P.S. I LOVE YOU

P.S. I Love You

Whenever I watch a movie that has a theme about love it always leaves me wondering and pondering the reality of love. When I watch a movie with a white cast love is colored different its magnanimous its all consuming it’s their end all and be all. It makes them greater it ennobles them and changes them they get so swept up by it and it defines them. It alters their perception and it always makes them better for having loved versus not having loved. In every white movie I have ever seen where there was love involved it has been this all encompassing and consuming larger than life force that has guided the actions of characters and used them as pawns being it to its will like a force on its own.

This has caused me to become a hopeless romantic because I have ingested these movies that are not in line with my reality. These movies that are made make love seem so noble and so worthwhile like it’s the ultimate answer to every ultimate question, and the love is never quiet or simple it’s huge and overwhelming and powerful. I’ve lived for 30 years and I have never ever felt something so huge and all consuming. I have never even had a little bit of that. Does it exist for me? Is my love weighted down and less powerful because I am a black woman? I try and explain it to the best of my knowledge it’s like white women are freer more unrestrained happier easier they aren’t weighted down by the color of their skin, their economic situations, scratching out their places in the world having to be smarter, work harder, work longer, to be seen as competent in the work place. I am well aware of the glass ceiling but if white women have it bad it’s ten times worst for a black woman.

It’s easier to love freer and to just be when you don’t have a cultural noose around your neck. I can’t speak for anyone else but in my experience I have always tried to be rational and not allow myself to get swept up in lust, sometimes I didn’t succeed in my efforts but as I have grown older I have learned to steer clear of foolish lustful endeavors, but I hear that white women just pretty much let the passion take them over and they give in to their impulses far more often than a black woman. From Fairy tales to modern day romance movies I feel like I have been lied to. There is no all encompassing love that is going to come in and change you and make you a better person at least not for me, there is no all consuming love that is going to just make me into a better person and set my heart on fire. I would have liked to have such a love but this isn’t the movies and I’m not some blond haired, fair skinned damsel in distress waiting for the perfect boy to sweep me off of my feet and change me because our love is that big. The reality of it is black folks have love with restraint and conditions, always some sort of conditions, White folks seem to just be able to fall seamlessly in love and it changes them completely it makes them better people to and for each other.

Make no mistake I am well aware that it doesn’t always work out but the journey and the ride makes it seem like it’s worth it. This is why I stick to horror films because getting killed, maimed, twisted or frightened is something that can happen to anyone there is no huge difference in how bad things are perpetrated in movies we all know the ethnic characters get killed first and then everyone else but they all dies painful and under horrible circumstances. It’s a revelation though to know that my inner romantic was getting fed off of these white romance movies now I know how to starve that bitch and finally kill her off. It’s sad if you really think about it this is what keeps black folks from loving each other and just giving in. We weren’t taught to love like that we always had to focus on just living and trying to maintain and if we happened to find love then it was always an afterthought or secondary, love is a luxury that one can’t afford because the business of living is costly and the almighty dollar calls for heavy sacrifices. It’s amazing how love is colored different depending on your skin color and economic status.

If you don’t think so then you’re either a fool, or an optimist that wears a special brand of rose tinted contacts. Either way ignorance is bliss but I’ve never liked living in la-la-land and it took me sometime to figure it out, like going to a therapist all this time and the cause and cure was stop believing in this romance movies that are getting cranked out and shoved down your throat like bitter medicine. Hell the stuff in movies isn’t real that’s why it’s a movie no one wants to watch real love onscreen that’s depressing the movies are an escape from reality. So I am killing off my inner romantic slowly but surely now that I’ve finally got to the root of my problem.

So here’s to the death of my inner romantic and the dewy eyed optimistic outlook she was secretly holding onto I kept wondering what kept giving me false hope and I now realize it was these movies and now I know I was creating in my mind a blueprint for failure. I didn’t think I was that impressionable but somehow the impression was made on me that romance and love was attainable and love was this huge wonderful emotion, that’s not my reality and to wait for it would be detrimental and foolish so now that I know that I will make it my business to stop believing in celluloid and airbrushed magic. I feel so foolish realizing that all this time I have been secretly holding on to this unrealistic concept of love because of movies wow now that the rose colored contacts are finally off I can let go of my silly romantic notions and resign myself to a loveless fate it’s alright I have a great soundtrack…. Read more...

