up, break out, walk out, or plain just leave like a thief in the night.

10. Mariah Carey- Up out my face remix


9.Sunshine Anderson-Something I want to give you


8.Ashanti-The way that I love you


7.Ne-yo-Go on girl


6.Mila J-Good Looking out



5.702-Gotta Leave


4.Mary J blige-Enough Cryin


3.Syleena Johnson-Guess What


2.Vivian Green-Gotta go Gotta leave


1.Keyshia Cole-Let it go


Honorable Mentions:

Carrie Underwood-Before he cheats


Jazmine Sullivan-Bust your windows


Uncle Sam-I don't ever want TO see you again


Usher-Let it burn


Tyrese-How you gonna Act like that


Toni Braxton-Yesterday


Olivia-Biz-ounce


Jennifer Lopez-All I have
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WHEN ITS TIME TO BE YOUR OWN VALENTINES

Often times as women we willingly play the fool in love. We see what we want to see and we except the ugly shit about the men we deal with because erroneously we think that through our love and devotion we can change him and mold him into the type of man who will be our knight in shining armor ladies that shit NEVER works!

If he was a cheater and cheats on you when you guys are supposed to be monogamous with each other (assuming you didn't just assume you and him were exclusive)he will always be a cheater unless he wants to change his behavior, if when you met him and he cheated with you its only a matter of time before he moves onto the next and cheats on you with her, if he is not a father to his kids before you meet him and then you lay down and have kids with him then guess what he's not going to do right by y'all kids either. There is a basic rule that most people don't remember when they are in the midst of a emotionally charged situation, that rule is YOU can not force a person to change their behavior! There is nothing you can say nor do to make a person who doesn't want to change, change. Many people make the mistake of thinking that they can reshape a person's habits but unless that person specifically request for you to help them change and they are open to changing their behaviors the changes won't take effect and you will just be frustrated and upset because the outcome you want will not manifest itself.
Why waste all that time and energy on trying to manipulate another human being?

Another fundamental rule that I state often is NO one can do anything to you without your permission. If you repeatedly let someone lie to you, use you, steal from you, take from you and you don't stop it or remove yourself from said person/and or situation then you are being a willing participant in your own victimization. In life there are exceptions to almost every rule however short of being incapacitated, physically and mentally unable, and just flat out emotionally inept no one should be pulling your strings and making you dance to their rhythm if they are may I suggest you invest in some scissors and cut the strings already, what are you waiting for?

This Valentines day ladies if he isn't making the grade then cut him loose, married, dating, engaged whatever if he is just making you so miserable to where you hate to be in his presence let him go and learn to love yourself a little bit more. Give yourself the gift of self love this valentines day instead of misery its a gift that will keep giving and bring with it the satisfaction of knowing you are finally being treated the way you want to be treated by the person that is most worthy of your love and that is one's self. Read more...

SOME V-DAY THUG & B

I don't want to leave the thugs and they down ass chicks out this V-day so I thought I would go ahead and post ten videos of thug & B so the gangsta's and they ladies can do they two step, backyard boogie, crip walk of love or whatever else dance gangstas do but they might not even dance maybe they just lean shrugs so here goes.

10. First up Ja Rule the pusedo gangsta he was harder than fruit salad, and him and Murder Inc was winning it until the other fake gangsta came through and crushed him something horrible.



9. Next would be yep you guessed it half a dollar himself 50 Cent the song that had all the fresh out the pen and some still in quoting his lyrics and really asking girls these questions like it was the hotness and yes sadly some chicks was impressed sigh.



8. Next up we got Busta Rhymes I wouldn't really call him a thug but I think he might call himself one...anywho here we go



7. The next offering is Shyne he never should have dealt with diddy the devil but you live and learn hopefully, nothing like an old fool.



