There are supposed to be certain things in this world that save you for instance Family, Love, Friends, Money, children and Friends/Family with money. It’s the very principle that fairy tales are founded on. Cinderella was saved by her fairy godmother, and then she married a prince. Sleeping beauty was beautiful, came from a kingdom, got awaken by her prince and of course lived happily ever after. The little Mermaid gave up her voice to gain legs, but she got her voice and the prince, etc. In every movie I have ever seen there is always this one beautiful character that is a complete mess but she always manages to be saved and made better by a prince charming type character and vice verse. Or sometimes the saving grace is a small subtle type thing but it’s still a kind of saving grace none the less.
Even television is scripted like that there is always some horrible character that gets saved by the beautiful handsome popular with money savior type. Even when it’s all bad it eventually becomes all good again. I wish that were true in my case. It is so hard to stay positive when it seems like everything is all wrong and when there doesn’t seem to be any kind of solution coming forth. I know that some where along the lines I screwed up I get that, but the screw up seems to be so bad that I can’t fix it. I don’t think it is a cop out to ask for help, I don’t think that is a cop out to be “saved” sometimes people need a hand, a push, a shove, a hug, a shoulder to lean or cry on. I keep hoping that some how some where I might get blessed enough to bump into some kind of saving grace. Something that tips the balance of life back into the winning position for me and once again I can get back to being fly and fresh. Anyway enough about me what are some of the things that have/do save you on a regular basis?
girl between the ages of 22 and 25 i went through a personal hell on almost every level in my life. financially, educationally, emotionally, mentally, everything. but god kept me strong.
ReplyDeleteits like i kept saying i wanted to give up and just take me to the edge. i saw that edge and that was when i realized i was too blessed and fortunate to give up on myself.
what saved me, my prayers, determination, my tears, my cds, my parents encouraging me, my best friends always reminding me of my gifts and my inner beauty. the insanity of this life can drive you into hopelessness.
however, throughout hopelessness i realized that the biggest gift god gave us was life and the power to make choices in our lives. do i study or procrastinate. do i waste time with this dude who is not worthy, or do i spend lonely nights getting to know and grow within myself. do i keep working this job knowing i have something better to work towards, or do i make excuses and live off of my family members.
do i develop a relationship with god, or do i make excuses why i have time for everyone and everything but him. when i see you complain about being manless and all that we are in the same boat believe me but my friends / colleagues are top flight middle class black folk.
getting married, having various degrees, buying houses, etc. and i say why god, why not me. but i am one of the few that love my job and i have discovered my calling and passion in life. all of my friends tell me dont rush into children and get married, to take this time and travel and do what i want without answering to anyone.
we have to decide to be satisfied with our lives and make the most of it. i have classmates from african and other parts of the world who came from poverty, some who fled here on a whim to escape war and genocide. do you know how happy they are to have a fat belly, or to drive a car. going through things like that makes you a hustler for real.
i just pray that god keeps the fire of hunger, humility and determination so i can keep going. sorry for the essay lady. i'm tired now and i'm done. its sounds cliche but we must learn to lean on ourselves and god.
i love my best friends dearly, but they do not always have time to comfort me the way i want and need. they have bills, problems and homes to run too.
I say what saved me from myself is my children. If I had not been a parent, I would have been a hot damn mess. LOL. I also think that being rooted in church, and getting to know God for myself saved me as well.
ReplyDelete@Dulce you have a blessed life ma'am but I don't think you seem to understand that right now my life is burning and crashing around me and falling on my like ashes. My family is in turmoil, I will soon be homeless and that is not a exaggeration, after my parents house is sold I am out on my ass literally and I have nothing, and no where to go my only alternative is to sale most of the things I have acquired and just hit the road. See Dulce I haven't dug deep and shared all the things that are going on with me but I am in a bad way, but I appreciate your comments and your trying to uplift me but...I don't even think God hears or see's me anymore.
ReplyDeletei am so sorry sister. i wish i could help you, i will definitely pray for you girl.
ReplyDeleteThanks @Dulce pray is always appreciated sometimes that is help enough.
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