I AM SAUSAGE FARTS VOCALS UNCUT???

You know I have been a vocal advocate of the SWSNBN'ed anti stan club. It's amazing how you can get away with any and everything when you are a "celeb" there is so much smoke and mirrors behind the scene all people ever see is the finished product. So why you go and spend your hard earned money this weekend on that tragic mess that will be the movie she is in that not even her co-stars can save I want you to think about this audio that Howard Stern has on SWSNBN'ed performing from a past "Today show" appearance also I do want to point out that her commercials for the movie at least when I have been watching TV have been coming on when white shows are on television but as I typed this I just realized their aren't anymore black shows on television anymore. Enjoy the vocals anyway.

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WITH ANOTHER SPRING COMES THE NU DUMB

Spring is in the air and I can tell from the boo'ed up twits on twitter to the men and women putting out their finest bait to snag a shorty its that time and then some. I don't know what it is about this particular spring but I seem so very hyper aware of all the desire to be coupled up. While I recognize that this is part of human nature somethings are still not acceptable and I wouldn't be me without running those things down. With the advance of technology and people building online communities left and right meeting someone on the internet and dating them is not that big of a stretch and if you are still one of those people who are closet internet daters come on out the closet it's 2009.

1. Yes for many Blackplanet is like the local club in your city, your town usa. Some have even compared it to MIDNIGHT BOOTY CALL for example anytime that you hit up a young woman that you don't know and then proceed to ask her to meet you at 1am in the morning and get mad and disgusted when she doesn't that doesn't make you a good man even if in your mind you deem yourself to be one in actuality it makes you weird and possibly a rapist.

2. Another no-no is the call a chick once describe your weird wants body wise, while proceeding to badger said chick on while she is single, then proceed to tell her that you aren't involved because you're too busy and you don't do long distance relationships, so basically you shouldn't be hitting chicks up you should get a blow up doll to satisfy your sexual needs. Next time just put everything in a note that way you give people the option to ignore you for being a waste of time, stop pretending to be normal saving up your weirdness for the phone call damn.

3. the dude who adds finds you and adds you on every social network site you both are on and he has never ever even met you and then proceeds to send you notes on all networking sites saying basically the same thing, trying to break you down so that you will hang out with/call/be his chick not even in that order, so much so that sometimes you find yourself wanting to give in but then you take another look at him and your mind quickly changes back to its original decision.

4. The I just moved here and I'm looking for friends dude, who makes plans to come meet you but can't come before night time even though daylight savings is now over. Who has more than one kid, still live with his momma and nem and his car is always in the shop...needless to say pass and run.

5. The I'm from the south out here in cali looking for a better opportunity/came to take care of a elderly family member, but I am a ex-con who has more than one baby momma, and in your own admission each time you have made a baby you have magically fell out of love with the baby momma. For real dude and you can't understand why a chick wouldn't want to take her chances with you.

6. The I am a full time dad who's wishy washy about what he wants, claims he wants a woman with swagger, claims he can work you with his man sausage but when it comes time for follow through he has none he can't even lift a finger to make a phone call basically talker who loves to hear/see his words because at the end of the day it's still just recreation for him a kid playing online, but has the nerve to say that you are being difficult because you won't fall for the okie-doke hook line and sinker.

7. last but not freaking least the African's who have gotten hip to putting united states cities and states instead of where they really online communicating from, all the same messages about how they half-African and something else how they was raised in the states but are in Africa taking care of a sick parent, how they would love to get to know you better because you are the one for them because you are so beautiful that shit drives me up the wall how many damn times do I have to report y'all asses as spam get on outta here with that shit. You not fooling nobody with all them sentences not making sense and misspelled words, and words used in the wrong context I'm starting to believe that Africa doesn't need any help cause it's way to many of y'all on blackplanet, and myspace.

8. married men/swingers/pimps/porn producers dudes that have wives but they are into the extra freaky lifestyle. Who have kids, and a wife but still want to bring other women into the bedroom, running that tired game about how his wife is bi-curious and they want to recruit you into the bedroom and since it's an economy y'all can all help each other out...yea they getting real creative with the new dumbness these days. Then when you shut em down they get extra mad and start popping off about how you are going to be single forever because you won't give their whole scenario a try...le-sigh.

