Friday, June 10, 2011


President and first Lady wedding photo

The Definition of Marriage is defined as the following:


  [mar-ij]  Show IPA
the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.
a similar institution involving partners of the samegender: gay marriage.
the state, condition, or relationship of being married;wedlock: a happy marriage.
the legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of two people to live as a married couple, including the accompanying social festivities: to officiate at a marriage.
 Now with that clear and concise definition lets discuss some things I know that the general consensus now a days is that Marriage is a failed and antiquated institution that its unrealistic and has not kept up with the times but I don't think people realize that Marriage hasn't changed people have. First let's do a little history when blacks were enslaves we weren't allowed to marry at all it wasn't feasible to have two slaves married they could jump the broom if the owner was more benevolent then most and that was merely a formality because most slave masters raped their women slaves regularly and the so called husband of the slave woman could do nothing about it but be angry, and feel helpless and less than a man because he didn't have the power to do anything to stop it being that he was owned by the rapist aka the owner of the plantation he was enslaved upon. Let's fast forward a bit after slaves were emancipated after civil rights after you could choose to be married of your own free will and actually go down to the courthouse or have a small wedding at your church  marriage still meant something it was sacred and vows were being taken seriously family units were still intact and divorce was frowned upon but those days are gone.

Now let's talk about the present which is the here and now men and women now bemoan the prospect of getting married many have the sentiment that it is just a legality, that you don't need a piece of paper to say that you are wed especially when you have been shacking up for years, some just rather have children with each other and co-exist that is your business and I'm not here to change any one's mind nor persuade you because at the end of the day you will do what works best for yourself, as you should. I just wanted to put my two cents in on the marriage topic. It's 2011 true enough but just because the date has changed doesn't mean what I value for myself and the value I place on myself has and everyone does what makes sense to them or what they have grown up seeing. Some women may be fine with shacking, some may just want kids and not the man, some just want to be free to do as they please but have on call penis whatever blows your skirt up cool. As for me and mine marriage is what I want, now don't get me wrong I have seen plenty of marriage that are dysfunctional and just plain out only a legal formality and most def a sham. I have also seen some married couples that were deeply devoted to one another in sickness and health and definitely till death they didn't part and I can't fight what is so etched in my brain and emotions.

Many see marriage as a death sentence a noose around the neck of their freedom but it is so much more than that so much more than the pomp and primp of an elaborate ceremony, it is so much bigger than a 20.5 karat ring and is so much bigger than what people make it out to be in this day and age.You can cut it down to semantics and legalities if you wish but it is so much more then that as well.  People getting married for the wrong reasons is the very reason that marriage is getting such a bad rap if you own a record company but all you put out is crappy music your companies reputation is going to take a beating. Marriage is not doing anything to people its people that are getting married for the wrong reasons whether it be because they are in the church and don't want to sin by having premarital sex so they rush into marriage without knowing each other well enough first, or they get married because someone else told them it was what they should do, or they get married because it seemed like it would be fun, or they get married for the kids, or because it will provide more fodder for the reality shows they make their livelihoods off of whatever the reason they are doing it for they aren't going into it for the right reasons expecting it to work out in their favor and lets be real people are so selfish today they refuse to give up the I for the We's and can't figure out what's going wrong. Plus there are some important conversations that need to go on way before you tie your life to someone else's. Its impossible to have a great marriage when you don't know how to be have or be part of a functioning loving unit that is working towards common goals together. It's impossible to be happily married when you don't like the person you're married to, marriage is hard work and you have to show up ready to put the work in or forget it. It also helps if you aren't too damaged as an individual who takes their emotional pain out on other and you are receptive, open and flexible. But then again some folks are marrying the most damaged individuals they can find and wondering why they don't have peace or happiness in their lives I digress though.

They say that hope floats which denotes that hope is made buoyant by its unwillingness to be kept down by anything and that's where I stand on the side of hope for myself and for the institution of marriage even though I have seen the ugly side of marriage even with infidelity being the  dish De jour these days I still can't help but want and hope to be married some day. I can't help but think about all those couples who are quietly going about their everyday lives happily married we just don't hear about them because happily married doesn't make news but the bad break-up's and the nasty divorces and infidelities do and even with all that being filtered into my awareness I still want to wake up next to someone day in and day out with whom I share the same last name with. I'm not naive about the institution of marriage I know that it can't be sustained on just love and wishes alone its hard work more than a full time job, but I'm willing to get in the trenches with a husband and fight it out as long as he is down there fighting right besides me. I'm not chasing ideals either I still believe in marriage I still believe in family and I still believe that I want and deserve a marriage some day, a great one so I'm going to hold onto to that and keep that hope for myself alive...and as far as I'm concerned as long as I'm on the side of hope I have a fighting chance and that's fine with me.