I CAN'T SAY IT ENOUGH CHEATING IS DEPLORABLE

So as you can guess from the title this is not going to be a post for those who defend or practice cheating in any form or fashion. I know most people who have called themselves being in a relationship have cheated at one time or other, be it emotional or physical or both. I'm not naive to the ways of the world I know that men cheat, women cheat, husbands cheat, children are born sometimes from these very unions and all that good stuff. Well ladies and gentlemen no matter how you sugar coat it, no matter how you justify it, no matter how bad things are at home there is no justification for cheating, EVER! Stop trying to paint cheating into a lesser offense by trying to color it with shades of grey there are only two choices in this life right or wrong period! When you name a thing and give it it's proper definition then there can be no room for error when you are doing it. So let's break this down here let's define the word infidelity exactly, Dictionary.com defines unfaithful as:

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NEEDED: A DATING REVOLUTION, A SOLUTION, AND SOME HOPE

Dear Men:(and ladies)

Hey it's me again can we have a mental pow wow? I mean there are some things on my mind that I would really like to share and I'm not attacking ya'll but there are some things that I feel I need to address. So why don't you let me get this off my brain and then if you choose too you can respond and maybe we can get a dialogue going, cool?

So there are a couple things that I am just down right adamant about concerning men, women, and dating and the things that men want that women allow that just needs to stop in general and especially if you call yourself trying to approach me (men this means you of course)

Sending any kind of sexual, half naked, fully naked, sexually suggestive, freak nasty, uncouth, no respect for yourself type of pictures to a phone, email, or home address nor should you get on webcam and do the shit either. This is a rule I strive to live by but obviously not everyone is of the same school of thought. I know that chicken heads are sending their asses through the mail before you even request it and many will send you videos of them doing freak nasty stuff, hell you can find many pictures of chicks on any given Ning site already buck naked with everything exposed so I don't get why you have to purposely seek out the chick who isn't showing her goodies to the world wide web for naked pictures. I am not a loose booty hoe and I get that you see every chick on the web naked so in a males mind it must be a birds of a feather flock together type thing so even if the one fully clothed female on a site is not naked you think you can talk your way into her sending you naked pictures because after all she must have them readily available to send and she just might be shy, right fellas or maybe you think she is a discreet freak and she just needs it coached out of her...

Look word to the wise if a woman wants to exploit herself she will she doesn't need any coaching nor prompting from any guy. So basically asking for hoe flicks is silly because if a chick gets down like that she will just send them to you without you even having to ask 9 times out of 10. I wasn't raised that way plus I respect myself way to much, and on top of that I'm no dummy once you send that kind of shit out there its no telling where it will end up and who will get their hands on it and then what? Rule of thumb ladies if you don't care about it turning up in only God knows who's hands, then by all means do it but when your ass ends up spread eagle on some rappers page or as a "you know you dead wrong" type of site for all of the cyber world and beyond to see then don't go crying and protesting because if you hadn't sent your ass through the mail in the first place you wouldn't have to be worried about being exposed. Bottom line fellas stop asking every woman you meet for her to "tease you with sexy pictures" or "asking her to see her booty" or asking even for "bra and pantie pictures" grow the fuck up and learn some decorum. If you haven't learned from seeing dumb celeb-whore-t's who's sextapes, explicit sexual text messages, and naked pictures have been leaked over and over again in the public spectrum then you're just a dumb ass who wants to and deserves to get shamed and be branded as the nasty type hoe chick who's naked pictures will live forever on the internet.

Asking me anything about sex in the 1st-5th conversation if you can't even pretend like you want to get to know me kick rocks with an open toe shoe on, as Brandy would say. I don't think its hot to immediately jump into a discussion of sex, nor is it hot to bombard me with question like, "when's the last time someone hit that", or "how big are your breast" or "what's your favorite position" its not okay to assume that I want to screw you, its not okay to ask me questions pertaining to what's up under my clothes and it's not okay to disregard common courtesy learn how to pronounce my name, and see if I even want to deal with you on a personal level let alone an intimate one, or you will always lose with me straight out the gate and contrary to what you may think or have been lead to believe big girls are no easier than smaller girls. A slore is  going to be a slore no matter her size so don't assume because a woman has some weight on her she is going to just take her panties off or pull them to the side and let you hit because you showed her some attention. Not every big woman falls into the stereotype of having low self esteem so don't make assumptions fellas.

