I KNOW I'M LATE BUT BETTER LATE THEN NEVER

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TIRED OF WAITING WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT

If you're single and over the age of thirty its far to say you have had your share of various encounters with the opposite sex or the same sex depending on which team you go for. I know I'm not alone when I say I hate the false starts or what I call the try and the fail, and the inevitable fake-out.

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WHILE I WASN'T LOOKING DATING DIED AND "CHILLING" TOOK ITS PLACE

It's been a minute okay more than a minute but you didn't miss me so it doesn't matter. Some things have changed most things have remained the same and yada-yada. I hope the new year has brought about good things for all of those that cast an eye on this blog and I hope that everyone that reads this is good and living great lives. With that being said I want to vent about the death of dating.

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STOP EXPECTING SWINE TO APPRECIATE YOU

The simplest concept in the world, the one we should always reflect on in everything we do is that:

EVERY CHOICE, EVERY ACTION, HAS A REACTION. 

We as human.beings make choices, we do things out of spite, out of anger, out of malice, out of kindness, out of love, out of sadness, out of loneliness, out of sacrifice, sometimes we do things because we don't know how to do any better. Whatever motivates you and drives you to do the things that you do understand for that choice you will make, you have made, there will be an outcome there is no escaping this.

People tend to think about themselves first and then others last, when you make a decision and you think it is only affecting you, you should ask yourself:

Self: This decision that I am making here right now how will it impact those around me, a year from now, five years from now, how will it affect my children's futures, will it have an affect on the way I am perceived,  Lastly but the most important questions are how will this affect someone who loves me? Will it cause emotional distress, physical pain, will this little bit of pleasure bring me a moment of happiness but a lifetime of pain?

I of course have to digress because simply human.beings are emotional selfish creatures we do what feels good, we do what makes us happy damn the consciences, damn what anyone else thinks and then we want to argue, curse and fight once the consciences rears its ugly head. We paint ourselves into corners because we are by nature selfish.

There is a principle called Personal Responsibility that states:

Accepting personal responsibility includes:

* Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.

* Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.

* Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.

* Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.

* Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you and what you are bound to become.

* The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.

* Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.

*Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.

* Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.

* Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.

* Not feeling sorry for the "bum deal" you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.

* Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others.

* Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.

* Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burnout prevention.

* Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues and positive points.

* Developing positive, self-affirming, self-talk scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.

* Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background and awareness.

* Working out anger, hostility, pessimism and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment and misdirection. 

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14698-accepting-personal-responsibility/#ixzz0q7WpadVF 


I

June 6,

Give not that which is holy to dogs. Neither cast ye your pearls before swine - Matthew 7:6

Should we wear our most expensive outfit to a mud fight? Why then do we continue to place ourselves in jobs, situations, and relationships that ruin our peace, health, and self-value? Should we leave our most valuable possession unguarded in a public location? Why then do we place our minds and bodies in the reach of those persons and situations with a demonstrated history of abuse or neglect? We are, to ourselves, the most valuable possession we have. Yet we waste our time, energy and sometimes our lives in worthless situations among people who are unworthy. We must value our ideas, our energy, our time and our life to such an infinite degree that we become unwilling to waste who we are. If we put on our best and go to a mud fight, we can expect to get dirty. If we place our head in the Lion's mouth, we should expect to get eaten.

I Am very valuable to me. 

I always say that no one can do anything to you unless you allow them too. If you are throwing your pearls before swine and you expect them to appreciate them you will be disappointed each and every time.  I read that particular passage this morning and I didn't even know how it would impact my life until later on Today. I say to anyone reading this particular blog today there are two things I wish you to know if you don't come away with anything else: 

1. Personal Responsibility is hard I know this but at some point in your life as an adult you have to take it for yourself and your own happiness, and your actions and the consequences of all your actions and change starts with self I know its easier said then done but as we all are works in progress we must do what we can to affect the change we want to see in our lives.

2. No one can hurt, harm, damage you unless you allow them too. As an adult you have to stop allowing others to hurt or harm you, if they are a destructive force in your life then purge them from you and allow yourself to be happy, healthy, growing and thriving. Stop leaning on the crutch that is allowing you to stay in a situation that is killing your very joy within you. If you lose the destructive crutch you will have to learn how to walk all over again without it, you start by crawling but eventually you will learn how to stand and then you will learn how to walk again without that destructive crutch and eventually learn how to be happy again once you're on your own.

I speak peace and blessings into the lives that are broken, unhappy, sad, miserable and feeling like they have to stay in a situation they don't want to be in because they can't do any better. Change is hard especially when you aren't financially able to do any better believe me I know but there has to be a way, pray on it and meditate on it. 

Passage taken from: Acts Of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant link located below


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B.A.B.Y.M.A.M.A'S & THEIR MELODRAMA

Dear World:

I would like to address some things that people do that just really don't sit well with me. First and foremost most people in the world already have children out of wedlock that is a known fact you can see that just walking down the street or reading the celeb-whore-t blogs. Everyone screaming that the institution of marriage is outdated and the divorce rate is high but no one blinks twice about having children out of wedlock its what's hot in the streets.  It used to be a time when people where ashamed to have multiple kids with different last names now that shit is what's popping and its the societal norm these days. Its like a badge of honor to be called a babies momma and some women wear the title with pride if that is what makes your boat float so be it. So it would be in every one's best interest not to ask me or share with me anything concerning their baby momma/ baby daddy drama. Especially knowing that when anyone approaches me with bullshit I will most likely give you my opinion concerning the matter and if you don't want that then cool the less stupid shit you tell me the better off I am.