6. Next crazy Earl aka DMX



5. Mr. Cheeks/Lost Boyz



4. The yaki and her booski Beyondce and Jay-z



3. Ghostface Killah ft Raheem Devaugn



2. He never got to make a video for it but I love this song RIP Tupac



1. I bet you can already guess the song if not shame on you, yep Method Man And Mary J Blige.

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THIS IS 4 THE LOVER N U

Whenever I go onto twitter it seems as if the whole world explodes at once but what can you expect from a system that explodes at the speed of life literally. There is so much fuckery going on this month and the people in my twitline seem to acerbate the problem. Maybe I need balance in my twitline anywho that is not what this post is about far from it actually bear with me I am working up to my point. I guess the habit of writing to get your thoughts together right out the box dies hard thanks to English teachers around the world who push journals on their students.I'm trying to learn how to shut out outside influences and tune into my inner voice more its a process.

I like the month of February not because its the shortest month and aside from it being Black History Month, but because for a closet, closet, closet, trapped in the closet romantic like myself shout out to the peeing piper chester the molester of thug & B It's because of all the heart sentiments being pushed left and right, especially the wedding industry I love it. There are so many wedding events coming up I am so tempted to run to all of them I think the wedding industry is like the best industry there is sure it is a business but what a wonderful business it is to be able to plan and share in a couples special day. Joy and rapture (swoon) shut it don't judge me its the little things.

So songs routinely get trapped in my mind and are played according to my emotions its the way that I am wired shrugs anywho this song:



has been on repeat in my mind ever since I thought of the title for this blog which happens to be the name of this song my mind works in weird ways (shrugs) I'm a bit quirky but what can you do I think quirky happens when you spend vast amounts of time alone like I do so either your mind begins to unravel itself or you develop coping mechanisms ie quirks you can even develop phobias. Conclusion if you want to slide into madness spend vast amounts of time with yourself and see how your grip on reality loosens but I digress.

Some things I am super excited about, the color purple starring home
wrecking Fantasia as Ms. Cecily I get to see it this Sunday I am super excited and I can't wait. I finally went and got my nails done it's just something about getting my nails done that really does it for me I like having pretty hands. Makes me want to invest in rings, speaking of investments why did I look at Tiffany's engagement rings and they were like Uber expensive. Really Tiffany you just want to continue to be elusive and some what out of my reach? Getting Jewelry From Tiffany's is like my dream Supreme but again I digress.

This post is like all over the place I know blame it on messy thoughts and reading way to many horrible headlines this morning... Today is my mothers bday the wheels of time slow for no one they just keep marching on makes me reflect. I will say however pray for each other, pray for the children as well and remember we fight against principalities not flesh and blood. Hug your children and protect them way to many demons pretending to be human and hurting, killing, and maiming children right now. Pray for your children when they aren't in your sight and tell them that you love them daily.



Basically you just need to give more love, in whatever form you can whether it be tough love, compassion, understanding, guidance, help, time effort, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, give love its free it doesn't cost you anything and if you just pause and be still you will see that there is someone in your life right now that can really use it and needs it. We get so caught up in the day to day that the little things fall by the wayside. Pay attention a little more tune the noise out and just listen. Read more...

HAVING A DEEP IN MY FEELINGS MOMENT, GETTING SHIT OUT MY SYSTEM

I don't know how many of you have heard the expression "deep in my feelings" it usually means that you're feeling overly agitated, annoyed, pissed off, etc usually its associated with being overly emotional and attached to a situation that you really shouldn't be getting overly emotional about/over and its usually used in a negative kind of way. Dudes are especially fond of telling women (just a little example to illustrate my point) "damn girl why you all deep in yo feelings over the shit? I don't even know that girl" end example.

However there are some things that just annoy the dog shit out of me but again the expression "if you want to make GOD laugh tell him about YOUR plans" springs to mind. Because you can certainly want to try and intergret someone into your life you can plan on wanting them to be that special person, or plan on them sticking around however that might not always work out in your favor and it never seems to work out in mines especially since the way a person acts, thinks, and feels is out of our control some things are just out of our hands. With that said I want to talk about some shit that even though its out of my hands STILL annoys the dog shit out of me.

