YOU'RE FIRED!

I've never gone into the specifics for what happened to me when I was working for one of the biggest medical facilities in southern California. I really had thought that my life had finally taken a turn for the better and that finally God had smiled on me and heard my prayers. Everything was just falling right in line I had even bought my first car off the lot by myself. I was coasting on the fumes of success when bam, I got thrown headfirst into the wall of dashed hopes and dreams.

I was in my third month and I was coming in to train in one of the more problematic departments I remember I got there and put my lunch that I had just purchased from the grocery store in the fridge in one of the common eating areas for the employees. Then I reported to my station when one of the secretaries tells me that HR had called down and I was to report upstairs immediately now if you know like I know anytime they tell you to report upstairs immediately before you can even log in it means trouble. So I get on the elevator and go upstairs and the door to HR is wide open and there is the main HR lady and then her flunky the main HR lady tells me to come in and sit down and then she ask me if I had already signed my union card, I tell her no and she breathed a huge sign of relief then she tells me she needs my ID card and my parking access card which were both hanging around my neck. Then she tells me that she is letting me go.

The whole time I am trying to come up with why I am getting fired when everyone that has trained me up until the present point said I was a quick learner and that I was efficient in my job and that they had heard good things about me. Furthermore I was never written up, never reprimanded, never given a warning, no evaluation of performance NOTHING! And to top it all off the supervisor over my department wasn't even stationed on the medical campus that I was working on. I had called her, paged her several times asking her when I was going to get my access code so that I could use my DAR and check patients in but I never got an answer, needless to say anything else from her. So as I'm sitting there with my face cracked and my mind scrambling grasping for answers I manage to stammer out well what did I do? The HR lady was exasperated at this point she was like well when we hired you we told you that we had the highest expectations of Customer Service and you failed to meet that, I was like okay is there a specific incident that you can give me, at this point she just wants me to leave she then says well I don't have to give you specifics you just failed to meet our standards. At this point I am still frozen and in disbelief, fired for no damned concrete reason I look from the HR lady to her flunky and her flunky is clearly the bouncer if I get out of hand or emotional.

They are both looking at me like bitch will you please leave, so I take my final check sign my exit paperwork and talk that long walk of shame out to the parking lot which I have to find a fucking guard to let me out of because they have taken my parking pass. As soon as I drive out the parking lot I call my mother and just burst into tears, her first response was well what did you do? I was like I don't know they didn't give me a specific incident or anything they just said I failed to meet their high expectation of customer service. I was in a panic because I had just gotten a car and of course a car note. I didn't have any other job prospects lined up because I didn't even know I was on my way out and I had left a job to take this dream position so I thought.

To compound matters I called around to see if I could apply at a different location but because I had been fired I was banned from ever applying at the company again! WTF, I don't even know why I was fired in the first place, but not to be able to ever apply to the same company again ever in life what the hell. I even tried to see my employee file to see if there was something in there about that would explain why I was fired, and I ordered it from the record department I set up an appointment to review my record, and I got there and waited for two hours just so the lady that was in possession of my record could tell me she possibly had misplaced it, or shredded it and she would have to send for it again, then she asked me why I wanted to see it. I told her I simply wanted closure I wanted to know why I was fired specifically, and why I could never again apply to the hospital again. She was trying to softball me and say well maybe it was just a case of over hire I was like yea I don't think so. She said she would order my employee file again and call me when she had it. She ended up calling me later that evening and telling me that because I was no longer employed with the hospital that I wasn't allowed to see the records because they were now company property and that I since I no longer worked for them then I wasn't allowed to see the records.

That was four years ago which if you think about it wasn't a long time ago I was almost there, to the top of that hill of adulthood when the rug was pulled out from under my feet and I still haven't managed to recover. I was almost there I could have tasted it, I was going to build a foundation I was going to finally be able to feel like a real adult. Sigh, this must be how people end up living on the streets it really just takes one day to be knocked on your ass and have your whole world turned upside down with no regard for your well being. But shrugs no one in this lifetime gives a shit, its a dog eat dog world. Read more...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE NOW KILL YOURSELF

Disclaimer:This will be a rant/vent about my personal feelings and shit I'm going through if you don't want to read then don't, I give's not a fuck!


Many people think I am the devil, evil, angry, bitter, etc add your own word. It's amazing to me how when you voice how unhappy you are in your situation or when you call bullshit like you see it you automatically are branded as evil. My family does shit on the daily that just pisses me out and I'm supposed to just grin and bear the shit because why because their family and we're related by dna I don't think so. I don't think anyone see's me, all they see is how I act once shit starts going south and then that becomes my whole personality. I'm so tired of assholes I don't even have the patience to pretend to even want to deal with motherfuckers anymore. I have been worn down to the bone. I am weary and tired I am angry, bitter, and just fucking oh so tired of the way shit is going if I could bounce I would and I wouldn't tell anyone where I was I would just disappear without a fucking trace. I know I wouldn't be missed and that's fine with me.