Otherwise you can not come to me telling me something that you did on your end that was stupid and silly and you're giggling about it thinking it's cool hoping that I will co-sign it and pat you on your back for it. I'm not the person to ask to cheer lead for you when you do dumb shit I don't care if we share the same familial ties or not I WILL NOT CO-SIGN DUMB SHIT which means I'm not going to side with you if you're wrong even  when dealing with the mess that is baby momma/daddy drama. Now hear me out, in private I am going to let you know that I think you are wrong but in public I will always defend you to the death but I can not sit by and watch people make mistakes because they all caught up in they emotions and anyone that knows me, knows that I don't beat around the bush I go straight to the heart of things I say my piece and I keep it moving. It's always easier for someone looking in on the outside to see the situation from every angle because we aren't directly involved in it therefore its black and white to us because our emotions aren't invested nor tangled up in the matter and no I don't have a sperm donor, no I am not a baby momma, and no I don't believe that I will ever put myself in the position to be one but wrong is still wrong and the only people that truly get hurt is the child in these situations.

Furthermore people often don't  realize and recognize when they are in the midst of  vicious destructive family curses and they keep repeating the steps that their mother, grandmother, aunts, and cousins have perpetrated and passed down to them through the generations until its like a ugly bedspread of hurt, shame, ignorance, loneliness, and single motherhood that keeps getting passed down like a family heirloom.Often people don't realize they are doing the exact same things that their parents are doing or that they have substituted the same kinds of romantic partners in their lives that are just like their parents. Many people don't see that they simply marry or have children with men and women who act exactly like their very own mothers and fathers.

Sometimes as women we let men come in and take our everything, we give too much and we expect so much in return and when we don't get what we expect then we become crazy, angry, bitter, hurt creatures that hurt other people because we feel like the promise that was made wasn't honored and now we have nothing so we tend to think because now the man that made those promises is gone and therefore a lot of times those feelings are turned on the ones around us. I can't help it if people didn't use forethought before they laid down and spread their legs and got to pumping and sweating and yelling out the name of a no good punk ass sperm donor of a man who sold you a dream and bullshit that you fell for hook line and sinker. I am not the one who made you go through 9 months of carrying a child that looks like him, has his last name, nor his mannerisms. Nor am I to blame for the fact that he married someone else and therefore you are left with just his child and your hopes of having that happily ever after where dashed upon the shores of reality. I had no hand in none of the above mentioned. I also can't help the fact that I try to be as rational as possible and think things through beyond just the moment I also happen to see things as either black or white I can't help that I don't deal in the gray areas of life that many people do. I don't like complications, drama, or bullshit in that regard I am quite simple and I try and stick to that as much as possible.I don't think because I speak my opinion that I should be made out to be a villain or an evil person just because I don't happen to agree with you on dumb ass decisions or life choices doesn't make me your enemy but if I have to play the devil in your life's melodrama because you choose to cast me in that rule then so be it.

I have always said over and over and over again that baby momma baby daddy drama is a plague upon society and it's just not cool. The shit that you have to go through just bringing a life into fruition and then on top of that you add into it extra drama who in their right mind would even let something like that go down? I mean we all know that when you lay down with someone you are taking a risk, you have to always be prepared for the chance that you might end up pregnant especially if you're fertile as all hell. I know that sex is recreational now and people are getting it in and not caring about the consequences so this will go over many of your heads and that's fine. However as a parent of a child that is not with the other biological parent people need to learn to take themselves out of the equation once the child is here. If the other DNA donor is not a criminal, a sex offender, on drugs, or homeless then you should let the child see that parent. Especially if the DNA donor wants to be involved in the child's life and if you were once a child in the same similar circumstance that your child is now in you should remember how you felt as a child when the parent you lived with pulled the same shit just because they could, just because that was the only way they could punish the other DNA donor because that person had moved on and left them with just a child.

There is consequences to every action, this is real life not a rehearsal what you do, how you act, how you behave, how you carry yourself often effects those around you. Stop acting like children and be the grown ass adults you all claim you are but then again some people got they asses so high up on their shoulder until it shuts off the flow of air to their brain and therefore their sense's are all cloudy. At the end of the day I'm glad I'm not a babies momma, I'm glad that I don't have to deal with drama, and I'm glad I don't have to go through what most of y'all go through and that's not taking shots that's just being real. Yes children are a blessing however to often children are now the direct result of two careless people who were in lust and then they had an accident.

It's just sad that children will always be the victim when silly ass immature adults start acting like what they do is ultimately in the interest of the child when in actuality you're lashing out because you weren't chosen to wear the last name of the DNA donor or they have moved on and left you behind. If you think that now your child is at risk of getting kidnapped by their DNA donor then why the hell would you lay down with said person in the first place? The people you choose to have sex with don't just get brand new all of a sudden you just chose not to see what you didn't want to see hindsight is always a motherfucker. It makes a person wonder did you really know whom you got involved with and if not shame on you there are always red flags and warning signs but when you're wearing rose tinted glasses all you see is the good things and not the bad. Get yourselves together and start acting like real women and mothers, Men and fathers instead of  thoughtless silly ass simple children pretending to be adults.

I can't apologize if it seems like I don't have tact its because I don't sugarcoat things I tend to just shoot from the hip with mines, but when you deal with people who live in glass houses, across from the river denial in a fantasy world called never never land you can't mince words because simple minds aren't able to grasp complex concepts so I dumb it down so they can get it.

There it is folks I hope you all enjoy your Sunday and I hope everyone has a decent week. Later's.

P.S. I just finished the book Erotic City, it has an unbalanced baby momma in it that's why its included in the book section.

Here's y'all theme song enjoy:






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