1. When you're talking to a dude he either, talks to you sometimes or partially and only when you hit him up first BUT he always in a chat room, always on messenger, and always some where doing something else but holding a conversation with you. It's like okay already if you not feeling me say so stop trying to placate my feelings every time we talk just be a man about it if it ain't working between us and you not feeling it then it's just not going to work out I get that I can appreciate that if you tell me that, in other words lets have some clarity and closure on the situation don't just leave without formerly severing ties that shit is just rude and annoying to say the least.

2. When someone calls you, you miss the call you go to call them back and they don't answer the phone, you text them they still don't answer really you went to sleep or you're so deep in the cut like that? Why did you even call then hell!

3. When a person wants to stop talking to you and they just start to ignore you instead of just flat out telling you...what are we 12? You can't say you don't want to be bothered anymore I'm not a stalker like that I can handle being told to get lost.

4. When you meet a guy on a social networking site and in every other comment on his page is a chick that is laying claim to him in more than one of his pictures and its the same chick over and over, yea red flag.

5. When a dude just up and disappear and shit and you can't find their asses in the daytime with a flashlight.

6. When you tell a dude up front look these are my expectations and they act like they will at least try and meet them and they don't even half ass attempt to hit the mark smh GTFO* dude.

7. When all you ask for is a little bit of attention, some communication, and some effort on their part and they just give you their ass to kiss.

8. Last but certainly not least DO NOT HAVE ME PUT YOU IN THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS CALLING LIST if your punk ass isn't planning on staying around and shit really dude come the fuck on someone else could have been in that spot you wasting my resources smh.

So yes I was deep in my feelings this shit was bugging me sticking me like a thorn and I had to get it out of my system. The purpose of getting things out of your system like moving your bowels is so that the shit in your system won't weigh you down and make your system toxic giving you a shitty outlook and causing you to frown more than you would smile so yes I have gotten that shit out of my system and hopefully I will be right as rain once again or until I get annoyed again but thanks for reading and if you can identify then leave me your pet peeves in the comments.



*GTFO = GET THE FUCK ON, as is in get the fuck on up the road. Read more...

LOVE AND LEMON WATER

(this song sums it all up perfectly)

It's officially Febuary and with that comes a couple of things a shorter month, black history month which is practically forgotten and that auspicious day where everyone either gets freaked out, giddy, or totally hate it, yep that's right that time of the year again where you will be inundated with messages of love ad nauseum. As I've gotten older and also through the years I have never ever had a boyfriend or even someone I was "talking" too coincide with feb 14th divine intervention or the bigger question that I keep coming back to in my mind is maybe I am just not meant to be with anyone AT ALL!

Hell with all the "statistics" about the black woman and marriage maybe I am just supposed to ride this life out unattached and childless statistically speaking that is what the numbers say right? I mean we all know the saying "If you want to make GOD laugh tell him about YOUR plans" maybe I am just one of those people who aren't meant to be boo'ed up. When people ask me why I'm single so many reasons often come to mind but the basic bottom line is I really just don't think that there is a He for me. I'm not sad when I type that and I'm not forlorn not by a long shot it's just one of those things that I have suspected for awhile and I am just acutely aware of it. I haven't met a guy yet that has stuck some where around meeting them and trying to get to know them they just simply wander off or they suck with follow through or they just don't have that umph that makes me want to even remotely give them a chance.

(this song well the chorus always seems to play in my head for whatever reason and I have watched this video many times but I never noticed Usher in it for whatever reason until just today funny.)

I'm not even picky nor remotely shallow when having interest for a guy but I know what will and what won't work for me and a lot of what passes for dating these days is simple and utter bullshit I do come with expectations and standards, and I also know that the 2010 guy hates the words expectations, communication, honesty, loyalty, and waiting so you can see the potential problems one might run into in the dating spectrum if that is part of your dating expectations. Not everyone is going to get to fall in love, meet the guy/girl of their dreams, have the wedding, the white picket fence with the two kids in the yard, and the dog and cat. I wish that society didn't place the value of a black women so low and I wished that black men didn't either but what can you do when given lemons make lemonade but sometimes there just won't be any sugar to take the bitter away... so you have to make do with just lemon water sometimes it is what it is and what it will be. Read more...