9. last but not least ninja's with less than what you got but they steadily thinking they the shit because they been with witches who overlook that shit and except it. Coming at you sideways telling you that you should be grateful for their presence and what they have to offer which is hard dick and bubblegum minus the bubblegum smh. Then wanting to run down why you can't get a man, and what you need to do to get a man because they see the flaws they perceive you as having and since they are perfect because they have been serving dick to every other chick having sex with so many until they have lost count this has some how enlightened them and put them in the position to correct your perceived shortcomings some may even go so far as to pray for you! The audacity of some ninja's is beyond compare, smh.



From now on I will be putting on blast all the foolishness that is coming my way...so ring the alarm and put it out on the wire because this shit needs to stop ASAP! Read more...

A LETTER TO YOU...

Dear YOU,

Where do I even begin we hadn't talked in weeks and I was good with that especially since I had gotten over the initial way that YOU walked away from what could have been. YOU don't even know how much I wished at the time that we could have been something. I guess I had hung my hopes on YOU but YOU weren't meant for ME and US was never to be a reality and I had gotten over that fact and bounced back like round ball and I proceeded to keep it pushing and move on from the tragic happening that was YOU. I took for granted that you would feel some kind of remorse some kind of shame about YOURSELF but I was wrong. Apparently it was all my fault, apparently I do things that YOU just had no patience for, I do things that just turned YOU off, instead of having a conversation with me and pointing out said things or saying something about it YOU decided that being an asshole would be better.

So tonight YOU had the audacity to approach ME on yahoo messanger asking ME if we were still enemies when I was under the impression that there was nothing between us not even animosity just dead cold grey nothing which I had accepted and grew to appreciate. YOU couldn't leave it at that though YOU couldn't just leave well enough alone. And I must admit I took the opportunity to get feedback about the break down in our "situation" for lack of a better word. YOU then seized the moment and began to talk out the side of YOUR neck telling me that "YOU were willing to help ME work on MY issues" because YOU have none obviously and since YOU are skilled in the art of reading a person's character and blah, blah, blah, clearly the problems were all on ME never on YOU (insert sarcasm here). YOU also stated that there would have been no seeing each other, and that I was a closed individual, and that I wasn't in a position to be a girlfriend. Which I replied that you weren't boyfriend material either, and YOUR rebuttal was "in YOUR eyes, I'm not... but in a more appreciative eye, i am. you don't want to explore and experience. you'll be a WAY better person if you do..." Which I in turn replied with: "I'm sorry you're talking out your anus I am not as closed as you think lol explore and experience you have no idea but thanks for the insight I appreciate it Which caused YOU to say: its things like that, is why you're not in position... you think you know everything, and you give yourself a little too much lead way. you're lost on a WHOLE lot, but I'll continue to pray that you find your way. I'm sorry i allowed you to remind me why i walked away.

MY rebuttal: ya know what you don't even see me, and you certainly don't know me. you never did and it's fine that you walk away because obviously you weren't meant to be in my life. You can't define me and squeeze me into the box you want me to be in and you're very judgmental and please don't pray for me I don't need your brand of praying, hypocrites who live in glass houses need not pray for us poor misguided sinners

His final words: hahaha... aww, there she goes again

My Final words: so you need the last word as always I see type it now or hold your peace and just walk away, you're good at that its what you do best

Instead of being an adult about the situation instead of saying hey this is where we may run into a few snags or this is what I think you might need to work on if you want us to become a couple YOU did none of that shit instead you started talking to your "homegirl" more than usual, you started slowly distancing yourself instead of standing YOUR ground and talking to me, the person you had the issue with. The problem was YOU never took the time to actually talk to me, YOU talked at me, YOU asked me questions YOU might have even prayed for me but YOU forgot to actually talk to me. I got so caught up in YOU that I didn't see the bigger issues looming ahead. Silly me I was so swayed by your false sincerity that I lost all my good judgment until YOU showed YOUR true nature even when YOU were shadier than a palm tree I was still trying my damndest to just ride it out. But YOU are right I'm not the one for YOU I would have to worship YOU more than YOU worship YOURSELF and MY GOD is a jealous one he said thou shalt not worship false idols and YOU my most current mistake were false all the way through and full of shit as well. I don't wish you any ill will at all I wish that YOU would simply grow up and realize that YOU are not the authority on all things relationship wise. YOU NEVER took the chance to know me, YOU never even gave me a real chance to fully get to where I was comfortable with YOU but that works out in my favor and I thank YOU for letting YOUR true nature shine through. But YOU did help me correct one mistake and that mistake was giving YOU the benefit of my doubt once again, so thank YOU because this lesson was all about me and I learned it well so please give YOURSELF a pat on the back for a job well done.

