A LETTER TO YOU...

Dear YOU,

Where do I even begin we hadn't talked in weeks and I was good with that especially since I had gotten over the initial way that YOU walked away from what could have been. YOU don't even know how much I wished at the time that we could have been something. I guess I had hung my hopes on YOU but YOU weren't meant for ME and US was never to be a reality and I had gotten over that fact and bounced back like round ball and I proceeded to keep it pushing and move on from the tragic happening that was YOU. I took for granted that you would feel some kind of remorse some kind of shame about YOURSELF but I was wrong. Apparently it was all my fault, apparently I do things that YOU just had no patience for, I do things that just turned YOU off, instead of having a conversation with me and pointing out said things or saying something about it YOU decided that being an asshole would be better.

So tonight YOU had the audacity to approach ME on yahoo messanger asking ME if we were still enemies when I was under the impression that there was nothing between us not even animosity just dead cold grey nothing which I had accepted and grew to appreciate. YOU couldn't leave it at that though YOU couldn't just leave well enough alone. And I must admit I took the opportunity to get feedback about the break down in our "situation" for lack of a better word. YOU then seized the moment and began to talk out the side of YOUR neck telling me that "YOU were willing to help ME work on MY issues" because YOU have none obviously and since YOU are skilled in the art of reading a person's character and blah, blah, blah, clearly the problems were all on ME never on YOU (insert sarcasm here). YOU also stated that there would have been no seeing each other, and that I was a closed individual, and that I wasn't in a position to be a girlfriend. Which I replied that you weren't boyfriend material either, and YOUR rebuttal was "in YOUR eyes, I'm not... but in a more appreciative eye, i am. you don't want to explore and experience. you'll be a WAY better person if you do..." Which I in turn replied with: "I'm sorry you're talking out your anus I am not as closed as you think lol explore and experience you have no idea but thanks for the insight I appreciate it Which caused YOU to say: its things like that, is why you're not in position... you think you know everything, and you give yourself a little too much lead way. you're lost on a WHOLE lot, but I'll continue to pray that you find your way. I'm sorry i allowed you to remind me why i walked away.

MY rebuttal: ya know what you don't even see me, and you certainly don't know me. you never did and it's fine that you walk away because obviously you weren't meant to be in my life. You can't define me and squeeze me into the box you want me to be in and you're very judgmental and please don't pray for me I don't need your brand of praying, hypocrites who live in glass houses need not pray for us poor misguided sinners

His final words: hahaha... aww, there she goes again

My Final words: so you need the last word as always I see type it now or hold your peace and just walk away, you're good at that its what you do best

Instead of being an adult about the situation instead of saying hey this is where we may run into a few snags or this is what I think you might need to work on if you want us to become a couple YOU did none of that shit instead you started talking to your "homegirl" more than usual, you started slowly distancing yourself instead of standing YOUR ground and talking to me, the person you had the issue with. The problem was YOU never took the time to actually talk to me, YOU talked at me, YOU asked me questions YOU might have even prayed for me but YOU forgot to actually talk to me. I got so caught up in YOU that I didn't see the bigger issues looming ahead. Silly me I was so swayed by your false sincerity that I lost all my good judgment until YOU showed YOUR true nature even when YOU were shadier than a palm tree I was still trying my damndest to just ride it out. But YOU are right I'm not the one for YOU I would have to worship YOU more than YOU worship YOURSELF and MY GOD is a jealous one he said thou shalt not worship false idols and YOU my most current mistake were false all the way through and full of shit as well. I don't wish you any ill will at all I wish that YOU would simply grow up and realize that YOU are not the authority on all things relationship wise. YOU NEVER took the chance to know me, YOU never even gave me a real chance to fully get to where I was comfortable with YOU but that works out in my favor and I thank YOU for letting YOUR true nature shine through. But YOU did help me correct one mistake and that mistake was giving YOU the benefit of my doubt once again, so thank YOU because this lesson was all about me and I learned it well so please give YOURSELF a pat on the back for a job well done.

Next time YOU are tempted to talk to me on messanger again remember our last conversation and just skip the impulse...



BTW I love this song get it Ci-Ci you did this...hawtness! Read more...

I BEEN IN A RECESSION Y'ALL JUST CATCHING UP

Art work found here

I know that I have posted this before but Its too brilliant not to re-post again, and since I am the only one who reads this blog it matters not if I post it again.