Another pet peeve of mines is wack ass phone sex, please let me be clear I hate HATE phone sex its so dumb, look fellas again as a rule personally my girl 6 days are over (chalk that one up to youth). Plain and simple the shit is just wack and if the sexual need is all that then you need to find a way to make the sex jump off in real time. There is nothing sexy about hearing a grown ass man yanking, tugging, and wacking his dick talking about "yea baby" "ummmm baby you want me to cum for you, tell me how much you want me to cum for you" and then your big goofy ass cums sounding like a little bitch I mean damn you don't even have any bass in your voice, again grow up and shit. It's not sexy to me to hear a grown man moaning and groaning while he's by himself touching on himself if anything its kind of ridiculous. Now there is a way to go about everything, if you want to spice things up then be sensual send her sexy not vulgar text messages for example: Baby I can't wait to see you tonight I have a sexy surprise in store for my one and only <<<(sexy and intriguing); Girl I want to lick your pussy until your peach squirts cum flavored juices all down my throat. <<<(vulgar and childish) Now look fellas I can't speak for every woman in the world I can only tell you what works and what doesn't work for me some broads like vulgar because that's all they know. Some broads will settle for a 6pack of beer and some beer nuts and she will gladly give up the ass and then their are other females like myself who are not going for any of that not at all. Also there is an exception to every rule sometimes its cool to slip a vulgar text message in but only if you are on a certain level with who you're sending it to some people will get offended so know your audience basically.

I'm a woman and as a woman I enjoy doing feminine things, getting my hair done, getting my nails done, shopping for cute outfits, buying make-up and wearing make-up, nurturing babies, taking care of family, providing a warm home environment, cooking, etc. These are some of the things I do because its in my nature and I don't see anything wrong with doing these things because I like to do them but this is not all I am this is just one side of me. I know I might come off as hard but at the end of the day I am still a woman with a soft side. I don't get to show that side because frankly fellas you don't earn it. You want me to be a woman and do certain things for you but you not even doing the bare minimum to earn these things.I refuse to play wifey for someone that is not legally my husband if you want to be treated like a husband I suggest you carry your ass over to Robbins Brothers and make that happen. Yes I know women are independent, they can work and maintain households and all that jazz I'm so well aware of that fact but I believe in the strive for independence the roles of men and women have been so muddied along the way until we are just all messed up and we don't know how to treat each other properly anymore. The male and female rules are all screwed up resulting in this flagrant mockery of what dating is passing for these days.

 There used to be a time when men opened doors both building and car doors, there used to be a time when men came to a woman's house and actually walked up to the door and rang the doorbell and escorted the woman to his car versus calling her on the cellphone and telling her he here so she can run out to the car, or blowing his car horn like a moron, he would proceed to open the car door for her help her get inside and made sure she was in and comfortable before he went around to his side and got settled in. There was a time when men actually dated you, they were actually interested in getting to know you, showed an interest in you and what you felt or at least they convincingly faked genuine interest long enough to hook a woman, called you just to hear your voice, sent you flowers or some token of admiration and appreciation, came to the door with something in his hand more than his hat. Met your family and looked your father/brother/uncle in the eye and had conversations about his intentions, Men were more respectful and in kind women were soft and womanly able to be a little vulnerable and sweet and women were more respectable and demure. In other words there were rituals, rules, stages, one went through before there was even a hint of intimacy jumping off. There was courtship going on, there was romance, and mystery, passion, a sweetness, now its all garbage. I realize for many they didn't have an example of how to treat a woman growing up and they learned it piece-meal from women or random men or it was all trial and error. Plus modern society dictates that all the things I just typed out are not what's hot in the streets. Expecting this type of behavior from a man this day and age will have you single and out of luck and its a pity and a shame. Now men don't even bother to do the basics the bare minimum. When you're with a woman that you care about you are supposed to take care of her, this fellas is your job. This is the reason you gave up a rib, this is the reason you have the outtie and we have the innie. You are supposed to love, protect, honor and shield us. There is a reason you have bigger everything, broader shoulders, deeper voices, bigger hands, more strength etc you are supposed to be our protectors and we are supposed to be your helpmates. I realize that between the sexes it hasn't always been roses but since I've been living I have watched it get progressively worst. I know I am shouting at the wind but damn fellas you don't even play the game anymore there is no mystery, you make me not even want to try. Yes I know you don't do a lot of things simply because the "modern woman" will treat you like a chump for doing it but I am a bit old fashioned and I like being paid attention I like someone who pays attention to details and I like a man who knows what it means to be a man a real one not a facsimile of one.