Next time YOU are tempted to talk to me on messanger again remember our last conversation and just skip the impulse...



BTW I love this song get it Ci-Ci you did this...hawtness! Read more...

UNTIL YOU DO RIGHT BY US EVERYTHING YOU THINK ABOUT GON' FAIL

MY BROTHER WAS ROBBED! Once again the dickheads at the guitar center can't see the talent that my brother has, once again they have blatantly disregarded my brother like he doesn't live and breathe drumming. Like he didn't KILL everyone who he went up against last night. I don't know what the hell they are grading him on but something is seriously wrong with the judges and this fucking competition. Every year that he has entered it has always been something. Every year they act like my brother who has been playing drums since age two, who has his own set, who played for his high school band all four years, who on Sundays plays drums for church, who can out play any of the drummers he comes against old head drum dudes be in awe of his talent. What the fuck?!?!?! So how can one suck ass competition not see his talent? How can they keep robbing him time and time again? Tony Royster Jr. a young dude who started out like my brother sat there and judged my brother last night and found him not worthy! You serious? The old dude from Blondie sat there and judged my brother and found him not worthy again you serious?

I really thought this year was going to be different but I guess not, I guess I was lulled into a false sense of security I knew he had this on level of the competition on lock and my brother confirmed it when he played and he had to go FIRST! He blew everyone away per usual, he was the only one dressed like a decent young man everyone else came in jeans and t-shirts. He was so gracious when he lost me on the other hand not so much. I was pissed off cursing and I really wanted to knock some of the displays down. My brother even took a picture with the wack ass dude that is Tony Royster Jr. because he is one of the dudes my brother admires. Even when the announced the winner the dude they gave it too was shocked cause he knew he wasn't the best drummer you should have seen his face. This competition, the store, the judges this is solely from the drummers sister but you assholes were wrong and once again you can eat a sick dripping dick! I don't care what band you're from, I don't care who you went on tour with, and I really don't give a shit who your father is, if you can't recognize clear cut talent when you see it then you're worthless and all your talent amounts to nothing.



I even waited to write this post so that my anger would be less sever but nope it's like indigestion burning in my chest this shit is insane I woke up still mad, and still with a sense of unserved justice. I just really don't understand. I don't. I don't get it at all, the only thing I can see them trying to ding him on is when he played a little bit of Rhianna but that was just like .5 seconds just a smidge to show that he had variation in his style. It's not even like he played the whole song. Even if they tried to ding him for that it should have been like 1/2 a point off at least everyone else that went after my brother was weaksauce! WEAKSAUCE.

If you're a musician I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do but I would boycott the Guitar Center, that's just my opinion but if you hit them in their pockets maybe they would realize that they once again robbed someone who has talent, technique and style. Who's personable also, humble, and gracious even in the face of obvious and blatant denial of talent. I really could see if my brother was some poot butt kid who was just unpolished and just some marginal type drummer. But even on his worst day he could play circles around the other dudes he went up against last night. I hear him play drums, I watch him play his drums he has even volunteered and went back to help the kids in his high school he graduated from last year during the summer. He was drum major for two years of high school I mean for real? He watches drum videos like they are bet uncut videos just drinking in the technique and style of other drummers. He's a great, gracious, and talented kid, who even has a damn hearing disability but that has never ever stopped him from doing what ever he needed to do in life. In fact he doesn't even lean on his disability it's like not even an issue, he hasn't ever tried to collect S.S.I for it, he hasn't ever tried to milk the system none of that. He's just a normal kid who just lives his life and what God left out in hearing he added in talent.

I just don't understand how people could not see my brother and recognize him for the obvious star he is? It's an ugly thing when you truly seek to rob someone of their greatness. It's an ugly thing when you keep telling someone who is great that they are not worthy of some dinky ass shit that's not even like huge. It's an ugly thing when the people who work at the Guitar Center say to me "your brother was robbed! He was the best one up there!" Now if the employees can see that why couldn't the judges? All my brother could say was it just wasn't his time, and that is was okay, he wasn't even mad. I was the one angry I had enough anger for me and him, even a professional drummer who is a friend of the family said that my brother was robbed he was so disturbed by this blatant sham of a contest he didn't know what to do.