Dear Uncle Sam:

Hi, it's me the one you know as ***-**-****. I have worked in your system since I was the ripe age of 19 officially. I have had jobs that paid a wage that wouldn't even keep a well fed pooch alive let alone a person with financial responsibilities. You see Uncle Sam I have tried my hardest to do right, work, be a responsible citizen and pledge my allegiance to my country even when I think you're wrong I still would just shrug and chop it up to America being America. I thought we had some type of understanding I would work my way up the pay scale and you would raise my wages due to a cost of living increase. Some where along the lines though Uncle Sam you failed me. You wrote books and legislation's on freedom, and democracy, you said give us your hungry and poor and we will clothe and feed them we will welcome you with open arms because we are America and that is our duty and we do it proudly.

Well Uncle Sam I am pissed off because I am American born and bred but I can't pay not a one of my bills because I can't find a job that will hire me with a wage rate that will allow me to keep up with the cost of my expenses and the cost of living in southern California. I own that I have made financial missteps but no worst then the wheffa who runs up her charge card on gucci, and prada. Actually my mistakes don't even amount to anything that huge, but I digress. I have not used the best of judgment at times but to repeatedly deny me work thus not allowing me to better my situation and pull myself up by my bootstraps is that not a blatant mockery of what America stands for? How can I better my situation if I can't get a job paying decent wages due to my current FICA score? I am stuck in the catch 22, I have gotten sucked into this downward spiral and I am stuck at the bottom and I am caught in the drainpipe called despair. What about me have I not be a loyal citizen? Have I not warranted your care, or help? Have you not seen me broken and beaten down by my financial circumstances? What would you have me do? Prostitute my body? Sell drugs? Rob and steal? After I take one of these alternative methods of living into consideration and I happen to get caught by your boys in blue Johnny law and they throw me under the penal system and give me life because I can't afford a high profile lawyer to plead my case what then Uncle Sam?

At this point in my life I just want simple things I want to be able to maintain a well paying job, one that will allow me to pull myself out of the financial bind that has become my resting place, I want to be able to live on my own with having to worry about where my next meal is coming from or if my lights and gas will be turned off. I want to be a productive member of society but I am being penalized because I can't afford to pay my bills and have made some poor financial choices in my life. I am now not a worthy candidate to be hired because according to employers who run a background check and see a poor credit history/score they say it speaks to my trustworthiness and therefore my credit score says that I could be considered untrustworthy around sensitive information, that I am susceptible to bribes, that I may commit fraud using someone else's information etc. In actuality I have never even stole so much as a piece of bubblegum, nor would I ever steal because if I was a thief I wouldn't be poor I would be rich, if I had no integrity I would be a winner because people with no integrity do whatever it takes to make that almighty dollar, they bend the truth, they use "creative" money management, they do whorish things to get ahead in life, suck a little dick, put out porn tapes, write about extramarital affairs, sleep with their bosses to get ahead etc. So what would you advise me to do Uncle Sam if no one will hire me for anything what recourse do I have? I am at the whim of the world I can't even pay my cellphone bill and yes that will go on my credit also, my bank account is also overdrawn and yes that will go on my credit also and the fun just keeps going.

I just want to say thank you for thinking of me when you passed these laws that made it virtually impossible to improve upon my financial situation, thank you for valuing people from other countries better than you value your native sons and daughters. Thank you for not allowing a single black women who has no kids to be eligible for any kind of aid or benefits because you don't consider her destitute enough. If anyone were to ask me where the greatest place in the world is to live I would truly be at a lost for words because right now my life is fucked up and you don't give a shit but yet you say I shouldn't be lazy, and trifling, pushing out babies and putting them on the counties dime. Yet when I don't do that I can't get any financial help so Thank you Uncle Sam for being that uncle that rapes me in the basement and robs me of my dignity repeatedly. I am your least favorite Niece, the forgotten and the destitute yet you want me to believe in you, care about you, work towards a common goal and do my part. Why not just give me my own BET reality show you can call it a "broke black bitch with no whip and no chips" or how about "Shuckin' and jivin' coon time for that prime time dime" or "America's next baby momma with three different baby daddies who all have to go on Maury and none of them are still not the father" I digress. You have to wonder about a country that rewards stupidity, turns a back to everyday american's with real financial needs, but makes instant stars out of women who use there wombs as a revolving door for romper room. If this world isn't fucked up and backwards then I must not having my thinking in order.



Signed your least favorite, never thought of native niece

God Bless America..... Read more...