In essence fellas I have standards and rules, rules that I am not willing to break. They aren't hard rules but they do separate the serious from the just came here to play. I am not difficult I am just not willing to let you play with me like I am an object to be toyed with. I have certain standards and expectations that I need met from any man who thinks he wants to toss his hat into the ring for my time and affection. The problem fellas is not my rules its because you're not use to dealing with a woman who isn't going for the crap that you pull. If you want quality and substance you have to be willing to give as good as you get. No one wants to do that because it's far easier to get with the chick that will let you do any and everything and not call you on it. You've become lax and have lost the will to date the right way. Its like always dining on microwaved tv dinners when all you want is a good home cooked meal stop cheating yourselves. Everyone male and female needs to readjust their thinking women as a whole need to set standards if every woman set standards then men would have no choice but to deal with it or procreation would grind to a halt as we know it and I don't think anyone wants that! We need some new ground with dating, a fresh start with how men and women especially black men and women relate to each other, and overall dating needs a face lift ASAP! I know this post was long winded but it was a long time coming but I hope it will give someone pause for the cause or at least open up a dialog between men and women hopefully.


Some Books to check out if you wish:





















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IT'S NOT RIGHT BUT IT'S OKAY

Girls get a bum deal. We get to wear training bras then graduate to real bra's for the rest of your lives, hips, cramps, periods, pap smears, and the list goes on and on and lets not even discuss pushing out a child. We also get to deal with men. I don't know who or what thought this love stuff up but it should be returned to sender. From the first school yard crush to your first love none of this shit is easy and the worst part is it never seems to get any better and if you're never lucky enough to have some decent relationships then really its all bad. It's kinda like being a part of a gang with men on one side women on the other there is constant fighting with each other resulting in there being plenty causalities walking around with enough emotional scars and emotional baggage to fill up the twin towers and several other jails around the country.

Ever since I can remember I have had the misfortune of having the worst luck in the romance department. From the crushes during middle school to the first boyfriend on up its just been one tragic sad mishap one after the next. I gotta start to wonder if I need an evaluation cause you have to be crazy to keep wishing for the best but constantly getting nothing but the worst. I don't know if I have the worst luck or if my karma is just really messed up. I can't seem to ever just luck out and bump into that "one" guy that is the pay off for kissing all these frogs thus far. I don't even have a huge list of wants or requirements just the basics will do. He doesn't have to look like a movie star just be decent and not frighten small children in the daytime but I digress.

And trust me I am not looking I never look I don't seek anything or anyone out either but I'm starting to think that might be part of the problem. I know the popular thoughts on the matter is that you are supposed to be patient and WAIT for this person to just show up but if he doesn't know where you are, or doesn't know you even exist then how is he supposed to find you? I always thought that passage from the bible that says "a man that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing" in my mind I have always believed that, that passage is saying that the man is supposed to choose the women that he wants to marry, right? The guy is supposed to choose you, find you, or whatever period but most guys I know aren't that astute. But I never chase down, go after, come at guys, EVER. I've always liked guys from afar, or even when I had the audacity to let someone know I had a crush on them or they found out it just has ALWAYS turned out bad so as a rule I don't approach the fellas at all no matter how much I want too I just have never ever done it. So I basically get the guys that are interested in seeking me out and I don't think that is working in my favor not at all. All these dudes that are finding their way to me so to speak I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy they are just certified chumps. They just don't amount to much and they not talking about nothing I want to hear so really what is the deal?