FAILURE

Today I was really just in a morose and reflective place reflecting on how bad my life is once again and someone happened to twit this youtube video and it just really spoke to where I was and it felt like a sign so I wanted to share it with you guys as well. Enjoy:

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I AM SAUSAGE FARTS VOCALS UNCUT???

You know I have been a vocal advocate of the SWSNBN'ed anti stan club. It's amazing how you can get away with any and everything when you are a "celeb" there is so much smoke and mirrors behind the scene all people ever see is the finished product. So why you go and spend your hard earned money this weekend on that tragic mess that will be the movie she is in that not even her co-stars can save I want you to think about this audio that Howard Stern has on SWSNBN'ed performing from a past "Today show" appearance also I do want to point out that her commercials for the movie at least when I have been watching TV have been coming on when white shows are on television but as I typed this I just realized their aren't anymore black shows on television anymore. Enjoy the vocals anyway.

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AMERICAN VIOLET GO SEE IT

There is no doubt in my mind that there is a war that is raged in the streets everyday. You can call it whatever you like the principles never change. It's the government vs. the common man, its the police vs. the common man, in 95% of these cases the war is being waged against the poor. When you are poor you are basically seen as cattle, something that can be branded, corralled, herded up, sold off, taken to the meat packing district and slathered to be packaged and sold. Your destiny is not your own when you are a cow you will become steak or hamburger. When you have no power the world glories in pounding that into your head day in and day out. I can see why folks who feel hopeless turn to living outside the law. When the world is determined to stomp you down and grind you into dust why even give a shit about the world and the people in it... Many will say that is victim mentally.

They will say well you had choices, if no one ever shows you or tells you about your "choices" how will you know you have any? IF all you ever see is dealing drugs, violence, sex, poverty, etc. and no one ever shows you anything else but the underbelly of life wouldn't your conclusion be that that is how life is. Wouldn't you then simply go along with what you know? Perception is reality if you perceive life to be this hard struggle with no bright side then it shall be as such. It is very hard to escape the vicious cycle of poverty.

I digress I am going off on a tangent when my specific purpose was to tell you to get out and go see the movie AMERICAN VIOLET it is based on a series of true events that actually happened to a single mother of four down in a rural impoverished section of Texas. Where the good ole boys still glory in having guns, all the power, and railroading poor black folks. She the woman the movie is based upon Regina Kelly was not a drug dealer, she had never sold drugs, the only thing she was guilty of was being poor, black, a single mother, and living in the projects, the projects is another way of saying holding pen for cattle, cattle would be poor minorities!

The tone of this movie is unbelievable just watching the trailer and reading the real victims website fired my blood up. Of course this film is a limited release film. You have to search it out in your cities but it is well worth searching for. No one fights for black people we don't even advocate for ourselves. We even automatically assume when we see someone pulled over for something and it is a person of color we assume that they automatically did whatever they are accused of doing no questions asked. I know for myself I always hold my breath when I drive by someone that has gotten pulled over and I don't let out that breath until I see that it isn't a person of color. I seem to breathe a bit easier when the skin of the person pulled over is not black, I'm sure its written into my DNA to act that way. Sadly in this country often times then not you are guilty before proven innocent, and even then if the peoples court of opinion says you did it then you are forever branded as a criminal in the minds of the general public. I digress again this is what it is folks this country is ass backwards still and just because Obama is in office it does not mean you can shirk your duties as a citizen of humanity.

My sentiment is charity starts at home I can't care deeply about anyone else's problems when the problems around me are deep and varied. I can't advocate to change a third world country when I live in the united states and the poor and disenfranchised is being railroaded every other day. I can't fix something I don't see every day on another continent, when there is a war on black people right here in Amerikkka. Call me what you want, but I speak the truth. Everyday there is a different minority getting sentenced and locked up in jail, being branded a felon over bullshit. Having their future and rights stripped away, having their livelihood forever challenged because no wants to hire a felon once they get out. Some states don't let felons vote, apply for school loans, get medicare or medicaid, if you set the rules of the game so that everyone who gambles and plays it loses and loses big whats the incentive to even invest in a country that eats its natives?

I get so fired up about about this kind of stuff if it didn't take massive amounts of school loans to go to law school I might have been a lawyer, at the very least an advocate for justice but I do what I can from my little soapbox a tiny voice being drowned out by the surrounding noise. Anyway Go see the movie, its worth your while trust me.