I'm still so angry about this it's going to take a long time for me to let this go. I don't care what happens to me or what people say against me because its not that big of a deal, but when you mess with family, then we have a whole other set of issues, and when you can't recognize talent for what it truly is then to me you're dead and buried. You have ceased to exist if ever I need anything music wise I will not be buying it from Guitar Center trust and believe. They have fucked this family over for the last and final time.

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DELICATE MAROON MAIDEN'S HAVE THE MATING GAME ON LOCK!

Almost turkey gobble time you excited? Okay so lets get down to business...the economy still sucks, but prostitution is still thriving when in doubt sell the P.ower.U. In these hard times everything is drying up and it's just not a good situation. I'm looking high and low, even going backwards applying to places I already worked at. No Mas! Whatever. Let's get to the meat of this post shall we.

I went to church Sunday the highlight of the whole service, the sunshine of my day was the lady who joined church oh what a magnificent creature she was. Please allow me to frame her very elegance with my words. I may not be able to do her justice but I will try. First off let's give her a name befitting her. Let us call her the delicate maroon maiden, DMM for short.

So church started out the same way slow and with the same type ceremony as all old churches with the same members for 60yrs always start out. Then the ushers opened the doors to let the general public in, and that's when I first laid eyes on her. My breath caught in my throat and I was at a total lack of words. DMM stepped in the door and it's like my whole world ceased to exist after that. She sat directly across from me on the other side of the aisle in the pew directly to my right I could see her out the corner of my eye. I was caught up in her rapture.

I don't know if it was the blue off brand sketcher type tennis shoes with no socks, or if it was the spandex maroon dress with the slits on both sides, or if it was the way her thighs had all those dips, valleys and dents that her dress unkindly attested too and highlighted like a yellow hi-light marker, or was it the way her little cardigan was straining at the buttons which were struggling just to keep from popping off and hitting everyone within range. No, Perhaps it was the purse she carried, the kind you find often given away because it matches nothing and looks awful with everything. I couldn't help but wonder at DMM and why she didn't at least have the presence of mind to put a slip on even a half slip which would have been her saving grace. No it wasn't any of those things actually. When I didn't look directly at her she looked like a normal church goer. Now I am not throwing stones at a fellow team chunk member but she had to pass at least one reflective surface between leaving her place of residency and hitting that church front door. If she had at least attempted to make some kind of effort towards decent I could have given her some kind of cool points for trying...but no. Some tights, some stockings, leggings even, a long coat, some semblance of shame, a iota of embarrassment, a apology for her wayward appearance, something. I would have overlooked her wardrobe malfunction and chalked it up to hard times but...she wouldn't let me do it.

As the church service went on it finally came time for the pastor to invite people down who wanted to be new members well DMM hurried down to the front and sat there like she was ready, they say the Lord works in mysterious ways. SO finally after they announced her name and the pastor was standing directly in front of her DMM went into action she started trying to grab the mic repeatedly even though it wasn't her time to talk. She got asked the standard questions about Jesus and God...where she was in her walk with the Lord what she was hoping to gain that sort of thing, ya know the standard questions.



Finally DMM went for broke I guess she figured she had nothing to lose, she grabbed the mic out of the pastors hand and she proceeded to spill all of her business out to the whole church. DMM stated that she had 7 children in the system, that she was in transition and homeless, living in a halfway house waiting on her section 8, and that she was in her 3rd rehab program and the very essence, the very cherry on top of my Sunday wait for it....wait for it...this heffa said, "I recently had a relapse but it was a small one only about $20.00 worth and my fiance left me, and I want to get him back!"

Let me put a pin in that right there, first off I don't know if her brain was fried from all the years of drug abuse or if she was borderline mentally retarded, but the last thing I expected her to say was FIANCE...say what? Say huh? You got a man that wants to marry you...and I can't even find a damn boo NOT A DAMN ONE! Oh the irony, oh the cruel ugly irony! This heffa has 7 kids, all in the system, she on her third rehab stint, she homeless, and most likely half retarded but she has a fiance. Let's let that sink in. She wasn't worried about the 7 kids, she wasn't worried about staying off drugs she was worried about getting her man back! Her specific reason for finally coming to church and wanting to try and get help was not the Lord, it was because her man, her fiance had left her. That is what finally drove her to even to attempt to step foot in the church. The pastor was like you need Jesus more than you need your fiance to come back, once you have him all your needs will be met. DMM in her head I'm sure was like right, but I still would like my cuddle muffin to make his way back into my arms, and if you can work that miracle then we shall be great!

