Ever since I can remember I have had the misfortune of having the worst luck in the romance department. From the crushes during middle school to the first boyfriend on up its just been one tragic sad mishap one after the next. I gotta start to wonder if I need an evaluation cause you have to be crazy to keep wishing for the best but constantly getting nothing but the worst. I don't know if I have the worst luck or if my karma is just really messed up. I can't seem to ever just luck out and bump into that "one" guy that is the pay off for kissing all these frogs thus far. I don't even have a huge list of wants or requirements just the basics will do. He doesn't have to look like a movie star just be decent and not frighten small children in the daytime but I digress.
And trust me I am not looking I never look I don't seek anything or anyone out either but I'm starting to think that might be part of the problem. I know the popular thoughts on the matter is that you are supposed to be patient and WAIT for this person to just show up but if he doesn't know where you are, or doesn't know you even exist then how is he supposed to find you? I always thought that passage from the bible that says "a man that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing" in my mind I have always believed that, that passage is saying that the man is supposed to choose the women that he wants to marry, right? The guy is supposed to choose you, find you, or whatever period but most guys I know aren't that astute. But I never chase down, go after, come at guys, EVER. I've always liked guys from afar, or even when I had the audacity to let someone know I had a crush on them or they found out it just has ALWAYS turned out bad so as a rule I don't approach the fellas at all no matter how much I want too I just have never ever done it. So I basically get the guys that are interested in seeking me out and I don't think that is working in my favor not at all. All these dudes that are finding their way to me so to speak I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy they are just certified chumps. They just don't amount to much and they not talking about nothing I want to hear so really what is the deal?
I've been single for years now, I've been patient, I've been good, I've done everything I'm supposed too so why is it that I am still in the same boat I've been in for years? I feel like Luther Vandross curl that never quite curled all the way over. I really do try and keep the faith, and hope for the best but man its only so much a girl can take in this life. Maybe there isn't a lid for every pot, there isn't someone for everyone, and we all don't get the happily ever after. Maybe some of us are just here to fill in as extra's in romantic dramadies while the main characters in the story the folks that manage to find love go on to be blissfully happy. While the rest of us just sort of fall by the wayside eventually. Good girls not only finish last they don't even get to participate in the damn race all they get is ignored and disregarded. Shit, shrugs I guess its the cards I've been dealt and I gotta stop expecting something good to happen and just reconcile myself to this tragic fate of mine. I think if I let go of this tiny piece of hope still floating around in my head then I can truly embrace the fact that I am just supposed to be single and that's all there is to it I keep saying it it's just that tiny little speck of hope is a pesky little bugger I'll stamp it out yet.
Okay seriously, I want to close the chapter on this love, lack of love, relationships, lack of relationships chapter altogether I'm just tired of being stuck on the same pages and repeating the same damn couple of lines over and over enough already. Lets get a new chapter started one that starts with something like...He was a different type of dude a well rounded dapper fellow that was mellow even tempered and had sense. He was responsible and focused. He was also looking to settle down but not with just anybody he was looking for HER and when he bumped into her he would know just who she was. He would feel it and she would too it would be electric....see how its not hard hell the chapter is almost written if only the main hero would show up in the nick of time to save the day....see that speck of hope is hard to kill blame it on the hopeless romantic that is buried deep down in my soul...that heffa refuses to stop believing she's a glutton for punishment.