AMERICAN VIOLET
REGINA KELLY the woman the movie is based on check out her page, take a look at her face and the faces of her children breath in her circumstances and dare to tell me you aren't fired up, and fed up? If this one lone black single mother can fight for herself against injustices heaped upon her by the unjust system then why can't YOU at least take your ass to see the movie? What else you doing this weekend????? Read more...

GETTING TO THE SOLE OF THE MATTER

Here is my issue as a member of the curvy and plus sized community my clothing circle is narrow. I like certain stores and I am a brand loyalist that gets me into trouble especially when I look for a certain shoe but can't find what I am really seeking. I have been on fetish sites, sites that cater to drag queens, rock-a-billy sites the gambit here's my problem all these shoes are either not everyday wear type shoes are they scream fetish. Why not just come out in a full latex outfit, no disrespect to the latex lovers.

My issue is that I spend my hard earned money where I think I can get the best value and it is no secret that I love Torrid however since they are about the only clothing store that caters to a certain demographic style wise they don't seem to really care about their customers. I emailed Torrid thinking that they would be receptive but I was shut down and told that because their is not a big callout for Double Wide Width shoes that they weren't even going to bother looking into it, and the buyer had the nerve to thank me for being a loyal customer. It is always like this when a company has a toehold in a market they feel that one customer's voice doesn't make a difference. I went to twitter and I asked the curvy fashionista's what would they suggest and they suggested that I blog the issue and put some wheels in motion.

Well here is my wheel and I am setting it in motion I don't appreciate being shut down especially when I am the voice of the customer, especially when I spend obscene amounts of money in Torrid. I don't even knock them for using substandard materials in their clothing that easily fall apart, tear and rip, but they charge an arm and a leg for some of their items when you can find those same articles of clothing at the five dollar plus size stores made with the same shoddy materials. I think it's a shame when plus sized fashionista's don't have a wide range of options especially when it comes to quality high heeled shoes wedges and sandals particularly. Since I happen to be genetically made with a double wide foot it is virtually impossible to find a cute midrange high heeled shoe option that accommodates my foot, but I am positive that I am not the only woman in the world genetically made like that. It’s particularly irksome to me when there seems to be way more options for women who have Double Narrow feet style wise. It has always been a challenge to find a great looking high heeled shoe when it comes to my foot that is why my first love is sneakers. In sneakers you have a greater choice when it comes to style and widths how come the women shoe makers don’t get that? Who do I need to speak to, to make my voice heard because frankly I’m fed up with having this issue when it comes to my shoe options.

I know I am not the only woman with a Double Wide width foot that is tired of seeing limited style options. I understand the fashion industry is trend based and the purpose is to make money in it. I understand that using quality materials cost more and having to use materials for Wider Width Shoes can cost more I get that but what I am saying is isn’t there a way to bring a better variety to a fraction of women who want style, comfort, AND options concerning her shoes? Where there is a will there is a way and if all these fashion designers are supposed to be on the cutting frontier edge then Double Wide Width shoes must be the outer regions of space!

IF you feel what I’m saying ladies please for yourselves, for your daughters, for your granddaughters, for the women in your lives, for the women of today and tomorrow please stand up and be noticed. If this is not your particular issue it could be a issue tomorrow that you might need to address something of yours and wouldn’t you want the support of others? I am not saying be belligerent I am not saying bombard Torrid, I’m not even saying boycott but pass this blog along to everyone you know Forward it, send it around the web. Please give my voice a chance to be heard. Give me the momentum I need to let this company see that I am not just one voice but the voice of many. You don’t even have to like Torrid, as I have found out many curvy women don’t, but please do it for me. Let’s start with Torrid and then with the rest of the fashion world, I am tired of being ignored and having limited options shoved down my throat. My money is earned way too hard for the fashion collective to just dictate what I get to wear.

GIVE ME CHOICES, LISTEN TO MY VOICE, AND GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR CUSTOMERS FASHION INDUSTRY THIS IS YOUR WAKE UP CALL.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog/email/forward or however you received it please pass it on.

Email the shoe and jewelry buyer as well if you have the time please don’t be belligerent of nasty just a polite email will do I appreciate it ladies, and gents truly.

The Torrid shoe and jewelry buyers email address: Tania Licker TLicker@torrid.com
Let her know that this is her callout for finding Double Wide shoe options. Read more...