Dear S.
Long time no talk with you but you decided to find me again so welcome back lets us see where we end up the 2nd time around. You're a sweet guy I sense that, I also sense a little bit of sadness in you. I think its noble you want to change the world and uplift black folks, but your one man. Your heart is big and even though your back is strong and your shoulders broad they aren't strong enough for the task you want to undertake. I love your superhero syndrome but what about just being there for that one special person? I think at the end of the day...you will find what your looking for. Maybe you came back around so I could point you in the right direction...maybe you came to help me out maybe we will be each others compass... maybe this is a second chance for redemption, or maybe just a nice way to clean up an old mess.
I really don't know the reason you asked me to write a post about you...maybe you just wanted to feel a little important...maybe you just wanted some spotlight to shine down on you if just for a fleeting moment, or maybe you wanted to be immortalized on the internet...like I said I don't know your motivation but I'm trying. I do appreciate the talks we have even if it's just words filling up empty hours that don't amount to much. It's almost like I reached out for you, or you heard me in your dreams...yea as crazy as that seems. I like how you try and give me sweet sentiments even though I bust you every time when you try and write out a mack line, it's still sweet in an underhanded way. I will always remember when I asked you what you were thinking about and you said my happiness as if you were responsible for it. That put a smile on my face even if it was just a fleeting sentiment.
Even if you are gossamer and I called you up with my spirit I appreciate the talks we had in this last month of this year. I appreciate you appreciating my smile, and I love how you love your family even before yourself. A beautiful fault to have, I know this probably isn't what you had in mind but...this is what came out. I hope it put a smile on your face and I hope it made your day.
Sincerely ME.
P.S. Remember when you made that statement and I said "Right." What I wanted to say was if you were sincere, if you were for real, if you meant it with all your heart...then I hope it happens.
P.S.S if you make the mistake of doing something so jacked up that I have to retract this post you will regret it! Don't take the song literally it just went with the title.
This quote made me think of you, look how it found me like you did again...strange.
Only a life lived in the service to others is worth living." ~ Albert Einstein
Hey ms j. happy holidays lady how are you. You know who this is :-)
ReplyDeleteI am having a bit of an internal dilemma and I wanted some of your advice. I have only had 3 serious relationships and while I think that I know a lot about being in a relationship and pleasing me, one of my married friends is telling me that I really don’t know much. One because they occurred when I was so young, and the other because I have not had my own place yet. Deep down inside I am still longing for a loving, long term serious relationship. I have not dated much because I think that it’s a waste of time and I don’t like bombarding myself with a bunch of people. I would rather find my one and chill. I have been abstainant almost 2 years and my friend is telling me I need a fuck buddy. I tried that once (recently in fact) and I don’t like being intimate with someone that is not exclusive and commited . I know I am guilty of being unrealistic but I am so scared of dating. I want to put myself out there and try to meet guys, but I still believe somewhere inside that I will me “the one” man that was meant for me. i am pushing 30, and while a few friends are telling me i need to hurry because i'm getting old, i also want to enjoy my time and not rush children or marriage for anyone.
I know that a lot of people have random cut buddies but that is so not me even though I have intense urges sometimes. I am also still insecure about a lot of aspects in my life and I am afraid that maybe once I start dating that the man that is on my level or beyond may not want me. What should I do miss J? I want to be loved and free so bad. I want to be intimate again but not just on some cut buddy stuff? How do I remain true to myself and find out what’s best for me. How do I get over my fear of dating.? I want to mature in this aspect of my life, but I don’t want to deal with a lot of the headache and drama that comes from dating. Thanks lady j and I hope you don’t mind this essay and giving me your honest experienced response. :-)