I was so floored after DMM got up there and told everyone her business. I mean wow, just the sheer magnitude of her whole situation just had me ready to go down to the alter and ask God was he serious? Was he really and truly serious? I know I'm sure I can just imagine the train wreck that should be her fiance but the ugly truth is he is probably fine, and since he left her he probably has more sense then she will ever have. I could have had empathy for that lady and I was all ready to have some for her but when she came down there talking way off her rocker and not even wanting to get her kids out the system as her 1st priority but getting her boo back was like the A1 top listed priority, that's when my soul packed its suitcase and took a hike. Okay so granted she all screwed up but she got some kind of presence of mind because she functioned enough to push out 7 kids, and file for section 8, so yea pardon me for lack of sympathy.



I feel just like Alice when she fell through that rabbit hole and everything was ass backwards. I just don't get it, then my dad had the audacity to say, "well YOU must not be DOING SOMETHING RIGHT", double blink, wow!!! I'm starting to think my morals, and values are standing in my way...is it possible to be too good? Maybe if I just get downright raunchy and just let it all hangout will that bring the men to the yard? Read more...

TELL THE TRUTH SHAME THE DEBIL

This is exciting I have people emailing me telling me how they think the high priestess of music is as stale as a day old cracker. I knew that though it may be new stuff to the youngsters nothing get old but clothes and even they come back in style and beyaki's style is pure copy right down to her spray tan. I am not the only one who thinks this youtube it folks so don't even try and jump bad with me over the highly worshiped overrated knock off queen. I hadn't seen the video below until one of my loyal readers (I love saying that) was so kind to show us the light by shining it on the stink that is beyaki or as I like to call her in my mind (the high priestess of wigs, lace fronts, and weaves). This heffa has copied the choreography down to the last kick ball shuffle oh beyaki you have been found guilty of style jacking in the worst way. It's a shame but when the truth is called upon I must heed it's call. It's bigger than me folks it's the beyaki take down we shall do it one by one. YES WE CAN, remember to vote! The following note with the video submitted by Nena:

Heya.
My names Nena and I read and follow you through TheUrbanBlogger and your personal blog. Hope you remember but even if you don't know I'm here in the midwest loving your updates faithfully. For whatever reason I am not able to leave my comment on your page but if you like you can post it for me.

Ok, like seriously world... let's get over Beyonce or as ms.j calls her Beyaki. (LOVE IT)
Her choreography isn't so original these days either...peep the video:

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BEYAKI EPIC FAIL, YEAP I SAID IT AND WHAT!

I like the lyrics, but the visual is seriously lacking what the hell beyaki did you run out of creative concepts? This is like watching a tranny workout video I do not likey go back to the lab came up with something better damnit. Give me a story video hell even Kanye West me but this shit is boring visually and I. DO. NOT. LIKEY!



Now on this song the beat is boring and so is her voice, but the video is alright better than the tranny workout video. I don't know it must be me but something is not quite right with either of these songs. I really don't like this song beyaki please go back to the lab and come with something better. I mean honestly I like ciara's if I was a boy song much better. These videos are sorry Beyaki, and Beyaki fans you need to go see about your girl see if she need some more inspiration because if these videos and songs are an indication of things to come I don't foresee myself buying this album. I know her fans will follow her regardless especially since she is such a huge gay male icon but seriously we in a recession and if I have to steal in order to have I'm not risking getting caught for wackness. At least if I am going to start stealing let it be for something worth going to jail for. Beyaki EPIC FAIL, DO. NOT. WANT! RETURN TO SENDER STAMPED TRY AGAIN!

Usually I try not to step on peoples creative input because it's just that their creative input but these songs and videos are highly forgettable, is she in creative regression and while we on it what is up with her hair game? Did the wig crypt/ lace front industry go on strike? I am utterly confused what direction is she going in? Is this her evolution is she trying to "keep it real" like her oh so "different" sister? Let me give this chick the benefit of the doubt and see what else she has in store but right now her stock with me is falling faster than the dow jones average. Not that it was up there to begin with but at least she had some decent songs before. Well her first solo album was decent, the 2nd one was a homage to dancing right? Read more...