RANDOM THOUGHTS

A new president...A beautiful black family in office...people keep saying be the change you want to see in the world...there should be a blueprint or some form of footsteps to follow...why do the dumbest people think that they are outsmarting everyone else in the world...just because you are a hook or by crook individual does not make it right...the world does not revolve around the things that have personally happened to you...it would be nice if it did but it doesn't believe me I know this as a fact...why can my mother gleam money out of the air but she can't manage it well...why she keep talking divorce but she still here...I want to go back to school badly but money IS a object, my stumbling block...grants loans scholarships...schools are now harder to get into and the money is hard to come by...Does Jesus even hear me when I pray...I am so tired mentally and emotionally it manifest itself physically sometimes... HE wasn't even worth 20 minutes but he got under my skin never again, if he was on fire I wouldn't even piss on him...will my family ever be alright...will change happen for me...what am I not doing in the right way...Blessings are few and far between....I.am.an.Island.of.1. Read more...

GETTING READY TO POSSIBLY SING MY SWAN SONG

As I was reading my sisters blog who just started blogging it occurred to me that her followship is one off from mines, yep I'm going there while I am happy for my sister I'm sad for myself! I've been blogging since what 2006 and my readership still is low like a strippers skirt, what's up with that? Can you not relate to me? Am I not friendly, personable, at the very least don't I illicit a laugh with some of the things I have been through in my checkered past? I mean come on now not saying that my sister doesn't write a great blog but damn she is new to the game and already her readership is the same as mine and she just barely started. That shit right there is enough to make me say fuck it I'm not writing a blog anymore because no one even reads this shit.

So what's the point? I know there are trillions of people all over the world who write blogs and there is not enough time in the day for every blog to be read but this is just downright disheartening I know I have a tendency to whip out my soapbox but I do it because I care. I have a tendency to be all hail fire and brimstone and just big sisterish but that's the role I was given what can I do? I don't know how to change my stripes and I wouldn't want to even if I could I like me, you might not but I do!

So what say you good people is my journey blogging here over, should I throw in the towel and just find another creative outlet because obviously y'all ain't giving a damn. Maybe my time has come to an end and I possibly should say goodbye but this time for real. If no one is reading it then its just a tree in the woods that fell with no one there to hear it fall. Either way it goes someone tell me something... I can take the truth lay it on me, please and thank you. Read more...

FUCK LOVE AND EMO/TIONS!

After feeling as if I was really losing my mind these past couple of days I really had to take stock within myself and conclude I probably am better left single. What I thought was something special turned out once again to be my imagination putting in overtime. I am the best at fooling myself when it comes to guys. See I have this thing where if they are talking about what they want in terms of relationships, kids, marriage, and its similar to what I desire instantly I'm trying on their last names and seeing stars and shit and then when it all falls through I'm devastated for like a day and then I keep it pushing. I'm just so tired of the whole experience. The whole feeling like I found something special only to realize its just common and everyone is peddling the same shit on every street corner. I realize I did it to myself someone who refuses to make me a priority but always a fucking option AT THEIR LEISURE is so not a good look so that's it 2009 has officially started on a flat note for me but I won't ever do that to myself again!

I guess I am guilty of still believing in fairy tales and at my age huh, sad I know. I should just learn that the fairy tale shit is strictly for the folks at Disney not a grown ass woman. They don't make fairy tales for grown ass black women they make movies like waiting to exhale for us. I really was trying to believe in love, black love, families, unity, community, all that but you know what black men I'M DONE! You have made this sista a believer fuck it, YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT US, YOU DON'T CHERISH US, YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN US, YOU DON'T WANT US, YOU DON'T SEE US,AND YOU CERTAINLY DON'T LOVE US. But who you do see as worthy of love is not a reflection of you not at all and if that is what you want then have at it. I am putting my black love flag down in the dirt and officially walking away from it. So if you see another love post from me, feel free to slap me in my comment section and remind me that love doesn't love ANYBODY!


MyHotComments


All theses dudes talking but ain't nothing happening but sound, clue for the clueless if you want someone in your life you have to actually make an effort not this half effort type shit you dudes are doing these days! Long distance Relationships = pen pal, just talking to someone on messenger = pen pal, not actually making some kind of grown ass man effort to make it real in real time = fuckery on your part and its 2009 who the hell is still falling for this type shit? It was cute in 1998 but ummm yeah time to move on to new shit literally! So if you not making me a priority, not actually putting in an effort to be present in the flesh, WE HAVE NOTHING WHAT SO EVER TO TALK ABOUT! But when you tell someone that then you become the asshole or bitch because you refuse to feed into a delusional fantasy, this is what has put the nail in the coffin of love for me I'm good fellas you have officially made a believe out of the 78 Ms J, so Congrats! Let's pop champagne cause love is officially done.


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