Basically when you are the oldest your life becomes a pile of shit as soon as the other children come along you are turned into a fucking nurse maid and you become the babysitter, the maid, the cook, the help and you are quickly pushed aside and forgotten. But that's neither here nor there I'm just illustrating the kind of life one will be forced to lead as the eldest, it seems as if I don't have any room to make mistakes. Everyone else does but me I get the "well you did that to yourself, sucks for you" type attitude. There are no "well those are life lessons you learn" type comments. Everyone else is allowed to learn and grow from their mistakes me I'm told "well you just seem so unhappy, and happiness starts with self you should do something about that!" ONE MORE FUCKING TIME, I HAVE NO MONEY, NO JOB, NO JOB PROSPECTS, NO TRANSPORTATION, MY CREDIT SCORE IS FUCKED UP, AND I HAVE SOME COLLEGE CREDITS BUT NO DEGREE! AND everyone keeps telling me well if you're unhappy why don't you just move why don't you just change it IF I HAD THE RESOURCES I WOULD, IF IT WERE THAT EASY FOR ME I WOULD HAVE BEEN THOUGHT MY WAY OUT OF MY SITUATION, I always get the "well you're so intelligent I don't understand why you haven't figured something out for yourself yet" who the fuck wants to live like this, NO ONE, matter of fact this ain't even living some days I don't even want to get up, for what? What am I getting up for? Just to dirty up clothes that will have to be rewashed?

I would love to leave the state of California but where are people moving too with no job, no money, no job prospects, no where to stay???? Where they doing this at? Wouldn't it be extra foolish of me to leave the roof over my head to venture out into an unfamiliar state without even a job prospect lined up? With no where to sleep? With no fucking money in hand? Before I make that kind of move I want to make sure I don't continue to fuck up my life but yet and still people keep telling me the same bullshit. IF IT WAS THAT FUCKING EASY, IF I HAD A WAY TO DO IT I WOULD DO IT, OR I WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE IT ALREADY.

I don't have sympathy for others because simply they don't have sympathy nor empathy for me so fuck family, fuck everyone who always has an answer but no concrete solutions fuck the people telling me what I should do because they not offering a bed to sleep in nor a way to change my situation. Fuck everyone who keeps offering bullshit when its not fucking helpful. STOP doing that shit I don't want to hear anything unless it's about a job offer, unless its about a college program that I can enroll in that will change my life, I don't want to hear about it unless it will help me get to where I need to go to achieve a change in my life. UNLESS YOU COMING WITH SOLUTIONS SAVE ANYTHING ELSE. I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY, NOR YOUR SHOULDER TO CRY ON. POINT BLANK IF IT AIN'T ABOUT MONEY THEN I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT. MY MOOD IS DIRECTLY TIED TO MY PURSE STRINGS, AND I'M SO TIRED OF SANCTIMONIOUS ASSHOLES SO SAVE THAT SHIT AND PEDDLE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO GIVES A GOOD MOTHER-FUCKING-GOOSE! IF IT AIN'T ABOUT HELPING ME MAKE A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER THEN I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I REALLY DON'T.

DON'T COME TELLING ME ABOUT CHANGING SHIT UNLESS YOU HELPING, OTHER WISE SAVE THAT SHIT FOR DR. PHIL. I'm so tired of defending myself and explaining myself over and over again, everyone wants to cast stones but no one persone not anyone I know is trying to help, NOT ONE GOTDAMNED PERSON but yet you all quick to say shit and point fingers. I don't get credit for a motherfucking thing what I do get is more what I haven't done right, what I could be doing right, what else I should be doing. The fucked up thing is even when I get a job interview, or have to go to a job or start some training the first thing out of someones mouth is "how you going to get there?" WHAT THE FUCK???? How backwards is that you telling me to get a job repeatedly but then when I try and line something up then I'm told well how you going to get there? Maybe it's just me but that is backwards as hell but of course my logic doesn't mesh with the rest of the worlds so that might actually make sense in assbackwards ville.

I actually went on an interview for a company and the manager was so nasty about the whole process she told everyone in the interview that she was looking for the cream of the crop, and if we weren't that then we could leave now. She actually paused and waited for us to walk out, then she said that she could be choosy about the kind of workers she wanted because there were millions looking for jobs and it was a hiring market right now, not a job seekers market because people are hurting in this economy they are scrambling in this economy to get whatever they can people who were making good money are settling for jobs where they making just barely enough to feed themselves just to be able to get by. So the average worker can't even get the dead end fucked up shit jobs anymore. THE REST OF THE WORLD IS IN A RECESSION I'M IN A DEPRESSION. It's so easy to dole out advice left and right when you on the system and you get a couple fucking checks coming in. It's easy to tell me about my situation when you can get a job or go to school because the fucking county will foot the bill for that shit. It's amazing how people tell me to be grateful for the little things when the little things are all that I got and then I don't even have many of them to be grateful for. What I truly got is a whole lot of motherfucking nothing to be happy about and a bunch of asshole giving me fucking advice.

I don't think people understand how much energy it takes for me not to lash out and start just spazzing and throwing shit and breaking shit up, I had to come and write this blog just to calm myself down and get this out of my system. No one knows shit about what I'm going through and the bottom line is at the end of the day no one gives a fuck so miss me with that bullshit, miss me with the pity and the "we wish we could help", because in all reality no one gives a fuck about me or what I'm going through you just don't want me to be so vocal about it that is the real deal right fucking there. As long as I'm making noise and saying shit it makes people uncomfortable you can't bury your head in the sand when someone keeps waving their funk under your nose. But don't expect my sympathy or empathy when you need it, don't except a shoulder to cry on when you need one, and don't expect me to rush to your aid when you need help. I give as good as I get and since I ain't getting shit I ain't giving shit either!

I am truly alone in this world which is fine with me I am truly an island of one.

(END RANT/VENT) Read more...