I've been single for years now, I've been patient, I've been good, I've done everything I'm supposed too so why is it that I am still in the same boat I've been in for years? I feel like Luther Vandross curl that never quite curled all the way over. I really do try and keep the faith, and hope for the best but man its only so much a girl can take in this life. Maybe there isn't a lid for every pot, there isn't someone for everyone, and we all don't get the happily ever after. Maybe some of us are just here to fill in as extra's in romantic dramadies while the main characters in the story the folks that manage to find love go on to be blissfully happy. While the rest of us just sort of fall by the wayside eventually. Good girls not only finish last they don't even get to participate in the damn race all they get is ignored and disregarded. Shit, shrugs I guess its the cards I've been dealt and I gotta stop expecting something good to happen and just reconcile myself to this tragic fate of mine. I think if I let go of this tiny piece of hope still floating around in my head then I can truly embrace the fact that I am just supposed to be single and that's all there is to it I keep saying it it's just that tiny little speck of hope is a pesky little bugger I'll stamp it out yet.

Okay seriously, I want to close the chapter on this love, lack of love, relationships, lack of relationships chapter altogether I'm just tired of being stuck on the same pages and repeating the same damn couple of lines over and over enough already. Lets get a new chapter started one that starts with something like...He was a different type of dude a well rounded dapper fellow that was mellow even tempered and had sense. He was responsible and focused. He was also looking to settle down but not with just anybody he was looking for HER and when he bumped into her he would know just who she was. He would feel it and she would too it would be electric....see how its not hard hell the chapter is almost written if only the main hero would show up in the nick of time to save the day....see that speck of hope is hard to kill blame it on the hopeless romantic that is buried deep down in my soul...that heffa refuses to stop believing she's a glutton for punishment. Read more...

INFIDELITY IS THE NU FIDELITY

After I watched the above video I was of two minds. First I was like okay let me try and see if I can scrounge up some compassion some empathy for this man since he was in the gripes of a powerful addiction. With any addiction comes issues, problems, a testimony,and hella battle scars. I was almost able to empathize with this man until he had the audacity to say that if his wife ever cheated on him then he would leave her. I felt humiliated for his wife, and sad for her at the same time. I can see that she loves her husband deeply and is truly committed to making her marriage work which is evident by her still being married to this man, even though the man gave her STD's twice. He also could have given her HIV or AIDS I don't believe I could love someone that hard to let them just kill me because of something that is within themselves. This man knew he wasn't right he thought marrying his wife would put his libido in check, clearly it didn't. What level of delusion and denial does one have to live in to deal with this type of emotional murder?

Love, Faith, and tenacity helped this woman stay with her husband and while I applaud those things I can't help but wonder where in the marriage vows did it say stay even when he was sleeping with 90 women a month. Why did it take him 20 years to fix his addiction? What part of the addiction made him hardly use protection? Why was his wife's love stronger then the addiction allowing her to stay with him time and time again but it wasn't strong enough for him to want to seek help sooner? Then I wonder does she respect herself? Does she love herself enough? Did she make the right choice in sticking around for 20 years with this man? When she looks in the mirror does she like the woman she is? If her daughters were to go through this same thing would she tell them to stick it out? She was even going to kill herself after he lost his NBA assistant coaching job and the only thing that saved her was her pastor...I know that women put up with a lot when it comes to men and love but again I have to say when is enough, enough?

But Is there anyone who isn't cheating in this day and age? Why even marry, or claim that you are in a relationship with someone just to cheat on them anyway. That is so dumb stop making commitments you can't keep. Cheating, lying, sleeping with other people, being confused as to who the father is to your children, all of that can be avoided if people would just be honest. Tell the truth even if it hurts I personally would rather hurt for a minute then hurt for a lifetime. Stop wounding, and killing people emotionally with betrayal, mistrust, and lies, I know all the celeb-whore-t's in the world would have you believe that being a whore male or female is what's hot and since the majority of the people in the world seem to be sheep who can't think for themselves but prefer to take their cues from celebs society will continue to be a cesspool of debauchery and insanity. Its enough to make you want to become a christian fundamentalist with right wing ideals. I'm almost scared of what the next generation is going to go through. If the ugly mess we call families, values, and relationships carry on this current path I am afraid to even think of what my niece and nephews will have to deal with my niece especially... I am sad for my generation and deeply sad for the next generation behind me something needs to change or society will just continue to erode... Read more...

NOW THAT IT'S OVER...

BROKEN HEART BY FABU

Now that you've called it quits and you begin your mourning process what are some of the things you use to get over that initial moving on phase? The longer the relationship, the more emotion invested the longer the grieving of the death of said relationship. I know for me the older I get the harder it is to bounce right back and it takes longer as well. That's why I hate investing in something and not having it work out its like damn another mishap added to the long list of shit that didn't pan out after awhile you begin to feel like man repellent. It's gotta make you feel some kind of way and your self esteem might even take a dip until you bounce back but that's neither here nor there. The most important things to remember during this break up process is not to let them see you crumbling, broken, and bruised.

Yes in this case you will have to fake it until you make it. Take extra care to look your best, if you can afford it treat yourself to getting your hair done, get your nails and feet done, smile, go some where beautiful, do something for self during this ugly messy emotional process. Take all that negative energy all that anger or even sorrow and use it to your benefit. Turn it into something positive rent some of your favorite comedies and laugh your ass off until your stomach hurts. Go dancing, flirt with a guy/girl you have no interest in but keep it light last thing you want to do is lead anyone on and hurt someones feelings in the process. I don't advise jumping into another relationship right away give yourself time to heal and grieve. I also don't advocate hashing all the shit over with your girlfriends that will make the grieving process much longer and who wants that.

If you don't have kids, or something to love on think about getting a pet, a plant, borrow a niece or nephew, volunteer at a homeless shelter, do something for someone else it will get you out of the house take the focus off yourself and help you feel a little better about yourself especially if you volunteer some where you will do good and feel good its a win win situation. Last but not least remember make it a clean break, don't make it messier than it has to be I know this is easier said then done especially when children are involved but no one likes drama and the less mess that your children are subjected to the better. Be classy, be elegant and walk away with a strong back, head held high, and your dignity intact that will kill them and what a mental picture to stamp in someones mind. I know all of this sounds good and it might be easier said then done in the end because everyones situations is different but like usual take what you need disregard what doesn't work for you and of course if you are in a abusive situation you should run far, hard and fast, get to safety and never look back love isn't worth dying for. Read more...

IT'S TIME TO BIZ-OUNCE

Now that the overly sappy pushed down your throat day of valentine's is over many people who might have said yes to things they shouldn't have or stayed with someone they really wanted to break up with can finally come to their sense and go ahead and make that a reality. I know sometimes we get swept up in the urgency of a situation and before we know it we are like how the heck this happen and how can I quickly undo it and you just might be staring down the barrel of emotional buyers remorse. If you think you might want to return a title to sender because its not working now and you don't see it getting any better in the future its time to break. So here are some videos to help you get in the right mind set to break up, break out, walk out, or plain just leave like a thief in the night.

10. Mariah Carey- Up out my face remix


9.Sunshine Anderson-Something I want to give you


8.Ashanti-The way that I love you


7.Ne-yo-Go on girl


6.Mila J-Good Looking out



5.702-Gotta Leave


4.Mary J blige-Enough Cryin


3.Syleena Johnson-Guess What


2.Vivian Green-Gotta go Gotta leave


1.Keyshia Cole-Let it go


Honorable Mentions:

Carrie Underwood-Before he cheats


Jazmine Sullivan-Bust your windows


Uncle Sam-I don't ever want TO see you again


Usher-Let it burn


Tyrese-How you gonna Act like that


Toni Braxton-Yesterday


Olivia-Biz-ounce


Jennifer Lopez-All I have
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